Girls, would you think it's a valid excuse if a man said he didn't want children because it would cause you pain?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

That would have to be explained more. Epidurals numb you from the waist down, so it’s not like that isn’t an option for childbirth if that’s what you mean. If you mean things like “a child would be painful thing as they grow” you’re assuming that the woman who wants to be a mother would not only be bad at it but doesn’t want a child for that purpose. Any person who wants to be a parent usually wants to experience the joys of rearing a child, and when they do it well they love every second of it, even the messy parts where they shit and spit up on a regular basis and you have to clean them. If you think that person would end up resenting their child, then maybe you could both do with a little therapy.

[Asker]

She would also have to deal with several months of being pregnant

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So it’s specifically the pregnancy and birth?

[Asker]

I mean there's a lot of difficulty after that but that's several months of uninterrupted pain

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My response is thus: you don’t get to decide what parts of pregnancy are or are not worth it when you are not carrying the child. If you don’t want kids, just say that. If you don’t want to be responsible for the care of a pregnant partner, just say that. If you don’t want to go through the months of pregnancy with someone but still want to be in the child’s life, just say that. Be honest and direct and you will find the right partner. But don’t assume that your “well-intentioned” self-proclaimed excuse is enough reason to decide if you should have kids or not.

[Cutegirl06]

No, sounds like just an excuse to me, and putting it on the woman when he doesn't want kids in the first place is being cowardly. I don't think any woman would fall for that.

[Asker]

I do want children but I feel guilty about asking a woman to go through all of that

[TheRealPepperPotts]

That's gallant-sounding, but not realistic. I think the way you worded your question is a bit of a giveaway ("valid excuse"). Just say you don't want kids. I've had children, and yes, it was difficult. But I never once thought ill of my husband for "putting me though it" because it was a mutual decision made consciously, together. I was mentally prepared for it.

And having children, for me, was not the most painful thing I've ever experienced. For me, the main reason I made noise was because I was bearing down and it was actually similar to weightlifting (weird, I know). I was exerting great effort, but that part actually didn't hurt like I thought it would. It was very manageable. The hard part was what's called "transition" right before that, when the contractions are nonstop, but I can't quit relax and let baby come.

Don't feel guilty about it. You have your own sacrifices you will need to make in providing, and supporting the care of the child. She is putting you through the responsibility of sharing parenting duties and expenses for the next 18 years. It balances out.

[Anonymous]

Completely ridiculous. The whole human race should die off because pregnancy is sometimes difficult and inconvenient? If anyone tries to use that excuse, they're deflecting from the fact they don't want kids and they're hiding behind an extremely lame excuse.

[Asker]

I just don't know how someone who can't go through it is able to ask in good conscience someone else to do it

[Radiate143]

I call BS is what I call.

[Asker]

Why is that?

[Radiate143]

Most men want kids and a family because the positive image it projects gives them easier opportunities to wealth and status. He doesn't give a crap about the woman's pain. He jist doesn't want to procreate with that woman.

[Asker]

If he loves a woman he doesn't want her to suffer

And are you saying men should or shouldn't have families

[Radiate143]

I'm not saying me shouldn't have families. I'm just saying most don't do it put of a desire to be a father.

[Radiate143]

That's why men pick women to have their kids who will do it all while they do them and make him look good.

[Asker]

Why do women have children then?

[Radiate143]

We are bilogically driven and our brains are wired differently. Our emotional processing areas are larger and more complex than men's. We have more naturl drive for nurturing and men have a physical urge to release sperm. They do not bond as easily as women do.