Do you want to have kids someday?

[gothbxtch]

i know that i definitely want to be a mother when i’m older! i’ve got a list of baby names and everything, haha.

yes

no

maybe

i already have kids

[CaptainOverthink]

I was unsure about it for a long time. Then my sister had some just 7 years ago and something just switch on inside of me. I found myself becoming more protective and masculine just to be near their family.
Turns out I'm good with kids and can't wait to have some.

Problem is finding a suitable partner. I have a lot of work to do infront of me to be a suitable partner myself. Character is one thing, I think I have enough parts of that to start tomorrow and add things along the way.
But as a man I won't be enough as just 'me' the way a woman would be when I'm choosing a partner. I need more skills and stability to uphold a roof, if only until she can help pitch in, I would expect no less effort.
Between us and our respective parents/family we could split up the burden and balance out into a good life, I think.

[Berethor]

I think that I would go with maybe, mainly cause I am not desperate enough to hire a surrogate, but I also not going to have anything serious with a woman that don't want kids, I already turned down a woman for that, though it was not the only reason. A goth girl that want kids? I am impressed, usually goth girls don't want to have kids, it's the Addams Family I guess. :)

https://www.youtube.com/embed/FnLbBzzVJbI

[gothbxtch]

haha, exactly

[TenderFantasy]

I've got a questin for YOU! Why do you think like 90% of people on this planet WANT to create more people on this already overpopulated world? ? ! Is it because of their pure SELFISHNESS? ! They just want to become a mother or father at all costs? ! I've seen men that were DESPERATE to procreate too! Now THAT was a sight! And fortunately for them, they got with a young, horny, fertile female that wanted children too, even though they couldn't really afford it yet. People I tell you lol. So selfish!

[TenderFantasy]

And oh yeah, maybe. I have a boyfriend right now but I waited THIS long (39) so... I thought I had met "Mr. Right" at 31. I didn't lose my virginity till I was 28, pretty late. Unlike a lot of others who just couldn't WAIT to have sex like at 12 lol. People gotta be both IMPATIENT and SELFISH lol!!

[cyclingkmi]

So you don't want to get married and have kids , because the world is already over populated?

[TenderFantasy]

@cyclingkmi Well some people don't think it is so that gives them an EXCUSE to reproduce. Maybe though, it also depends on where you live. I feel the truth is somewhere in the middle. It is and it isn't. Because people do die. But I don't know if the balance between people dying and people being born are balanced or not. Maybe there are MORE births than there are deaths? Not really sure. If someone has the link, I'd like to know where that is, I'd appreciate the link.

Also, I feel more people grow into adulthood and to reproduce too. That is where all the competition for dating (mates) as well as jobs, etc. is coming from! Overpopulation is to blame for that too! Anyway.. ... Maybe if people just had children to replace themselves, that would be good. Like 2 to 3. Anymore maybe would be pushing it, but then since when is life fair or balanced right? Lol. Maybe in an ideal or perfect world/society.

Heck, people love sex so much, China even created laws to PREVENT people from having too much children, which unsurprisingly backfired, as the rates of infanticide rose because of that horrible law. And their unfair preferrences toward male babies!

[cyclingkmi]

Do you plan to marry and have kids?

[Simslover92]

Yes I want 3 kids.

[cyclingkmi]

Wouldn't that be TOO MUCH to handle and too costly?

[Simslover92]

Not if we have the right income combined.

[cyclingkmi]

What about the overpopulation?

[zeitgeist057]

@cyclingkmi people having kids don't care about that, obviously. Lol that's like asking a gas station owner "What about reducing fossil fuels?"

[Anonymous]

I have a fearful avoidant attachment where I get a ton of anxiety being in a relationship. As a result, I run away when things get too serious or too vulnerable for me. But at the same time I want intimacy, I want to get married and have kids. But it is so difficult for me so I've just decided to give up and to be single for the rest of my life.

[gothbxtch]

i’m so sorry, that sounds rough!

[zeitgeist057]

you sound like you have the same issue as my ex. She always texts me seeking connection, but has also decided to remain single forever.

Have you thought it could be possible to overcome with therapy or find some sort of relationship that works even with your perspective?

[Opinion Owner]

@zeitgeist057 Wow I'm sorry you dated someone like me. How was that? I guess she's your ex for a reason, don't blame you.

I have done some research I think they said someone secure who's extremely patient could tolerate it and maybe even help me overcome my issue.

