Do you think a relationship built on traditional values, traditional gender roles, and traditional expectations is "old fashioned" in a bad way?

Question

I have heard an argument that wanting a traditional relationship built on traditional gender roles and traditional expectations is "old fashioned." The "old fashioned" conclusion is uttered on a pejorative manner, as if any "modern" thinking person would have already abandoned such concepts.

How do you feel about having a relationship that others might criticize as "old fashioned?"

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

I think what people are seeking in a relationship is different from person to person so I think people should be looking for the right person as well as someone they are compatible with rather then trying to force everyone to conform to what they think is right. Whether people saying it’s wrong or people saying it’s the only way trying to control other peoples lives are people who generally aren’t happy or fulfilled in their own lives.

People seeking this type of relationship needs to be careful because whether you’re male or female this attracts dark personalities. For women it’s men who want control and will take financial control it could mean singing a prenup agreement with zero protections for herself. So he can cut her off at any time screwing her over for someone else as well as holding that over her head. She has no work experience and zero money of her own so if she’s dumped later she’s screwed as well as homeless.

For men a woman may pretend to be someone she’s not. She may be a woman who is wanting a easy life she knows how to use what you think a relationship should be against you such as degrading your masculinity if you’re not making enough money or helping around the house. Working 70 hours a week to come home to a ungreatdul spoiled brat whose cheating on you. Who will divorce you and try to take everything you have that she never worked for.

Im just saying BE CAUTIOUS

Sun_Kim-Ai · Accepted Answer

No, naturally so if both parties want this kind of relationship.

I admit I used to look down on such relationships and especially on women Who chose to be housewives. I see now it was and error in my way of thinking and although I am indipendent on my own and not make it a requirement, I appreciate and cherish a woman who delicates her time to the home and make me feel restored with care, food and company.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

The “old fashioned” marriages happened because women didn’t have a choice until the last 3 generations or so. Women couldn’t have bank accounts or credit cards in solely their name until the 1970’s. Apartment buildings and realtors could also refuse to provide a home for a single pregnant woman or single mother until the 1980’s. If she didn’t have a man in her life, she wasn’t allowed to be considered a person. Is having a traditional lifestyle inherently bad? No, not if both people want it and consent to it. Is having a traditional lifestyle inherently good? Also no. There’s plenty of flaws and issues to be found in the classic nuclear family dynamic that can cause more harm than good. In all, you gotta make sure all your ducks are in a row before committing to anything.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

No I think it's still a good thing I would just make sure the husband still helps with the kids from time to time because many men do not. I never care what other dumb asses think about my choices whether they are "old fashioned" or not, because I just do things I think are right for myself. So many people are stupid now anyways its hard to even take what they have to say into account..

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim here is to help you navigate the love highway, sometimes full of red flags and twisty turns! 😉 Relationships are all about what works for the two people involved. If traditional values spark joy in your life, who cares if it's "old fashioned"? Love isn't one-size-fits-all, and what matters is finding a dynamic that feels right for you. So, kick those judgments to the curb, and rock the kind of relationship that makes your heart sing like your favorite '90s jam! 🕺

1

SecretsofKB · Answer

Honestly, if both parties want a "traditional" relationship, then no, it is not old fashioned in a bad way. If one of the people in the couple when into the relationship with expectations of a more "modern" relationship with "modern" roles and expectations, then the other person pulled the ol' switcheroo and demanded more traditional roles, then that would be a problem.

AviatorTom · Answer

Old Fashioned is not a bad term. An Old Fashioned is a very nice cocktail; one of my father's favorites.

Many so-called "modern" things we do today are based on old-fashioned ideas. Take a car, for example. Where would we be without wheels, an old-fashioned idea from thousands of years ago?

Nothing wrong with being old-fashioned in relationships.

princeofromance · Answer

No, I think tradition is often lost in today's relationships. It is sad that this is happening, because it is tearing apart good friendships.

