I saw my brother at the gay bar. Should I tell my family about this?

Question

My family is anti-LGBT. If they know this, they will probably kick my brother out of the house, but I want to prevent my brother from falling into a bad path, so I will tell my family about this. I'm doing my brother a big favor, he'll understand me when he becomes a mature adult. I love my brother very much.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

I'd personally tell the family. I do think the more he goes to gay bars the more he'll fall into that LGBT movement. I think if anything I feel like he needs therapy, but not from these modern day therapists. They'll just tell him "Go be gay and don't worry about your family."

And people saying it's his life and he's free to do what he wants are completely right. But not under your parents roof he's not.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

HOW do you think getting him kicked out will make him not gay? Based on what I've seen and heard that will have literally the opposite effect—he will have no more incentive to pretend to be straight, and will fully embrace the gay lifestyle and turn his back on his parents  and you.  Is that your idea of "saving" him? Pushing him away into the arms of the queer community?

Cutegirl06 · Answer

Don't mention it to your parents! So he's gay big deal! There's nothing wrong with being gay! Let him be who he is your just going to push him towards depression and maybe suicide! Why can't people just mind their own business!! If you really love your brother you won't say anything. If you and your parents don't like being gay then don't date the same sex! It's really that simple. Let your brother be who he is! Do you really think you're going to change him? That's like asking him to change his eye color! This sounds like it has more to do with religion bs!

236color · Answer

So you think them kicking him out in the street is doing him a favor? That's some strange logic there. By "a bad path" I assume you mean being gay, (which by the way he may not be. I've been to gay bars and I'm not gay) That is the most likely reason I'll admit. My objection is less to assuming he's gay and more to the inference that if he is, it's a "path" he can choose not to take. I didn't wake up one day and decide to be straight? I didn't, I just am. If your brother is gay, he didn't choose it. I know fundamentalist Christians don't like that because if they accept that, then they have to accept God made gay people in his/her/it's image. If God made gay people, then they can't justify their hate and fear of them. You'll believe what you want believe and do what you want to do, but if you do this, your brother will not thank you some day. If he lives, he may never speak to you again. Your best action is to keep your mouth shut. Also, not that it will make any difference, but if you do that know I will forever consider you an asshole.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I believe that you love your brother but the path you want to take would go against your love for your brother because this isn't your business. How about talking about to him first since you're both old enough to be a bar you should be adult and mature enough to talk about it.

Your comment assuming he'll understand when he becomes mature, when you aren't demonstrating maturity, by "tattling" on him is hypocrisy at its finest. Maybe you don't want to be hypocritical or hurtful to your brother but assuming anything about his feelings might set you all up for feelings to be really hurt. Also if he is gay that isn't something that makes him immature.

Hey if you want to put your brother on blast with your intolerant parents and be a nosy sibling and tell on him like he's a child then you have the right plan.

Im unsure how you see your plan as appropriate at all. I'd love to understand you more. I'm a little harsh because it says you're 30-35 and explained yourself in a way that leads me to believe you're intolerant of how he chooses to live his life and how you want to somehow tell others his personal business which seems really immature.

Dantec2024 · Answer

Why would you do that to him. They will ruin him and he will probably fall down into a deep depression. He is your brother, there is nothing wrong with being gay. It's just his nature, him being gay will not hurt you or your family. My cousin is gay and she married her wife when I was maybe 6 when they legalized it. My family was very anti-LGBTQ but we chose to love rather than hate. If you really cared about him you should have been more supportive of him rather than just outing him to your family. I am a Catholic and I believe in loving everyone no matter what. If animals can be gay and God made them then so can people

SomothErgai · Answer

What were YOU doing in the gay bar in the first place?

Besides the obvious hypocrisy, your brother will not understand anything besides your betrayal. Which that would be, plIn and simple. He will remember that forever and will always know that you are not someone he could ever trust or depend on.

So if that's your goal then I can say, for sure, you do not love your brother. You are in love with feeling superior to anyone that you can, any way that you can.

The person in need of becoming a mature adult here, is you.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I would highly advise you to  not  do this. Outing someone who's LGBT+ is not appropriate or right in any way. Plus, you'll be getting him kicked out of the house if anything and he will not be happy with you at all. If you want your brother to be on the right path don't tell your family. Let him be his queer-self outside of the house and in spaces where he's fully accepted for who he is as a person. It's no one else's business but his that he goes to gay bars at night. But since you've seen him in one, maybe talk to him about it in private together. But listen to him and be respectful when he opens up to you. If you aren't, then you might end up hurting him. This is very sensitive stuff. So please, be very careful. And if you don't want to talk to him, that's fine too. But don't tell any of your family members. His secret is now your secret too.

Lliam · Answer

That would make you a sneaky, back stabbing rat, someone never to be trusted ever again. You are motivated by hate, not love, regardless of how you try to rationalize your attitude. You're sanctimony is wicked and ungodly.

If you destroy your brother's bond with you and your family and wind up ruining his life, you deserve the consequence of being despised and suffering eternal guilt.

A person can't be changed from being gay any more than a heterosexual can be changed into gay. So outing your beloved brother will only cause damage, pain and misery to all concerned.

AviatorTom · Answer

A big emphatic NO !!!

