Why can’t some people understand that not everyone comes from a loving family?

Question

Okay so one of my friends I met a year ago (we were getting to know each other) thought that I had am amazing family and well put together. She asked about my parents, but the truth is I don’t really talk to my parents anymore. My mom and mine relationship is broken. I don’t talk to her anymore because of a heated argument we had after my younger brothers passed away (she blames me for it), my was in prison for most of my life. My moms side of the family turned against me and my ex fiancé ’s siblings said I’m dead to them. My boyfriend then fiancé of five years dumped me because he couldn’t deal with me grieving and he was never there for me. He ignored me and didn’t even come to the memorial, neither did my mom or her side of the family. I’m so glad I didn’t marry him. I did NOTHING wrong. Me proposed to me two years ago, four months before my younger brothers died. I still had my good days and lived life. My sister is the only one that I speak too. My grandparents said something very nasty to us when we were kids and my mom back then cut off contact. My friend was shocked to hear all this. She said I seemed so positive, strong and doing good for myself and she was surprised that I have a messed up family. I explained to her that not everybody came from a good background or family and she needs to understand that.
my sister, my best friend and my best’s family has been more of a family to me than our real family has.

Wolfsreign · Accepted Answer

It's hard for people to understand if they didn't grow up in a dysfunctional family. My ex husband tried to "compare" childhood struggles with me once by saying "he knows what it's like to go without too, he didn't always have it easy with growing up" I found this incredibly hard to believe being that our family background was extremely different. I asked him "so you know what it's like to not have enough food to eat? " He tried to say sharing a meal from McDonald's with his sister was going without eating.. I corrected him and told him no it's not the same thing as going days without food because you have NOTHING to eat. (He was jealous of the kids who had hot lunches.. I had to explain that they/myself get hot food because we're too poor to bring food from home.) he tried to say he knows what it's like to be "homeless".. I asked him to describe his homeless time growing up? (My dad's alcoholism put us in that situation a few times) His idea of being homeless was they had to stay in a friend's house... WHILE waiting for the house deal to go through and they can move in. I told him that's not the same thing as being "homeless" you had a home it just wasn't ready yet. We were living in a tent, our car even, then a friend's basement because we DIDN'T have anywhere to go. He tried to say he knows what it's like to fight with his siblings too.. I asked so you've hit your sister? He said yes. I asked in the arm or the face? He said face. I asked him did you do it with the intention to hurt her and draw blood? And his immediate reaction of "WTF! No of course not!!" Is when I explained that, that isn't "fighting" in the same sense. It's not a competition! Some people just grow up differently than others is all. (I fought with and watched my family fight with the intent to seriously hurt them. Not right I know.

Smashingdoozy · Accepted Answer

I understand why people just don't get it. My biological family are dead to me and my foster parents are literally dead. I don't talk to anyone besides from one distant cousin. I tried a few times to have a relationship but I was taken advantage of every single time so I gave up. Friends are better family anyway

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

It's weird how families are no matter what happens there's always one black sheep
And that person is usually the best person out of the family it's almost as if they're not even supposed to be a part of that family it's like everybody shows up and then this black sheep this one person is supposed to go there and save all of them try to bring them together but they get outcast

In some families I can't even believe that the brothers and the sisters are even brothers and sisters they're so far apart

I also learned a long time ago that if you do not have that connection then you're on your own
But it's almost after you turned 18 can you walk out of your parents' door you really are on your own for the rest of life

I'm kind of lucky because I am the black sheep but I'm also the person that holds everything together in a roundabout way or I did I'm not going to anymore it's my mom passed I have half brother and sister another half brother and like six or seven step Brothers and sisters nobody really sees each other anymore my brother I do see him every other day or something but that's when you have to just let everything go and not worry about it and be happy you've tried to do what you've tried to do and if they're not going to accept it that's something they have to come back on this planet after they pass and live life all over again because they didn't get the memo they didn't get the message but that's not how you be it's not how you act that's not how you treat family or anybody

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because most people only think about themselves and they don’t factor in someone else’s’ life or feelings , they only know what they experienced and what they have witnessed through the years. Some people were raised with a silver spoon in their hands and some haven’t been raised that way. We aren’t mind readers , so we mainly assume things before knowing the actual truth. I’m sorry to hear you experienced what you experienced in your life time. My upbringing wasn’t the greatest either , but I managed to move on with my life and surrounded myself with people that bring positivity into my life and removed myself from negative people. That’s all we can do to live a happier peaceful life , I am very close to my one brother as well , we are best friends’ and understand each other because we grew up together and witnessed and experienced pretty much the same things. My connection with my brother is the best connection I ever had with anyone , I can trust him and tell him pretty much everything without feeling like he would betray me , we have each others’ backs and that’s all that matters. We have distanced ourselves from certain family members as well because we know they are pieces of shit that brought nothing but negativity into our lives. So you are doing the right thing by staying away from your family that clearly isn’t there for you , it’s their loss , not yours. Just focus on yourself and your well being and surround yourself with people that accept you for you and distance yourself from assholes.

Staximus · Answer

You're angry and have a lot to deal with, which you friend cannot comprehend or relate to because she has not had the same experience. Her heart is in the right place, though. Getting angry about it might be your first reaction and is understandable, but not the best reaction. You need to find your peace. Tell her you don't want to talk about it anymore. Tell her to stay out of your family business because it's beyond her understanding, because she has not experienced something like this. When my mom died 27 years ago, most of my friends couldn't relate to that. She has no fucking clue what you're going through, she's just trying to be helpful. Don't push her away, just tell her to respect your boundaries.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Tell her maybe that day will come. For now, you need to work on yourself and to build a good happy family of your own.
Leave all the drama behind.
we all have dramas… up to you how you handle…

our mom didn’t go to our dads funeral… we are still one happy family… see we don’t want drama.

JaneDoe95676187 · Answer

Those who were fortunate enough to be brought up in a loving and warm family have a hard time imagining how any other one could be bad… I think too that some people who would never treat others (especially family) poorly can’t fathom why others would or do

art84 · Answer

My family is similar in that my brother has never had a good relationship with my parents. It's only when he needs something that he'll show up at our house. It's funny how family members think we have a perfect family though it has its good and bad days. I am least glad I don't have a bad relationship with my parents though it's not perfect.

Screenwriter · Answer

You've left out a few words... "My ______ was in prison most of my life." Your dad?
And why were you blamed for the death of your younger brothers?

I can't understand a lot of your family situation. Please explain.

FreyaRed · Answer

You won't be lenient when you come from family where your parents love their children occasionally. Hard times make hard people.

Flower7 · Answer

True, a lot of people think that everyone’s life is like theirs.

exitseven · Answer

I tell my wife all the time that I come from a broken home. It doesn't get me off the hook like it used to.

genericname85 · Answer

from the story you told, it seemed that your friend understood it perfectly well.

slatyb · Answer

I'm sorry, it happens. I'm so glad you have found a group of supportive people.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

I agree, many people can't understand that family can be something to escape and put in the rear view mirror.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Dysfunctional family is okkkkkk I live through it I still looovvveee them

Anonymous · Answer

People generally filter the world through thier own reality.

CarolinaGirl5 · Answer

Why do you care like omg get therapy

Anonymous · Answer

Why do we need to?

Gabriel-Chicanito · Answer

They're naive.

Why can’t some people understand that not everyone comes from a loving family?

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Why people outside my family treat me with more compassion and respect than my own family?

Why can’t some people understand that not everyone comes from a loving family?

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Why people outside my family treat me with more compassion and respect than my own family?

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