Why does my boyfriend act weird on the phone when it comes to other people?

[depeche2015]

We are long distance. He lives in LA (california) and me in northern california. Well we been talking for 5 years online everyday and constantly. Thing is he is very private, and has hid me online, his family, and friends etc everybody. We just started talking on the phone about a year ago around this time, and the only person I have talked around is his nephew who is 15 years old and barely started to talk around him in August and he doesn't even talk to me or join in our conversations. I always got annoyed by how he treated me and thought he was hiding something else, and have went and told everyone about him online they all thought he had a wife/someone else in his life, but that isn't true at all. We are on the phone pretty much all day long even though he doesn't talk to me I know for sure he is single in person and he lives with his family. He is 37 and i'm 30. He doesn't talk to me at all when he's in the house and his parents are around, his parents are older around 60s dad around 70s/80s, they have answered his phone once but i hung up as soon as that happened. i thought it was weird. whenever they are gone he will talk my ass off though and the only time he ever talks to me is when he is ubering, he even lowers my volume when people are around when he's ubering like picking up an order or dropping it off. i just don't understand why he's so weird when it comes to talking to me or about me to anyone. People say I'm not ugly so i dont get why he treats me like a secret, i also respect him and get quiet when he's around others and he still lowers my volume/hides my video camera so they can't see/hear me. his mom is super loud and always yells but he has it so i hear her all the time even though i told him i didn't like hearing her. she has woken me up out of my sleep a couple times and he doesn't care about that. they are religious and she is always praying. could that be why he acts that way? what do you think is wrong with him?

Updates

6 mo

his parents and most likely everyone except for his nephew dont know i exist.

[DopeTurtle]

Well, first I’ve been in a long distance relationship similar to yours in the past and there are certain red flags you have to address in order for things to flow smoothly in the future. It may seem like he’s not as confident in himself/ relationship and that should be explored in depth


1. When in an LDR, it’s important to try to work effectively towards the goal of either being closer to one another or making active efforts to see each other as often as possible.


2. Communication is key and so is active steps of commitment. Meaning if you both are confident in the relationship, they wouldn’t be ashamed/ embarrassed to acknowledge it with friends / family. I understand everything is good within due time but more than a few months is long enough to decide if this relationship is worth fighting for.


3. Don’t think in terms of something is wrong with you or something is wrong with him. View it through the lens of you’re both are trying to find a page that you both can agree on. Asking the challenging questions may seem scary but they are essential to the foundation of any relationship.


I’m willing to listen to any questions you may have, I hope everything works out.

[Anonymous]

How does he act when y'all are in person? Or have you never been in person?

[depeche2015]

we haven't met yet, but he talks a lot, like super a lot.. rants on and on, but when he's with his nephew and from what i see he is overly caring and giving to others to the point it taking care of them financially and always wanting to give and help, with his mom they argue a lot but then they talk and all over again, theyre just toxic to each other a bit but thats from what i see, his twin brother is also living there and he is quiet i barely hear him ever he's his fraternal twin. but from what i see he overcares to the point its kinda annoying to see/hear lol

[depeche2015]

he says he doesn't hate anyone and everyone is equal he doesn't believe in prioritizing people.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh ok. Sounds like a really great guy for the most part besides him not being able to introduce you to the family. I wonder why that is? Especially after all this time. It does bring suspicion into the picture. I hope he is just shy about it and doesn't know how to introduce you and it not being something else like cheating.

[depeche2015]

yeah he's a good guy, i just dont get it either but he told me its cause he doesn't want his parents in the relationship or anyone becauase they will ruin it especially his parents, but when i noticed he gets quiet around delieving and about anyone it makes me wonder why?

[depeche2015]

he said he seen his parents ruin his sisters marriage years ago when she was younger and that her boyfriend left her for it because they were rude to the boyfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh wow. Then maybe that's why then but it still seems a bit sus tbh.

[leahzrc]

he is cheating on you

[depeche2015]

its weird though we are constantly on the phone even though we aren't saying anything, he will be there sleeping/ on the computer or with his family. i dont think he is cheating. he's just weird and I don't know why.

[leahzrc]

he is hiding you after 5 years, that isn't loyal

[eagle1951]

he's probably already married

[depeche2015]

he is always on the video call 24/7 i don't get it. i know its his parents and family, i dont know how hed find the time to cheat he's always at home. his sister looks exactly like him too so i know it isn't his wife. he is close to their family as well but theyre dad in the picture and he hangs with him all the time.