Let me get this straight. You want to tell the family so your brother gets kicked out of the house... nice sister you are (sarcasm).

FYI... just because he's at a gay bar doesn't mean he's gay. I know several guys who sometimes go to gay bars just to interact with "the guys", watch sports, have a few beers. And even if he is gay, that's his business, not yours. If your parents need telling, he should do that, not you.

And one more question... what were you doing at a gay bar? Maybe your brother saw you there and he's going to tell your parents... how would that make you feel?

NamerOfStars · Answer

Well, all I can say is that I hope you remember this moment when you, too, find yourself homeless, and contemplate how the hell that's going to help you AVOID a "bad path". Tip from personal experience: pigeons are edible; just very hard to catch.

Hey, bonus points: when you tell them you saw him at a gay bar, they'll point out that YOU were there, too, and you can both get kicked out together!

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Girls go on foodie calls for free food & free drinks so maybe your brother is going to a gay bar for the same. Maybe he wants free drinks. Your brother is your brother, talk to him & let him live his own life. If you want to be a dirty rat that’s your choice & if you tell your parents & they kick him out of the house don’t be surprised if your brother never talk to you or your family again.

RebelinSteel · Answer

As @aubrey97 said, you were also at a the gay bar, so you are going to tell your parents that both of you were at a gay bar, all the time knowing they will kick you both out, that’s some clever thinking going on there.

its questions like this that remind me why I refuse to date girls that are homophobic (and other toxic traits).

Aubrey97 · Answer

You were also at the gay bar and would be admitting such. Hopefully they kick YOU out.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

Regardless, of them finding out already via another person, someone's sexuality is a personal thing and not something that should be spread by others.

If it were me, and I was a close personal friend of your brother I would of let him tell his family whenever he was ready.

Anonymous · Answer

You're acting like a mean b*tch! If he's not a minor he can make his own decision in life. You say you're doing him a favor? What favor? You think you can change the fact that he might be gay? Well, you can't honey. You and your family can't change that and him being gay has nothing to do with you. Grow up!

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

What bad path?  Just leave your brother alone and be happy.  Also... maybe if he is actually gay its probably good for him to abandon such a toxic family.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Don't do that!!! Tell HIM you know and discuss it like adult siblings. Honestly, it's NOT your story to tell and he doesn't need "saving". If you think you're doing him a big favor that's your fear of family and ego talking, not love, empathy or understanding.

bolverk · Answer

You are assuming that your brother is gay, I would not say anything to your family because you do not know for a fact that your brother is gay.

When I was younger I visited my Uncle and his partner who were both gay and visited the same bars that they did, everyone in those bars knew that I was not gay I was accepted without question, the same could be the case with your brother.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

It's his life and his decision when, if at all, he will share it with the family. Don't live his life. Leave his decisions to him.

Peridot25 · Answer

You’re an absolute bitch! And your family is a waste of space to society. I hope your brother disowns you all and never speak to any of you ever again. I hope he lives a happier life without any of you in it.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

How do you know he wasn't there with friends from work? Also gay bars are actually a pretty decent spot to pick up girls lol Also what were you doing there 😂 😂 😂

Alex-Snow · Answer

No Why mess with his life. If he wants to tell them then it is up to him. What were you doing in the gay bar anyway?

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

No, what would that do? Let him take the step when he is ready.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

:)) I wasn't born yesterday. Are your parents not going to ask what YOU were doing at the gay bar, then kick you out too?

dustybiker2 · Answer

If you have a heart and a conscience you will allow him to live his life and his story (if any) to be shared by himself.

DishLady · Answer

Snitch on your sib? No. Ask him about it directly so he knows you're aware. When he's ready to tell your parents, that's for him to do.

handsomelad70 · Answer

Your brother's sexual identity is his business, not yours, mine, your parents' or ANYONE ELSE'S. It's his decision and ONLY HIS if he wants to make known his queerness to your parents or anybody.

Anonymous · Answer

if you think telling tales and putting his private life at risk will make you a good wholesome Christian then you are gravely mistaken - don't be a little weasel and leave him alone

Red_Arrow · Answer

You would not be doing your brother a favor. And what were you doing at a gay bar?

Nikki1989 · Answer

What he does is none of your business.

David94358 · Answer

Why where you there? Trying to hook up with another lesbian?  Didn't think this plan all the way through did you?

Lessthanaveragr · Answer

whole., tell them, then tell them why you were there.

Unit1 · Answer

A classic case of Family Betrayal. As old as time itself.

NetherlandsNar · Answer

Please don't  I am already worried for him

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Don't have to be gay to be at gay bar there good fun

Jessica405 · Answer

How did you see him? Were you in there?

Apple1996 · Answer

Nah there isn't a reason to bring that up

Rangers · Answer

Talk with him first about it

Anonymous · Answer

Fake story is fake. K.

Sharkstealth · Answer

He saw you also correct?

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Good for you. You are such loving

laly520 · Answer

how old is he

jahaims · Answer

You're in a cult

I saw my brother at the gay bar. Should I tell my family about this?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is my brother gay?

I saw my brother at the gay bar. Should I tell my family about this?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is my brother gay?

We're glad to see you liked this post.