Why do mothers get jealous and competitive with their adult daughters?

[Anonymous]

My mum loves me, but she occasionally gets jealous of me. How do I avoid being the same if I have daughters, when I’m old?

[Oliverlogan263]

Sometimes moms can feel left out or replaced when their daughters get older and start their own lives, you know? Like the attention isn't all on mom anymore.

The key if you have daughters is making sure they know you'll always be there for them, no matter what. Like have honest talks about how much you care, but also give them space to grow up.

Don't compare yourself to them - celebrate each other's wins. Get excited about their relationships, careers, whatever makes them happy even if it means they don't need you as much.

Stay involved in a chill way. Don't grill them about every detail but keep the lines open so they feel comfortable coming to you. Trust them too unless they prove not to be trusted.

Most of all, focus on your own life alongside theirs. Keep your friendships, hobbies, relationship with your man. So you don't get too wrapped up in living through your girls.

As long as they know they can count on you as their #1 fan, they won't feel like you're in competition. You're the cool mom! Hope this helps when the time comes.

[butterly248]

My mum is exactly like this. I haven't seen her in a year now because all she kept doing was judging my life. And says how much thinner she was when we was my age.

I developed an eating disorder, which I'm pretty sure I got from her eating habits. I am into my first year of recovery. I eat a bit better now but I'm coverd in stretch marks and it's hard. My sisters are thin, and when my older sister gained some weight, she was so nasty towards her.

I hope if I do have kids, they grow up to love their bodies and not let others bring ghee down at all. I'm not sure why they do it. Maybe they want the best for us, but they aren't sending the right message 😕

[butterly248]

I had to cut contact. It is very hard, but it may be the right thing to do!

[rosemilk]

keep thinking every day how your mom made you feel, you'd certainly wouldn't want your offspring to feel the same or go through the same trauma. be independent and have your own hobbies and life and allow your child to do the same.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Why is she jealous?

[butterly248]

Probably making comments about her life, the way she looks etc. It doesn't stop and exhausts you

[ThrillSeeker01]

@butterly248 She shouldn't be jealous of your body. I mean why not be happy to have an attractive daughter?

[butterly248]

Not always that. Can be because she is getting older, she is insecure etc.

[ThrillSeeker01]

@butterly248 Right, I can understand that. But she needs to be proud of you. I know it can be hard to see past all the issues she may be having, though.

[butterly248]

My mother is toxic. I no longer speak to her

[ThrillSeeker01]

@butterly248 I'm sorry. Sometimes it helps to take a break from some people.

[butterly248]

Not seen her in a year.

[Asker]

@butterly248 yes, that’s what happens. I know my mum loves me and I love her, but I’ve had her criticise my clothes, touching all my stuff and criticising my choice of partners ‘I’ll bet he thinks you’re a slut!’ I was 21 and he was 19. 2 year age difference. More recently it’s my beautiful clothes. She tries to make me feel bad for wearing and looking good in them.

[ThrillSeeker01]

@butterly248 You could just email each other every now and then, maybe?

[Asker]

She got so upset about my dressing up and going to a party that she smashed a kitchen glass.

[butterly248]

@Asker your 30! Tell her to sod off

[Asker]

@butterly248 I usually just disregard what she says and tell her I’m doing my own thing anyway and I do it.

[butterly248]

Talk talking to her if you want. That's what I did

[butterly248]

Stop