In the end, were some traditional roles and values made for a reason?

Question

During my younger years, I've rebelled against everything that seemed traditional to me. I was thinking ''but if guys can go to parties with friends, get drunk and build businesses, why can't I too, same thing''. My father once said ''You're not a guy. Your time is limited. Things were established that way between the genders for a reason. Things were in order. You'll back later telling me I was right''.

6 years later, that's exactly what happened. Dad was right the whole time about everything. Things were in order and I would've been having my own kids instead of continue dating in my late 20's. I have my own business (yet it's not really my happiness) by now but honestly, if I were granted the wish to give up all my wealth for a baby I would.

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

In the words of a very wise man, you should never take down a fence until you know why it was put up.

ALL traditional things were established for a reason. The reason may no longer apply, you may not consider it valid or compelling, but there IS a reason (or reasons). Let your knee-jerk reaction be to question standing traditions, not reject them unexamined (and DO question them; many are truly awful). You'll be much happier for it, and have a better time, besides.

boggboss · Accepted Answer

Well clearly it they was followed we all go for what we want and live with the choices we pick its why it's pretty important to think for bot only the short but longterm

Illustrator01 · Answer

Yes

In the dating world, men gain more value as they get older and the older he is the more options he has. It's the opposite for women. Girls have more options than older women and as as they age they start losing value. This is what traditional roles and values are based on and why women are encouraged to get married at a young age.

I can't speak for women, but as a man, we prefer younger women for a lot of reasons. Andrew Tate said '.. because she's been through less dick'. And I don't think he meant only sex. I think he also meant all the trauma, bad experiences , breakups, etc that one goes through. Younger girls are more malleable and I guess that's why men (majority) prefer them.

In the end, we live the choices we make and it's never too late to choose a different path. Life's short but it's long enough that if you know what you want, you can go get it. Even if your business doesn't bring you happiness, it's still your baby. You nurtured it. Don't let it be for nothing.

Anonymous · Answer

[I am not sure your post is written in good-faith and not some form of trolling or provocation; however, I will answer as if the former is the case.]

Dad was right the whole time about everything.

That's called the "hitting the wall" crisis women meet once they approach their late 20s/early 30s and, if they aren't endowed with a highly attractive kind of body and face, they notice a decrease in the attractiveness of the men they have a chance to be with.

If that weren't the real issue here, you would not be complaining or worrying over anything. Because nothing (aside from the issue I guess is your real one here) prevents you from getting a lifemate, and making a baby, now or within a comfortable couple of coming years (which means until your late 30s, unlike some answerer said).

Of course tradition is shaped by experience, and the realities of human nature, included the differences, sometimes heavy, between the two sexes.
Of course it will be typical of an higher-than-average intelligent person, be it man or woman, if they have a bias for open-mindedness, to want to go against tradition when they start being adult (from 18 on, let's say).
There's rightness in that, as there was in your father wanting to give you his advice.
What he said came from his age, what you thought and wanted from your age. Neither was wholly wrong or right, you were both living life the way it was normal being "in your shoes".

Don't think if you hadn't done what you have and gone the opposite route "everything would be perfect now". You would most likely have the opposite kind of regrets.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I think that's true, to a certain extent. It's kind of a question of misplaced priorities.

Feminism lies to women about a lot of things, but it's mostly about the things that will make women happy. Men and women simply derive joy from different things. If what you gain the most happiness from is human connection and feeling wanted, desired, cherished, and so on; having a robust business will feel empty to you because it simply isn't scratching the itch you need to scratch, even though that is a truly wonderful achievement.

So, even going beyond the belief that because men can do something, you should be able to too; the real question is whether doing that will make you happy. You were right, you COULD do the things you saw the boys doing, and if doing that makes you happy, then you should be allowed to. But now you're recognizing that you want more from your relationships than men do.

What I want to know is whether you would have still pursued those party years, even if you'd never had anyone telling you that you should be trying to rebel against the establishment.

