My daughter (9) and I are planning a daddy daughter trip in a month. She loves spending time in the pool and has often asked for a bikini. My wife insists that she wear a one-piece or a modest two-piece swimsuit.
I'm considering surprising my daughter with a bikini on our trip. I'm not planning to clear it through my wife though, because I know where she stands.
it's just a swimsuit personally i don't see why it's a big deal
9 year old girls wear them. its fine in my opinion
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18Opinion
Marriage is a partnership but traditionally, men are the head of the household. I'm not certain that should change.
22 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24
Nope. Although I believe that a 9 year old should have agency over their clothes and I don't believe that clothes are a hill that parents should die on, it is absurd to even contemplate going against your wife's wishes. Not only does it destroy her trust in you, it sets up a terrible dynamic that your daughter will instantly learn and internalize that you don't value mom's opinion, that you're not aligned, and that if she wants something, just come to you. Bottom line: you are laying a steel and concrete foundation for drama and disharmony in your family. And it has nothing to do with the bikini.
This is not like life and death or anything, but if you felt strongly about something in relation to your daughter that your wife did not and she just did it anyway because you wouldn't be there to object, do you think you'd be happy about that? For your wife there is a reason she doesn't want your kid to wear a bikini. Talk about that and why you think it shouldn't matter and work it out. Going behind her back won't make it better especially if she sees photos of your daughter in the swimsuit after the fact or your daughter just shows her the suit.
@DrewJohnson - she's 9. You're okay with your 9 year old wearing an overly sexualized item like a bikini. Then quite honestly don't be surprised when at 19 she's dresses like a prositute & acts like one.
Your wife is entirely in the right. This is a 9 year old CHILD and there should be absolutely NO SEXUALIZATION at that age. And what else is a bikini except something that SEXUALIZES the wearer? Seriously as the father you should be against the idea of her wearing a bikini. Most decent fathers do not want their little girl to be a sex object.
It sounds like your wife is wanting to raise a daughter who has self respect and isn't seen as a sex object whereas you are perfectly fine with her being sexualized at 9.
Bikinis aren't sexy on children. That's applying adult principles to children.
I think your wife is incorrect here. But if you go against her, she will be angry, which will be a pain for you. It's her issue, worrying about sexualizing your child.
You might be in a bit less trouble if you take your daughter shopping (while on the vacation, so that your wife/ex can't remove it from the suitcase), and whatever your daughter chooses (within reason), she can have (if you approve it.) Who knows what she will choose when in the store.
This has to be the dumbest idea I've heard in a while. Not only are you going directly contrary to your wife's wishes, but you're planning on buying your daughter glorified lingerie... for what? And what are you two even doing going on a daddy/ daughter trip? That just seems kinda creepy to me- and I'm the last person to say that, but it does.
Let me tell you what would happen if you follow this impulse and buy her a bikini. Your daughter, assuming she has a phone, will take a photo of herself, which your wife will almost instantly see after she posts it online. Your wife will call you, cause a huge fight, and your trip will be ruined. Then you'll have a toxic home situation with your daughter in the middle.
Even if she doesn't have a phone or post it online (unlikely) your wife will find it when she does laundry, throw a fit, and you'll be in the same situation.
Who cares about her mother? Every time you make a decision, will you call her and ask for permission? You act like she is not only your daughter's mother but also your mother. You are a father and just your rules apply when your daughter with you. If you don't mind if your daughter wears a bikini, let her. The only thing you need to be careful about is that if your daughter is content with this situation and belittles her mother's decisions, you should remind her that her mother is careful to think what's best for her so that the other parent's authority is not shaken.
If you can't get your wife to agree dont do it
Kids are honestly dumb, and easy to effect, you ahould not get her what ever she wants, 10 more if its aginest your partners wish
When your douther grow to know who she is, what she wants, and where she wants to be, with all that comes with it
You can follow what she likes
Till then work with your partner not aginest her
and never behind her back, she is your partner, if you need to hide it, if you need to lie your hurting trust
Beside what happen if your douther comes back with it? will your wife tell her not to use it, so your going to take her out as the bad parant in the kids eyes? both partners should talk things over, pass there points and agree and disagree, not just skip over and go aginest
u A 9 year old should not be wearing a bikini. Also don't go against your wife's wishes, especially with this issue.
Why would a 9 year old need a bikini? I wore them at age 3-5 but i was an innocent kid with no tits or ass and no one but pedos wouldve thought sexually of it. I wouldn't let my future kid wear a bikini til they were 18 and out of HS. They will be wearing rashguards likely with shorts
Uhm my sister (9) also has a bikinis but one that isn't thin.. I will include example pics from google
This would be teaching your daughter that if she doesn't get what she wants from one parent to go to the other one. That can't be good, plus your wife will now be mad at you.
Perhaps you should talk to her about it and why she is against it.
My parents were against bikini's when I was that young, but I hated one pieces so I just took them off and went in the buff, so eventually they were like, if a bikini keeps her in her suit in a public pool, we'll let her have one.
Children that age should not be wearing a bikini. I suggest you respect the informed decision her mother made against wearing them.
I recall the swimming teacher politely and discreetly tell the mother of a 10 year old that the dress code has always been swimsuits and is she arrived in a bikini again she wouldn’t be able to participate in the lesson.
I’m an adult and I think the only benefit in using a bikini is it makes washroom breaks easier and faster. When I drink my high fibre drinks, I sometimes require 5 or more trips to the washroom a day and a bathing suit one piece delays my speed.
Ehh, I’d discuss it with your wife, if I were you. Since you two are going on vacation, I’m sure you’re planning on taking pictures, right?
Bikini is a bad idea without your wife in agreement. This preteen will learn how to get just what she wants by driving a wedge between her parents. She will require her parents' solidarity as she enters her teen years.
You and your wife should be on the same page with this, and it should be discussed out of earshot of your daughter. One parent says yes and the other says no is not a good situation.
If she wants to wear a bikini then let her. I don't see the big deal about it
Would you want your wife to go behind your back and let your daughter do something you were opposed to?
Going behind your wife’s back would be undermining her authority whether you agree with your wife’s decision or not would be wrong.
Idgaf what kids wear but please don't tie a great moment w ur daughter to a bad break of trust w ur wife. There's other things u can do to make the trip special. Resolving the bikini shit needs to be w wife, don't pull daughter in the middle of that disagreement. Not good for anyone.
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