My daughter (9) and I are planning a daddy daughter trip in a month. She loves spending time in the pool and has often asked for a bikini. My wife insists that she wear a one-piece or a modest two-piece swimsuit.
I'm considering surprising my daughter with a bikini on our trip. I'm not planning to clear it through my wife though, because I know where she stands.
it's just a swimsuit personally i don't see why it's a big deal
9 year old girls wear them. its fine in my opinion
did your dad buy you your first bikini?
@Debbie14217 can’t remember
Opinion
18Opinion
Marriage is a partnership but traditionally, men are the head of the household. I'm not certain that should change.
22 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24
Adages I know you mean well but if they were looking to take your advice they would consider becoming Christians altogether-
This isn’t salvation rn
And they are not believers of Gods laws..
They can’t just cherry pick what they would like to suit them..
I don’t think a dad should be this concerned over his daughters bikini-
That’s a big red flag.
Would he care as much if it were his son’s boxers?
@adaeva - the Bible encourages modesty not sluttish or cheap & overly sexualized behavior. That is why Jesus is said to have SAVED Mary of Magdala from her life as a prostitute dressed INDECENTLY.
As this photo shows, bikinis are customary for young girls. 
Therefore, if she wants a bikini (we are not talking about micro bikinis that some older women wear) there is no reason she shouldn't have. Apparently, most women on GAG believe wives should be the boss. That is not how it is my family, not should it be.
@adaeva thanks for your opinion and explanation.
Um… older women only should be wearing microbikinis in adult areas or private residences. That’s really inappropriate to subject family’s and children to a basically naked woman wearing less than underwear. I’m not judging parents who let their girls wear bikinis… but if the mom is uncomfortable with it; it’s a lot more reason to go without that. There’s a lot more logic behind it and her as a parent and a woman.
Nope. Although I believe that a 9 year old should have agency over their clothes and I don't believe that clothes are a hill that parents should die on, it is absurd to even contemplate going against your wife's wishes. Not only does it destroy her trust in you, it sets up a terrible dynamic that your daughter will instantly learn and internalize that you don't value mom's opinion, that you're not aligned, and that if she wants something, just come to you. Bottom line: you are laying a steel and concrete foundation for drama and disharmony in your family. And it has nothing to do with the bikini.
This is not like life and death or anything, but if you felt strongly about something in relation to your daughter that your wife did not and she just did it anyway because you wouldn't be there to object, do you think you'd be happy about that? For your wife there is a reason she doesn't want your kid to wear a bikini. Talk about that and why you think it shouldn't matter and work it out. Going behind her back won't make it better especially if she sees photos of your daughter in the swimsuit after the fact or your daughter just shows her the suit.
@drewjohnson - she's 9. You're okay with your 9 year old wearing an overly sexualized item like a bikini. Then quite honestly don't be surprised when at 19 she's dresses like a prositute & acts like one.
Your wife is entirely in the right. This is a 9 year old CHILD and there should be absolutely NO SEXUALIZATION at that age. And what else is a bikini except something that SEXUALIZES the wearer? Seriously as the father you should be against the idea of her wearing a bikini. Most decent fathers do not want their little girl to be a sex object.
It sounds like your wife is wanting to raise a daughter who has self respect and isn't seen as a sex object whereas you are perfectly fine with her being sexualized at 9.
Bikinis aren't sexy on children. That's applying adult principles to children.
I think your wife is incorrect here. But if you go against her, she will be angry, which will be a pain for you. It's her issue, worrying about sexualizing your child.
You might be in a bit less trouble if you take your daughter shopping (while on the vacation, so that your wife/ex can't remove it from the suitcase), and whatever your daughter chooses (within reason), she can have (if you approve it.) Who knows what she will choose when in the store.
This has to be the dumbest idea I've heard in a while. Not only are you going directly contrary to your wife's wishes, but you're planning on buying your daughter glorified lingerie... for what? And what are you two even doing going on a daddy/ daughter trip? That just seems kinda creepy to me- and I'm the last person to say that, but it does.
Let me tell you what would happen if you follow this impulse and buy her a bikini. Your daughter, assuming she has a phone, will take a photo of herself, which your wife will almost instantly see after she posts it online. Your wife will call you, cause a huge fight, and your trip will be ruined. Then you'll have a toxic home situation with your daughter in the middle.
