Is he justifying his actions or just projecting his own emotions?

[Anonymous]

My sister has this male friend that likes picking on her. One night they went to a restaurant and the manager of the restaurant happened to be her male friend’s friend. The restaurant manager was playfully picking on her that night and he joined him in picking on her and I was a little annoyed seeing them pick on my sister but she was calm about it. 3 days later my sister and her male friend were having a discussion and she mentioned that I didn’t like the way his friend was picking on my sister. He then said his friend’s teasing showed that he liked my sister. While my male friend also picked on her earlier on that night before having the discussion and he also joined in on the teasing the night we hung out at the restaurant.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tricky situation. A couple possibilities here:

1) He's kinda justifying his own behavior by saying the teasing means they like her. It's possible he knows he took it too far and is trying to downplay it now.

2) Guys sometimes do relate to each other by roughhousing and joking around. Doesn't make it right, but maybe in his mind he was just joining in the "fun" without realizing it made her uncomfortable.

3) The restaurant manager could actually like her, but that still doesn't make teasing okay. Some dudes think attention means flirting no matter what.

His response about "showing they like her" is a little bogus though. Her feelings are what matters most. If she felt picked on, then that's how it should be seen.

I'd say have a real talk with your friend. Let him know messing with your sis when she doesn't seem into it isn't cool. If he's a real friend, he'll understand. Dudes need to learn emotional intelligence too.

The bottom line is making sure your sis feels respected. Stick up for her if he keeps minimizing her perspective. You seem like a good bro for looking out for your sis!

[Asker]

Thanks. I am a female and this particular male friend has been picking on my sister on different occasions but the restaurant manager has picked on her once. It now raises the question that if he has done this a couple times and he’s acting like a spokesperson for someone who has done it once then he’s hiding something.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, you're completely right to be skeptical of this guy now. The fact that he's repeatedly picked on your sister himself, and then tried to justify someone else doing it just once is super sketchy.

It kinda sounds like maybe he's projecting his own behavior onto other guys so he doesn't have to take responsibility for being a jerk. Trying to make it seem normal when it's really not okay.

And like, who made him the spokesperson for how this rando restaurant manager feels anyway? Dude just wants to drag your sis and thinks girls should put up with disrespect. Not a good look at all.

I'd tell your sister to reevaluate hanging out with this joker. Someone that constantly puts her down and makes excuses for others doing it too is not a real friend. She deserves people who build her up with kindness and respect, you know?

It might be awkward, but she needs to stand up for herself here. Like "I'm not your entertainment. Knock it off or lose my number." You've got her back - that's what really matters. These fools will come and go.

[melnc]

It's important to talk with your sister about how you feel when others pick on her. Make sure she feels supported and respected in these situations. Also, it might be wise to have a calm clear conversation with her male friend to express your concerns and boundaries regarding how your sister is treated.
Why talk to him? because he's an asshole.

[jennifer_bloom]

With millions of restaurants in the world, she has no option but to go to one where two managers like to make fun of her and you are willing to pay money to experience that? It’s obvious to me you have a brain injury and nobody believes your lies about me.

[Asker]

Errm not two managers. One is a family friend and the other person is his friend who happens to own a restaurant and we have been to the restaurant a couple times and this was the first time he picked on her. Who are you anyways?

[Asker]

Who the hell are you? Why are you commenting on my post saying nobody believes your lies about me when I don’t even know who the hell you are. Your answer to my question makes no sense. 😂😂😂😂