Stevepro68 · Answer

The generational perspective of nostalgia of your youth is pervasive over time. Like your ex girlfriend time and life tends to help you paint a better picture of your relationship.. the same can be said of traditional values. I personally call it the Simpsons effect. At one time the US television show The Simpsons was seen as radical, irreverent, dangerous, and many sought to change it and it's disturbing view of US families. Over the course of it's long run it has gone from radical, to funny and cutting edge, to thoughtful and timely, now seen as a quaint and tame old fashioned humor. That only old people watch now. I think Values which are in fact nothing real is a perception. To young people it's not that new or radical. The older you are the more you seem to look back and see it as good or better. Forgetting how at one time Ozzy Osbourne was ruining America or name your pet imagining of how the past was. From the pilgrims to today this country has a parochial obsession with calling the past good the present bad and the future frightening. The truth is it always changes and it will always change. Fear is how people are manipulated anger is to distract us. There is no such thing a traditional family values that everyone agrees with. It's stupid to try to bring them back. They will die with the people who remember them. Does anyone want children in factories again, high infant mortality, death from infection disease. Traditional family values... I was alive in the 1960 70 and 80's.. it wasn't better it was just different. It was different for me than it was growing up on a Midwest farm or a big inner city. The thought that there was some truth and good to that society was no more true then than it is today in my opinion.

RingOfFire · Answer

"Traditional" is closer to "natural."

Humans weren't suddenly created in the last 50 years. Modern humans have been around for a quarter of a million years and including forerunners for millions of years.

Nature and evolution shaped them such that males and females have different roles and families and in society. That's obvious just from their biological differences. And the biological differences obviously create behavioral differences as well. And nature certainly designed them to procreate and raise offspring so that the species would survive.

Family is what the survival of the human race is all about. A family unit is nature's way of ensuring that survival each member playing a different role for the strength of the unit.

Somewhere in the past recent decades, we have convinced ourselves that we have grown beyond nature. I think that nature would find that both amusing and disturbing.

Traditional values and behaviors of 50 and 100 years ago were more in tune with natural design. Nature hasn't changed. But what has changed is this idea that we have evolved beyond it.

We defy nature at our own peril. I think you could make a good case that life has not improved a whole lot since that "post nature" new wave culture developed.

There is a lot to be said for recognition of our natural "traditional" roles.

EzraIsShy76028 · Answer

Not necessarily. If both people are happy that way.

The issue begins though when people start to label you as freaks for NOT following gender roles.

Which from my experience is far more common than the other way around. The vast majority of the world in general still values masculine men and feminine women.

Masculine women are sometimes acceptable. I'm sure we've all heard of cool tomboys or cool butches who "are just one of the guys."

Feminine men however are pretty much 100% seen as abominations with the exception of a very few, very niche spaces. Not even gay guys like feminine guys, as they see them as perpetuating the flamboyant gay stereotype; while in reality the vast majority of gay guys are equally as masculine as straight guys or more.

So yeah. Don't worry. Traditional gender roles are not going away any time soon. For all the 300,000 years or so humans have been alive, gender roles have always been a strong thing, and it's only in the past 2 decades or so that people have been trying to change it.

But either way, to follow or not follow gender roles in a relationship is up to the two individuals and nobody else.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

That pejorative or sarcastic meaning is just generational dynamics, clashing against the prior ones. It's the common story of kids leaving parental influence to create their own path, common for parents to get pissed or disappointed about it. Since your age range places you a generation away from me and two generations away from an early adult, the cultural clash is real. Your values can only look dated to someone younger enough, just like my values would look dated for an early adult, in general. History being a lot about stories of conflicts in motion.

Now why traditional values don't look desirable to me while they do to you is really complicated to discuss because we come from too different backgrounds to hope for a mutual understanding. I'm certain you see the good of sporting traditional values, while I'm certain to see the good in modern ones.

sage2021 · Answer

No, I don't think that traditional roles are old fashioned. For one thing, when I was married in 19575-1978 we had traditional roles and it wasn't ever discussed because we knew which roles belonged to whom.
It wasn't an issue back then and everything ran a heck of a lot smoother back in the old days.
Now everything's so darn complicated. In the 70's the guy opened the door for you including the car door (1990). He paid for eating out.
We just knew who was supposed to do what.
The only difference was that I always had a full-time job and wasn't fortunate to be a homemaker.

