Is it common for seniors to have an end of life crisis?

[Anonymous]

My mum and dad have started acting weird since my dad turned seventy. My dad said that he feels like he’s running out of time and my mum has been being nasty to me and to my dad, saying to me that living with my dad is like living with a geriatric and telling me that I was wrong for standing up to my dad when he was being nasty to me. Then she said to me that she wants a vacation. I said I want one too. She said she meant alone. I said so did I. Each time, it was a go at me or at dad, then both of us. What’s going on with them? Are they having an end of life crisis?

[WindAtMyBack]

There is obviously a lot more to this. But from what you've said this sounds like your problem as much as theirs.

Yes, as you get older you see the end nearing. It's no longer the knowledge that you will die some day. It's the knowledge that you are already dying. That's what aging is, the process of dying. It's not easy to deal with.

But there is more going on here. Seventy is not that old, but everyone deals with it differently. You can't put yourself in their shoes because you have never been there.

[Asker]

What else is going on? I have trouble reading social cues and subtleties.

[Asker]

No I’m serious. I’m not challenging you or picking a fight. I asked because I want the blunt truth.

[WindAtMyBack]

I don't know what's going on. But this is not just about getting older. I could guess at some things, but they would only be guesses.

At 70 your dad will be well aware of his age and know he is mortal. But he should still be able to live a happy life for many years to come. If he is not living a happy life there is a reason. It sounds like your mom is not happy either.

Are there marital problems? Is it possible that you are too close to the situation to recognize it if there was?

[Asker]

Yes it’s possible. If that’s the case, how do I support them both? Without sticking my nose in?

[WindAtMyBack]

I think I'm getting in over my head. :)

This is a very delicate situation, which I know very little about. You know them far better than I do. But also remember that you may be too close to be objective.

I think you shouldn't take sides, but be understanding. If there are marital problems, it's almost never one sided. At their age they may be thinking "This is not what I want, and it's either now or never."

If they are not happy with each other, is there still time to find someone else? If that's what they are thinking, the answer is YES. There is still time, even at their age. But it's not like they have years to waste looking.

They are your parents. Go ahead and stick your nose in. Try to do it in as supportive and non-judgemental way as possible. Don't take sides unless it's super obvious. Try to be completely objective. Try to do what's best for both of them.

Also, watch out for your own well being. If it's too much for you, don't feel bad if you back away.

By the way. It's very late at night for me. I read back through what I wrote and found a ton of mistakes. I hope it's coherent.

[Guy13]

Yes it is but it’s a countdown crisis as they return to childlike nsture.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You and your parents don't agree on things.