My young brother got his HS girlfriend pregnant, what can he do?

[Anonymous]

I know the girl very well. She was his friend when they were 9 year-olds. They started dating in HS though.

They're now in 11th grade and my brother confided in me with the news that he got her pregnant. She's having twins. My parents don't know it yet. What can he do? He's just 16 years old; a kid.

Updates

+1 y

He practically pleaded with me to not tell our parents at this moment, at least not until after the New Year. I've been keeping this secret for the meantime.

[EnglishArtsteacher]

He can do a lot of things. That doesn't necessarily mean he should do many of those things though.

First of all, I understand why he wants to wait until the new year (2024) to tell his (and your) parents, and he should get on the ball of doing this as early as January 2nd, 2024(let everyone have New Year's Day as their last day of peace for awhile). If he does this, expect January, 2024 to be a chaotic month in your household (assuming you're all living together). I don't know about your exact home-life situation, but even if it's a situation where you two aren't close to them, they're going to find out when he literally has a baby in his life. I wouldn't tell the yourself though, so I applaud you for not saying anything. I don't know when he's going to muster up the courage to tell them, but I'd recommend he does it in the next month. If he already knows his girlfriend is having twins (which just makes this situation so much more stressful by the way), that means he's most likely known about her pregnancy for about two months now.

Second of all, he can just become a deadbeat father, but I highly recommend not doing this. We already have way too many deadbeat fathers in the world. My sister had her first kid at 16 years old, and her ex-boyfriend (the father) has been a deadbeat dad, and his daughter is now 14 years old (and she shows a disdainment for him). Encourage him to be there for his twins, even if he's not mature yet. Most men in your age-group act like 16 year olds, so you can only imagine how immature a high school father can be. Yikes!

Third of all, if he doesn't have a job, I highly recommend he starts looking for a job as soon as possible. If it's a very low-paying job (like, one of those jobs that barely pays what they're legally allowed to pay), he should take it (at the moment), and immediately begin looking for something that pays better It's going to be tough for him to find a solid-paying job at his age though. His opportunities will get much better if he stays in school, and graduates no older than 18 years old though.

Fourth of all, assuming it's legal, and intersects with their morals, and religion, he should talk to her about getting an abortion. If she doesn't want an abortion though, it's her body, her choice, and there is nothing he can do about that (and rightfully so).

Fifth of all, he can go outside, look up at the stars, and scream like an irrational baboon. This might help relieve himself with stress.

As I stated before, I'm a brother of a sister who had her first kid at 16 years old (and her second kid 19 years old), and it brought a tremendous deal of family drama to our household, epecially when the father of her baby made it clear he wasn't going to be there for her, or her daughter. I love my nieces, and nephews now, but at the time, it was stressful, and I don't miss those days. Your family will be bringing in the new year with a bang.

It looks like your brother is bringing a whole new meaning to "New Year, New Me".

[Asker]

Knowing my brother very well, he's quite a sentimental person when it comes to babies and animals. We've been speaking in private more about the situation. He's been asking questions about what's it like being a father, how to hold two babies, how often do babies eat, how he be good at it, etc. He feels bad for getting his girlfriend pregnant. Neither of them want an abortion.

[EnglishArtsteacher]

That's good to hear.

I empathize with your brother, and I wish him the best of luck.

[ohsheeT]

What he should do is the same thing that he should have done right before they had sex one of them has to stand up and say hey I'm going to wear condom or you're going to take the pill but we are going to be protected and I need to protect you and you need to protect me because we are way too young to be having children
So now they get that same opportunity again but a little bit different light
Now he gets to prove who he is as a Young Man
I kind of wished in this question you instead what are they going to do what can they do because it is both of them it's not just him

In one blink of an eye a lot of people's lives are going to change are going to be affected just because one was not protecting the other one in a moment where they should have both been protecting each other

[Asker]

yeah everything changed so drastically and now he's going to be forced to mature faster, to enter adulthood when he's still a kid

[ohsheeT]

Yeah you see sometimes on here where younger people want to get older so fast and I try to say no enjoy your your childhood enjoy your early teens even your late teens you have a whole life out there to explore you don't need to grow up until you're in your late 20s early 30s.

But at the same time you know that if he accepts it and he takes it head on it could be one of the best things in the world for him you know that's what he has to get through is that part right there that he has to accept it and take it on and if he does that he will succeed in anything that he wants to do and still get to do the things that he wants to do

[Asker]

He just told my parents today in the afternoon. As you can guess, yes they were disappointed and shocked. At this moment, he just headed to his girlfriend's house and is speaking with her parents too. The girl didn't know how to tell her parents the news and so my brother is comforting her.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I feel so bad for them, but if they want to raise their twin babies that's on both of them. Ok, now, what can he do? Well: Get a job to help pay for baby stuff and help her with the twins as much as he can. And I'd recommend safe sex from now on too (birth control & condoms). I hope both of them realize that it's not going to be all sunshine & lollipops with babies. It's going to be very stressful, anxiety inducing, and everything else. One of my sisters went through with being a teen mom, that's how I know all of this.

