My grandma wants to put everyone against my dad?

[sheikalana]

Grandma is 86 yo. My dad is my grandma's son by the way but for some reason seems like she hates him. Their relationship has always been super rocky since forever but recently my grandma just wants to put everyone in our family against my dad who hasn't done anything to her. My mom said my dad has been very sad and depressed these past few days because of my grandma's behavior she talks bad about him to everyone behind his back but instead of saying it to his face she keeps bitching behind his back. She expects her kids to do everything for her and they already do a lot but for her is never enough and she says my dad is bad and mean to her and doesn't do anything for her. She doesn't realize the mean one here it's her for trying to accuse my dad of things he hasn't done to her. It came to a point where my dad wants to leave his country and come stay with me for a while. I'm open to welcome him for a few months but I'm afraid everything's going to be the same once he goes back. Everyone in our family is fed up with lies and manipulation she can be really mean to people and we don't know what to do.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Sounds like a naricissist. There isn't much you can do with them aside from just ignoring them and keeping them out of your life as much as possible. I'm sure your dad doesn't want to leave your grandma high and dry when she's not able to do everything for herself, but honestly I can see why he'd want to leave the country. Confronting your grandmother isn't the way to handle this, she'll only play the victim and use it as fuel to tell more stories and lies to others about you and your family. Your grandmother doesn't know how to exist in a world that doesn't revolve around her, that means your best option and your dad's best option is just to make sure you're no longer part of the world that revolves around her by staying out of her life and keeping her out of yours.

[sheikalana]

You're absolutely right. The hard part is that she's 86 and doesn't have a husband. If we stop caring for her no one would care for her and I believe she would even make up more stories. She's completely destroying my dad. It's really sad since she doesn't have that many more years to enjoy life and instead is just making everyone's life a living hell.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m sure your family can afford at-home care or to send her into a retirement home where she can receive fulltime care she otherwise wouldn’t receive where your family can leave her to a new community

[sheikalana]

The issue is she's so problematic my parents know she would cause more drama at a retirement home. She refuses to accept she's mad and believes her own lies and spreads lies to our neighbors who probably believe anything she says. The way I know her I'm sure she would hit the nurses and tell everyone to fuck off.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

As long as you pay for her care, unless she is deemed a danger to herself or others, she will stay in the retirement home in the care of nurses who deal with people like her every day

[Wonderingguyy]

If everyone in the family is fed up with her, you should all get together with her and have like a meeting/intervention and tell her how you are all sick of her awful treatment. Maybe you can all agree to say to her that you all are going to completely back off from her and stop seeing her as much if she doesn’t cut out her toxic behaviour.

[sheikalana]

This is an 86yo grandma who doesn't listen to anyone. In her mind she's the one who's right.

[inhua]

in such cases, a lot of men tend to internalize the blame "because it's the manly thing to do" and delete themselves to no longer cause anymore drama

[sheikalana]

She doesn't have the right to destroy our family like this