Even if she doesn't have a phone or post it online (unlikely) your wife will find it when she does laundry, throw a fit, and you'll be in the same situation.
Who cares about her mother? Every time you make a decision, will you call her and ask for permission? You act like she is not only your daughter's mother but also your mother. You are a father and just your rules apply when your daughter with you. If you don't mind if your daughter wears a bikini, let her. The only thing you need to be careful about is that if your daughter is content with this situation and belittles her mother's decisions, you should remind her that her mother is careful to think what's best for her so that the other parent's authority is not shaken.
"Who cares about her mother?" Do you honestly believe that's a good idea for a functional marriage?
If you can't get your wife to agree dont do it
Kids are honestly dumb, and easy to effect, you ahould not get her what ever she wants, 10 more if its aginest your partners wish
When your douther grow to know who she is, what she wants, and where she wants to be, with all that comes with it
You can follow what she likes
Till then work with your partner not aginest her
and never behind her back, she is your partner, if you need to hide it, if you need to lie your hurting trust
Beside what happen if your douther comes back with it? will your wife tell her not to use it, so your going to take her out as the bad parant in the kids eyes? both partners should talk things over, pass there points and agree and disagree, not just skip over and go aginest
A 9 year old should not be wearing a bikini. Also don't go against your wife's wishes, especially with this issue.
Thanks for your opinion.
They are made for girls/women from practically infant to adult. It seems like any age is generally socially acceptable.
What age do you think is appropriate to wear a bikini?
Nobody under the age of 16 should really be wearing a bikini. I don't give a crap about what is socially acceptable or not. It's not appropriate.
Thanks for your opinion.
@drewjohnson - no it's not "socially acceptable" at any age. The clothing is there for people who may want to engage in overly sexualizing their CHILD but it is NOT considered acceptable by mainstream society or decent parents that want to raise a daughter with self-respect not a sex object
Why would a 9 year old need a bikini? I wore them at age 3-5 but i was an innocent kid with no tits or ass and no one but pedos wouldve thought sexually of it. I wouldn't let my future kid wear a bikini til they were 18 and out of HS. They will be wearing rashguards likely with shorts
Uhm my sister (9) also has a bikinis but one that isn't thin.. I will include example pics from google
But I would still ask your wife, she will get mad and I'm sure she has all her reasons! Your daughter doesn't need one
This would be teaching your daughter that if she doesn't get what she wants from one parent to go to the other one. That can't be good, plus your wife will now be mad at you.
Perhaps you should talk to her about it and why she is against it.
My parents were against bikini's when I was that young, but I hated one pieces so I just took them off and went in the buff, so eventually they were like, if a bikini keeps her in her suit in a public pool, we'll let her have one.
Children that age should not be wearing a bikini. I suggest you respect the informed decision her mother made against wearing them.
I recall the swimming teacher politely and discreetly tell the mother of a 10 year old that the dress code has always been swimsuits and is she arrived in a bikini again she wouldn’t be able to participate in the lesson.
I’m an adult and I think the only benefit in using a bikini is it makes washroom breaks easier and faster. When I drink my high fibre drinks, I sometimes require 5 or more trips to the washroom a day and a bathing suit one piece delays my speed.
Ehh, I’d discuss it with your wife, if I were you. Since you two are going on vacation, I’m sure you’re planning on taking pictures, right?
I didn't end up buying her one. My wife loves pics and they would have given it away.
Thanks for answering a bunch of my questions. Most people don't go back and look let alone take time to respond.
Bikini is a bad idea without your wife in agreement. This preteen will learn how to get just what she wants by driving a wedge between her parents. She will require her parents' solidarity as she enters her teen years.
If she wants to wear a bikini then let her. I don't see the big deal about it
You may not see the big deal about it but her mother feels differently and people have a right to raise their children their way not someone else’s way. If you have a daughter and have no issue here wearing a bikini then you can let your daughter wear one. This woman is against it and her husband shouldn’t go behind her back and let the daughter have something the mom already said no to without him even discussing it with his wife
@Brainsbeforebeauty the only reason why the mom would have a issue with it is cuz she's sexualizing bikinis even tho there is no reason to if it's on a 9 year old. That in itself is creepy and a red flag on the moms part.