[Asker]

yes I can't imagine having a kid myself yet and I'm 22. I feel young myself and yet my brother is going to soon enter the adult world too early. I'm glad to hear your sister made it through.

[rosemilk]

he can't do anything. he's underaged. he's going to have to get his parents and her parents involved

[Fireguy17]

Wecome to adulthood, just way earlier than most people.
Hopefully both families will be involved to help them out.
They need to finish school, and hopefully some tech school so one or both can end up with a decent job.
It has happened before to many others, and it works out, but it might not be ideal.
The health and safety of the kids is first and foremost.
Hopefully he will step up and do everything possible to do his part in raising them and supporting them.
Kids having kids is never that great.

[Asker]

Indeed that's not the greatest age to have kids. I'm 22 myself, just got my BA's degree not so long ago and can't imagine having kids yet. My poor brother. We've spoken and he admitted it was his fault for having unprotected sex and is sorry for getting her pregnant. He's going to speak to our parents shortly after the New Year. Afterwards he will visit his girlfriend and speak with her parents too. He's nervous about that meeting though and knows her parents will just as upset too.

[Fireguy17]

At least he is stepping up.
It took 2 parties to do that, and hopefully they will get past the blame game and figure out what to do from this point forward.

[OlderAndWiser]

He can prepare to be a father, start working and saving money, and do everything he can to get the support of both sets of parents because they are going to need the grandparents.

[Asker]

yeah his life basically changed and he's going to be forced to mature very early and fast.

[slatyb]

He can pay child support when he's earning. In the mean time he can graduate high school and go to college.

[Asker]

He has to be 18 to pay child support so our parents will be the ones responsible for the meantime. When he graduates from HS by the next year he'll still be 17 in 12th grade. So yeah he has to finish HS and go to college or get a job.

[slatyb]

Thanks, I hadn't realized that his parents would be responsible.

[molonski2]

There is nothing he can do other than prepare himself to be a young father of twins , that will help him grow up.

[Asker]

He's telling me to keep it a secret from our parents for the meantime. He'll tell our parents shortly after the New Year.
Yes it'll indeed make him grow up faster than usual. I can't help but really feel bad for him. His youth has been cut.

[Drumlin2001]

Unless she's open to an abortion all you can do is prepare your brother for fatherhood. He has to take responsibility for his actions. His kids will be relying on him.
How do you think your parents will react? Will they support him?

[Asker]

My parents will support him but they sure aren't going to be happy about the news. My brother is dealing with two emotions. He's nervous about all this but at the same time, got a bit sentimental when he rubbed his girlfriend's belly. Neither of them want an abortion. He's been asking me questions about babies, their feeding pattern, if he'll do a good job at it, etc.

[Drumlin2001]

If they know it's twins, she must have had a scan so must be at least 10 weeks. Will soon be past the first trimester and the increased risks.
at least he seems to be taking it seriously. Its a good start

[Asker]

yeah she's nearly 3 months pregnant by now

[exitseven]

There are probably social services that will help but don't count on it. Hopefully both families will be supportive. It is not as bad as it was when I was in high school. Basically you had to marry her, drop out of school and find a job.

[DryGermanGuy]

You know it - the grandparents will have to do all the work. Awesome.

[Asker]

@DryGermanGuy
Yeah my parents will help out. They sure aren't going to be happy about the news after the New Year though. He's been asking me questions about babies.

[Summeroflove]

Well. He chose to have sex. You’re gonna have to tell your parents. He has to be a dad now.

[Asker]

He wants to tell our parents himself but after the New Year.

[slatyb]

She does not have to tell her parents. That's his job.

[Summeroflove]

That’s fine. Long as he tells them

[Summeroflove]

@slatyb what? It’s actually botj of their jobs. She chose to have sex as much as he did

[slatyb]

The asker is not pregnant, her brother is.

[Summeroflove]

@slatyb are you one of those leftists who say men can get pregnant? Lol. Hee brothers girlfriends pregnant. I was saying. It takes two to tango. Not sure why everything is his responsibility

[Asker]

yeah it takes two to tango. His girlfriend hasn't told her parents either. She's nervous just like he is. After he tells our parents after the New Year, he's going to visit his girlfriend and speak to her parents too.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah. They both should go with one another and tell their parents. She should go with him and he should go with her

[serious_miss419]

It’s not up to him. It’s up to her. She’s the one that has to put everything on hold for many years.
It’s not ur job to hold that secret. He’s a coward already and isn’t even a father yet!

[Asker]

I had added an update. He wants to tell our parents after the New Year, on Jan 2nd. Then he wants to visit his girlfriend and speak with her parents too.

[serious_miss419]

Understood. If you don’t mind holding that secret then that’s totally good.
However, it’s up to the pregnant female at this time.

[LiamJHayden]

Depending upon where you live, your parents have to be told because they might be responsible for child support until your brother turns 18. After that, he will be on child support until the children turn 18.

