This girl is not even his girlfriend. They didn't use protection and she became pregnant after they hooked up. Your son doesn't care about the girl and insists that she aborts the baby. Your son and the girl are 17. Your son doesn't want to be a father and be involved in this. It's up to you as his father/mother to help him. The girl's parents want your son to marry their daughter, they come from a traditional background, and a single mother is shameful in their culture.
Updates
+1 y
The girl's family is not going to abort since they come from a traditional family and they're religious.
What would you do if your teenage son got a girl pregnant?
I would be tempted to choke his ass. But im better than that. If he even considers abortion, then he's clearly possessed because he knows thats not an option in our home. Sadly, the girl will do whatever she wants or whatever her parents force her to, but we’re going to be there to help support her emotionally and financially. He shouldn't have stuck his little funky ass weiner in her musky ass pussy. Its their fault and their gonna own up to it. Im about to helicopter mom his ass everywhere until he turns 18 and moves out. Im also taking all his video games and he can't “go out” to hang with any friends. he's gonna watch all my fave “mommy and me” movies and im taking him to baby preparation classes. He wanna fuc like a man, so he's about to prepare to be one 🤷♀️
It'd be unlikely, as I think I'd be pretty protective overall, and I'd want to know where they were going, etc. And there'd be no going out with girls alone (unless he somehow kept successfully sneaking around - like we trusted mutual friends and family and they hid that they weren't REALLY watching him). No boy/girl sleepovers during the teen years. No "she's poor and got kicked out, so can she live with us?" stuff going on. There's no "being in his room (or her room) alone." He'd probably be raised in the church, so all of this would probably contribute to this being not as likely to happen. But let's assume that the kid is still stubborn and doesn't listen, even with all this. Let's say he's really crafty and somehow gets away with sneaking around... it can still happen...
I think I'd stress the possible risks enough in general, even with the "illusion" of what rumors can do, and the dangers of being completely alone (for any significant amount of time) with girls he doesn't know, even if he doesn't try anything, a story can hurt a reputation... though some boys will STILL never think it will happen to them, or they think they're invincible, or they rely on those "backups" that aren't really there... I'd stress from a young age that part of our job as guys is to help protect girls and kids, and try to teach him the consequences of actions... and that sometimes, every cloud does have a silver lining. On the one hand, you have diapers and have to learn patience and you have to grow up a lot... but... you GET to be a dad, and that can be both wonderful and a tough thing at the same time.
If adoption is out... it'd be his duty to take care of the child somewhat. Step up to the plate. If not marriage, then at least be a present father. He made the choice to sleep with someone, and (probably) not use protection, and not think about possible consequences, it's his job to grow up a bit and live with the consequences (both good and bad) of choices he made. Now, I would suggest adoption, and I think if possible, we'd all have to go to counseling together or at least some sort of mediation and see what the options are. I think also that I would also have to step up and my wife and I would have to try to help out a little. Not to make things too easy for him, but because we care and want to contribute to not destroying a little kid's chances of a happy life or a good start.
First, I would be happy, quite honestly. Grant that it is not the best circumstances, but I would be a grandfather and that would be a truly happy thing for me.
Further, I would be make an effort to be happy in order to take the stress off of my son/daughter and his/her partner. I would want them to be responsible but also to know that, come what may, they will have a blessing in their life and I would not want them to be more stressed than they probably will be.
They would get no lectures on sex from me - and honestly I tend to think that sex is perfect natural and healthy for teenagers. To be sure, they need to take proper precautions, but on the whole, as their bodies mature it is natural that they will seek sexual release and a fulfilment of their sense of manhood/womanhood.
So, as I say, no lectures. I would also assure them that while I will expect them to be fully engaged in the raising of their child, they will be provided with a roof over their head until they are ready to get settled. They will be taken care of financially and the only thing I do expect is that - if they already have not - they will complete high school. preferably in the traditional manner if possible, but if not through a GED program.
Also, if it is my son who is about to become a father, I will - assuming that he has already shown the aptitude - help him to get into and stay in college. Providing the aid that I would have provided had he not become a teen dad. If it is my daughter, I will leave it to her and her boyfriend - assuming that he is involved - to decide if she wants to go to college.
It may seem a bit old fashioned, but as the mother to a baby, her situation will be somewhat different from a man. A baby, especially in the early years, needs his/her mother around for things like nursing and such and so we would have to make adjustments for this.
Bottom line, my goal would be to help them to be good and loving parents, to get on their feet, and to realize that what they did while perhaps not ideal, it was not wrong and was, in its' way, beautiful. .
