My fiancé won’t let me rearrange the spare rooms in our house?

[Anonymous]

So this is exactly why people say never to move in with someone. Only buy a home together. My fiancé had JUST purchased a new home shortly before we met. He asked me to move in with him very early on of us dating. I was hesitant at first, but agreed to. It would have made no since to expect him to sale a brand new house.

We live in a four bedroom house. Before I moved in, he had each room decorated. One of the extra rooms is for his two children. The other is the children’s “game room.” The third is the guest room. I understand why he had things arranged that way prior to me moving in. However, of course since moving in I would like to rearrange a few things. I personally would rather not have a guest room in my house. I would prefer people to stay at a hotel or elsewhere when visiting. My fiancé is the complete opposite. I am willing to compromise and keep the guest room. However, it needs to be redecorated. I HATE the way it is currently set up. The bed set is dark and looks outdated. He also has photos of HIS family plastered across the entire room. I think it looks tacky. I want to change the comforter set and remove all the photos of his family. He can put them in a photo album. I also will have friends and family visiting now, and the guest room does not feel welcoming only having photos of his family. I understand keeping the game room, because my fiancé and I utilize that room a lot. Mostly my fiancé, because it is like an extra man cave for him. The game room couch turns into a let out bed. Which is where the kids slept the last time they visited. I think the extra kids room is a waste of space. The kids do not live with us. In fact, they live in an entirely different state. My fiancé is in the military full time, so they won’t live with us until he retires. By then we won’t even live in this same house anymore.

Updates

+1 y

The children and his will family probably visit us ONCE a year, if even that. My fiancé visits them at their hometown WAY more often. I want to turn one of the extra rooms into my yoga room. I suggested we keep the game room, and get rid of the bed in the children’s bed. Then turn that room into the guest room. He gets fussy whenever I bring it up, and is refusing to do so. How do I go about this?

[petitedollbabee]

Okay.. so what’s the question? Or was this just a post to blow off steam?

[Asker]

Sorry, it cut off part of my question. I tried to update it, but it cut off part of that as well.
My question is, how do I get him to get rid of the children’s room? That is the most reasonable room to get rid of. As it is taking up space and collecting dust.

[Anonymous]

well. it WAS his house first. and is still HIS house first, before you. you are just living there. since this is the guest room, a room rarely anyone goes in, why does it matter how it's decorated? you say you don't want guests in your guest room and would rather have them stay in a hotel. but then you also say that when your family comes over, you want them to stay in the guest room. seems like you are all me me me... you are taking something that was/is his before you and are turning into something all about you. obviously i can see why he is resisting this.

he is allowed to have family photos in his house. yes. i know. crazy.

as for the kids room, don't be mean... kids that come from divorce and then having their space taken over (even if they visit once a year) is a sure way to get on their shit list.

i'm sorry, i just don't see how you can win this argument.

[Asker]

Key word you stated is “WAS.” It is no longer just his house. The moment he asked me to move in, it became OUR house. The moment he started referring to it as OUR house, it became OUR house. The moment he asked me to marry him, it became OUR house. The moment he gave me the final decision on if we are going to sale or rent our home when we move, it became not just HIS house but also MY house. So new key word for you, it’s OUR house. Again, I stated we live in a four bedroom house. The master bedroom is obviously our bedroom. So that equated to 1/4 bedroom. The guest room occupies 2/4 bedrooms. The game room occupies 3/4 bedrooms. Lastly, the kids room occupies 4/4 bed rooms. Are you following? I stated I am willing to compromise and keep the guest room. As we both have family and friends who visit now. I’ve actually had more than him, since we’ve been living together.
I want the guest room to feel neutral. It does not feel warm and welcoming for when my friends and family visit. Only when his does, everything is catered to them. Which is unfair to my guest. I don’t even feel comfortable sleeping in that room, so I can imagine how they feel. We live near a beach in California. He decorated the main part of the house beach themed, which I like. I think it makes sense to decorate the guest room beach themed as well.
Family photos can be placed in a nice photo album.

[Asker]

Why would two children who only visit once a year, need their own room? When they visit, they don’t even sleep or spend much time in “their” room. They spend most of their time in the game room. They even sleep in that room, because the couch turns into a bed. Which is why I suggested we keep that room. When they live with us, or if they visited more often I could understand the purpose of them having their own room. However, I want to be able to enjoy my home and make the most of our space. That extra bedroom could be used for something else. Neither my husband or I ever go in that room. I think it’s selfish to just be hoarding that room. It makes no sense to live in a four bedroom house, if we are only able to utilize half of it.

