My mom purpsely saeotage me so I wouldn't leave her... I feel like a loser what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So after a lot of therapy and talking to family members, I have realized my mom has purposely sabotaged me and my siblings so we wouldn't leave. My mom has done a lot of messed up stuff to us to make sure we are codependent on her from purposely hurting herself, so I would drop out of school twice and allow my sister to be raped twice for weeks at the age of 12 by 20 years old. I was pretty young at the time, so I didn't notice all of this wasn't normal, even though my sister being molested was normal since my mom did nothing about it and even had fights with people who tried stopping it. I was a special needs kid, so I didn't understand a lot. I told my mom about it, and even my stepbrother did, she threw him out. My older brother kicked the first guy, and my mom allowed IT to happen again with a 2nd guy. I won't go into Detail. My mom also got a lot of money for me when I was a kid because of my issues but spent it all on herself. I spent all of my car money once when she got cancer because she refused to eat anything but takeout.

My stepbrother has been telling me new things about my mom every day, and I am starting to see it more and more. My mom often says without her, none of us would be able to survive. I feel like a loser since a lot of girls I dated were so far ahead in life than I am. What can I do? How can I accept feeling like this?
I don't hate my mom since she had a horrible childhood like shit that could be in a movie. My disability makes it harder for me to understand things, just so you all know.

[Oliverlogan263]

Bro that's heavy stuff to unpack. Your mom clearly has major issues herself to be acting like that - it ain't your fault at all that her past actions are messing with your head now. Don't even think about beating yourself up as a "loser," you got dealt a raw deal that wasn't your doing.

The thing is, you're realizing her toxic patterns now which is a huge step forward. You got this power now to break free from her control and start living for yourself. Surround yourself with supportive people who build you up instead of tearing you down.

Therapy sounds like it's helping give clarity too. Keep focusing on your own healing and goals despite what your mom says. Prove to yourself that yeah, you totally can survive without her bs dragging you back! You deserve so much better than how she's treated you guys.

It'll take time to fully accept and process, for sure. But be proud of how far you've come recognizing her manipulation. You got this dude - keep your chin up, and don't look back. Your best days are ahead without that baggage weighing you down.