Should you be able to spank your kids for disobedience?

Question

When you're child disobeys or does something deemed immoral, etc... Should you as the mother or father have the right to spank their bottoms?

Anon_ymous_Man · Accepted Answer

New studies in child development and psychology show that any form of physical discipline, does nothing but

1. Makes the child feel like their parents dont love them

2. Will turn your child mentally weak with low self esteem & self respect

3. you're child will grow up to become abusive towards romantic partners & violent with kids at school

(2 & 3 absolutely NEVER happen together, only 1 or the other)

4. you're child will naturally learn how to lie, manipulate, & gaslight by trying to cover up their wrongdoings out of fear of being hit by their parents

5. They'll come to resent you in their early teenage years instead of building a bond with you

Couple notes to mention:

Our children aren't our "Obedient Slaves" they shouldn't just follow every irrational idea you have just because "you're the parent" or "because you say so". Disregarding Logic & Reasoning will make your child believe that emotions and feelings are what drive the world and will end up becoming sheep / unaware of reality if you dont explain in articulate and rational detail exactly the reason why you're punishing your child.

Mental punishment (Timeouts, Grounding *Which you should never ground your child from going outside*, Taking away video games & toys, etc. Etc) is much MUCH more effective at teaching proper etiquette & morals to your children. But make sure you're not being emotionally or developmentally abusive and neglectful. Grounding a child for an entire month or 2 from going outside will do severe damage to the social part of their brains development and can actually produce personality disorders if forced to never socialize or go outside.

Remember theyre your child.. not some obedient slave you get to boss around. That is YOUR offspring & blood. When they wake up mommy and daddy are the first people they want to see and be with. Children if loved properly will love their parents unconditionally and be great people for their parents. You dont punish them into obedience, you punish them to teach them morals that make them realize that doing bad things will harm their reality in the future. you're supposed to guide them on the right path , a positive & loving compassionate path.

Also dont underestimate the natural intelligence of a child. They are some of the most direct & logical human beings if you really pay attention. They see and observe a lot more then you think they do.

Last thing: Respect your child as an equal, not in terms of experience or knowledge obviously, but in terms of respect. If you get something wrong or make a mistake and your child corrects you, dont let YOUR pride punish the child for doing so and make them feel bad for correcting you. Instead be PROUD that they were able to make a correction that even you couldnt make, thats a genius right there and shouldn't be made to feel bad for being smart.

QuadDamage · Accepted Answer

Kids don't do what you tell them, they do what you do. You are the example. Always and first!

No longer explanation needed really.

We've all been there telling this little girl or boy for the 500th time to not do or do something specific. You need to communicate on a level so the small person understand you.

And always as the older assess, the situation. Is the younger one hungry, angry, tired. Will the what ever mood effect the persons ability to listen and make a decision to act on.

Is the point I'm having really important to go through with right now? Or can I do it later with better circumstances?

What is s valid 'punishment' for disobeying something like this? No TV? No outdoor? Coming home directly after school and not playing with friends?

Is it an age thing, are teeth growing out? Ha something happened that I'm unaware about?

There are so many factors a parent must take into consideration, but striking fear in the form of physical manifestations is never okey. This just teaches anybody to get scared. Not to understand what happened and learn from it!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I feel like it’s a thing where if the parent chooses to do use corporal punishment on their child, it’s there own moral right. I see nothing but parents take the anger out on the actual spank. Like why spank so damn hard to leave marks? I feel like perhaps a pat on the butt, and not an actual spank, would be somewhat beneficial to the children under 3, to kind of “snap” them out of their mood since kids are so naturally ADD. However, there’s no book to parents and actually having a child vs. watching others with kids.. makes the opinions so biased.

For me, I can’t see it happening. I watch my husband spank, put in the corner, timeout’s etc. I can’t help but just observe that it doesn’t nothing but make the situation worse, and seemingly instills fear in the child… thus making him/her cry and whale louder and longer. It just morally doesn’t feel right. I was spanked, grounded, and spanked with wooden spoons even.

Nothing but a good bear-hug for a child, and a chit chat about why is was wrong AND having a moment to teach what they should’ve done/said instead of the wrong thing, works perfectly.

The farthest I’ll go with punishment, is taking privileges away one by one.

DermalPunch · Accepted Answer

I was spanked and used to believe in it. Now, I have completely changed my views. All it shows is the child is that it is acceptable to lose control on someone else when your ego is bruised.

