What would you do if you found out your 16 year old was pregnant?

[just_a_potato]

How would you react if you came home to your 16 year old daughter confessing she's 4 months pregnant? Would you finding out she's 4 months along change your initial reaction? What would happen next, and would you get in contact with the father?

[Xoxocutekitty]

4 months js a long time to 'feel lied to.' So my immediate reaction is probably to feel defensive, get angry at myself that i didn't realize it someone was lying to me, and be panicked that i now have the burden on knowing about a potential ljfe altering burden.

a lot of the next steps will result from whether the boy and the boys parents are supportive or even in the picture, whether my daughter actually wants the kid (hey some women really do dream of becoming mothers at any age) and how can i help her. Id probably keep her from going to school and 'avoiding the conversation' because thats really what adulting is - having difficult conversations and recognizing that you have to give a little to get any.

I'd support her having the kid, and Id support her having an abortion. Id probably trash talk that boy if he walked out on her, but hopefully in this scenario, id have a husband who is loving and still around and hed be a fine example that not all boys are trash. Either way, she's going to be sad and mopey and hormonal. So ill eat grit where I have to, to get the answers, decisions, and action plans we need to 'figure it out'

[Vetis]

You must cry a lot

[DizzyDesii]

I’d be very disappointed. I will fuss like hell but I won't get physical nor would i ever kick the child out the house nor would i suggest abortion. I will be a good grandma. But She/he will be raising the kid regardless of if the other parent wants to remain involved. They will not be allowed to drop out of school nor do abortion/adoption. They will learn to multitask early because come on.. Many parents work, go to school, and raise their kids all at once. So this “teen” will have to take responsibility and do the same, just a little sooner. I won't make them get a job until summers (out of school so they can focus solely on class/parenting) or age 18+ (during college). However, they will go straight to school, come home and do their homework (while i play babysitter), and then they will be a parent. If the other parent wants to be involved, good for em, but they will not be living in my home with us. They can visit during the hours I am home, and the two of them will not be in a room alone. I will allow my child to live at my home with the kid until my kid is 24. If they have not finished college by 24, well they still gotta go

[Aguysopinion4799]

I would initially be surprised but I would not be angry at her because in that situation she doesn't need that kind of treatment, I would start by asking her who got her pregnant and how I can contact him so that I can talk to him face to face and ask if he is in a position where he can support the child, if it was due to sexual abuse I would comfort her and say we would report the person.

The next thing I would do is I would likely have a little bit of teasing to lighten the mood and then explain how I would support her and we would look for a financial support plan if the father could not manage it and if she wanted to abort the child I would understand fully but explain to her that if she was in a relationship it was also the guys decision as it is a joint thing.

I do remember people who got pregnant at that age in a relationship and they are still in a relationship now, supporting their child and that is lovely to see that both the mother and father at that age were able to build the courage to stick it through.

[Tstrbrainer]

I'll buy her favorite food (which is safe to baby, of course).

Talks come later, after she has calmed down. If she's keeping the baby, good for her, if she's not keeping it, good for her.
Rest, she will have to live with her choice, I'll support her anyways,

If the guy's not willing to take responsibility, he will pay parental support.

[Apple1996]

Try to support her in however she wants to handle it. Since I've been in this position I know exactly how it feels. The last thing I'd want to do is put any stress on the situation so supporting her decisions is the only thing I could do.

[MADIQ]

@Apple1996 , you have been here long enough can you please answer my question in my profile, i would love that.

[Apple1996]

@MADIQ what questions

[MADIQ]

@Apple1996 in my profile.

[btbc92]

Tell her to get married. You made your choice, then you get married. I tell everybody wait until marriage to have sex. Because the moment you have sex you already married in God's eyes. You having sex outside of marriage guarantees nothing with a man. At least in marriage, if he does something wrong you have your legal right. If you did something wrong, he has his legal rights. If you're going to open up your legs before you are married you are now an adult and you are held responsible. I am not raising somebody else's kid. That may be my grandchild, but at the end of the day that is her child. She needs to speak with the father, and they need to work it out. Whatever her decision is she must figure it out with him now. Because if not she's going to have to find somewhere to go with this guy if she doesn't want to listen to me. Because now he abandoned her because she made a decision she shouldn't have made, then all I can do is help her to get what she needs done to help take care of that child but at the end of the day she's going to be primarily responsible. Because unless she was raped that was her personal choice.

