My (M 31) friend (F 25) got upset with me for declining an invitation to hang with her and her boyfriend. I told her I didn't want to be third wheel and she started a whole fight about it.
She and her boyfriend barely spend any time together and I feel like that when they do spend time together, i should not be there all the time as well. I have nothing against the guy, i have no issues hanging out but I do feel some activities have a sense of romance in them that i should not be at.
At the end of the argument, it basically came down to her being upset with me, because I put myself in second place. While she wants me to see myself and our friendship as equal to her relationship.
I dont really see why this needed to be an argument but she became very hostile over it.
i am really confused how to feel about this because even though the point she wanted to make is a caring one, but she said some hurtfull things that were out of line.
Is it really wrong of me to give her space for her relationship?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
"While she wants me to see myself and our friendship as equal to her relationship."
But it's not though. When you're in a relationship, you have a DUTY to prioritize it over your mere friendships. That's because when you're with someone and you have SIGNIFICANT other, especially one that has the potential to be your fiance/husband or wife in the near future, you SHOULD prioritize them! They are supposed to know you more INTIMATELY than just a friend would, someone you have a rather shallow or superficial relationship with!
Another thing is you have EVERY RIGHT to decline her invitation to hang to hang out and she cannot be upset over that. She has to RESPECT your wants and needs too. That's what would spell a good friend! Not someone who is BOSSING you around and expecting you to be there at her beck and call (if it's going in that direction). She doesn't seem all that comfortable with her boyfriend/partner from what you're telling me. She'd rather make it a more public date, which tells me they are having some problems already/intimacy issues. She needs to address that, otherwise, her relationship with her boyfriend is going to become a more negative and unhealthy thing in my opinion.
You absolutely made the right choice. At the end of the day, all her talking points exist to try and get you to do what she wants. If you don’t feel comfortable hanging out with them, then don’t go, and don’t feel pressured to go.
Sounds to me like she thinks of you as a little bit more than a friend, I’m thinking she likes you.
I have literally told her that to me, my relation would always be my number 1 and that she could be my number 1 if she wanted to. (I am single)
She told me she politely declined to leave that spot to someone more suitable
Does she not think she’s suitable?
Maybe she’s a control freak?
I honestly dont know if she doesn't consider herself suitable to me. I always thought she didn't find me attractive or found the age gap too big. Or some other form of social conflict.
She can be a real Karen sometimes but i wouldn't call her a control freak at all. Just a little uptight once in a while
How big is the age difference?
I think she wants you
We are 6 years apart but her current boyfriend is younger.
Even if she wants me, i dont know what the next step would be. Even if she is unhappy in her current relation, i dont feel like she would end it
I guess if it was me, I would ask her to go on a date