Why a girl who friend-zoned me starts texting after monthes of no contact?

[Anonymous]

“Okay, everyone, it feels shameful to say, but I liked her for about four years before I told her, and she friend-zoned me. I tried to stay away from her, but she was always trying to stay friends with me. She kind of annoyed me, and after all, I agreed to become friends. Over time, we even became best friends. I always thought that she only wanted attention, and I was only staying her friend so I wouldn’t feel hurt if I moved on. Maybe she would change, even though I knew it was only 1% possible. But after 1.5 years of that friendship, she started replying late and ending the conversations too quickly—there wasn’t even a 5-minute break. Also, she never texted first. I was going to ask her why, but I changed my mind for some reason, and I just stopped texting her. Then, after four months of no contact, she started texting me again, and she replied quickly. I wasn’t interested in her texts because I had a lot going on at that time. She noticed that and asked what happened, but I said nothing, and she left the conversation after noticing my lack of interest. It’s been a month now. So, the questions are: Was she only trying to become friends again? Did she want attention? Or did she change her mind? And did I make the right choice?

[Anonymous]

Well you are young (and dumb…no offense) so I will cut you some slack on “waiting” four years to tell her you liked her.

Let me fill you in a few hard facts of the situation:

• She knew you liked her long before you told her. Women have very strong intuition for that and know 99.99% of time if a man is interested (and yet they play dumb to it). Especially if they spent a lot of time around him (4 years!)
• If she was interested in you she would of given you a strong signal about it at one point or made a move. But she never was. She had you right where she wanted you (a friendzoned guy is a huge asset women love to exploit) and was just hoping you would never say anything or worse make a move.
• It’s extremely rare when a woman and man start off as (truly legitimate) platonic friends that it later turns romantic. You got a 1 out of 100 chance of that. Do like having a 99% chance of ending up where you are now?
• Women are generally a lot more selfish then men because of evolution. There was a time in history they had to be for survival. But no longer necessary in modern times but they haven’t evolved out of it. The benefits she got from having you as “a friend” far outweighed any guilt she felt about doing that to you. That is if she had any guilt in the first place.
• Men and women weren’t historically “platonic friends” often through out history. Especially if they were in dating range. Not true “hang out friends”. Reason being is they got married young. Hanging out with someone of the opposite gender was a often a very bad sign that something was going on back then.
• This is going to burn but you have to accept this. She really has doesn’t respect you as a real man but sees as more relatable to another platonic female. It’s the ugly truth but it’s true.

Remember your attraction towards her has released feel good brain chemicals which are warping your judgment. She on the other hand doesn’t have this problem. She’s not interested in you hence she sees everything clearly (and wants to exploit it).

If you don’t have self respect you don’t have nothing. Tell her best of luck but you are not “her friend”. Draw the line on that bullshit. She’s probably confident that she can still manipulate you into what she had going on earlier. Don’t be an idiot. But if you want to torture yourself and watch he fall in love with another man (and come ask you for advice about that or worse complain about him) then be my guest. Because sooner or later that’s what you are gong to hear from her.

[Asker]

Well yeah you are right I'm young I'm 20 yo now, yeah I'm dumb even I can't deny that and that was offensive it took me years to realise every single word you said but about the 4 yo is was a result of bad typing I meant being interest in her for 4 yo than I told her after 2 years and friend zoned for 1.5 years to 2 years. I don't think will change anything in the story but thanks for your honesty anyway

[Opinion Owner]

Everything I said above is what I WISH someone said to me when I was your age. I went through exactly what you went through more then once.

Just remember that your mind isn’t judging her behavior accurately because you have feelings. She doesn’t have feelings but she craves attention. But she knows where you stand and she doesn’t deserve it. She has no right to it.

Be careful. She is likely trying to “throw you a bone” so she can keep as an orbiter. You have more self respect then to be an orbiter. I would either ignore her outright or just flat out say “he do so. You know where I stand. If you are not interested in that I can accept that. But I really don’t want any communication with you. To put it bluntly I don’t do the friendzone”. Then have no other conversation then that UNLESS she says she willing to try dating. If that happens ping me up on this thread because you are still on shaky ground.

