My girlfriend and I lost our baby. Now she won't talk to me. Have I done anything wrong?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my girlfriend for little over a year. Recently we found out the she was pregnant. On the visit to the clinic, we found out that she was almost 10 weeks pregnant. The doc was very concern for her because she has severe ovarian cysts and was causing harm to the baby and her. The doc said that the best course of action was to take the baby out and then she would have to have surgery for her cysts and then try again. We seriously weren't looking for a baby but at the same time didn't mind to have one. We were talking like normal persons for the next two weeks and all of the sudden she change her attitude with me. She is flipping on me, going off on me and now she does not want to know about me. She told me she thought I could be strong in the situation since I'm a guy but to tell you the truth I am hurt Because I really wanted the baby. She also told me she is very upset with herself for not taking care of herself before. She is kind of blaming herself. I'm trying to understand all this mood changes on women so that I could understand her. We got into an argument the other day and I end up losing it and was carry away with my emotions. I told her I couldn't handle it anymore since she wasn't talking to me and she was getting upset because I was saying more of the same. The thing is I end up pissing her off and getting her even madder at me. I really don't know what wrong I have done just the fact that I lost it that day. Other than that I'm trying to be there for her. All she can say is that what happened, happened and to get over it and to move on. That I was acting weird, creepy and crazy just because I cried in front of her telling her I wasn’t OK because I was hurt. I really thought I could go to her with all this since we love each other and we both are in the same boat. I'm really starting to have my doubts, but I do not want to lose my hopes. I really love her very much but I promise myself I wasn't going to go through a big depression again. To make things more interesting, we work together but I moved my shift so that I could avoid her. I know we both need time but your feedback is much appreciated. I know she might feel guilty of what happen or think that I blame her for that. I really don’t. All I want is to be there but now is seems impossible. I don’t know what else to do. We haven’t seen each other or talk for over a week now. I’m definitely giving her space and taking my time to grief and heal and think things through. I honestly do not know what else to do. Please help me understand her.

[Usemyname]

You didn't do anything wrong. Wanting a baby is nothing to be ashamed of. But she knew you wanted the baby and she probably did too so when you couldn't go through with the pregnancy she felt like she was depriving you of what you want. Now she may feel resentment toward herself and take it out on you because that's the only way she knows how to cope. You need to let her know that you are sorry for losing it, but you're only human and it's hard for you just like it's hard for her. Then try to end things on a lighter note by suggesting that you take a vacation or go to a couples spa day to get your mind off it, destress and cope with your loss together. You could even suggest on trying for another baby once she is healed and healthy.

I'm sorry that you lost your baby. But you didn't do anything wrong so don't lower yourself into a place of self hate because of something that was out of your control. Just be sure to be there and comfort your girlfriend the best you can so she can start moving on and supporting you back. You both loved that baby, and losing a loved one is never easy. But the most you can do is try to help her so she can help you.

[Asker]

I have apologize the way I haven't done it before. I admitted to be super wrong and told her that I would understand if she does not want to know about me right now, but that I will still be there for her. I was giving her place and also being respectful. It all back fire on me. She went off on me, even told me that she knew what time of game I was playing here. It really hurt me a lot. I do not want to leave her and I don't want to lose her but she is pushing me away and I don't know why.

[Usemyname]

I'm sorry. Maybe she just needs space? As much as it hurts maybe it would be best to give it to her. But I'm not in your situation. Only you know what the right thing to do is. I'm really sorry.

[tohrment]

She's hurting. Not only does she feel that she's responsible for losing the baby, but she also has to deal with you being emotional. Yes, I know that you're obviously hurting as well - but right now she needs someone to be strong for her. She needs you to get yourself under control and help her get through this.

Space is NOT what she needs. Don't try and avoid her. If you give her distance, more distance between you two will develop. Contact her, apologize for upsetting her (if you're sorry) and tell her you want to do what you can to make this right. Let her know that you don't hold her responsible for losing the baby, and that there will always be another chance. If you can be strong about it, she'll hopefully feed off that energy and it'll help her overcome this.

Anyway, this is just my opinion.