Wow that’s you! You look amazing!
I don’t think you should give your dad a chance at least not this easily. He can say he’s sorry but what has he actually shown about his change? If he cares about you he’d go an extra length to change your attitude about him.
I didn’t want to wish my dad a Father’s Day either. He’s nowhere as bad as yours but he just shows no interest in my life and doesn’t get me at all. I’m already 31 and he makes stupid assumptions about what I like and dislike that reveal we’re almost complete strangers. I’d feel like I’d be wishing a random person happy Father’s Day. So I just said happy birthday instead since it was his birthday recently.
Most Helpful Opinions
Ahh you sound like the older version of my daughter. This is currently her situation she is 13 and did not feel to wish her father Happy Father's Day... because he hasn't been there for her. And I feel your situation could be her situation in the near future. I will be honest with you... It was wrong what he said to you. Even if there was any truth to what he said that is not how you have a discussion and speak to your daughter... and he was very very wrong for how he spoke to you. Furthermore... he doesn't get to downplay your feelings... he is supposed to listen, see you are hurt... man up and be there for you. He is deflecting his shortcomings and wants to take it out on someone... you aren't the one. And whatever transpired between your mother, grandmother and him should not affect his duty to be a good father to you. In my opinion... I think you need to take some time to heal from his words and set boundaries. We all benefit from healthy boundaries.
I can tell you shared with him the reason why you didn't feel up to saying happy father's day... and quite frankly he needs to stop having a man tantrum and look at it as "I must have really hurt her for her to not want to wish me happy fathers day..." and then he should look at it as "I really better step up"... but... to blow up like that... to not try to see what may have caused you to feel that way... wrong... on so many levels... and come on man... he's grown enough to not get in his feelings too much over Father's Day...
I am so sorry you had to endure that. It is not your fault in any way shape or form.
To answer your question... I think the best thing to say to him is
"What you said to me the other day hurt me very much. You have to understand from my point of view as your daughter I have expectations of a father, some of which you did not live up to... whatever you and my mom and my grandma went through that is between adults... as your child you be there for me... when I am happy, when I am sad... when I need protection... when I am accomplishing something... when I need comfort. That is what you are supposed to do for me... just be there. I would like for you to be a part of me life because one day you may need to walk me down the isle, or be a grandfather to my first born... It would be a shame for you to miss out on that because of your pride. Throw it away and look at the bigger picture here. If you want to be a part of my life I will not accept you talking bad about my mother or my grandma or you and I will not have a discussion. So you decide if its worth wasting the rest of our years on the past or build a better future... but I will not tolerate your words... I will not.. you don't get to say those things to me"
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