Like she has two parents with different opinions if the dad thinks it's fine then there is nothing the mom can do about it
Both parents have a say not just one… And maybe the mom is trying to make sure others don’t sexualize her daughter. The point is you don’t have a right to tell others how to feel about the clothing their child wears or call it creepy… It’s creepy that there’s adults out there that prey on young children and what a parent does to protect their children from that is their call no one else’s
You and your wife should be on the same page with this, and it should be discussed out of earshot of your daughter. One parent says yes and the other says no is not a good situation.
She's 9 years old - what difference does it make?
To me none.
To my daughter it'll be a fun thing.
My wife might see it as going behind her back.
It would be going behind her back. You need to sort it out for the sake of domestic tranquility.
@drewjohnson - You're the father, your daughter isn't the boss of the house. Try to grow a spine or your daughter is going to end up being a spoiled brat because of your enabling.
Personally I wouldn’t go behind her back and buy it as she’ll probably have an issue with that as well and we’ll during vacations/trips you usually take pictures right? I don't know how she’d feel about that but in my opinion it really shouldn’t matter if she wears a bikini or a one piece
Would you want your wife to go behind your back and let your daughter do something you were opposed to?
Going behind your wife’s back would be undermining her authority whether you agree with your wife’s decision or not would be wrong.
Idgaf what kids wear but please don't tie a great moment w ur daughter to a bad break of trust w ur wife. There's other things u can do to make the trip special. Resolving the bikini shit needs to be w wife, don't pull daughter in the middle of that disagreement. Not good for anyone.
no work together and decide, and ask your daughter if she would like one
I don't see a problem with the bikini myself, and if you bought one not knowing your wife's opinion then fine. But you do know her opinion, to buy it for her now would be a betrayal of her trust in you.
Your house, your rules. Her house, her rules. If she complains, tell her that. Are you following a court-ordered visitation schedule. How long ago was the divorce? Are you still in contact with your attorney?
I think it'd better to talk to her mom before and then you'll decide what to do
This is stupid, SO stupid.
In general, you don’t want to act against your partner and for the kid; and if you do you must be VERY tactful with it and have very good reason. You sound like a creepy and a pussy tbh. Don’t you understand why she doesn’t want your daughter in a bikini? What logic do you have to put a nine year old into one other than, “she wants it” disgusting.
Sure, if you want to initiate a fight with her Mom.
No it's best to respect your wife's wishes. She is after all the mother and she knows what's best for her child.
Doing the opposite to what she's asked, especially behind her back, shows a complete lack of respect for your partner
I do find it a bit strange that you as a father is rallying so hard to buy your daughter a bikini
Usually fathers are the one who protect their daughters modesty 🤣🤣🤣🤣
u Will you tell your wife what you have done? How will she react when she learns what you have done?
Please don’t. Reading this gave me a migraine.
Although I don't think it would be a big deal, why chance it. Run it by mom.
when i was 9, i wondered if cats grow up to be tigers, since they are of cat family
and this isn't even ironic what the hell is wrong with you.
You do realize your daughter will rat you out, right? She’s going to show her mother the bikini you got her. I mean, good luck going behind your wife’s back.
I would say buy it, it would make you daughter happy and your wife is overeating
Children copy their parents. Does your wife wear a bikini?
Why would you her father insist your daughter wear a bikini at all? Why do you desire your daughter to wear a bikini?
This is suspect.
what's wrong with the swim suit she already has? no need to buy multiple since she'll grow out of them.
If you have to ask then no. Talk with your wife first.
Not a fan of bikinis and don't think they belong on a nine year old. Ask your wife why she's against.
I wonder why you're so eager to see a 9-year-old in a bikini.
Listen to mom on this.
my dad bought me and sister our first too
Honestly no to do it
No that is a dumb idea. Be a team.
Dude, she's 9.
I had to take a deep breath with this question.
This site has really taught me that common sense is not common at all.
She’s way too young for that
Why do you want her to have it
Too many pedofiles around let her be a happy kid
Bad idea, always keep mom involved.
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