Anonymous · Answer

I do think traditional roles existed for a reason. I'm not saying they were always good and right, but I think it's unwise that we dismiss traditional wisdom so easily today as if our ancestors were all idiots.

We women are made to feel like worthless leaches if we don't have just as successful a career as men, but then a ton of us end up finding it doesn't make us as happy as we were promised. That's why women are choosing to leave behind their careers in record numbers in 2022.

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/10/18/women-leaders-are-leaving-companies-at-highest-rate-ever-leanin-mckinsey-co-report.html

The article says "it’s a disastrous situation", but is it really? Is it a disaster when women choose to make a change because they believe it will make them happier? Shouldn't our individual happiness be more important than taking one for the team?

We obviously should have the same opportunities as men do to have a successful career if that is what we want, but we should also have the choice to do something else if we think it will make us happy without being made to feel like we are worthless human beings. And let's be honest, we women are doing that to ourselves.

Lliam · Answer

If you're under 30, you're still young. You still have time. My mom was 30 when she had her first child, me. Three years later, she had my sister.

You have learned skills and accumulated money. That's a good thing. I don't see how you have wasted your time. Why not shift gears now and pursue a husband if that's what you want?

Guys in their 30s generally make better husbands.
Women in their 30s are at their sexual peak. Plus, "Experts say the best time to get pregnant is between your late 20s and early 30s. This age range is associated with the best outcomes for both you and your baby. One study pinpointed the ideal age to give birth to a first child as 30.5. Your age is just one factor that should go into your decision to get pregnant."

https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/childbearing-age

RavVid · Answer

There always have been traditional roles for quite functional societal reasons. It is good that you are re-questioning what is best for you.

Imagine what you would like your life to be in 50 years time as you are coming to the end of it. You might think of being wealthy and famous. Or you might think of having children and grandchildren at family gatherings with you and the father of those children presiding as the matriarch & patriarch of that gathering.

Having imagined your preferred end of life, then start working towards it as you would with any other task. Quite possibly some traditional roles would be very functional in achieving it. A good husband and father might be.

The truth is most people drift through life without much purpose, so sometimes they aren't that happy with the results. A lot of traditional roles were about getting the results most wanted despite life's uncertainties.

Good luck

Massageman · Answer

Moral? It pays to listen to your elders (most of the time).

There is an old quotation- whether rightly or wrongly- often attributed to Mark Twain: "By the age of seventeen I realized that my father knew nothing. By the age of twenty- one I was amazed at how much he had learned".

Anonymous · Answer

I guarantee if we as a society stay on the same path we have been on in recent decades, fifty years from now most women will still be miserable, complaining about their lot in life and blaming men for everything. The rest of them... the ones who listened to people like your father... will be happily enjoying their lives and families. I just wish those few women who figure it out when they are young enough to still have a good life with a good man and children, would ignore all the hate they get for speaking up about it and say it anyway. It needs to be said. Kudos to you for saying it here. That takes courage.

Anonymous · Answer

We hate accepting our role as women because it seems like everything about being a guy is awesome and we're just stuck pleasing them and having their babies but women seem to always happier when we accept that role for us instead of trying to compete with men

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You hit the wall. I don't know why young inexperienced women do not listen to older wiser people but they don't. This is why men tended to force women to do the right thing in the past. Women simply cannot make good decisions on a large scale.

Anonymous · Answer

They are not "made," they are developed over decades and centuries. That's why they're traditions and not innovations.

Anonymous · Answer

It more turned out you didn't know what you wanted until it's too late. Gender roles were enforced at some point for some reason that i can't accept as a sensible solution.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it is all lies to distract us from true happiness; because if we are miserable and childless we are easier to control.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. It's about control

OddBeMe · Answer

You say “made”. By whom?

abc3643 · Answer

Yes. Evolution.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

So find a good man.

In the end, were some traditional roles and values made for a reason?

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