Should I call friend out on being one-sided, or should I just passive-aggressively say I'm busy (when he needs help)?

[Bethany22]

My friend never joins me in a hobby we both like. Recently he found out I was taking lessons in that hobby. Now he's interested to learn from me what I've been learning. I told him I really need his help too asap with that hobby. So he said we could do it together soon. But then later he said he would join me several weeks from now, and not soon. What should I text him when he comes around after letting me struggle along alone over the next few weeks? "Sorry, but I'm busy now"?

[Crimsyjo]

If he didn't exist or wasn't into your hobby what would you be doing? Because it sounds like you hoped he would join you. Maybe even that you started the lessons to get his attention and hoped he joined you?

Forget about him for now and do the hobby to best of your ability and for your own enjoyment. Be pleased in your accomplishment. Can you find new friends to join you or do it with?

The choice with this friend them comes down to how you feel. Do you feel he just wants to use you for "free lessons"? Are you OK with that if means you get time with him? Are you feeling used or disregarded? If you want to "pull back" and say you busy now do so. I always find clear direct communication is best rather than passive aggressive. Esp if you are at the point where you don't feel there is much to lose like his friendship. Something like "I'm sorry but you really weren't there when I wanted your help. I don't feel like I want to actually spend time with you now cos you annoyed me and I'm find by myself with it now".

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You sure you want to do that? The most satisfaction you would get from being petty is the momentary “Ha! I win!” That only lasts for a minute or two. I think it might be healthier to just talk to him, I doubt he’s purposely ignored you out of any malicious intent (always assume ignorance before malice). A little talk about how you felt abandoned by his flakiness is probably something that would ultimately benefit your relationship and get you the apology you want that helps repair your friendship for the long-term.

[blueonblack22]

Tough call. But a deeper question you need to ask yourself is if he’s a true friend. If he’s always thinking of himself when he contacts you is that a friendship you really want to have?

I have to tighten my circle with some of my “friends” as I got older. It’s sad and depressing in some ways. But in other ways it’s about self respect. And I’ve known people who have done it to me which is also painful. But in retrospect I wasn’t always the most selfless “friend” myself when I was younger. It’s painful to admit it but I understand why some people cut ties with me in certain friendships.

[AviatorTom]

Your friend is trying to mooch off you, learn the hobby without paying for, and faming, the lessons. Tell him you are not a teacher and tgst he should attend the lessons with you if he really wants yo learn the hobby.

[Account]

I honestly don't understand what is the issue with that. Why would it be a problem that he wants to join later on? I mean... you would work on that hobby even without him, it is not like you are doing it for the sake of him. So... why is it an issue that he wants to join later on for whatever reason?

I don't understand it.

[Bethany22]

I need his help currently, and he's only going to join later after I've been struggling along on my own and have learned skills he can benefit from. So I have to self teach, while he gets an instructor

[Account]

But he will also help you later on if he gets an instructor, I mean you will also benefit from him. You could both benefit each other or am I wrong? Perhaps I didn't understand something

[Bethany22]

I will be his free instructor. I have to pay for my current instructor. By the time he comes around, I will have more knowledge to offer him than he has for me. Meanwhile I have to deal with being the worst person in my class, when he could be helping me learn the basic skills to do better in that class. So it would benefit he and I both if he wanted us to teach each other things now rather than later.

[Account]

You can mention it to him that you cannot be his free instructor due to the fact that you will have accumulated more knowledge and that you expected him to help you out now when you mostly need it and not later on. I think it would be better to communicate things with him right now without being harsh while telling him that you feel hurt and neglected from his actions, rather than choosing the I am busy avenue. It is better for him to know what he did wrong according to you.

[Account]

I think that could either strengthen your communication and relationship or completely shatter it but it would be worth it because you would know how he handles such situations and how he responds to such things.

[Account]

While choosing the I am busy would just postpone that. I don't know, I might be completely wrong but that is what I would do because with friends I try to be as transparent as possible.

[Bethany22]

Thanks for the advice!

[Account]

You are welcome I hope it goes well!

[PeterLegg91]

Just tell him I'm not helping cos you didn't help Me when I needed you, but tell him in a calm manner

[LiamJHayden]

A so-called friend who does not ever reciprocate is a leech and is not worth your time.

[Anonymous]

I've got a friend like that... sounds like a friend of convenience

[NathanDavis]

speak honestly... always

[RHK36]

Don't be passive aggressive, let me know.

[Bklynbadboy12]

It it was my friend I'd call him on it

[eagle1951]

call un out