Is it normal to feel like a failure in life after having a stillborn?

[Anonymous]

It's been 4 months later but I'm still processing the trauma. I had a baby boy and he was only alive (barely till he passed) for 7 hours after delivery. Now all that's left is just the memories, the baby shower pictures and videos, all gifts given, the anticipated celebration, only to feel as if I've disappointed everyone, failed as a woman.

That was my first pregnancy. I feel like a total failure in life. Meanwhile my other friends already have their children, I couldn't do the very final step of giving birth to a healthy, living baby.

[OddBeMe]

Oh yeah. It’s natural to feel like a failure being mother to a healthy new baby. Post pardum desperation, on top of grieving for a loss, that’s tough.

I don’t have nearly the stress you have and I talk to a therapist. She helps me think better.

[Asker]

yes I'm still grieving over my son. It really seemed like everything was going good in the beginning. I have become a bit distant with my family.

[OddBeMe]

Hopefully they know you need that. Some people heal on their own.

But if feels too much, grief therapists or common psychologists could help. Shop around for a good one.

[SnowedIn]

I am so sorry this happened.

I understand (from a dad/husband point of view) -- we had a stillborn too (she was our fourth child).

Yes, normal to feel that way and hundreds of other feelings too. The important thing to remember and remind yourself is that you are NOT a failure. You're not.

[Asker]

Thank you. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences. I've become distant with my family ever since. Some days I just don't feel like talking to anyone.

[SnowedIn]

That is totally okay! It took a LONG time for the haze to go away. A long time. And, you write the calendar on that. No one else gets to tell you how to feel it when to feel or when to stop feeling.

[LazerBean]

I'm sorry to hear that happened. I would think it's totally normal and understand to feel the way you feel.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope it doesn’t shy you away from trying again. Try again. It sounds like you want a baby.

[Asker]

Thank you. I will eventually but I'm not ready yet. I'm still grieving. It's still so fresh to me. I'm still trying to process it. So hard.

[Anonymous]

Miscarriages and stillbirths happen and you need to process your loss; but neither make you a failure.

[slatyb]

Wow, that's pretty traumatic. Consider counseling.

[Asker]

Yes and I've become distant with my family ever since. It's so hard to process this. Thank you.