[jaybee281]

Women's problem nowadays is they accept fucking a guy without having that commitment - very very bad deal - they're the only ones losing sleeping with douchebags

[btbc92]

@jaybee281 Dude. I am a virgin. I never touched a man. Never dated a man, believe in God, getting my education, working, etc. Where am I sleeping with douchebags while guys like you are watching porn and lusting after every woman you find sexually attractive. Get real. Your not that great either.

[btbc92]

That's what happens when you decided not to marry the girl instead of sleeping with a 12 and 13-year-old. COME ON!!! They believe your lies, sleep with you, and then your mad when it didn't work out or get pregnant. Women listen to men. We are NOT sleeping or looking to have sex with the same sex, unless their gay, and neither are we sleeping in incest with a sibling, parent or GRANDPARENT let alone extended FAMILY. A girl NATURALLy wants to be MARRIED. She is having sex because everybody was told the lie about being more sexually experiences or else you will get divorce, unhappy marriage and sex life. STUDIES have proven all of that to be false! The more parents you have, if done this before 18 and shack up before marriage and that also includes having children out of wedlock, your chances of marriage DROPS. Especially with each sex partner. Mostly for women. Women cannot get pregnant on their own. And the only want a woman loses her virginity is a man's penis to the vagina. NOW you have sex toys and all kinds of ways! Better for you as a man to have dignity and not sleep with a woman you aren't married to than to create marriages in God eyes and then divorcing them by messing with another girl. Not ALL girls deliberately just sleep with men just because. They are the MINORITY. And the minority of them get pregnant or dumped or called the so-called slut at middle or high school. It is not the girl who loses her virginity in trust and then gets shames for knowing. Even if she knows. She THOUGHT she was doing the right thing. She's been lied to. As do men when women used them too. It's SAD. And I would be damned if I have somebody hurt my daughter. But if she wants to rebel, mom cannot HELP, you now. The law wouldn't even permit me to without forcing it against my rights by law because of what she chose to do.

[btbc92]

I want her married and happy, not stuck with a child, a no-good guy, and to be miserable and expect me to do something she shouldn't have done. I never had premarital sex, I could have done it, but I didn't. People have CHOICES. Age has zip to do with it. I know their mindset. Even at 8 girls were talking about sex. DREAM ON. I knew Russian girls having sex with 17-year old by 12. They sexualized young and the parents permit it.

You men didn't want to get married. You don't want to wait. You wanted to play the field. You made your bad. Live with it. I do not have to have sex with a nonvirgin be if it's rare when it doesn't have to be or not. EVERYBODY has CHOICES. So who are you to judge? Is your sexual history clean? Are you a virgin? Did you wait for marriage? Let's not get to that conversation.

[jaybee281]

@btbc92 Last time I watched porn was more than 3 years ago - I'm guilty of being a douchebag though never said I wasn't - Difference being I don't get judged if I fuck and leave - bigger difference is when I don't fuck women think "I'm too nice" - if they so want me to do it to keep my manhood intact then yea I'll do it fuck being treated like I'm some weak shy dude - I adapt and literally had nothing to lose except what for me was the respect that women didn't want me to have for them (most "douchebags" can relate) - Though we both know it's the opposite for women - the more you fuck the less valued you are - it ain't about the idea of sex it's about the consequences of it..

[btbc92]

I don't have to gloat. People make mistakes. But sex is COSTLY. And it is not a joke. You can bring forth life or destroy life. You people are misusing sex. You have no idea the power it has, and it's more than just physical. You can change destinies with it. Do you people not realize the POWER that is literally in your HANDS that is a God-given GIFT! Look at the movie SOULS. You are transversing TIME to bring forth another from a different place into the physical realm! To create a body you need an egg, and a man's sperm to create a NEW LIFE. God makes the soul, knows the soul, brings the soul to whom he sees fit for the life ahead, and we are grown as a fetus into the womb and the womb brings forth "FRUIT". The Bible says this: A child can be a blessing as the vineyard, or a made a curse. When you do that, you're damning your own children and offspring. But thank God, through childbirth the mother is saved. Her life for their life. Unless God had his reasons to permit it, people are playing God and don't know it all for what?: Pleasure. Your not just potentially getting children or disease. But soul ties. You are becoming ONE with that person and you live with that soul as long as they live no matter where you are. This why women relive those sexual experiences and can't let go in bed with another man. She has to secretly live with it. And when a man leaves her it leaves a scar spiritually and sexually. She will never tell you because it is a woman's burden. You men do not have to deal with that. You have power to detach and attach at WILL. ONLY if you DESIRE to attach, otherwise you can just breed, we have to live with the scars, why do you think the most in suicides is not men, it's women and young girls? Especially in America? For this very reason. All a woman wants is love. Love births sex within. Yet you want the love and the pleasure and yet you still don't know how to have sex. Sex is like playdoe. You never know what you can make with it.

