Should I stop caring about my friend of many years?

[Anonymous]

I have this friends who I've been close with for many years. We talked everyday, hung out, have similar interests, but it feel different now. She moved schools a while ago which meant we didn't see each other as often, but we still texted very frequently and called sometimes. More recently, she moved to another city and now we communicate much less frequently. When we do, it's basically just her sending me tiktoks and very rarely does she actually say something. I try to make conversation but it is very short lived with a minimal response. Though it seems like this only while texting. When we called a few months ago we talked as normal, but these days I honestly don't feel like calling her...

Also, we had another friend when we all went to the same school, but we all live in different cities now. I realized that those two have hung out multiple times, and never even mention it to me. I found out through their snapchat and story. They seem to still be quite close friends, but not with me. Another thing, I've known her for so long and even though I send her happy birthday, she doesn't remember mine. She's made jokes before like, "we've been friends for so long but... when's your birthday?" and still somehow forgets but posts stories about her new friends' birthdays.

I just feel like I've always been like 'the extra friend' or someone forgettable, even though I care so much about those around me. Now that my close friends are gone, I don't really have anyone else. I know they've already moved on and found new people, but I feel like I can't move on until I have more friends. Then I'll be able to forget the past and move on, live happily like all of them.

So, should I just stop caring now? Stop texting, stop calling, and just focus on myself until I find better friends? Or should I keep communication with her while working on my life too?

[WindAtMyBack]

Tough decision. I don't have an answer. You have to figure it out for yourself. But don't be afraid to make mistakes.

If you want to keep friends you have to put in some effort. As you said, people scatter. Are you going to leave it up to them? Maybe they are leaving it up to you.

We all get older and change. We all get on with life. We may not go the same direction as people we once knew. We lose touch with people. It happens. A lot. Sometimes they don't care enough to keep it going. Sometimes you don't care enough to keep it going. Sometimes you have to admit that it was in the past.

There have been LOTS and LOTS of people in my life who have come and gone. Many I considered friends.

Personally I'd rather feel the fool for trying to keep in touch with someone who didn't reciprocate, than to lose touch with someone and regret it later. Feeling the fool is momentary. Losing touch with someone lasts forever.

What have you got to lose? Not much. What have you got to gain? A lot. Sometimes there is nothing there. But I'd err on the side of caution. It doesn't hurt anything. Eventually you might know for sure one way or the other. But I think you haven't reached that point yet.

[Guy13]

No you should not stop caring about your friends of many years.

[petitedollbabee]

Yes, I believe so. I’ve had many friendships like this. They fizzle out and die if you’re the only one making effort. And she sounds like she’s not making effort to be your friend anymore. I think you would be much happier in the long term by cutting her off. If she has the time and energy to be hanging out with your other friend, and she’s wishing her new friends happy birthday, but yet won’t make that same effort with you - and she can’t even remember your birthday… sorry to say, but you’re not a priority or a close friend in her eyes.

[In_Trance]

move on