How do I move out of my family’s home?

[Anonymous]

I have Autism so excuse me if I sound a little bit naive, please. I’m 34 and I’ve just started a job as a nurse’s aide. I’m working really hard and I’m hoping to work full time and move out. Today dad picked a fight with me over mum’s nice dress for Mother’s Day that I bought her, then he sneered at me for pointing out that when I saved money and bought a luxury gift hamper for them, they rejected it. I wasn’t unkind but I stood up for myself. My mum sided with my dad. I felt isolated and depressed and started considering suicide. My counsellor said I was right to assert boundaries and that mum wants to please dad. I feel ready to move out but I don’t have the money yet. I feel isolated and that no one understands or respects me as an adult.

[Exterminatore]

Save up a lot of money. I’d say around $30K use around $10K to furnish an apartment. You’ll need furniture, pots and pans, a bed etc. The other $20K sits in the bank and is not to be used for anything except emergencies. Emergencies WILL happen.


Before you do any of that make a budget. Make sure you can afford rent, and electricity and food and every other expense you will have on your current income.


If you do not make enough, then you will need to get a better paying job before moving out on your own.

[jorfan3]

You can move out for less than $30k. I moved out with first month's rent, last month's rent and a deposit. Went to the thrift store in town for pots, pans, and other stuff I needed INCLUDING furniture.

[Exterminatore]

I’m certain you can, however poop happens. When it rains, it pours. Gotta have a tidy sum tucked away in the event of a job loss, critical medical condition, vehicle break down and the litany of other things that can happen.

[jorfan3]

Yeah but she can save less than $20k. She'd probably be able to survive a hang up if she saved $5k, depending on where she lives.

[Exterminatore]

Maybe so, but since she still lives at home why not have some real extra there? She mentioned she’s a nurses aid. I’m sure she won’t have a lot of extra cash after the bills are paid. She lives at home now and has a lot less overhead than someone who has to pay all the typical bills.

Can she get by on 5K for an emergency? I don't know, probably. I’d hope. Once she’s on her own she won’t have that great of an opportunity to save. Therefore why not get a nice nest egg going now? Anything she may have to use out of that probably won’t be able to be replaced very quickly.

There’s considerable talk of a coming recession/depression. Those typically result in job losses for some. Gotta have at least 3 or 4 months salary saved for such an event.

To me it’s not about if she can do it on less it’s about being prudent and covering all your bases well.

Most Americans can’t afford a $1000 emergency. That’s literal fact.

Anyway, as said, it’s not about if it’s possible to do it on less. She could do it with $0 saved. It’s about making sure she doesn’t end up in financial ruin. Plus she has autism. She’s in her 30’s and doesn’t know how much it takes to move out hence her question. Due to her disability I’m thinking she may have more problems that may require financial solutions than your average person. Therefore a greater need to have extra there to cover any problems.

[jorfan3]

That's fair

[Jamie05rhs]

Save all of the money you earn from your job. Then after working there for one year, look for an apartment.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[petitedollbabee]

You did the right thing, standing up for yourself and setting boundaries. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that at home. Moving out is a good idea, but only when you’re financially able to. The worst thing to do is move out when you don’t have the financial means to support yourself. Carry on working hard, save up money, continue working towards your goal of full time work, and get out of there. Best of luck 🙂

[jvnxs]

Standing up for yourself was the right thing to do. You shouldn't be dealing with this at home. My advice is, try to put up with it for as long as you can until you are financially stable enough to move out and decently furnish your home and pay for the utilities you may need. You don't have to stay exclusively home, in fact, you can go out often and do as you please, as long as you are not there. Best of luck.

[WhitneySnow]

You totally need to move out. Save up as much money as you can from your job and then get your own place.

[Guy13]

One buys a uhaul and moves. Be safe. I hope you can work thing out with your family.

[diego_md]

can i talk to you privately

[Asker]

Yes, you may

[diego_md]

thanks