[Opinion Owner]

Also I understand the feeling of not wanting to abandon a “lost cause”. You did waste 4 years getting to know her. I know how your ego is screaming that you are owed something for that time/emotion/hope investment (I hope you didn’t waste any money on her).

If she doesn’t react that the way you want just take this as hard yet necessary lesson on the right and wrong way to pursue a woman you like. In the future you need to speak up, make a move or do something early in the dating process to show where you stand. If she rejects you then no big deal. Because you are a man and there is nothing wrong with (respectfully) showing romantic interest. You deserve respect and if she can’t provide that then tell her the best of luck. Always respect yourself.

[Asker]

Thanks bro

[Opinion Owner]

No worried. Let me know she responds. by the way you were likely raised in a culture where you were taught to kiss women’s asses. But never feel guilty for being a man with needs. That doesn’t mean becoming an Andrew Tate disciple. But I am so f*cking fed up seeing guys who are afraid to speak up because they have been taught “it might make a woman uncomfortable”. Bullshit.

You deserve just as much respect as she demands from men. If she’s not interested walk and never look back.

[PreferNot2Say]

Amen brother. I've been saying the same thing for decades. Women are users by claiming a guy is just a "friend". They've gotten away with it for so long that they have become beyond arrogant with it. I blame men for continuing to allow them to get away with it. Good luck to this young man.

[Opinion Owner]

@PreferNot2Say “they’ve gotten away with it for so that they have become arrogant with it”. Yep. That’s how they come up with “the friendzone doesn’t exist” and “if you are in the friendzone you put yourself there” bullshit. They think if they can deny this issue exists or worse feel entitled to it then it will magically go away.

To this young man’s credit he very likely had no one show him the ropes on to handle women in these situations. I know I sure as hell didn’t. Nobody pulled me aside and gave me the hard truth back then.

He’s also (brain) chemically compromised. He’s not judging her accurately because he has feelings. She doesn’t have feelings but she doesn’t mind manipulating his for her own ends. To make matters worse is that young women are usually ahead of young men when it comes to emotional maturity/development. They know what’s “going on” better. This is simple biology.

This all comes down to respect specially self respect. While no man is entitled to sex/intimacy he is entitled to have his feelings respected. Men can deny (and should) “friendships” from women just like women can deny sex/relationships.

But men have an ego problem here. They want don’t want to accept the ugly truth in this. They are hoping they are the exception to the rule.

[PreferNot2Say]

Men are at fault for crap like this. Men and women CANNOT be just friends. Women have been getting away with this ruse since they were teenagers. As teens men are too inexperienced to see that women are just users. Women, no matter how much they deny it crave male attention of any kind at all times. Women know that they don't truly have male friends, cuz they know that they're just keeping around a pool of replacements for when their relationships end. As men we need too start raising our boys to not fall for that bullshit anymore, end the cycle of the abuse. Let there be no doubt it is a form of mental and emotional abuse.

[PeachyPie93]

It was probably she wanted something, like attention or try to be friends again but it is basically just because they are lonely nothing else.

[David94358]

You made the right choice, if you want to be more then friends and she only wants you as a friend then it will be terrible for you.. cut her off.

You can tell her that, you want to date her and just being friends doesn't work for you.

[82lynx]

Another flaky, immature user. As painful as it may be for you in the short term, drop her sorry ass. She’ll never respect you as long as you remain available at all.

[ProbablyClueless]

Sounds like she wanted to give you time to cool off before trying to be in touch with you again.

[handsomelad70]

Probably because she broke up with her boyfriend and she wants to know if you're available to be her beau.

[In_Trance]

Lame

[dustybiker2]

She was using you. You deserve better.

[sheikalana]

I really think she just wants attention.

[DextroShade]

She's fishing for beta bucks.