Now as much as I can, I let the anger pass and I try to get to the root. I ask why they did it and explain why it was an error or bad decision.

Imminent danger is acting fast. Berating insulting hitting is just damaging and I don't see any benefit in instilling fear of a parent into a child.

Through validation, attention, boundaries and enforcing consequences respect comes and thus obedience.

Children will disappoint you and mess up. A LOT. They will do things that will make you think that you have birthed the devil's spawn. Hitting and spanking is the impatient way of dealing with things.

I too used to think "I got spanked and I was fine." Well no, I wasn't. Though I wasn't abused it conditioned me into ways of thinking and entering trauma-bond relationships as opposed to healthy interdependent ones.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

There is a difference between a spanking and a beating. I got my share of spankings from both Mom (usually with a wet dish-towel) and Dad (with a belt). My father usually came back 30 minutes later to apologize for having to do it. But there was no way either of them was going to allow the precipitating behavior to continue. An answer of "no" on my part was not in the equation.

My father warned me, the day I got married, to be careful with spankings because an adults hand is capable of inflicting severe damage on a child. I was warned never to punish in the heat of anger. Never to allow Rage to enter into the picture or someone's hand was going to become too severe. Someone could die. Someone could spend the remained of his life in prison suffering the regret of murdering a loved one. I usually took a walk to cool down before a spanking. One time I did not. The spanking was too severe. It occurred when he was 12, he is now 42. I apologize to my son to this day.

I have witnessed children talking back to parents in grocery stores. I have witnessed parents delivering spankings with a full audience at a police department. The issue is public humiliation. Young folks, don't dish it out if you are not prepared to receive it. Let me say this again. Don't humiliate your parents publicly if you are not prepared to be publicly humiliated. This all goes back to the Rage issue. Once again this is based on my experience with the medical examiners office. I have had to dissect children as young as my own. We are told not to dissect friends or colleagues. I have had to do both. Peace.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Hell yes! The reason kids these days are getting out of hand is cause parents have grown scared and soft of their own kids. Social media and society has embolden kids to be disrespectful and disobedient to authority. They know all they have to do is pick up the phone and call the police or get on social media and start whining about how thing aren't going their way and someone is going to rush in coddle them.

When I was growing up if you talked back you would get popped on the backside. If you tried to throw tantrum in the store, you would get butt whooping as soon as you got home. You spare the rod then you spoil the child. Bring back ass whooping when it's needed.

DaisyM23 · Answer

I mean not spanking, I've always found that a bit weird but that's probably the internet's influence... but yes I do think a parent has the right to discipline their kid by hitting them. There are different rules for abuse, here in the UK I think it counts as abuse if you leave marks but I'm not too sure. But me and my siblings were all hit when we were younger for discipline. I think there's a really blurry line between discipline and abuse though because it depends on the parent's intent and what happens etc but I don't think I was ever hit out of malice or anything, it's just the way my parents were raised and their parents etc. I probably won't continue that pattern but I think a little slap on the arm or a flick or something is good, but any kind of discipline for your kid is okay as long as you're raising them right you know?

flautistnaturist · Answer

Speaking of "should"s, it should be that no one would challenge anyone in disciplining their own flesh and blood. But if I wail on myself for acting up, they might commit me to a behavioral health facility for self-harm. People are meddling fools. That "should" is even a thing that gets both codified for forcing on people who actually feel otherwise, and that it gets disregarded in the process of such codifying and forcing, is just a testament to the utter nonsense that drives people in general. The application of the concept of "should" within humanity as it stands, is a joke. Voluntary submission to the greater good through free self-rule is the only "should" worth investing in. And if some parent wants to drive this point home with an ass beating, voluntary submission to the greater good through free self-rule is the only thing in me that should have anything to say about it.

TheorionMage · Answer

#A: Juvenile disobedience is your offspring seeking to assert THEIR desire's willfulness regardless of consequence.

YOUR job as a parent is to FIRST reason with them explaining 'why' or 'not' to engage in a behavior long term; should they, in their headstrong assertiveness seeks to IGNORE and circumvent your greater insightful experience, YOU need to attach immediate negative physical consequences to THEIR life experience.

The Christian Bible asserts a pragmatic hierarchy:
"If you cannot obediently LOVE God; then FEAR God's potential consequences!"