[Asker]

Turns out I already won this argument. My husband and I are rearranging OUR home this weekend. (:

[Staximus]

The fact that you want to take down the pictures of his family means there's something wrong with you. He loves those people. If you ask him to take down all the pictures of his family, you're an insensitive self-centered person that can't see past your nose. You married him and they are now your family, too. And yes the kids need their own room. Try to think about other people besides yourself. If you mess with a man's kids or family you're going to find yourself divorced. Maybe you should get divorced and go find a guy with no kids who doesn't like his family. Asking family to stay at a hotel is an insult. You're not very good at being considerate. Work on it.

[Asker]

No it does not, it just means we have two different tastes in decorating. I personally don’t like the look of having family photos on the wall. I think that is what photos albums are for. I love my family too, but I don’t want them plastered all over my walls. Why would the guest room only have photos of his family plastered everywhere? Again, I understand why he had it before I moved in. However since he asked me to move in, things must change. We’ve been living together for almost a year. I’ve tried to be patient about all of this. However, it does not feel like my home. I need to be able to add my physical touches. I also have friends and family visiting. I want the guest room to feel neutral. It does not feel warm and welcoming for when my friends and family come over. Only when his does, everything is catered to them. Which is unfair to my guest. I don’t even feel comfortable sleeping in that room, so I can imagine how they feel. We live near a beach in California. He decorated the main part of the house beach themed, which I like. I think it makes since to decorate the guest room beach themed as well. Family photos can be placed in a nice photo album. I am an introvert, so yes I’d rather have guest stay at a hotel. That is just my personal preference, and it does not make me inconsiderate. My house is MY house, and I don’t believe that it should be set up and arranged for guest. Again, I have compromised with keeping the guest room. Anytime we have guest, I go out my way and make a great host. Which I end up enjoy doing anyways.

[Asker]

Why would two children who only visit once a year, need their own room? When they visit, they don’t even sleep or spend much time in “their” room. They spend most of their time in the game room. They even sleep in that room, because the couch turns into a bed. Which is why I suggested we keep that room. When they live with us, or if they visited more often I could understand the purpose of them having their own room. However, I want to be able to enjoy my home and make the most of our space. That extra bedroom could be used for something else. Neither my husband or I ever go in that room. I think it’s selfish to just be hoarding that room. It makes no sense to live in a four bedroom house, if we are only able to utilize half of it.

[Staximus]

This is all really petty

[dustybiker2]

Based on your replies to others.. You claimed you won? Marriage isn't about winning. It's about effort. Give and take. What did you give up when you claimed you "won"?


He wants his children to each have their own room because he's proud he bought a house and his kids are the most important things he'll ever have. He probably focused on that goal for a very long time. I'm betting he wants that set up so he gets more visitations from his children, too.


You come along and stir his pot and don't even take the time to understand why he has things the way they are. You are adding these people to your life. They and their needs should
matter more to you.


I hope he only gave you the guest room.

[Asker]

Lol. I stated “I won” as a joke. As the anon I replied to with that stated, “i'm sorry, i just don't see how you can win this argument.”
You know nothing about his situation with his kids. The set up had nothing to do with him “getting more visitation.”
You darn skippy I stir his pot. I make him a better man, as he makes me a better woman. I’m sorry, are you a fly on the wall in our house? What makes you think I don’t understand why he had things arranged PRIOR to me coming into his life? What makes you think I did not show empathy for my husband. Yet also express to him my needs and desires. It’s been almost a year. It’s no longer just his house. It’s OUR house, and it needs to feel that way. You people are out of your minds. What would make you all think my husband would not/ should not cater to my needs in OUR home as well? Thank God I have such an amazing understanding man.
Yes, I did get the guest room…The only room I requested to change lol. The Exact room I chose. ☺️The guest room is the second largest room in our house after our master bedroom. He chose to transfer the guest room into the game room. Then to turn the kids and game room into one room. So it worked out for both of us. So I honestly could care less about any of your negative opinions.
Good Day ☺️

[dustybiker2]

Really? Because when people get defensive and ramble it usually means the feedback nailed it.
Take care.