Crimsyjo · Answer

There's no right or wrong. There's only compatibility. Someone who doesn't share those values will see it old fashioned. Two people who do want that kind of relationship dynamics will see it as "better". I really don't mind or care what couples want or prefer as long as they a) don't go criticising other people with different values and b) it's what the woman truly wants. Because it's harder from a modern mindset to understand how a woman enjoys giving up so much to a man. And be certain it's not an abusive relationship.

Jersey2 · Answer

I think it is a good way and it works well. It certainly has for us and our children. Part of the issue today is that decades ago women started working to afford a bigger house for the family.

Now the prices are inflated so 2 have to work. Further aggravating that situation is tens of millions of illegals are renting and buying which inflates housing as well. Then we had Biden printing 40% more dollars into existence and that leave families strapped. All this kills the nuclear family but Biden’s friends made money so there is that.

Anonymous · Answer

I think gone are the days when one partner's salary can sustain a family. For those that can swing it, more power to them. But I think it's clearly NOT the norm. On top of this, a lot of women do not want to be just a housewife and I can't blame them.

So I think both genders have thier roles. But they're not set back in the 1950's anymore. I also don't think there should an exact set standard. I have 4 sisters, all married, all strong women and all 4 of them have vastly different marriage dynamics. But one thing they all have in common is the have been married for a long time and all have successful marriages. And that is the only standard that really matters when it comes right down to it.

OneViewpoint · Answer

What I think is "BAD" about it is the inability to accept change along with behavior based on "belief" in primitive religions that pretend to get all the answers from some magic invisible sky fairy whose word is not allowed to be challenged. Ever. It's a stupid approach to life. But stupid people tend to like simple answers and hate unknowns and change that requires them to think. So half the population goes through life clinging to lies and the past while the rest of us are trying to adapt to new realities and move the human race forward.

Shiprex · Answer

In many respects relationships are still "old fashioned" although now there tends to be an extra role within that of a second income "bread" winner. That was introduced by society to make more people NEED to work in order for them to be able to afford to live in the society (some would call it feminist or progressive ideology others patriarchy but it's basically CAPITALIST society that has made this happen).

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Just to be honest with you, I have yet to meet someone in a non-traditional relationship that didn't make it seem like absolute hell. You could just see the soul and joy slowly getting drained out of their eyes as they make a very intentional effort to pretend that nothing about their relationship is what they hoped it would be.

People seem to find those traditional roles quite comfortable. There really seems to be something natural about it.

Anonymous · Answer

I can't force anybody to act a certain way in a relationship so if I come across another woman who is into the trad wife lifestyle and she loves it and she's happy, so be it. I'm not in that relationship. On the other hand, I am the antithesis of this. There is no leader in my household, we both do traditional and non-traditional roles, and I don't even know the last time I walked around in pearls dusting off my prominently displayed photo of Jesus and a lamb...like, I can't and won't do it, but equally I am happy with my life and relationship. Essentially stay in your lane, and I'll stay in mine. Room for both ways of thinking and living.

Caunsos · Answer

You don't defined what are traditional values, gender roles, or expectations. So I will assume you asking why is wanting a relationship where the man take the majority of the income and the woman take the majority of the domestic labor is considered a bad thing. Personal there nothing wrong wanting that is both parties agree to this division of labor and and can leave room adjustment based the needs and wants if the relationship. However I don't believe that kinda relationship is realistic in this day and age. The cost living growing at pace that is far greater than the average income affording to support even your self on one income it greatly difficult the majority of people. Also the concept of the starter home is almost dead with the majority homes being owned not by people but by corporations. Gaps in work experience make find employment much more difficult which hurt a stay at home wife in the case the their husband is no longer providing an income.