[RavVid]

Oh. A fecund kid. I think an abortion is best being practical about this and lessons on condons

[Asker]

But neither of them want that. My brother himself got a bit sentimental when he rubbed his girlfriend's belly. He's been asking me question about babies.

[RavVid]

That's unfortunate. Are you in a state that allows abortion? It will severely impact on his life and his girlfriend's. Your parents and perhaps you as well will need to support. I guess there is adoption but I imagine neither of the will want that either. He does have semi option of walking away.

What will be your parents view be do you think? Obviously they will be unhappy but will they push for one of these three options?

At 16 I think the girlfriend is too young to be a mother.

They will both be locked into low income due to this if they stick it out. So I think both parents will pressure for abortion.

[Asker]

We're in Florida and after the 6 weeks mark, it isn't allowed anymore. She's way over 6 weeks by now. She's nearly 3 months pregnant. The girl hasn't told her parents yet. The Heartbeat Protection Act was passed on April 13, 2023. It can't be done after 6 weeks except in cases of incest, rape, the woman's life is in danger or the child will be deformed. Our parents are actually wealthy but they still wouldn't be happy about the news eitherway.

[RavVid]

Few parents would be overjoyed at such a young age. From what I have seen the boy is prematurely in a man's role and that affects the rest of his life and he doesn't achieve as much as he might have. I'm not saying the girl isn't as affected as much nowadays.

But he's your bruther so has to be your primary concern. Difficult.

[jahaims]

Tell him to get a job and provide for his child. If someone has sex they should consider the responsibility that comes along with it first.

[Asker]

I suppose it's going to be harder with twins.

[Anonymous]

First thing he needs to do is have a DNA test to make sure it's his. Then take it from there.

[Asker]

He admitted to having unprotected sex many times with her so it's obvious a pregnancy will occur. They started dating in 9th grade (were each others' first) and have been inseperable ever since.

[_no_one_]

He fucked now face the consequences and involve the parents.

[Anonymous]

What can he do? Or what should he do? Because there's a lot he CAN do but I wouldn't recommend most of it.

He's already fired the bullet (pun not intended). Now comes the damage control.

[HAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

honestly you go tell your parents and the girlfriend's parents so they can make the girl get an abortion. that's all there is to do honestly

[Asker]

But they both want their children.

[HAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

yea but they're too young to know what they want and to make smart decision, plus no one has kids at 16/17 and they'll fuck up they're entire life by doing that

[Asker]

I just remembered that in the state where we are (FL), they had already passed the Heartbeat Protection Act on April 13, 2023. After the 6 weeks mark, she can't have an abortion unless it's a case of rape, incest, mother's life in danger or child will be done deformed.
Yet even if we were in another state that didn't have that law, neither of them want abortion. So yeah they'll both be forced to live the life of an adult with responsibilities at such a young age.

[Nice222]

Learn to work all day and stay up all night. Twins never sleep at the same time.

[Asker]

yeah he's lately been asking me questions about babies, their feeding pattern and how long they sleep. He's nervous about it all but at the same time gets a bit sentimental when he rubbed his girlfriend's belly.

[Nice222]

My experience with twin babies is they never sleep at the same time. And when one wakes up crying the other one will wake up.

[Asker]

It must be very hard at first. If one baby is already a challenge, yeah two is a bigger challenge.

[Nice222]

Yeah the challenge is to get them both on the same sleep and eating schedule. Once you get that down things become easier.

[Jmmmfi4]

he's GOT HARD DAYS AHEAD NO WAY AROUND IT

[Anonymous]

Well he finishes highschool and takes a job thats ehat he should do

[Asker]

True. He sure lost part of his youth and already has to be an adult earlier than others.

[Opinion Owner]

Not that bad kids are amazing just tougher

[spartan55]

Let him tell your parents.

[Asker]

He will after the New Year, right on Jan 2nd. He's nervous though because they are obviously not going to be happy about the news.

[Ladyblanche]

She needs abortion. This will ruin his life

[Asker]

Neither of them want an abortion. They want their twins.

[Pterodon]

Man up and pay his child support

[Asker]

He's going to tell both sets of parents right after the New Year.

[KrakenAttackin]

He can man up a d be a dad.

[Asker]

True. Sadly, he's going to likely miss his youthful years.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... he will LOVE his children.

[FenixG45]

How old is the girl and what does she want?

[Asker]

The girl will turn 17 on Feb 2nd and my brother will still be 16 until July 29 (he'll end his Junior year still being 16). They both want to keep the babies. Neither of them want abortion. My brother himself got a sentimental when he rubbed his girlfriend's belly.

[FenixG45]

Well, good for them. You're brother needs to get a full-time good-paying job NOW (probably construction). And starting buying baby stuff NOW. MOST IMPORTANTLY, where are they going to live, and how will they get the support of their families?

[Asker]

Good point. My parents will support my brother after they get over the intial shock when he delivers them the news after the New Year. As far as living situation, I think the babies might likely live some days with us and other days with the girl's parents.

[LazerBean]

Get a job

[Anonymous]

Abort!

[Asker]

Neither of them want that.

[Opinion Owner]

Then be ready to take the responsibility.