What would you do?
My mom met a guy on Match.com 4 months ago. He gave her a fake name at first, he said because he had a stalker from Match and he liked to be extra cautious. On their 3rd date, she spent the night at his house. 3 months later, she found out his real name. So, this guy was sleeping with my mom for 3 months before he told her his real name. He's known her real name, her maiden name, and her married name since day one.
On their 5th date, he asked her to drive to his house instead of him picking her up. Ever since, she's been coming to him. She drives 20 minutes at night, sometimes in the middle of the night, to come home from his house. And he doesn't seem to care that he's asking her to do this. She drives to his house on Friday night and comes home in the middle of the night on Sunday. Her boyfriend knows she has to get up at 5 to take my brother and sister to school, but he doesn't care.
He came to our house to meet myself and my siblings on their 2nd date. He hasn't made an effort to come here since.
He also gave my mom Starbucks giftcards and told her to go get the two of them coffee and bring it to his house whenever she felt like it during the week. Really? He can't get off his lazy ass and bring her coffee to her house? She ends up bringing him coffee at least 2 days a week.
He has also made some rude comments about her kids. For instance, my 16 year old sister has a boyfriend she just started dating. My mom's boyfriend told my mom that all my sister's boyfriend wants to do is get in my sister's pants and that my sister is going to get pregnant. He actually jokes about this happening. When in reality, my sister is a virgin and tells me everything, and even the fact that they both decided their not going to go that far.
My younger brother is the most angry about everything. He has a lot of issues because our dad died and my mom never got us counseling. And he's not afraid to voice his opinion. My mom had stayed over at her boyfriend's house for 3 days over spring break. This pissed my brother off because we never get to see my mom anymore anyway, so he called her and her boyfriend answered. My brother said "I don't need your bullsh*t. I just wanna talk to my mom." I'll admit he shouldn't have used that language, but my mom's boyfriend lost his temper and said "I'm gonna come over there and kick your a** you little f*cker." My mom just sat there and let this man talk to her son that way. Then, my mom's boyfriend texted my brother telling him he needs Prozac.
My mom's boyfriend also made a comment that my mom should have aborted my brother before he became a problem. My mom told me this and laughed about it.
I feel like this guy just wants my mom all to himself. My mom is very needy and trusting and it has gotten her into trouble before, so this isn't that surprising. She is also emotionally immature, so she thinks like a 16 year old. This makes it worse.
What can I do?
Most Helpful Girl
Your mother obviously lacks self esteem and has poor judgement skills.
Not only did your mom meet someone from the Internet which can be completely dangerous, but she slept with him right away.
She needs to be a parent and set better examples for her children, and by her doing this I don't see that at all.
I can't really blame this guy she is with for his behavior.
People will only do what you allow them to do.
They will get has far has they'd like with it, if there are no boundaries.
Your mom allows herself to be a doormat to this guy, so why should he feel guilty about the way he is treating her? If she doesn't say any different.
Your mom is allowing a grown man to threaten a underage teenage boy, (and doesn't step in and let them know in this situation, they both are wrong and are going overboard).
She just sits down and lets whatever happens happen.
It seems has though although your mom has physically moved on from the relationship of your father (may his soul rest in peace). She has not mentally.
She probably doesn't realize this guy is mistreating her, and is using him has a void to fill because your father is no longer there.
He may be bad.
He may not be the best guy.
He may be rude.
He may be disrespectful.
But to her, anything feels better than being alone,
Even if that means being mistreated.
Your mother needs counseling or therapy, to learn ways and techniques to deal with the lost of your father. (Not just individual counseling, but may I suggest family counseling). Since you all are going through this.
This is the time when you all should come together, and share the hurt and pain.
It's OK to cry.
It's OK to be angry.
It's OK to hurt.
It's OK to be upset.
You aren't alone.
Your mother isn't dealing with the death of her husband, which is why this has triggered a complete personality change.
You need to come together with your brother, and even her BFF (if you can), and let her know how her actions are affecting everyone all around you.
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