[btbc92]

If you think that of women, you don't need a woman. You don't treat human beings like cattle. Worse than cattle.

[btbc92]

You have no place to judge. Your the way you are because you don't love yourself and you lack a self. That is destructive and somebody ends up dead because of it. Be responsible for yourself like I had to be responsible for myself. I love me for me and How God created me. Nothing wrong with me. Something wrong with people who don't know how to love others. You do not deserve maximum punishment for being a sensitive man. But you will be judged by what you choose to do with it when it transgressed against another. This is where love, grace, compassion and forgiveness, and salvation come from. You need to understand God's love, ask for forgiveness, seek SALVATION through Jesus for he has shown us the way, have compassion for the world, and forgive yourself! Any grace given to you, don't take it for GRANTED. Basics of how to be a human being.

[jaybee281]

I agree with every word you're saying - literally - Might make me a hypocrite - but I don't care - I've had a girl go talk about how I'm a pussy for not daring to kiss her - I just didn't want to but go tell that to your entire classroom - no one would believe you and that's it you're there hearing people teasing you about how to kiss and to not be afraid - Another girl i really really really cared about - never kissed her (again out of respect) we were both 18 - for me that was the night where I would kiss her because I did love her - for her it was the night in which she decided to ruin me and tell my closest friends that I'm a creep and that someone should teach me how to behave - just because in her head I rejected her when I was touching her then started talking to a close female friend who I haven't seen in 6 months and spent the majority of the night with - after all that reputation fucking she asked me:"when you were touching me was it just casual or like more serious like you felt something?" as if like she didn't fuck everyone's perception of me including other girls - no thank you Got depressed for half a year and moved to another country for a year - I know the truth as much as you do but most people don't value what you're saying - maybe in theory they do but look at their actions they don't - different standards hold both men and women - and both have their sacrifices and in this age - mine would have been to what in my mind was respecting women..

[btbc92]

@jaybee281 Man. You have choices. You either live with them or start a new. You do not have to accept the life they want to put on you. But you're not doing yourself good service by being like that and you do nothing. It's hard, but not impossible learning to form your own happiness without having to deal with these crazy people. That girl is lost, nothing you could have done about it. That girl did what she did in evil. And you were manipulated and abused. And you need to forgive yourself for it.

[jaybee281]

I can't change - I've tried many fuckin times - You know that feeling when your heart presses and goes down your stomach? That's every time I think about stopping this - I can't do it - I know what I could lose because I've been there - you say it doesn't do me any good - People are so shallow nowadays it did everything to me - even more women like me now (even those that are very hot and know the value of sex) - men admire me because most can't have sex with a hot woman and besides that thing from high school no one has shit on me - Get the attention of women and the admiration of men and that's it i got my social life handled - why would I mess with it - makes me question the difference between my values and human nature from what I've experienced - I despise this conversation forget about it - By the way middle aged white men lead suicide rates - men in total kill themselves many more times than women as well (check rates from 1984 to 2016 haven't seen newer ones)..

[btbc92]

@jaybee281 Dude. It is still a choice. Yes, you can. It's a choice to or not. You made your life like that, so you decide if you want to continue to live it. If one of my friends can go from having men every day for loneliness to getting married and finding him, so can you.

[jaybee281]

Just forget about it - thanks for the talk

[jgokgotit]

First, I would comfort her and let her know I will be happy to be a grandfather. However, I would tell her that she needs to woman up and take responsibility for her choice. I will help her, but it is up to her to raise the child. I see no point in punishing her, making her feel bad about it. However, I will also reemphasize that members of our family do not condone the killing of an innocent life just to erase a mistake. I'd make her take full responsibility for her actions but would also help her. I would do my best to contact the father, but I know there are limits to what I can do. I would find out who it is from my daughter, then ask him and his parents to meet with me and my daughter and all of us will figure out a solution. I grew up without a father and do not wish that on my kids or grandkids. If I failed to get ahold of the father, then we would raise the kid without him.

