Am I being the bad friend?

[Anonymous]

So, my childhood friend pretty much hates my boyfriend. Partly my fault because I would vent to her about issues with him in the past. Also, there was a party we all went to where we played a pretty weird game (most of us were strangers) where you vote for the most likely person to do (insert sex act) so we're playing the game and my boyfriend names her for something. The game was weird because everyone had to vote for someone. I can't remember what he said her name for but she was pretty offended he named her at all. I can see where she's coming from being uncomfortable as she already didn't like him but everyone was naming everyone during this game. I think he said her name maybe once or twice max. She later told me he was doing too much and that everyone at the party was staring when he said her name.( I didn't notice, I asked my brother and friend if they noticed and they didn't) . She called afterwards with a list grievances (they've had a handful of interactions) and essentially saying that I didn't respect our friendship by 1) not noticing she was upset and 2) not checking him in the same moment. She claims he antagonizes her everytime she sees him and also said its not always when he's speaking directly to her. During the same call, she asked if any of my friends have had to talk to me about my boyfriend's behavior (none have) and why I liked him. Though, I'm trying to consider her feelings, I think she was being a bit oversensitive in this context. Especially since all of their interactions have been limited and I've actually been there 100% of the time. I'll admit that I do have rose colored glasses when it comes to him but he rarely addressed her directly besides hi and bye since he already felt she didn't like him.

[boggboss]

Its a issue you created by venting to her about him which has already made her opinion on him

[Asker]

Yes, I acknowledged in my post I played a part but the grievances she told me about were separate

[boggboss]

But its hard to know if she would have had these issues or if she had them because she already has a negative opinion about him

[Asker]

I think the neg opinion was there, but he also jokes a lot about things and I'm quite sure she's taken them seriously because it wasn't obvious to her. She told me that she felt, "antagonized" when he was around. Even though all of their interactions have been minimal and they barely talk.

[boggboss]

But thats what I mean because she already don't like him there little interactions she is reading more into them or implying his intent

[Asker]

True. Funny you mention intent because I tried to tell her that his intentions in whatever he said/did that "antagonized" her, were not malicious. But she said it didn't matter what his intentions were

[boggboss]

Thats my point people imply intent how they view a person she dislikes him so when she sees how he says or does somthing she will view it malicious unfortunately

[Asker]

True, it's just a bit annoying to me how she said I was disrespecting our friendship by not checking him everytime she's upset by him. I don't like all of my friend's bfs but I wouldn't explicitly tell them all this stuff

[boggboss]

Clearly she feels your friendship is more important then the relationship as most people wouldn't have a list of grievances about a friends partner

[Asker]

Hmm valid. Ever since she talked to me about it I've lowkey been wanting to end the friendship. Not especially bc she doesn't like him but that she said I wasn't being a good friend for not realizing the times when she was upset by him. ( I try really hard to be a good friend)

[Guy13]

Your friend is “dating you” in his mind. Thsts common with opposite sex friends

[Asker]

My friend is a girl**

[Guy13]

That doesn’t work in Form, Function, or Purpose….2 girls, right?

[Asker]

I don't understand what you're trying to say. She's also straight