The immediate pain and public embarrassment among peers, SHOULD provide a 'life lesson'
NOT permanent physical scarring. 'Educate' their Psyche, STING their subconscious' backside! In the Victorian era you COULD get 'caned'~

matt367 · Answer

Yes. However, do not spank them in anger. Do not take pleasure in doing so, and do not do it for the sole goal of inflicting pain. EXPLAIN clearly why you are doing it, and what it represents.

If you make bad choices as an adult you may be: arrested, punched, assaulted, stabbed, shot, bludgeoned, isolated, fired, outcasted, robbed, homeless, addicted, repossessed, bankrupt, r*ped and more...

Life is INCREDIBLY difficult. Spanking (to me) in contrast is mild compared to the harsh realities in life. It should serve as a simulation of negative consequences but its USELESS without proper counseling and education of the child. You are thier trainer, not thier dictator. Make strong children but more importantly, make loved ones. If you punish hard, reward hard.

Personal opinion, not fact. Ty.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Within limits. Corporal punishment is a slippery slope. What you might think is just a swat might be causing permanent damage. Or if you’ve got a bad temper and the kid doesn’t take the spanking as intended. Now you’re throwing them down the stairs to prove a point. Maybe you like to drink or do drugs and you don’t have the wherewithal to determine the right strength of strike. Maybe your kid can take a licking so you ratchet up to hitting them with belts, sticks, broom handles or tire irons.
Now WHO gets to decide the standard for beating our kids? Probably the same people who want to put parents in prison for the occasional disparaging word.
As a parent you have not just the right to discipline your rugrats, but the responsibility as well. But there are no classes and tests required to make babies. Any asshole can do it and most assholes do!

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Tough. I don't think so, I don't want to personally, but I know sometimes that can seen like the only option left. Sometimes I think my parents should have used physical discipline on me cause of how I was, and by the time one of them actually tried it was just too late for it to work. But then if it doesn't work on older kids, why would it work on younger kids? They're even dummer.

So I don't think I understand how the physical shit is actually supposed to work. So I just err to caution and say in most cases, you don't need to even consider it. And in the few cases when you do consider it, well hopefully you don't do it anyway. And figure something else out. I'd hate for your kid to have any good reason to fear or hate you.

Desconhecida · Answer

Yes. Children need to fear something in order to respect others. We can't just have a conversation with a toddler and expect they'll understand why they shouldn't do something bad again (and accept it).

Kids can't yet understand the rational reason an adult gives them. They act by impulse, not knowledge. They need to know life has consequences for their actions since they are young and the best way to do this is a light punishment.

Spanking kids doesn't mean hurting them and leave bruises, it's not abuse and many of us have been disciplined like that, turning out decent human beings. Letting your child be the boss will create a future sociopath or worse: entitled lovers.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes but within reason. A parent should first verbally reprimand their kid. If their kid acts defiant and talks back THEN a spanking might be appropriate.

Both my parents spanked, slapped and beat me growing up. Sometimes it was justified but other times it wasn’t. I had undiagnosed ADHD which made me act out at times which my mom misinterpreted as misbehaving and quick to slap me up. But I wasn’t intentionally being defiant or disrespectful. But my mom had no patience for that.

However on the flip side I see parents not lay a finger on kids who NEED to get their bratty asses swatted and straightened out. They grow up acting worse.

SpokenTruth · Answer

I swatted my niece many years ago across her bare legs and I didn't even think about doing it it was a automatic reaction after she grabbed the steering wheel veering us toward oncoming traffic. I hit her little leg so hard it literally stung my hand and I automatically felt awful about it I felt bad. I believe it hurt me way more than it did her. Let me put it this way she has probably long forgotten about that but I on the other hand never forgot it unless I brought it up or reminded her then maybe she would remember it maybe. I also hit a little girl with a door on my way out of a business around 10 years ago when I didn't see her coming down the side walk and that tore me up too. I can't stand to see children in pain or see them put in pain. So I really don't know how I would discipline them to be honest.

art84 · Answer

I got spanked mainly for fighting with my brother or getting bad grades. My nephews never got spanked as children but as teenagers they turned out disrespectful to my family. I think spanking would have keep them in line or being strick least my brother with being a dad and not there best friend. I have two nieces and they never got spanked but behave better least for now. I don't know if I would spank my child if I had one. Children are smart to report child abuse to a teacher though I don't believe it beating a child with a belt like an animal or taking out frustrated on one.

