If someone can't make friends of either gender & is purposely ignored?

[Anonymous]

What would he be considered?

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm sorry you're being purposely ignored. But there is no such thing as someone who can't make friends.

It could be something about social awareness or social intelligence that leads people to 'misread' your intentions (they might find you rude, arrogant, creepy, annoying, inappropriate etc etc) when... you aren't trying to come off that way, and would change it if you were aware that's what was going on)

But it's not necessarily that at all.

It could be that for absolutely nothing you did or failed to do... the particular people at your particular school (or wherever) have decided to collectively be assholes to you. That can certainly happen. And when it does, that person realizes it "wasn't them" once they get into a new environment, with new people and find themselves treated normally.

The problem is, it can become self-perpetuating. It can become like a 'self-fulfilling prophecy' once a person starts to SEE THEMSELVES as someone who can't make friends. Or start to think there's something wrong with them that makes them unlikeable to others.

I don't believe that you can't make friends. I believe that your experience has given you all sorts of evidence that's led you to believe that. But it's not true. It's really not. You may be surrounded by assholes who ignore you, and you may never become friends with THEM. But you are certainly able to make friends, and I'm sure there are people who would welcome your friendship.

The problem is (and I don't have any easy fix) that someone who THINKS they are incapable of making friends, is ACTUALLY less likely to ever make any. That's because you aren't going to be as open to approaching some people you don't really know, or being yourself around people... because you're assuming right from the start... that they won't like you. You start to feel like there's no point in trying to make friends, and that you should just accept that you're not able to. It's nearly impossible to make friends when you feel that way (EVEN if feeling that way makes perfect sense based on your own life experiences).

I don't know how to help you to be able to step back and look at the bigger picture.

You aren't unable to make friends. You just haven't been able to, so far, with the particular people who happened to be around you. I do know people who grew up feeling that way, which was surprising because they certainly weren't that way when I knew them.

First year university, when people were coming from all over, and nobody knew anybody. It was always interesting to hear that someone who was an important part of a large friend group... grew up being bullied, or feeling alone. They were awesome, regular people. Good friends. THey just had shitty luck in the social lottery in the towns and cities they originally came from.

Hang in there. Don't "consider yourself" anything but someone who's had shitty luck so far. 🙂

[Rangers]

People are disgusting creatures, don't worry about it

[jennifer_bloom]

Not having friends might not mean there are millions of things wrong with you, it might mean there is one thing wrong with you that is causing thousands of people to reject the person. Some people I know that did not have friends include - a girl that would ask you for money the first time you even talk to her - a girl that would steal - a girl that would lie about everything - a girl that would disrespect you and message you every single day while not respecting your decision to limit how often they can talk to you - a guy that had severe and unreasonable anger management issues.

[dustybiker]

If you want friends you have to genuinely care about other people. If you fake that it’s obvious.

[Lilith09]

Friendless, loner, pariah or outsider

[Asker]

If the guy is in better shape, slightly taller than most of the people he can't get along with?

Aren't those respectable traits?

[dreamstar72]

Maybe godlike