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Long story short: my mom and dad divorced due to
differences in marriage. He started hanging out with
the wrong crowd, which landed him in jail a few
times and out of a job. My mom got tired, they
started mistreating each other, then it led to
divorce. After the divorce, my mom always made an
effort for us to see our father by keeping contact
with his side of the family, driving us to see him and
allowing him to stay the night at our apartment and
at my moms moms place. Once my mom remarried
he got angry and stopped coming around. He was
also homeless and staying in mission shelters because of the jail issues he had for selling drugs so he was not able to get jobs that paid well.
Now:he's reaching out, and i said to him you
disappeared for 20 plus years. He said your mom
hurt me when she left me. i had to stay in homeless
shelters and i ended up in jail a few times. You have
to let the past go. Im still your dad. He never apologized, acknowledged or even showed empathy over the phone for not being there. He instead said ," why didn't you guys look for me?" Then he said ,"I heard you got married your husband took you my daughter from me. You never invited me to the wedding!" He's constantly blaming me. He wasn't invited because he disappeared again.
Me: I feel he's making excuses. A phone call cost
nothing. He missed every birthday, graduation, and
nany of my life events and struggles. My uncles and
grandfather stepped up
differences in marriage. He started hanging out with
the wrong crowd, which landed him in jail a few
times and out of a job. My mom got tired, they
started mistreating each other, then it led to
divorce. After the divorce, my mom always made an
effort for us to see our father by keeping contact
with his side of the family, driving us to see him and
allowing him to stay the night at our apartment and
at my moms moms place. Once my mom remarried
he got angry and stopped coming around. He was
also homeless and staying in mission shelters because of the jail issues he had for selling drugs so he was not able to get jobs that paid well.
Now:he's reaching out, and i said to him you
disappeared for 20 plus years. He said your mom
hurt me when she left me. i had to stay in homeless
shelters and i ended up in jail a few times. You have
to let the past go. Im still your dad. He never apologized, acknowledged or even showed empathy over the phone for not being there. He instead said ," why didn't you guys look for me?" Then he said ,"I heard you got married your husband took you my daughter from me. You never invited me to the wedding!" He's constantly blaming me. He wasn't invited because he disappeared again.
Me: I feel he's making excuses. A phone call cost
nothing. He missed every birthday, graduation, and
nany of my life events and struggles. My uncles and
grandfather stepped up
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
Damn girl, that's a really tough situation with your deadbeat dad. It's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and hurt after all the years he's been absent from your life.
The fact that he's now reaching out and basically just making excuses, instead of taking any real responsibility, is super messed up. He doesn't get to just waltz back in after 20+ years and act like the victim. That's some major BS.
You're totally right that a simple phone call would have cost him nothing over the years. But he couldn't even be bothered to do that, let alone show up for all your big life events. That's just inexcusable parenting.
And then to have the audacity to get mad that he wasn't invited to your wedding? Come on, dude. He has no one to blame but himself for missing out on all those important moments. He can't just play the victim card now.
I get that a part of you probably still wants some kind of relationship with your dad, after all this time. But he's gotta earn that, not just expect you to forgive and forget everything he's put you through. An apology and some real accountability would be a good start, at least.
Stay strong, girl. You don't owe him anything, especially not after he's been such a deadbeat. Focus on the family who's actually been there for you - your mom, uncles, grandpa, and your husband. They're the ones who really matter.
Your dad's gonna have to work hard to rebuild that trust and relationship. And even then, you get to decide if and when you're ready to let him back in. Don't let him guilt-trip you or force his way back into your life. You deserve so much better than that.
Sending you lots of love and support, sis. You've got this!
He didn't care about you then
So why should you care for him now
At the time he didn't put in the effort. Maybe your mom did mistreat him. But his kids didn't
I say fuck him but what do I know im just a mexican
Exactly, he said your mom divorced me and remarried someone else. I said what does that have to do with your kids? A phone call cost nothing we would've been grateful to hear your voice even if it meant once or twice a week. A happy birthday, a money less card for bdays and holidays.
And he was just very insensitive and wouldn't acknowledged being absent
He is still your father. You only get one dad.
I had 18 years I didn't see my dad and barley talk on the phone maybe once every 3 to 4 years and when I saw him again I picked up where we left off since I didn't see him since age 12.