How do you practice patience with parents?

[Anonymous]

I catch myself having little patience with my mom at times. She is getting older and it also goes back to her comments like, don't get home late. Where are you? She would say mean comments when I was younger and wanting to go out and have fun and now that I am older and she lives with me she doesn't as much but it's like my patience still runs thin and at times I lash out and make her feel bad which again I try not to but at times I can't help it. How do you all practice patience with parents now that they are getting older?

[molonski2]

I didn't , my mother was a pain in the arse and in hindsight she had a poor influence on me with her negatively, there were all kinds of examples including employment in a role where I eventually made my money ( after her death ) , so I still at my age bear the wounds she left , she used to sing in poem form " I'm not the greatest mother in the world " that really pisses me off , when I think of it now.

Another time , I was bashed ( king hit ) on a violent new years eve , not my doing different times , and she said " did you hit him back " , I came to with a knife to my throat..

She was horrendous , with her destructional parenting..

My advice , is dont accept what is happening and make it black and white clear that you will NOT be accepting crap , I did not follow her lead with my two kids , they have done really well , I'm 63 years old , and this stuff is still in the back of my mind , so please , dont just cop it , stand up to her and explain where the power sits now.

[RingOfFire]

I took care of both of my parents for many years before they passed. My mother just passed last year at 93.

The one piece of advice I have is this. Remember that she is your mother and never lose your patience. Taking care of my mom and her final years was torture, the hardest job I ever had in my life. She had dementia and all kinds of habits that she could not control but were infuriating to deal with. Every minute of every day around the clock was a challenge for years.

I maintained my patience the best I possibly could and it took a toll on me. But the worst part of all was a few times that I exploded with anger and said things to her that I will always regret.

Remember that she is your mother, you are here today because of her. Remind yourself of that when you are tempted to say something that you will always regret.

[Asker]

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback and yes I can see her having dementia it will eventually start to get worse but def have to keep practicing patience

[RingOfFire]

Also... you have to remember she is not being that way intentionally. She can't help herself.

She loves you but her brain is stuck with thoughts that she cannot control. When things get bad, think of that.

[Fireguy17]

Remember, they had patience when you were a baby, colic, teething, no sleep, teaching you how to use a spoon, potty training, when you were 2 and 3 years old.

So now it your turn.

You just have to nod your head and smile a lot.

Someday all to soon you will be planting flowers on their grave.

[Asker]

Yes that does make me sad. When I think of not having her in this world I know it will hurt me, even though we still lash out at each other I know I will be devastated

[DrPepper12]

Sit her down and set your boundaries. Think plan write and do it again until you know what you'll accept and what you won't. Possibly even have a friend of hers be informed in advance prior to you doing this That way she'll have somebody to bitch to when she gets upset.

[jahaims]

Set boundaries. If she lives with you, you make the rules. Tell her what you do is none of her business and if she continues to disrespect your boundaries she can live elsewhere.

[Asker]

You're right and it's easier said than done. She does help around the house, I feel ad because she has no job and can't work. All she does is be on her phone, watch TV or play pacman on the tv so it's sad that she can't just get up and go. So I feel like I just need a break from her and to enjoy my home alone

[jahaims]

It's easily done if you have a backbone.

[DarkLegacy]

My parents were just the same, the trick is to not get into arguments with them. Does she have medical problems that make it difficult

[Asker]

Yes not many, she can still walk. I think she has dementia. She think the government is watching or listening to her phone calls things like that. Very paranoid and I guess I get frustrated and impatient. Also when I just want to be out and about with my boyfriend she makes comments like don't come home late, I want to sleep yet she is just at home and doesn't work so she can sleep and wake up at whatever time she pleases. Just need a break from her, I don't want her to move out just need some space but yes I just been having a rough week being an adult having to be the only one paying for all the bills, food, grocery. Just would be nice to have someone to be like hey can you pick up the groceries here is my car etc

[DarkLegacy]

I would not be at all surprised if they are listening in. They spied on the UKs citizens phone uses for years

[OtterMan68]

realize it might not be her fault. It might be early onset alzheimers

[nawtee_me]

It is done the same way parents practice patience with their kids…. It works both ways….

[FuqUFggt]

I don't. My parents are dead.

[dustybiker2]

Imagine her gone.

[Asker]

yes I do think about that and I just have to keep being patient with her

[DishLady]

One day at a time.