This I say, by the way, as the father of four out of wedlock children. My oldest is a 14 year old boy whom I only met a couple of years ago. While I regret how much of his life I missed till his mom - with whom I had had a one night stand - decided to tell me he had been born, he is a great kid and I love him.
The other three - boy (10), boy (8), girl (7) - I had with my current live-in gfd. They are the light of my world and they make me happier than I ever thought I could be.
The only thing that would make angry is if they had an abortion. Having held those little people in my arms, I could not imagine taking that little life. Yes, being teen parents won't be easy, but they will never know greater happiness than holding that little life in their arms. Not every moment will be magic, but on balance they will be the better for being parents and there is, even under admittedly difficult circumstances, pure joy in holding a little life that you made in your arms.
This is what I would want for my children and why I would handle an unplanned pregnancy with one of my children involved with calm and support.
First, I'd chew his ass out for being irresponsible. I'd remind him that there are consequences for actions and that I raised him better than to suggest murdering a baby because of his mistake. After the ass-chewing, I'd tell him he has a certain amount of time to talk to the girl, set up a meeting between them and the parents and then we would, all of us together, come up with a solution. As for the marriage part, I would talk to her parents. I am very traditional and believe the same thing they do, but I would also remind them of the potential consequences of a forced marriage and that, ultimately, it is their, not our, choice. Also, since the child would be my grandchild, I would promise them that the child will be cared for and that I'll pitch in like any good grandparent would. I'd convince him to man up and be a father. Also, I'd remind him how hard my life was without a father and ask him if he'd really be cold enough to put a child through that, especially knowing my story and if he truly loves me and respects me as his dad.
You can't force him to marry her or be involved with the mother. However he should realize the impact what he has done had on her life. They both made the mistake of not using a condom, they both own that responsibility. Your job as parent is to hold him accountable for his actions.
He cannot just tell her to abort and expect her to do it. Not only will she be a social outcast because of all those prolifers her culture may also look down on such an act. he needs to see there are no quick solutions and he has made a decision that has changed his life. He needs to know not everything is at the touch of his fingers. He needs to talk to her and decide what they really will do, but first you parents sit down and discuss every possible scenario so you'll be ready for your kids solution.
If they agree to abort thats their choice, if she wants to keep the baby but he doesn't you need to work through it with him; why not, whats the worst that'll happen, what will you feel in ten years when you've walked away etc. Hold him accountable, make sure he knows he made the mistake and he must fix it, but you will help him to fix it. It's like when you were small and tried to crack an egg the first time, you messed up, so your parents helped you until you could fix it.
The girl knew she shouldn't have been having unsafe sex, she did anyway just like your son, and now she has the burden of carrying a baby. If your son refuses to marry her what her family does next will depend on their culture maybe they will just do an abortion; you never know. She isn't your concern, but that's not to say you should shun her or be nasty because she seduced your son or whatever.
When you have sex, you know the risks and by not wrapping it up you're asking for it. Your actions have consequences and the consequences for that mediocre sex is a baby that you now have to care for for at least 18 years.
I would definitely make my son step up to his responsibility BUT my sons responsibility would be to the child, and the child alone. Not to the mother. I would not make him marry her jsut because that's what her parents wanted for her.
I would definitely help a lot because obviously I couldn't ethically let my grandchild be raised by someone who isn't even done being a child himself. And I wouldn't want to over burden my son with getting a job because school will always have to come first so at least hy the time the child is 7 he would be able to provide for him/her without having to work extrashifts at McDonald's. I would push his education harder than ever but ai wouldn't make it easy on him. He would still have to wake up to feed, change, soothe his own child. Whenever he's not at school.
this is why I plan to tell my future kids as they get older. I have condoms in a community spot in my household. please use them when you do engage in sexual interaction. even if your using other protections they can fail. so don't be a fool and wrap your tool.
if one of my future son's knocks up a girl. then it is his reasonability to help her care for the child. within his legal rights to do so. I will not force them to get married. but I will also not help them raise their child either. or he needs to sign away his legal rights for the child including visitation and support.
if one of my future daughter's get knocked up by a guy. then it is her reasonability to take care of her child. hopefully the guy helps her out and does not skip out on her. otherwise he better sign away all his legal rights. to the child including his visitation and support. however I will not force them to get married. because I will not help her raise her child.
modern marriage is a joke and worthless. but children do better in a 2 partner household. if both are good parentally figures.
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Asker
+1 y
So you're just one of those parents who don't intervene?