If I get a therapist I don't know if it should be when I'm single or when I try to date the poor guy so she can help me walk through my constant anxiety attacks. I feel like the guy (If he isn't the same attachment style) will never truly understand how awful it is for someone with my attachment style.

I do fantasize about dating a guy who'll always be there no matter how much I push him away or struggle. I wonder if such a guy exists. Lol cringe, I know.

[Opinion Owner]

@gothbxtch It's ok, I'm used to it. Thank you for your kind words though.

[zeitgeist057]

lol even your self-deprecating answer reminds me a lot of her. Actually, it's been really wonderful, and she's not as bad as she is (constantly) berating herself for being. I think I must qualify as an "extremely patient" person, because I have stuck with her all this time. I say "ex" because we aren't together in a traditional sense of relationship, but I consider us to be intimate and loosely defined we are still lovers and have an intimate interaction. We were just texting this morning, in fact.

The way it has worked for us is I haven't pushed her, I'm just there for her, and she knows it. The other part is I don't chase her. If I were to make a metaphor for it, it's like she's a wild horse and I'm the cowboy in the field. She approaches and I'm always there with a kind word or soft touch. But she gets skittish and runs off, startled for no real reason. I just wait patiently and she eventually comes around again. But also runs off again. Sometimes for weeks or months, other times just for days.


We started off with an incredible chemistry, but she did that pushing away self-sabotage thing, got pregnant by and married another guy. Now they are divorced and she lives a couple states away. She still hates vulnerability, but the ironic thing is she is one of the sweetest and deepest hearted people I know.

[Opinion Owner]

@zeitgeist057 I guess self deprecating jokes comes with the territory 😅 I didn't know that until now. I understand her pain with berating herself, you just feel like you're not good enough.

You are a rare breed for being extremely patient, don't you ever feel overwhelmed or exhausted after a while? (Pun intended by the way since we are talking about horses lol).

That's so nice of you to stick with her all this time, she's lucky to have you. Aw you guys sound like you'd be cute together. Does she still have her attachment ruling her or is she mainly over it by now since she has you in her life?

I feel like overtime it would decrease. It's a good thing you aren't big on texting and that you're cool with giving a lot of space. Not a lot of guys are like that.

Your metaphor 😆 that's so funny but so true. That example fits perfectly though. I wonder what happened in her life to make her that way? It's usually a rough upbringing and you were forced to be independent and only really on yourself at a young age.

But other things could have happened and it doesn't have to be a neglected childhood or distant parents. Did you have that conversation with her?

"Kind word or soft touch" That melts my heart. You showed a picture on top of it, that's adorable. Dang she's gone for months? That's a long time, I've never done that before. The longest I stay away is two weeks and I usually just tell the guy I'm taking a break off my phone to lower stress.

I don't ever tell him the real reason. Even though when I come back, I think I'm ready. But I eventually still feel like I'm being suffocated. How do you stay interested in someone after being gone for months? Unless maybe you're just friends and it doesn't matter.

[Opinion Owner]

@zeitgeist057 Woah what? She married a guy? How did she convince herself to do that? That's amazing.

The getting pregnant part doesn't surprise me, I heard casual relationships or situationships are really easy for our kind. However, I never joined that wagon growing up with strict parents, I'm not interested in hook ups.

But I do see the appeal in having flings since you can just leave whenever you want, it's not a relationship were you have to stay. I see more cons and pros though.

Her getting divorced, don't blame her. It's hard. But I give her props for trying. Hopefully her ex treated her right. Aw, yeah it's usually like that. We feel a lot inside, we try to be good, kind people and we do have a big heart.

We care a lot even if we hold back from showing it or may not act like it. I like to think we are damaged but we mean well so deeply. We so desperately want to be normal and to be loved.

It feels like that type of story that's been written or filmed about so many times. The character has had a hard life and they keep away from people because they feel like they're messed up and people are better off without them.

But they are a good person who does good, easily and effortlessly. Eventually someone takes an interest in that person who's hurting seeing the good in them attempting to build something.

The damaged character feels weird letting them in resisting it but allowing themselves sometimes to show those soft compelling emotions as well as complexities that make them unique unlike anyone else the person pursuing has ever seen.

[Opinion Owner]

@zeitgeist057 So they fall in love with the damaged person and the damaged person feeling themselves falling in love too, but allowing themselves to feel those emotions and accept them is too hard and too much.

They instead run away knowing they don't deserve it or the person who loves them. The person who loves the damaged character sees how they are being pushed away as a result they feel frustrated or hurt.

