I had sex with my boyfriend's brother. Would it be best to tell him or hope he never finds out?

[Anonymous]

I moved to Portland and became friends best friends with a guy who is now my boyfriend we'll call him Ted. We have been friends for a year and have been together since February so not too long. Anyways I also became good friends with his older brother his name will be franky we hung out a lot and he wanted a little more then friendship but I always refused because I didn't see that in him. But one night we hung out and I was having a rough time a guy had broke things off with me and I was pretty upset. So we had more than a few drinks and ended up having sex. The next day I was super confused not sure what to do because I didn't have feelings for him it was to me a one night stand. But when we would hangout and drink we would kiss we never had sex again. Well one of the nights my best friend who is also my co worker and also is also frankys brother ted came over and we were all drinking and ted decided this was night he was going to confront me about his feelings that he has had for me and I had always had a little something for him too. So then it happened with me and Ted. We started seeing each other I told him there was never gonna be anymore because I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship I just wasn't ready and not only that but I began thinking that maybe I didn't have feelings for him in the first place now that I had him but we kept seeing each other because I didn't want to hurt him too soon. But as we continued seeing each other I did develop strong feelings for him and now me and ted are together but he doesn't know that me and his brother hooked up a few days before me and him started seeing each other. I feel bad but at the same time I never ever thought me and ted would get together. Not only that but we weren't together at the time and I don't necessarily regret the night with his brother but I wish it wouldn't have happened because it was a mistake and there was no point in it I had no attraction to his brother nor did I have feelings for him. He is an attractive guy and has so much going for him I'm just not interested. I don't know if I ever want my boyfriend to find out he's always been jealous of his older brother. his older brother always gets the girl, he's got the great career, nice fancy vehicle and everything he's ever wanted. And my boyfriend was so happy when we started dating saying that franky wanted to be with me and came to ted about having a relationship with me asking ted to back down but ted said no. Ted said he usually always backs down because his brother ends up getting the girl in the end but this time that wasn't the case were very happy together. I am afraid that if he ever found out he would never forget it. it would hurt him so much and he is such a sweet guy I don't want him to ever hurt the way I know he would if he ever found out this information. What should I do

Updates

+1 y

The reason I say I don't regret the choice I made is because I learned from it. It was a mistake if I regret my mistakes then I might as well regret who I am and I am very proud of who I am because even though I have made many mistakes I've learned a lot in my life and if any of you actually knew me in person you wouldn't expect that sort of behavior out of me I'm much more balanced then the average person and I must say have a lot more common sense as well but I am only human.

Updates

+1 y

And I agree with the person who said to put myself in their shoes and I have decided I'm not going to tell him. I wish it were that easy but it's not. If I were him I'd rather just not know and go on being happy in the relationship. If me and his brother actually would have had anything more than just the one night then I'd tell him. But it meant nothing and therefore is nothing and will continue to be nothing and there's no point in hurting the one I have come to love over nothing.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty heavy.

If you think that you want to have a future with Ted, you're probably going to need to tell him sooner or later. This is definitely hanging over your head, and will continue to do so until you either can't take the pressure anymore and break up with Ted, or will finally decide to tell him. Ted will probably be hurt either way, but if you tell him, Ted may (on reflection), take solace in the fact that you trust him enough to tell him something like this.

If you think that Ted is fine for now, but you don't really see a long term relationship with him, try to let him off easy, but no need to tell him.

Worst case scenario is that Ted finds out without you telling him. He'll be hurt double that way - because you don't even trust him enough to tell him.

[Frostie]

AHAHAHAHA.. if you want to break it to him, you can always say this "I bet I can make you sad and happy at the same time" , then he says 'how' or whatever, just be like "Your d*** is bigger than your brothers" LOL... all I have to say is, you royally f'd your self, pretty much destroyed the trust anyone could have in you, couldn't restrain yourself, I don't even need to read the rest, I'm telling you right now, after reading the question, you can tell him, but whenever he does find out, he is going to be more pissed and hurt that you hid it from him and allowed him to waste his time with you. Be honest, or move on. save face. Seriously though, that is so low.

[imperatriz]

Next time, try reading the whole question before you answer it.

[Frostie]

Lol OK, read it, my answer remains the same. It makes her look bad, and she hurts someone in the process,because she didn't want to face her negative feelings in a constructive way. She should be glad he didn't have an STD. I don't care if he wore a condom or not, that sh*t is risky, why even drink if you're down, it doesn't make you feel better, its a depressant,and it doesn't cause you to lose control, it reduces your ability to judge (common sense), and your senses. sounds stupid.

[Frostie]

To summarize the detailed info for you Imperatriz, its her excuse of why she slept with someone else, so she doesn't feel as bad as she does. She doesn't regret it, cause if she did, she wouldn't of done it to begin with. Put yourself in a sh*tty situation expect sh*t to go down. No one joins the military expecting they're going to come out in one piece or alive, they hope they do, but they're expecting to get shot at. Lol.

[imperatriz]

Did you read it, really? Then your reading comprehension skills are severely lacking.

She slept with the guy BEFORE she started dating her current boyfriend. With that in mind, please read it once again and realize how idiotic was not only your answer but your comment to mine.

[Frostie]

I don't care if it was before or after. It doesn't change the fact she looks like a lesser person for hiding this sh*t.

[imperatriz]

Why would you tell him? Do you seriously think he could ever get past that and keep on dating you? Especially since, as you say, he's always been jealous of his brother.

If you want to stay in a relationship with Ted then the best thing you can do is keep on your life as normal and hope he doesn't find out. Oh and try not to piss off his older brother!

[Frostie]

Lol..

I say this with all the sincerity in my body..

I hope you get f***ed by a guy with aids, and he sincerely tells you "I'm clean" and lies about everything else, just for his own benefit, just like you are advising this poor soul that picked that tramp up.

[ayagi]

I will ask you the same question. What will you do/feel if your boyfriend tells that he and your sister had sex? Try to put yourself in your boyfriend shoes. You will know the answer

[Frostie]

No she probably won't,because she'll always try to hide her bullsh*t and lie,and then try to justify it.

[HeroOfVillains]

Wow that is hard to answer. I wouldn't be sincere with him. The truth is overrated and it will only hurt him to be honest. I would try to just break up with him, honestly your past with his brother is too f***ed up and I think keeping secrets of that sort always poison the relationship. If you really and honestly don't think he is the one I would find a way to lose him, and let him off easy, sooner rather than later. But that is just my opinion.

[HeroOfVillains]

Break up, as I said having secrets poison relationships.

By the way how was the sex with his brother as compared to with him?

[Frostie]

Yeah, lying is going to make you look better, good luck with that, when he finds out, don't be surprised if you find yourself single.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell your boyfriend that prior to you guys going out you had sex w his brother. Because if your boyfriend finds out from his brother, that will be worse.

[Mav12]

Are you still in Portland?