When. i was 16 and a girl my parents knew down the street was 15, both our parents allowed us to spend 2 nights per week overnight with each other so we could have sex. She was a virgin and at 16 Id only had maybe 5 encounters. We were told we had to have rubbers. My Dad provided them. She is very petite and im over6 ft. I was physically mature. Anyway after 3 years of doing everything we could think of we got pregnant. By then I was in army reserves and she was nearly 18 i think. I was very gentle and knew how lucky to have this girl just for me at barely 16. Im Jewish and she's from Germany originally. I along with my parents would be thrown out of the Temple if anyone knew. To try and make this shorter I had a huge desision to make. Id taken her virginity when she just turned 15, done everything through 2 girl friends with her 2 nights a week and we both learned a lot about everything. However, right or wrong I was the only boy shed ever even seen undressed.. a week before I was to go to training I realized I couldnt just leave her. I wasn't quite that low, and I realized she and had reached adulthood, about, and We were married. The Rabbi married us, i couldnt look at him. He never knew but I knew. Several months our David Israel and Elijah Blue were vorn. I was never told I would marry her but I had a little decency left and we loved each other. Today were still in each others arms and my babies, my life and. My pride are asleep in the next room. We askd God to forgive us, dont see our parents and our boys will be raised in Johannesburg s best area and will be moral boys then men. So what do you do when he gets her pregnant? I did exactly what my heart and my God had me do, I married her hopefully were living together 70 years
Ok Jamie, we were younger, but its embarrasing enough, no its beautiful that our beginning was so tacky but went on to that match i never knew anybody could have
So you're saying the girl's parents let her have sex when she was 13? Is that even a thing? Help me out here, @modelUN242; is your generation really that bad? (Or maybe you don't know, because I know you're not that type.)
@Jamie05rhs I have no idea but probably, I don't associate myself with those people anyways, but it's probably common that kids are sexually active because they're parents think that sexuality is an awesome thing! This a fake story.
Fake? Your bold but thats your opinion. I haven't spoken to my parents in years over this. Turned out very well but what if it hadn't? And her parents were very strange, she or I never requested 8t but its good now.
I would first ground him without internet because his stupid ass went off unprotected. Then I would make him babysit one of the family babies for 24 hours and take him out of school that day, just so he knows how much of a responsibility a kid really is while you are still in highschool. After torturing him with these necessary punishments, I would ask if the girl could come over one day so the three of us could talk about what they want to do, with me being there to guide my son. In the end it's his choice to be in the kid's life or not but I would highly recommend he should and not be a dead beat dad. At least that's how I think I would go about this.
That is a tricky question well I would first make sure it is his (unless she has the abortion to be honest I think that would be the best option) but one cannot force someone to be a father or marry someone
Law can force them to pay childsupport but even that sounds kinda off when you think about the fact the girl could abort the child even if the father would want the child yet otherway around he is on hook for 18 years
Anyway I would try to be a part of the childs life since he/she is my grandchild and if the girls family would kick her out for being a single mother I would simply take her in🤔 and i guess if I have anything to inherit at least part of it wouldgo to them (well if they are a total jackass as a adult i mightwrite them out🤣) And well I guess I might do something about my kid too at the very least He would not be getting anything extra only what he needs to survive
I'd beat the crap out of him. Also, if she refused to get an abortion or put it up for adoption, he either will sign his right away from the child, or when he turns 18 he's out.
I'm already gonna tell my kids this when they are young and will try to have them wait for sex or at least always have condoms at the ready.
But if he wants to be an adult that bad, then fine, he can be an adult, just not in my house.
Also, if my daughter got pregnant and refused the same thing, same boat. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Only time I wouldn't kick them out, is if the they got raped.
He can marry her and he won't get the chance to bolt, I'd slash his tires before I let him run from it.
Also, I dont care about their culture and their options on single mothers. You can't force anyone to get married. But, he will be paying child support if he can't manage to get his rights to the child taken away.
Well he would certainly be taught a lesson of his own doing. I would make sure he faced up to his actions of being 50% responsible. I would make sure he remains at the side of his girl and be with her every step of the way to support her and support their child.
I would take the responsibility and support the girl's family financially and with everything they might need. However, if my son wouldn't want to marry, I'm not going to force him, no matter the cultural background of the girl. I think at such an age he is too young to marry anyway, besides that, the girl is not even his girlfriend.
I’d prefer if the girl got an abortion too but we can’t make her and it sounds like she won’t. I would tell him to help support his child financially by getting a part-time job until he graduates and can work full-time to take care of it. If he didn’t do it he wouldn’t be getting my financial support anymore either.