However, eventually the person pursuing knows they dont mean it that the character is used to being alone and fighting alone so they do not give up and stick by them.

I feel like that story has been done so many times in many different ways. Hope it wasn't confusing I was trying to keep it gender neutral because it could be a man or woman.

Sorry for the extremely long replies. I didn't know I wrote so much until now. Got too ahead of myself.

[zeitgeist057]

I don't mind the long replies, I love to read :)

I will try to answer some/all of your questions by giving some background. You really hit some aspects spot on. When we first met, she wanted to have a casual relationship with me, and I found her to be extremely attractive (she was often leading role in local theater productions) but I told her I didn't want to do just a hook up. She said too bad, I just want to f*# but won't do a lovey-dovey relationship so if you change your mind, let's f*. I just kept texting with her here and there, and we also did some theater together, so we kept having contact. We basically built a relationship over text, but she would never admit we were doing so. It was very playful and flirty, and somewhat frustrating as well. I tried to make plans with her, then she would agree to but flake out last minute.

But eventually my wild horse came to pasture and confessed (indirectly) that she had feelings for me. We started having sex and I slowly persuaded her out of her shell with what might seem like an odd combination of BDSM play and intimate conversations. I think the BDSM play made it easier for her to be vulnerable since it was role-play and the sexuality of it; she took immediately to a submissive role. The conversations were often after sex, though truth be told we had sex so much, pretty much everything else at that time was just before or after sex lol. I focused on asking her open questions and following up. Sometimes she would clam up but I would just be patient and push a little or ask later.

[zeitgeist057]

She had a friend who had a crush on her and hated me because she wanted what I had. This friend was always whispering in her ear that I was a bad person, using her, that I would leave, that it wouldn't last. This combined with her own fears got into her head. I left the country for a vacation and when I came back, she was acting lukewarm with me. This was such a change from the red-hot relationship I had left, that I asked if she wanted to be with me. When she answered "I don't know.", I left and said I would come back when she did know. I expected it wouldn't be long, and I was surprised by the turn life took. It was at that time that she reunited with a high school boyfriend who had just come home from military service, and got pregnant. She wanted to get an abortion, but at the clinic she started crying and couldn't go through with it. So she decided to marry the guy and make a family, since "the bed was made". She didn't really want to, but she tried to convince herself that she did. She's told me a dozen times if she's told me once about how her grandma took her aside and asked her if she was SURE about what she was doing before she got married, and that her grandma knew I was good for her, but this guy was not. Her grandma never questioned our relationship (despite a 10 year age gap), she saw the happiness and that was enough for her. With the military guy, she did the best she could, but he was not very ambitious. He failed out of lineman school, stayed home getting high and playing video games, and ignoring their son. He had ptsd and some knee and ear problems from military service, and couldn't do much anyway. After about 8-9 years of that, she decided to leave him.

[zeitgeist057]

When I say she is gone for months, I mean from text. We don't see each other physically. We live states away from each other. I went and visited her once, really we just met and had sex several times over a couple days, then I had to go. We just keep in touch via text, but it is very intimate. Some thing she might text would be that I know her better than anyone in her life, that she loves me forever, or that she just masturbated after watching a recording of a performance we did together. We also just have regular conversations about her work, her son, or whatever is going on in her life. It's not your typical romance, but we freely tell each other that we love each other. I am polyamorous, and tell her about people I'm dating, and she has said that having known the depth and intensity of my love, she would never want to keep anyone from experiencing it.

I think our relationship has worked well so far. There are some barriers to us having a "live-together" situation, though I have considered it, and once I get some land and my dream of an intentional community going, I may approach her with an invitation. Partly it has worked well because I don't typically chase women, so she didn't need to run away, and when she does it just takes a little time for her to come back. Another aspect has been sexual chemistry, and she also does a wonderful job appreciating me in her own way, even apart from the sub role-play. I do think she still has avoidant-attachment issues to deal with, but not so much with me. I think if she could see herself the way I see her, much of the issue would be solved. But try as I may, it's not been successful.

[zeitgeist057]

Her past is that she came from a drug addict mom with heaps of kids and various baby daddies. She was put up for adoption. She was adopted by a family, but then when she acted up, the family took her back to the orphanage and said they wanted a different child. Talk about abandonment issues. She was eventually adopted by her maternal grandmother and was living with her when we met. She loves all her siblings, but they are all "broken" as well in their own ways, and difficult to connect with. A few of them have died young, which has also impacted her heavily.

