Is my mom valid for feeling like this?

[Anonymous]

so my household is pretty pretty toxic. ever since i was 9 years old (i’m 22 now). my mom and i fight literally all the time and it’s taken a heavy toll on mental health. my university recently offered housing but have to pay 6k per semester and convinced my mom to apply for a parent plus loan for both semesters. she agreed and they approved her for 13k (covering both semesters). A couple days later, my mom walks up to me to tell me that she prefers i stay home next semester and go to my dorm for the remaining two months this semester (which is a huge waste of the loan). she then tells me that she is going to go to my school to take the plus loan out to pay only for the first two months and take the remaining of 13k she took out to pay back fafsa. i told her i wasn’t comfortable staying home in the environment she puts me in but she wouldn’t listen is more worried about the 13k debt “she’ll be in”.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, that is such a wack situation. I can totally see why living at home with your mom being so toxic has taken a major toll on your mental health over the years.

That was super lame and manipulative of her to apply for the loan to get you into housing, only to then suddenly change her mind last minute and expect you to stay in that environment. Not cool at all.

It sounds like she's more worried about herself not wanting to be in debt, rather than caring how it will affect your wellbeing to remain in that toxic household. Which is messed up considering she's the parent.

I really think you need to put your foot down and stand your ground on moving into housing full time. Maybe try talking to your school about options to take over the loan payments yourself, or see if you can get out of the deal your mom made somehow. Your mental health has to come first.

Don't let her guilt or manipulate you into staying somewhere that makes you feel bad just to save her money. You gotta take care of you right now. I'm here if you need any other advice on getting away from that situation!

[Asker]

they gave me my keys today so i’m definitely going to move in still even if she takes out this plus loan and i’ll try to figure out a way to pay my school back because it will leave a large balance in my student account

[Oliverlogan263]

That's good that you went ahead and got your keys, that's definitely the right move for you to stay living on campus. I don't blame you at all for wanting to get out of that toxic environment at home.

As for the loan situation, oof that does make it tricky. But I don't think you should feel bad about your mom taking it out, since it was approved for housing and that's what it was used for at first. This is your education we're talking about!

Maybe look into work study on campus so you can start earning some cash to pay back what's left in your student account. Or see if your school has any payment plans you can set up? Just take it one step at a time.

Don't let your mom make you feel guilty either - you gotta do what's healthier for you long term. Just focus on your classes and hanging with friends in your new dorm. One less thing to stress about without all the fighting at home! You got this.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Yikes. 🫠

I mean, it is under her name…

[SweetJoyGirl]

Although, I do feel sorry that you are in a terrible environment.
Have you considered getting an apartment with roommates?

[LiamJHayden]

If she is paying the loan it is reasonable for her to control its application.