Godihateyou · Answer

People were always lot happier then then that are now. Young people shit on tradition, but young people keep killing themselves because of how unhappy they are. My 13 year old daughter went to her first funeral today. A 13 year old kid. Man we waited until at least 19 to kill ourselves.

Gwendoline · Answer

No. If conservatives and feminists look at what was historically traditional gender roles actually were they'd soon learn the idea of the 1950s housewife is a myth.

BCRanger10 · Answer

No, it is objectively not. Men and women each have their own strengths and should employ them in a relationship, rather than trying to be the other.

exitseven · Answer

I have one of these. We were married before we had kids. My wife stayed home to take care of them and I went off to work every day. We both had specific roles in our marriage. Most would say it is a traditional marriage. So far so good.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

If two mature adults with the same values and expectations start a stable relationship, more power to them. 🙂👍

Ariesman81 · Answer

You ever noticed how the older someone gets, the more they dislike the new ways of life? It's almost like change is not a good thing. I, for one, think Gramps was right. They don't build em like they use to.

Awesomesauce2005 · Answer

Why do so many people think that it is unreasonable to live life with old fashioned ideals?

serious · Answer

No, times have changed and things are not so traditional anymore.

TwoToTooTutu2 · Answer

It's a pretty common viewpoint for progressives to think that old = bad. I am a traditionalist, but I don't look to the 1950 as traditional. It was pretty modernist, even futurist.

Likes2drive · Answer

I like traditional better but that only works if they do too and there’s plenty of women that want that still so it’s not really old fashioned to me and pretty normal outside of the USA

Chartreux · Answer

No, it can be good too, better than some stuff we hear about now adays.

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

A relationship is built on whatever the couples prefer. One dynamic doesn't work for all.

Massageman · Answer

Getting back to "old fashioned" in many areas would be a big improvement than the current direction of humanity.

WonderingManII · Answer

I think that having gender roles is helpful. But I think they need to be tailored to the specific relationship you two are in.

nawtee_me · Answer

Not at all. When you push the limits of the norm you risk becoming an outcast. No matter how many push the same limits it doesn’t change the norm. Only time and desth will change the norm.

Fireguy17 · Answer

As long as it is relationship that both parties are happy with there is nothing wrong with that.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes, I do. I don't think that type of relationship works in our modern society. Our economy isn't set up to support that.

genericname85 · Answer

apparently it is "old fashioned" but there's nothing bad about it.

SmokinAces2000 · Answer

Yes. I don’t want a woman dependent on me. I’ve always liked women that had their own money and own career ambitions.

karate_renee · Answer

As long as both parties are respectful and lean into their respective roles in a positive manner, I don’t see a problem. I think there’s a real benefit to relationships that operate this way!

Pointeman1 · Answer

I find it strange and somewhat amusing that in a society that supposedly prides itself in "individuality" and "freedom" that we really are for the most part heard animals who tend to gravitate towards whatever is deemed "traditional" or "normal". Does it matter all that much what anyone else thinks as long as the relationship you choose is mutually agreeable to you both or to you all?

Crankor · Answer

I'd say that's a much better layout than the "modern" ways.

LiamJHayden · Answer

While it might not be what everyone wants, it is not bad.

Dongie · Answer

Not to speak for the weak and deranged but for the rest of us I can say it's the only way to fly.

Sluttt · Answer

Men are men and women are women still i think. Women want to be dominated

RandomUser1000 · Answer

It doesn't have to be bad if there is respect and if that is how both want to live.

DrPepper12 · Answer

I think any "modern" thinking person would have already abandoned such concepts.

Anonymous · Answer

Traditional is good. With no exaggrating. Gender roles. Better than today

beenherebefore · Answer

To me is old fashioned in a good way.

alice55 · Answer

I think traditional ways are better

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Old fashioned is my championship title 😌

Pterodon · Answer

I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. Men are natural hunters while women are natural gatherers

EmmiL · Answer

Can be, really depends on context

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, I think so.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope

jimmy2 · Answer

Won't work

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