It scares me that my grandpa is 90.. I don’t know.. do I have 15 years left… 1 year… makes me sad. Scares me. Can’t believe how fast time has gone by. :/ and worried about some medical results recently and that he’s lost weight…
and don’t feel I have achieved what I wanted by now at all. Would have hoped I’d have children who would know them a bit and be on my way to my career goals that I’m not..
And my grandma is 84 and her dementia is bad enough that we have to question whether she needs to be somewhere else now besides home. And I really don’t have a large amount of family.. so yeah.
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Yes, I think, unfortunately the way your feeling is pretty normal.
I definitely find myself thinking similar to you occasionally. Getting old does suck (ask ANYBODY old); and death does become something that becomes a lot more real when you start getting to be..."our age."
Death is inescapable. The realities of loved-ones growing old, sick and at some point dying is indeed something that worries me.
I watched my dad go up a flight of stairs the other day, and it was painful to watch how slow and laboured the whole thing was. I mean... that's not "my dad" as I tend to think of/remember him. He was a big, strong dude. Now he's a not-so-steady-climbing-up-the-stairs-dude in his late 70s. It IS scary and upsetting.
But, it's something I guess, everyone has to cope with as part of life. I haven't had too many people who were especially close to me pass away. A few certainly, but I think I've been 'lucky' that way so far. I do worry about 'what happens when' those people die, or forget who they are (nevermind who I am).
I think, all you can do, is to try and not think too much about it. If you can possibly avoid it. Sometimes, you will be forced to think about it... when something forces you to face the reality of how fast time is slipping by (like I found a couple grey hairs in my beard the other day. THAT is some fucking horseshit?)
All anyone can do is their best. I think there are a lot of people in their 30s who have had to 're-calibrate' their horizons, and re-write their 'general long-term life plan.' That's just..."how she goes." (Unfortunately).
I'm not going to try and tell you it doesn't suck. Because it sucks.
I'm not going to try and give you any advice (not really, anyway), because I don't know any better how to handle this than you do.
But if you're wondering if you're weird, and wondering if anyone else feels the way you do.
The answer is: "Yes." I definitely feel the same way you do. I think a lot of people 'our age' feel this way.
For me, I just try and find joy where I can. Like you, I also thought I would have kids by now. It looks increasingly like that's not in the cards for me. I'm ok with that.
Knowing how fast time goes by, I'm making sure to spend every single minute I possibly can; with my 1 year-old-niece, and 4 year-old nephew. My nephew and I have been thick-as-thieves since before he could talk. He and his little sister are my two favorite people in the whole world. They have brought more happiness into an otherwise pretty gloomy time than I ever could have imagined.
I would never have seen myself growing up to be 'a favorite uncle'. It's certainly not the same as having kids. But there's still a little dude, who I love; who loves me; who I get to play and joke around with several times a week; who looks up to me; and who knows he's safe with me.
You find joy where you can. Try and use time wisely; now that you have some idea how fast it's really slipping by. Try and make the most of the time you've got, with the people who are important to you. What else can anyone do?
(you know the worst part? At some point you'll look back on right NOW and laugh at yourself the same way you do when thinking back to yourself at 16. You'll think "ahh I was so young! what was I talking about." You know it's true. Life really is pretty absurd)
Good luck man. 🙂
Why do you think it’s not in the cards? I mean I would say spend every free moment you can meeting different women. And sooner or later. But then again, that’s not coming my way so far. But I’m not doing everything I can in that department. I know that.
But anyway, yeah. I mean I’ve thought about time for a while. It’s just it’s just weird. Like I see what year it’s going to be. And I say how the hell. Even 2013 seems like how is it this year, and it’s 10 beyond that? That’s just nuts.
I am not thrilled with some of the ways I might die, but death itself is not a fear.
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