The father that was in and out of my life then disappeared long periods of time has now come back. How should I respond?

[Anonymous]

So after my mom and dad divorced he stopped coming around. I remember my mom used to drive me to his mom's house which was my grandmas and ask her where my father was. His mom would either say up to no good or in jail. My mom tried and when we didn't hear from him for months she'd call around to particularly the jails and that's where she would find him. Again he'd do good coming around then he'd dissappear. He never showed any of my birthdays, graduations, major events in my life. So I got used to not having a father. My mom ended up getting remarried 3-4years after the divorce. My father When he decided to come back again not got angry because I didn't wish him a happy fathers day. I told him I've gotten used to not having a father to say it to. When I asked why he stopped coming around he stated because my mom got remarried and that my grandma was an evil woman that's why she's dead now and it's her fault but reality is he physically abused my mom when they had disagreements. The neighbors are the ones who told my grandma.

Now he recently text me saying he's having surgery. What am I supposed to do? And what would you do? Should I help?

[Livewire3]

You owe this man nothing, you don't have reason to believe or trust him. What is it he is asking for? You to show up? Money? You need to decide if this could be further abusing you or your relationship, however you want to look at the situation. You have to decide if you are okay giving him something even if he bails on you again. Don't ask him, ask yourself.

[b5fan]

If your father is having major surgery this may be your last chance to resolve the issues you obviously have with him. My advice would be to engage with him to provide you and him some closure.

[Daniela1982]

Why should she give a rip if he had closure when he never gave a rip about her?

[b5fan]

@Daniela1982 The closure is for her.

[humpbackjack]

I would ignore his text. He couldn’t even be bothered with you so why bother with him? Especially him hitting your mom which I’m sure in his mind he feels justified for whatever lame reason

[eagle1951]

Well for one i
d be pissed. and 2 i would not want anything to do with him. i'd wish him good luck with the surgery and hang up or end test

[george021780]

even though he's a piece of shit he's still your dad if you truly need in your heart a relationship with him go or else fuck him

[Asker]

Called and text him 2 days ago. He read my message and never replied nor has he called back. I'm done dealing with him. He's been inconsistent all my life

[george021780]

I get it he's 1 less worry and we all need that

[george021780]

let him go

[Twalli]

It's your choice. He is still your father whether or not he's in your life.

[es20490446e]

What matters is the current situation.

[Asker]

That's the issue he comes and goes whenever. He's say I'll call you Monday. Then calls me 3 weeks later or a month later. He's never consistent

[es20490446e]

Unacceptable.

[Asker]

So I dont know how to be towards him. I'm still angry about what he said about my grandma too. When I asked him why he stopped coming around or was in and out when we were younger he said because your mom married someone else. And your grandma broke us apart she's evil that's why she's dead now. my grandma died of covid this year. My grandma wasn't evil she had found out frkm the neighbors that my dad hit my mom do she wanted her to leave him

[es20490446e]

https://youtu.be/0Y_Yu4W56YI

[Wise4myage]

Id totally ignore him.