Family & Friends
2 mo

Could you ever forgive me for this, or rebuild a friendship with me? What do I do?

So, I have this neighbor, and we developed a pretty good friendship. We would text, hangout, and actually occasionally slept together. She was quite sweet, but also a bit difficult to handle because of a previous relationship of hers that got abusive.

However, I was going through (in retrospect, but not recognized then) a mental health crisis. Suffering from severe anxiety, depression, paranoia, fear.. etc.

Just some examples, I would wake up randomly in nights in fits of terror. Sometimes I would have needs to harm myself (almost like the need to scratch an itch). There were points I was so on edge that anything would set me off and I would go into a blind rage. I was extremely depressed and saw very little positive in anything. Top this will added stresses from work and family situations, and no outlets to throw it.

It was a giant red flag that I ignored. In one day last month, I broke my phone, my television, and then nearly got into a car accident within just an hours time. I was going through a clear nervous breakdown.

One night, I was set off, and threatened her on the phone, said some very terrible things to her, and then damaged her car. This led to me calling her and apologizing, and telling her to call the police. I was promptly arrested for the first time in my life.

The next morning she texted me to tell me she was not interested in taking it further (like restraining order), and just wanted her car fixed, for us to return to being neighbors, and eventually maybe friends. I was near suicide, and not very responsive, mostly just afraid. She told me not to move, just to live my life.. etc. I eventually threw some blame on her in that conversation

My neighbor blocked me. Haven't talked to her in 2 weeks.

It was a wake up call. Now I am working on myself, medicated, journally, meditating, etc..

Is it possible I can regain her respect?

Updates
2 mo
I will further add that her best friend is my coworker. Initially she was scared of me, but I immediately spoke to her about what happened. Currently, we have a friendly working relationship again, she willingly approaches and talks to me as a coworker friend again. Perhaps that is hope that things will return to some semblance of normalcy with my neighbor?

I am trying to work on it, I am doing everything I can. Have court coming up soon too. This whole situation woke me up to my issues I ignor
Could you ever forgive me for this, or rebuild a friendship with me? What do I do?
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