Amarasimmons7 · Answer

If you beat your child until their bleeding and screaming, then yes, it will make them have less confidence, and make them feel like their parents don't love them. But, spanking your child, just spanking them, is normal. Parents can try and try to talk to their children, but most of the time, it won't work. If children initiate a spanking with something naughty, then they won't do it again. Most of the time. But, it depends on how bad they behaved. If they didn't take a shower or something, then no, most of the time talking with them will do the trick. However, if they talk back to their parents in a rude way or curse them out, then yes, the parent should be able to spank them or even pop them on the forehead.

sassy_receptor · Answer

yes. teaches your kids disobedience and shows them there are consequences to their actions. spanking is definitely for big deal actions though, not just for common mistakes or anything like that. my parents spanked me and i don’t hate them at all for it. if anything i appreciate my parents even more for their form of discipline because it works and has made me a great person. i see the effects of kids who did not receive enough or proper discipline in general and they're fucked.

irifebeck · Answer

I’ve only been disciplined once in my life (I wasn’t spanked but I was slapped) and that’s because I deserved it. But usually, my parents have always been against it, despite that one incident, and my sibling and I ended up fine. I don’t think I’d ever physically discipline them unless they really really deserved it.

petitedollbabee · Answer

It depends on how far you’re taking it. If you’re smacking the hell out of your child, then you don’t deserve to be a parent. But if it’s just a regular smack on the bum, then I see no problem. I’ve seen far too many parents cross the line with spanking punishments though.

Red-Blaze · Answer

Not from anger ever, and only only in real exstream cases
To really drill it into a kids mind should be used very rarely, and only ever in control not from anger
I was wild enugth to get to a point of getting a smack, I will never froget that.. and did improve from that, but it was used as it should, the very last tool in the arsenal for a really good reason

Subarugirl · Answer

Research over the last 20 years has demonstrated that spanking increases aggression in young children and is ineffective in changing their undesirable behavior.

Studies have also linked spanking to an increased risk of mental health disorders and impaired brain development.

Hitting an adult is called assault or abuse. Adults are not punished or disciplined by being hit, so why would it be okay to do that to a child?

TheVigilantOne · Answer

I don’t believe in hitting children or anyone come to it, there’s other ways to punish a child other than violence, I was brought up in a violent household my father would be smacking me everyday for no reason at all, he’d also beat my mother, he made our lives hell he’s dead now thank god, but no I think if you have to hit a child you shouldn’t have them, you can punish them loads of ways without violence.

loveslongnails · Answer

I'm waiting for a good explanation of how hitting your kid for doing something wrong, or lying, will change the actual source of the behavior or even the behavior itself. Seems to me that all it does is teach the kid to find a way not to get CAUGHT, rather than understand why NOT to do it in the first place.

pupluv45 · Answer

Physical discipline has worked for billions of years throughout human civilization. Its only been the past 30 years that it's no longer considered "civil". Truth is that physical discipline in moderation does work and it does not cause any long term emotional consequences.

American kids are the most unruly, disobedient because their culture doesn't allow physical discipline. Their kids are not taught to respect authority at a young age.

WeirdoFriendly · Answer

As a child when I was younger, I would get spankings from my father when I did something that was wrong. Even though it hurt my ass, it taught me not to do it again. If children today never learn what is right or wrong, how are they going to know in the future? If there is no punishment, do you think they'll grow up thinking they're invincible? Like they can do no wrong?

I for one don't want a little brat as a child. Or to raise them making them think they are better than anyone else.

HippieVeganJewslim · Answer

Parents are natural role models to their children. If you want to teach your child violence, sure. If you want to teach your child peace and harmony, there’s plenty of ways to teach them without violence. Why do they show violence to kids who show violence to others to teach the kids that showing violence is bloody wrong?

Paul09 · Answer

Yes! Or else they will be spoiled brats. Unless you kid actually listens to you. Just look around how teenagers and young adults act today. It's embarrassing. It's all about their phones, social media, tik Tok.. they are so lazy and a-holes. Not all of them,. But many, too many.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Violence is never the answer, its a sign og weakness, you exhausted all other methods.

Also it is the least effective method of discipline.

So it just hurts the child and your relationship with no effect.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, parents should be able to parent the way they think is best. No one knows better what a child needs than his/her parents.

The fact is there are some children who benefit from a smack on the ass now and then. Compared to the past, children are too entitled and do not respect authority much anymore, and the mindset and influence of people who say spanking is wrong is one of the biggest reasons for that.

hypojoe · Answer

I see like this would you want mike tyson to spank your kid there is a grey area in between spanking your kid and beating your kid there are better ways

AviatorTom · Answer

A slap on the rear (not so hard to cause injury) gets the child's attention and let's them know that you are serious that what they did (whatever it is) is wrong and not to be accepted.