Marriage is out, that's their problem. If she won't terminate the pregnancy she could arrange an adoption. If she keeps the child your son is liable for support until the child is 18. It's up to him whether he wants contact with his child if the girl keeps the child I hope your son chooses to be a father.
@Zygum Confused. What did I say about "a boy only?" But only the mother can nurse a child, she will be granted custody of the infant and he will be liable for support.
I wouldn't advise him to marry her (though I would tell him that's it's okay if he keeps an open mind about it and if he eventually falls in love with her then I will fully support it. But I will also support him if he doesn't want to.). But I will require him to pay child support and I will highly encourage him to help take care of his kid. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. He's 17; he should have known better.
I think you need to talk to your son about what has happened and ask what he wants from the relationship. If he isn't ready to be a father or he doesn't want to be a father then he should let the girl he got pregnant know about it. In terms of marriage its not ideal at 17 but if there is no love or any feelings involved then marriage is not an option at all regardless of what the parents of the girl want.
All the parents can really do in this case talk to their kids and give advice that will lead them in the right direction. The right direction is really the right choice based on what they want for themselves individually. A good way to approach is by asking questions like of this situation did not happen what would your life look like? After answering that ask the question what is different now and whats the problem. What are your life dreams? Do you know how you Are? What do you want in life? Ideally he is a teenager and because of his current situation he has to grow up quickly but none the less it at any point it always has to be his decision because then he would blame the parent if he feels regretful later on in life and that will destroy their relationship.
I would beat up my son, but because he wants to run away or avoid responsibility Then I would explain to him why he needs to stay and try to make them work on marriage and making it work out
Also I would try to be amicable with the girls family
@slatyb I got beat up as a kid, my parents aren't American though, that's the problem with American parenting, it's too soft and you end up raising bratty entitled kids.
No son of mine is gonna grow up to be a deadbeat dad. If i heard he told a girl to abort his kid id slap him.
That being said it would have been easier if they were a couple. If they hooked up without even being together id kinda worry what morals the girl has so i dont know if i would pressure my son to marry her. I would have to know more about the situation. I don't know i guess im not prepared for this type of situation.
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Asker
+1 y
The girl is naive and easily influenced, but she's generally a good girl, she's just stupid. You have to be prepared lol!! Anything can happen.
Well then my son has a lot of work to do. can't have my apparently irresponsible and manipulaitve son and a naive girl parent a child properly. My son would have to learn how to be a father quick and also learn how to be a husband who the wife can actually trust and rely on. And the girl would have to learn to be more responsible as well.
Make sure he stands by her no matter what and make him get a job to support her and the child. If the girl didn't want the baby, I'd make him care for it with my support if crouse. He must learn to take responsibility for his actions and if he's grown up enough to sleep around with girls, he's grown up enough to take the responsibility. Id want him to take a difficult situation into a positive.
If this was the case, a) I'd be disappointed in my son for not using protection or anything, because I thought I would have taught him better than that. Trust me, we would be having strong words.
b) if he wants nothing to do with the child, it is his choice and he can easily sign all rights over to the women and walk away if he wishes to. I'm not going to tell him he has to be involved, but I would help him with whatever decision he makes. If he did want to be involved, then again I would help him, but if he makes the decision he wants nothing to do with the child, I am not paying the women if my son wanted to pay child support, he can pay it himself.
c) the girls parents can do one, if they are from a traditional family and their daughter gets knocked up in a one night stand, it is equally her fault for not using protection. I'm not having him force my son into marriage with some girl he doesn't know
Don't have a son but if I did then that's His responsibility not mine and I'd tell Him it's time to put on His big boy pants and be a man. If He didn't want to be a man and wanted to skip out on His responsibility then I'd disown the shit and forget that I ever had a son.
You cannot force someone to marry lol its not 80s and it won't leave to any good thing but they can give it fair try as living together untill they understand each other so I would provide them roof but would make them earn it and work it out, they chose to become adults early then they need to take responsibility ofcourse requires consent of each to give birth to child.
Inshort would try to fix there fuckup for the least bc it already happened so would accept it and guide both of them
Well if he doesn't want involvement in the kid's life then I'm not gonna force him. And the girl's parents can fuck off tbh. I couldn't give a fuck how traditional they are.
But I imagine he's gonna have to pay child support so he better get a job 🤣
I would have a talk with the girl parents and my son and go from there. I do not believe in forcing relationships. But this is a situation where it's best if the kid isn't born or get other parents. It's the situation men should have a right to forfeit the right as a father if the mother doesn't want to abort it. If the kid get a crappy life it's because they didn't see the situation in the right light and went ahead anyways.