[Máiiréad]

Not going to praise her but shit happens. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So I’d help raise the kid. My mom pretty much did that when my sister got knocked up at 19/20. If my sister was that age and needed help, a 16 year old is definitely going to need help. I’m not making anyone have an abortion. That’s not my call but I will help support whatever they want to do. If they want to give up the child for adoption, that is their choice. But I will be okay with help raising the child. I personally find children to be blessings, even in untimely circumstances. Babies are innocent.

[slatyb]

I would hope that my daughter would know that she could tell me she was pregnant the second she found out, instead of waiting until she was 4 months along. So I would first be thinking what I had done or said that made her afraid to tell me earlier. Then I would ask her what she wants to do -- does she want to terminate the pregnancy, or carry it to term? If she doesn't want to terminate, then does she want to raise the baby or put it up for adoption? At four months there's not much time left to make a decision.

[Phoenix98]

At first I'd be furious but after I calmed down I would talk to my daughter calm her down and I would go and talk with the kid who did it and I would make sure his parents knew if they didn't already.

Then I would make sure that the kid took responsibility for his actions he was moronic as hell and he's gonna take reasonability and take care of the kid they both are, both getting jobs both are taking care of and raising that kid.

And if they said they weren't gonna take care of it then it would at least get adopted but it's not getting aborted.

[ObscuredBeyond]

After the initial shock, I'd talk logistics with her. I'd also reach out an olive branch to the baby daddy. And hope he doesn't do anything else stupid. I'd contact his family when I felt safe doing so. I'd also want to know what their thought processes were in the heat of the moment. The usual rationalizations , or some external pressure? I'd treat external pressure sources with the most contempt.

"So, Audrey, you think it's funny, telling Hali to bang Roger to prove she's not a lesbian? Well, you're 'joking around' just made their lives needlessly difficult. Tell you what? You can sell that car your dad gave you on your sweet 16, and pay Hali's hospital bill! Show Roger you can be responsible too, capice? Dares and blackmail are expensive! Didn't anyone ever teach you that? No? What is the use of schools, if you can't even figure that out? Feeling a little gypped by the taxman yet? I do!"

[rainbowbi]

I'm not a mom or anything , I'm 20 and had a pregnant young sis. I think you should hug her and tells her you love her and every thing is okay. tells her about her options like keeping baby , adoption etc. YES contact the father because she did not make this baby alone.
but in general be supportive , inform her and talk to her more.
my parents did not do any of this with my sister they were so angry and mad at her that she decided to get an abortion by herself and she did , but since last year that this happened she is depressed and sad.

[Cicero79]

There are many people who were born to teenage mothers.

I'm willing to bet most are happy to be alive.

[Blackgirlasja]

First off, comfort her and let her know I’m here for her. Secondly, see where her head is.. often parents believe in making the decision for the child.., but your child made her first adult decision when she opened her legs, so allow her to make her next decision. Thirdly, arrange to meet with the father of her child and explain to them, I am only the mediator. They will have pay for their decision, whether it is an abortion (they are paying), if they plan to keep the child (they are paying for it) . I’m just just moral and emotional support.


I know my parents wouldn’t support me in any way and I’m grown but I don’t want to be that sort of parent to my children.

[Bee-Hatch]

I'd have a discussion with her. Lay out her options and expectations. Remind her the discussion that had already been had about contraception. Point out there's no such thing as an unexpected pregnancy. And give her time to mull over her options.
Next I'd go and have a discussion with the parents of the father. If the conception was before she was over legal age I'd consider going and having a discussion with the police. Then finally as abortions illegal after 24 weeks here in the UK find out what her decision is. 4 months gives a 6 week window to terminate if that's her choice. If she keeps it. She's a lot of growing up to do in a real short time frame, grown up decisions have grown up consequences.

[greektragedy]

I would be disappointed but immediately put my disappointment to the side to discuss with her what to do next. I would ask her what does she feel is best and only put in my input if she asks. I would hope she would want to give the baby up as I don't believe in abortions for many reasons but the main one being that it is very risky in health especially at her age but I wouldn't want her to have such a huge responsibility as raising a child at 16.

Ultimately, the decision will be up to her and I would support her in whatever decision she decides to make but I would advise her not to do the abortion because I know how mentally and physically damaging it can be (a few of my friends had one and regrets it to this day).

[AdithyaR]

Of course I'd be upset but that wouldn't be the thing to focus on. First would be to console and let her know I support her.
Then I'll tell her about the pros and cons of both carrying the pregnancy and abortion. Whatever decision she takes, I'll support it.
If she chooses to abort, I will make the necessary arrangements and make sure she feels safe and comfortable about it.
If she chooses to carry it out, I'll help her my best and make sure I do everything I can.

