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We used to be very close. I mean texting almost all day, everyday. Talking on the phone for hours. Talking about literally anything that would come to mind, whether it was just light hearted or a deep vulnerable conversation. Im not sure what exactly happened, but he started dodging my calls, and not responding to messages. Or not even messaging me first even though he used to.
I tried to ask him what was going on several occasions, he wouldn’t really tell me, claiming everything was ok. I asked if i had done something, he again said no. When i would see him in person, like at work, everything seemed fine and normal like it usually was. It seemed like he would only respond to me if i was in some sort of crisis or something.
I had also apologized if he felt our friendship was one sided and that if he had anything on his mind he could always share and that i would love to hear whats going on with him and his life. That conversation went good and i thought our friendship was going back to normal. But after that he quickly began to dodge my calls and texts again. Or just being generally dry which was not like him. I again asked if something was up, and if he didn’t want to be friends or if he didn’t want me to text him to just tell me and that i would leave him alone. He said no, and that he just doesn’t text with people but we used to text and talk on phone relatively often. I left him alone for a while but decided to reach out. I had told him i had a date with some guy and then messaged him saying he dumped me. Then he texts me “The irony is that that's the first thing you texted me in like 2 weeks besides a single insta reel with no attached message”
i was a little confused, is he upset that i haven’t texted him these last few weeks? Whats going on with him? The only reason i didn’t reach out is because i assumed he didn’t really wanna talk, but i thought id try again and have some type of conversation. Im a little lost here, anyone know whats going on? Pls help
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Odds are that he realized he was friend-zoned and you would never be interested in him. That's always why he was offended about you texting about another guy. And he probably realized he was your go-to for your needs for male attention, without him getting any of the benefits that the guys you date would get. This is a normal part of the cycle for "nice guys" like him. Just know that he's pretty much incapable of communicating his wants and needs. And that he also feels like he shouldn't have to. As far as the latter part goes, he's right that he shouldn't HAVE to, but he's wrong for trying to have his wants and needs fulfilled through covert contracts with people.
I wouldn’t say thats true, we have talked about dating for him too and he has expressed that he doesn’t want to. I actually liked him for a while, but moved on when he said he didn’t want to date because i realized it would impossible. I never friend zoned him, i actually flirted and communicated a lot. There were times i felt he flirted but i just assumed that i was misinterpreting situations because he said he had no intention of dating. As for the go-to thing, i do text him a lot about problems, but we also talk about his problems as well, just not as often because he doesn’t always share. I can admit our relationship isn't always 50/50. I apologized for that, many times and told him that is free to share anything because i care about him and want to know about him. He said he understood that i was going through a lot and that i should feel free to message whenever and that he will get back to me asap. I even told him it makes me feel a little uncomfortable but he assured me he wanted to be there for me. Actually i try not to contact him at all when i have some problem i want to share because thats how uncomfortable it makes me.
If its true that he likes me, i wish he would communicate that with me as i would actually be open to giving it a shot. I think he's a great guy and i don’t believe that “last guys finish last” but like i said, i don’t think he likes me which is why i moved on in the first place. I even hinted that i had feelings, not even hinted i just told him, that i did have feelings but for some reason he didn’t believe me which i think its because he has a poor image on himself. So this why im not sure whats going on. I don’t think he has any romantic feelings for me, i think its something else just can’t figure it out
To be real, he says he is a romantic and doesn’t think he can feel those feelings and that he has never actually had then, or had a crush on anyone, im not sure how true that is because he also says that he wants a relationship. And i think that a truly aromatic person wouldn’t want a relationship. Or even have that thought in their head. But what do i know right? Im not him. We’ve talked about it many times, and he is pretty firm on the idea that its true. I have told him my opinions, but ultimately they are his feelings so i won’t argue against them. So this is why i disagree with the feeling friend zoned. I have asked my other friends, they think he's fighting some sorts of feelings too but im not sure. Do u have any other ideas? Or do u really believe that he has some sort of feelings for me?
Sounds like some miscommunication on both your parts. You’re asking him what’s wrong assuming you’re at fault when he’s just busy, why not just call him out on his “ironic” comment and tell him how you’ve been feeling? Have you expressed how you feel to him in the same way you’ve told us?
Well i have told him person, but i haven’t exactly told him that it bothers me. If he doesn’t care about the friendship as much as i do i don’t want to embarrass myself. But at the same time i know he does care to some degree because if i need him he does reply but i feel like i have to need something for us to talk. And he's not all that busy. I mean he has school, and works only a couple hours at work. 2 5 hour shifts and best and he's a big home body so he doesn’t really go anywhere unless he has to (like school and work)
I just miss being able to text him for random things and just having a conversation. I have expressed a lot of my feelings. Like that i care about him a lot. And that i want us to be friends and that if he needs to say something, or if anything is on his mind that i am there for him so i wouldn't say there is lack of communication on my part
Then maybe you should tell him that it bothers you. He may be too used to male friendships which are much more isolating in comparison to female friendships to recognize that effort is important on both sides to work
Do u think ill embarrass myself? This friendship is very important to me, and i keep trying to rekindle it. But im afraid he doesn’t want to. At least not in the way it used to be like talking all the time; and being on the phone for hours. It doesn’t even have to be every day, but just texting him from time to time during the week would be nice. I miss him
That’s a risk you have to be willing to take for the friendship
Ur right, i am quite literally my own torturer. And i should communicate it because its been bothering me for months. Thank u for ur advice! I appreciate it!