I got pregnant at 17 so I'd try giving him some good advice but at the end of the day all the decisions are on him. I'm not gonna choose his life for him. I was in a bad position and had to leave my house cause of how controlling my parents were being and I definitely dont want to be that way to my kids.
I would encourage him to take full responsiblity in helping to raise their child. But I would not encourage him to marry her just because it's against her family traditions. Both are responsible for being irresponsible, but he should not be chained to her for life by marrying her.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
My son is going to marry the girl and that is the end of it. If he fails to do so he will be disowned.
I wouldn't force my son to marry anyone, but as long as he lives under my roof, he WILL take care of the child. If he didn't want to be a father, he should have kept his dick in his pants. Takes two to tango.
I would be very disappointed in him, but I would not force him to marry the girl, I would tell him to man up and be a father and work for his baby because after all her knew the consequences when he was having sex.
Give him a hard right hand slap... then laugh and say:" You are a dad now son and will rapidly understand what I've been trying to teach your hardly ever listening self haha
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
He would be paying child support and he will help raise the kid and taking it on weekends or days the mom needs a break but I would not make him marry her after that I will be taking his girlfriend he cheated on out for the day for a girls day and buy her anything she wants and apologize for raising a cheater and I would stop paying for his extraxexpenses expect for the stuff he needs
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Either he marries her and takes care of her and their child or he's out on the street post haste.
If she was a virgin id make him marry her. If she's not then she's a dumb slut and got what she deserved. Id tell him to stick around for the kid as long as mom stayed in line but otherwise run. he's too young to be stuck to a crazy ass ho always causing him problems.
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Asker
+1 y
They both consented though, it’s not like she seduced him.
Irrelevant. Men get better w age and women worse. If she's already a ho at 17 she's not going to be any better the rest of his life. He has the opportunity to become a man and be a great guy but he's not going to ever do it if he has some skank up his ass.
This is duty of parents of girl to advise her to use protection. Boys do not care for pregnancy of their girlfriends or one night stand girls. In your society it is not considered so serious, there are hundred thousands babies, the result of this type of relationship.
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Asker
+1 y
Okay, so you as the parent wouldn't do anything? You're just going to allow your son to be a deadbeat?
Well I'm asking this question as if it would happen in the West, not in Pakistan, what would you do then? There are rules like paying for child support.
After reading the posts on here about girls (notice I didn't use women) not wanting to be on any birth control. And the one's who think Plan B is classified as primary birth control. As well as the guys not wanting to wear a condom because it takes away from his pleasure. It makes me proud of the fact that I never had kids. In my opinion there is absolutely no excuse for an unplanned pregnancy. I would tell my son you better get on your knees a pray she has an abortion.
If the girl wants to abort, she would abort, and I would tell my son to use a rubber in the future. If the girl wants to keep it, I would let my son choose between paying child support and having an active role in the kid's life.
Pretty damn pissed, he's not marrying her. What's done with the baby is out of his hands, although there's nothing to keep him in the baby's life either, should she choose not to abort it.
I would abort or marry them because being a single mother isn't easy also if the girl was not smart enough to use protection she can't raise a baby on her own
I don't support teenage pregnancy, they're still kids and they won't very well last on a realtionship and whose to say that baby is even is because when i was younger all us teenagers did was sleep around, so baby getting tested for paternity first
I wouldn't force my hypothetical son to marry. Is worse for the baby, and as a couple, they can't give a stable home. But I made that he be economically responsible for the baby.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Tell the stupid little slut to fuck off. And her family to shut up because she *is* already a large embarrassment to their traditional background screwing some jackshit she doesn't know.
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Asker
+1 y
Okay? Sure, but what are you going to do about your son. He’s going to get off scott-free? Both are at fault here.
Of course, I'd tell him off but your focus is more on the girl & her dimwitted family that didn't raise her properly and are trying to sucker a child into raising her bastard.
The baby needs to be given up so to have a great start in life. Teen parents are the worst and can only support themselves and baby with parent help. Not good.
I don't care about the other family, if they don't want to abort the baby they want to keep it, right? If they have a saying in the baby's life you also do, and you can choose to step aside or not.
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Asker
+1 y
So you’re teaching your son that you can run away from your problems?
And the baby's father is black? Unfortunately, 70% of black fathers do not care for their children even when they are adults. With teenage fathers, the percentage is probably closer to 90
You won't have to force him. The court will issue an order to collect directly from his wages if he's working. They may give him a pass if he's in school full time.
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