Amarah0 · Answer

No. There are numerous studies showing how it 1. Doesn't stop the bad behavior from occuring and 2. Causes long term emotional damage.

People who were spanked as kids are more likely to be in abusive relationships.

dustybiker · Answer

The way kids are these days and how they were back in the day shows consequences to actions do work. Hitting isn’t necessary however.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

ABSOLUTELY!! Otherwise, you get a spoiled rotten kid that'll act like the loony lefties and libtards you see running around destroying everything in sight!!

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Absolutely- kids aren't rational, and need something to show them where boundaries are that they understand.

lauraanne02 · Answer

It really messed me up, so I don't think it should be allowed

Mina09 · Answer

It will give ur children trauma bur it also depends on how hard u spank them cause if it's lightly then I think its ok

Prettysammie · Answer

I don’t think it should be the first thing someone does, but I think sometimes the threat of a spanking or actually getting one is the only way a lesson gets learned

aaron210419 · Answer

In general no, but I'll say being 36 and whipped with a belt as a kid that a lot of the entitlement you see in a lot of people now a days could have been prevented with some spankings.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Absolutely. You have a very short window to teach and discipline your kid which is about from ages 0 to 8.

Spanking is necessary once you have repeatedly givin warmings yet the child still acts rebellious.

It works if done right.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Within reason, I think so if the situation calls for it.

foreverams · Answer

Intimidating your kids with physical contact isn't a way to go about in my opinion. The kid could turn out to be really violent.

Wish4UrB00ty · Answer

I mean if the parents don’t discipline their kids then the police just have more work to do…

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I had been spanked myself. Did that make me more obedient? >>> The opposite, rather :D

suzzieQ · Answer

Hitting a child is child abuse. Unless it is reasonable self-defense, physically assaulting someone is not okay, especially not a child.

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely yes. I am a meticulous and strict person. I have a stepson. I spank him as long as he doesn't follow my rules at home. If I allow him to disobey, day by day he will become more rebellious.

OddBeMe · Answer

I would say no and have it be brutally enforced by the govt, but that may be federalist in me. Abuse begets abuse. You spank your kids, they’ll hit theirs ever more harsher.

007kingifrit · Answer

yes. it is important to feel fear and suffeirng as you grow up or you may end up being a bad person later. it creates empathy and makes us understand consequences

Guanfei · Answer

At a very last resort, yes. Children will always test your limits, and at some point if you're all talk, they'll learn that you won't do anything, and that's when you lose control.

Fuentes · Answer

I think it should be allowed I have never spanked my daughter but I think you should be able to if you need too as long as ur not over doing it or using abuse.

Anonymous · Answer

Let's just say i was abused when i was a penniless child and today i live alone and my parents don't know where i am. I just Might cut those loose ends too, so they can't contact me anymore.

elduderinosupreme · Answer

Yes but explain why they are being punished and it should not be cruel and unusual the punishment should fit the wrong doing.

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Yes, kids don't have cognitive thinking skills so you have to use a language they understand. And violence is the true universal language.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, if you don't correct inappropriate behavior they will always behave poorly. However you should never spank in anger, your kids should know what they are being spanked for, and it shouldn't leave a mark that lasts longer than a few hours.

Sixgun77 · Answer

Definitely, until they're old enough to be reasoned with AND have already leaned that actions have consequences.

Papabubbles · Answer

I've Always been in favor of it before I had my son. Now when I think of doing it brings back memories of being whipped with a belt and I can't put my son through that.

18Uma21 · Answer

I may spank my kids in the future (not in public tho.) I may spank them but I won't degrade them

vduong1988 · Answer

my mom and my grandma hit me with chip sticks it was hurt though and my dad never hit me

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Yes but rarely. Other forms of discipline are more effective

LivingExample · Answer

Yes because it teaches children there are consequences to bad Behavior!

msc545 · Answer

It does not have the desired effect, and hitting people, even children is ILLEGAL.

abitcurious2022 · Answer

We got spanked when we were growing up. It taught us a lesson. Things have changed.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Absolutely spank those little heathen brats!

Should you be able to spank your kids for disobedience?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it okay to give my children spankings and wedgies as a form of discipline when they misbehave?

Should you be able to spank your kids for disobedience?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it okay to give my children spankings and wedgies as a form of discipline when they misbehave?

We're glad to see you liked this post.