[Opinion Owner]

@zeitgeist057 sorry for the late reply I've been busy/I forgot to respond. Building a relationship over text I feel like is he way to go? Maybe it's easier and healthier for fearful avoidants? I get the flaking, it's related to a crippling anxiety of being unable to go to the date/hangout.

That must be her kryptonite having sensitive conversations after sex. There always that one toxic friend that ruins things. Every female group usually has one. That's a shame that she got caught up with that military guy. Seeing how she got pregnant and married someone because she had to reaffirms my fears to never do that lol. It should have been you guys to get married, but I understand why you wouldn't want that anymore. 😮‍💨😵 I was afraid the military guy was a loser. It sounds like you may be her first love which would make what you guys have really special, not like anything out there. You seem to be the one that got away. Poor girl, she's been through a lot with her life growing up. I understand now why she has her fearful avoidant attachment. I hope she can work to get better over time and not give up.

[SnowedIn]

Yours is the best poll for this sort of question I've seen on GaG.

Always wanted children and have four of them.

[gothbxtch]

aww thank you!! i tried to put more options than just yes and no

[SnowedIn]

Well done. It's weird to me that questions like this rarely account for the people who are already at that point in life. So awesome!

[gothbxtch]

aww 🥺 thank you!

[provokeesmokee]

No. In fact, I'm already sterile.

Never wanted kids and both sides of my family have histories of deadly childbirth. My own birth nearly killed my mother and I.

It is safest for me not to have children. However I still wouldn't adopt because I don't want kids. I also wouldn't be a good parent. I can be a good aunt, though.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Would You like to be my sister?

[GOLDFISH_smile]

I wanted kids since I was a kid lol. Didn't plan on having one this soon but am not complaining. Very happy to have while in good relationship w good support. 💞

[gothbxtch]

ww thats nice!!

[TenderFantasy]

23 is a great healthy age to be pregant and have a child. You weren't too young. Either you just went with whoever or you planned it with a good partner. Good on you.

[Blackcupcake]

yes and no… with the right man and if he wants kids as well, I would love to have a couple of babies… but I wouldn’t mind if I ended up never having a kid.

[gothbxtch]

yeah that’s fair!!

[desidoll]

I am pregnant with my first child now, and planning to have maybe two more.

[gothbxtch]

aww congrats!!

[cyclingkmi]

2 more? 🤔😳 Why

[desidoll]

@gothbxtch thank you!

[desidoll]

@cyclingkmi Just don’t want my kid to be lonely if he/she is the only child.

[cyclingkmi]

So , one more wouldn't be ok?

[elizamichale1]

I m mum of twin boys already
N i promise u will love it once u become mum

[gothbxtch]

aww that’s awesome!

[elizamichale1]

It really is😊😊

[Apple1996]

I already have 4 and planning on having more

[Cubus]

May God bless you with as many babies as you want :)

[Apple1996]

@Cubus thank you!

[Cubus]

You're welcome, lady

[midnightmoon05]

I have 2.
girl, boy.
they are perfect in my eyes.

[Spongebobssocks]

Yes I do! :) Definatly not now but I see it in my future

[nolabels]

I have one, grown, on his own, older than yourself.

[Anemone978]

I already have 2 kids and I still want more cuz I would like a son.

[Anonymous]

No. I had an ex who knew this, yet we still talked about it hypothetically. How our child would look and what the names would be. It was weird but it was nice to fantasize about it. My answer is still a no though.

[DancingQueen16]

I don't know because I've heard giving birth is really painful and I'm not good with pain

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Ðou canst adopt, alðough it might be expensive.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Every girlfriend I've ever had either had kids of her own or young nieces and nephews.
They were all super fun and cute, and a blast to hang our with. So yes, I absolutely do not want kids

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, I still love to be a father, There is one actor just became a father, and he is age 83 and the mother of the baby is age 29.

[thedaffodils]

That must be Al Pacino

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@thedaffodils Yes, I believe so

[juene]

Yes, it's one of my dream. I want to have babies before my uterus expires. 🤣🤣🤣

[menina]

I'm not sure. There are some things about the world that scare me. So I wonder if bringing another human being to Earth would be a good idea.

[MORPHEUS_12]

Nope, we did not breed and let me tell you it is a decision that has served us well. No crotch goblins for us.

[BCRanger10]

My wife and I already have a son. And twins on the way 😊