Seeking Advice On Dealing with a Friend's Inconsistent Communication?

[SpiritChas3r]

Hello GirlsAskGuys

I'm writing today because I'm seeking advice on how to handle a situation with a friend.

My friend and I have been close for a while, but I've noticed a pattern in their communication that's been bothering me. When they're busy, they tend to ignore my messages which I understand to an extent as we all have our own lives and responsibilities. However, the issue arises when I'm busy. During these times, they will constantly send me messages, to the point where it feels like spam. For example, I recently said I was in a meeting and couldn't reply to his messages, thirty minutes later he spammed me because it was "his day off from work"

I've tried to address this issue with them, explaining that just like them, I also have times when I'm occupied and can't respond immediately. Despite this, the pattern continues. It's starting to affect our friendship and I'm not sure how to proceed.

Has anyone else experienced a similar situation? How did you handle it? Any advice on how to communicate my concerns more effectively or set boundaries would be greatly appreciated.

He has recently split up his with girlfriend over what he said was "toxic behaviour".

Thank you in advance for your help.

[bobalife]

Your friend is spamming due to a recent break up, right? As a friend, you can expressed empathy of their hardships. But tell them you won’t be able to reply fast when you’re at work and will respond when you can or if you guys do a phone call/hang out? It’s communicating you’re being understanding and want to be there; however, they should also be mindful and understanding you’re at work while you have them a few options for you to be there when you get a chance. If they continue to spam during your work hours, just know it’s them venting… and you can just reply when you’re able to… not at those very moments if you can’t if that makes sense? It’s like a learning behavior on trying to be respectful of each other, if you reply asap whenever they’re spamming but you’re super busy… they will think the boundary you created will be broken each time. Hope this helps!

[SpiritChas3r]

Thank you, I shall take that on board - the thing he also works too. I'm not at the moment, due to uni, and trying to find a job- so you'd think he'd want some time to unwind after working. The other thing is he complained a while back about a mutual friend talking all the time to which but he does the same thing. I was transparent with him a couple of weeks ago that his ex messaged me on social media - i never replied to her - and its since been then that his messaging has increased

[bobalife]

Has he been msging you because his ex contacted you? Like did she hit on you? Well if he’s worried, he has very valid reasons why… maybe you can try to be more mindful on what he’s going through and reassured him? break ups aren’t easy… and it gets even antsy/awk if an ex contact your good friend instead of their old partner 😶 Unfortunately some people can be kinda hypocritical on what they complain about and following the same actions lol. But he is going through a break up after all… everyone grieves differently.

[SpiritChas3r]

I did wonder if that's the case. I showed him what she said and no she wasn't hitting on me just sent a hey hows it going message. Like I don't mind him messaging just the frequency of the messages, like he doesn't give you a chance to reply to the messages he's already sent beforehand. For example he sent me three messages in the evening, late at night. Then there messages the next morning almost like he's doing it on purpose. I can completely understand that everyone griefs differently that's why I don't want to completely just block him like a friend suggested.

[bobalife]

Were you and his ex really connected? Did you reply to her? Are you interested in her? It’s odd she messaged you to be frank…. I think he’s grieving and experiencing anxiety; but who wouldn’t if there ex randomly message their friend… because she could be trying to pursue you? I don’t think you need to block him. Maybe check in what’s going on and if he’s also concern to have a real bro talk?

[SpiritChas3r]

No, not really. We talked when in person but I was just being polite. He would bring her when we would meet up - so if we went to the cinema, he would bring her along, felt more like a date for them actually with me being the third wheel, he didn't really ask if he could bring her, just she would turn up. I think i'd feel the same if that were me tbh, maybe he's a bit jealous? She messaged me like twice but I hadn't replied to both her messages. She likes my posts on social media - but I'm half debating whether to just delete her.

Yeah I thought that was a bit harsh considering what he's going through. He's not the type to open up. If you ask him if he's annoyed or anything he'll just say "I'm fine"

[bobalife]

Wow, that’s so crazy, his ex girlfriend seemed like a jerk……. From what I’m hearing, she seemed to be attracted to you and trying to get your attention after their break up… I think deleting and blocking her would be a good idea :/ I’m sorry, it must be uncomfortable for both you and your friend… I think if you do remove access from her to contact you will lift abit of your friend’s worries and I think you can try to be there for your friend with his grieving. I’m sure most guys don’t like talking about what’s wrong… I don't know if he need a guys night out to just have fun, talk, or a shot? 😅 it’s also awk to talk or never talking about it with a friend if their ex seem to be trying to approach their friend like that… because it could lead to more from her side if you did reply to her with her attempts

[Nikki1989]

If you were real friends, you would be using real communication.

[Avicenna]

A lot of guys turn inwards and don't communicate well when they're going through difficult times. I think that's what has happened here.

[SpiritChas3r]

I hadn't thought of that. I mean I don't mind him messaging just the frequency of the messages. Like, he'll send three or four messages at night. I would leave him on read to go to sleep. Then there would be three or four messages in the morning/afternoon. I kinda feel like he's not giving me a chance to respond to his previous messages.

[Avicenna]

You should set some boundaries though

[SpiritChas3r]

How would I go about that without damaging the friendship?

[Avicenna]

First decide what you can deal with, then gently explain what's OK for him to do

[SpiritChas3r]

Think I will. Like, I don't mind the messaging. Just the frequency, like I'm quite an introverted person. So, for me constant communication can be draining.

[boobliker]

spammed I would take you not so friendly at this moment in time or you both would understand each commitments to work!

[In_Trance]

lead by example

[SpiritChas3r]

In what way?