I'm assuming this situation to be a result of a consensual relationship between her and a guy (her being rape victim would be totally different situation). I'd also contact the biological father in hopes of checking whether he wishes to be involved and contribute for child however he can. If not, I'd console my daughter about that too.
I guess that's all I can do.

[Meldrum]

An interesting question. First of all, have the parents given her "the talk"? No, not the birds and bees. Hopefully, that was done ages ago. The talk about responsibility, made sure she was on the pill or some other type of contraceptive? Ask why she waited 4 months to tell you and what does she want to do? There are options but 4 months into a pregnancy cuts some of those options down. Point out that if she keeps the child, no adoption or abortion, life will be complicated and she might not be able to do all of the things she had planned for her life. (by the way: I had this talk with both of my girls, well before 16 years old).

[sobg1124]

I would take her to get an ultrasound, and let her hear her baby's heartbeat, so, hopefully, prayerfully, she would not get an abortion. Then, I would encourage her strongly to consider adoption. I would make contact with the father and his parents, personally, and demand payment for any/all expenses. And if she decided not to adopt, that would mean total support until the child is of age. I would not go lightly on him. Finally, I would forgive my daughter for the poor decision she made.

[just_a_potato]

You are a very kind man sir, especially for a situation as rough as teenage pregnancy

[sobg1124]

Thank you, just a potato.

[Z1pTD]

This is so the perfect response!

[ShadezMcgee]

Would probably process those words and sit in my garage with a drink to calm down and think about how to apporach the issue. Knowing me I would probably get angry at the fact she withheld that information and that she is pregnant so young to begin with, but I would still love her regardless.

Once I got my bearings I would talk to her and figure out what happened and then go have a talk with the soon to be father and his dad as well. I am not for abortion, so she would carry the baby and during that time it will be her job to decide to give it up for adoption or keeping it. If she decides the latter, I will help to an extent, but she will ultimately be responsible for her baby, her life, education and finances.

[ChrisMaster69]

Main thing no matter the country or culture is to give emotional support.

you then need to discuss keeping or not.

I grew up with this, as teenage pregnancies were pretty common (13 upwards).

keeping means potentially not doing uni, not having a certain career path

having means you have a bundle of joy.

a lot depends on support she can expect from family, room in house, house prices, impact on family income.

it is not an easy choice and no one on here realistically can give you an answer, only opinions.

[eileen_ruth]

Let her have a choice and tell her to get on birth control next time. I'd maybe encourage adoption? Fuck it this is hard. I'd help raise her kid so she could finish school.

My cousin did this and didn't get child support bc she was a strong independent woman and... sigh

[Cicero79]

Bingo!!!

Your cousin was a strong woman at an early age.

[eileen_ruth]

@Cicero79 she was! She's still raising her little boy, and he's doing so good. Definitely adjusting well

[Cicero79]

Good to hear.

[Alexandrubaschet08]

I will make huge scandal and schream and i will go crazy and tell her a lot of theribe stuffs when i finde out.
I will obligate her to keep going to school whnyile she become 18 if she want my help, i will not care she have huge belly.
Put her to keep the guy around her life to take care of the kid because afther she become 18 i will not take care and help her whit her mistake. If that guy run i will finde him and beat the shit out of his balls.
Afther she become 18 she is on her own and she can come back to us when she will be able to handle to grow the kid and have the education i wanted her to have.
Because i will not accept such a stupid mistake in my future family

[AmericanGuy123]

At first I would honestly be upset and disappointed, even angry. But, if there was ever a time when a teen needs her parent's to be caring, understanding, and supportive it would be at a time like this. A pregnant 16 year old is already under tremendous stress as it is. I would want my daughter to know that she can always rely on her parents for support, guidance and love.

[just_a_potato]

Oh wow... Daddy.

[Lunatic1]

The delay would change my reaction a bit, but not much. As much as I hope my daughter will not end up in this situation that young, I would be there for her. As for the father, I would make sure he knows about the pregnancy but I wouldn't force him to be involved. If he wants to be a deadbeat, so be it. My wife, assuming I have one, and I will help her raise the kid and make sure she can become her own person.

[just_a_potato]

Wow someone who isn't willing to throw the minor they have been raising for the last 16 years out of their house to an unknown despise. Charming.

[Lunatic1]

Because it is what would be right. Blood is forever, and to let something get in the way of that means you failed to be a good person.