Father ended up in the hospital. My girlfriend was not as supportive as I thought she should be.

[Phantom_operator]

The other week my father ended up in the hospital. My girlfriend was not as supportive as I thought she should be. Crying because I was not spending as much time with her as normal because my dad was clinging on for life. I had to shut down at one point and focus on my father because she was dragging me down. Needless to say, after a bad night with my dad, I got upset at one of her text messages. She never even asked how he was after a surgery went bad. So about a week and a half later, I broke up with her out of being mad and disappointed with her selfish actions when she was making things about her. Anyway, now he his home finally and doing OK. I am at this point now where it's all hitting me, and hitting hard. I miss her like crazy. I have tried calling her, she said "i am still in love with you but not ready to talk to you, can I call you in a week" then after that she won't answer any of my calls. I can understand her end but it's not like I cheated on her and now asking for forgiveness. right now I feel like I am begging for her...What should I do, see what she has to say "in a week" or just forget it all and move on. Again, this was my fathers life and not me acting like a child or cheating, or sneaking around, if that was the case, this treatment I am getting now, I clearly would deserve. Thanks for any advice.

Updates

+1 y

Update: Throughout all this, I feel like I am the bad one. Why am I essentially begging for her to forgive me, I did what anyone normal person would do, and if she were in the situation I would have done the same for her. Should I wait "the week" or just say forget it?

[zombiefood]

Hah, lucky you asking this question at exactly the right time.

My boyfriend and I literally went through almost the exact same scenario. Minus the father in the hospital (though I really do hope he's doing better now. He'll be in my thoughts tonight. May whatever powers you believe in watch over him, keep him safe).

I've been suffering from increasingly more and more severe depression and anxiety over the past 3/4ths of a year. Well it all kind of climaxed about three-four weeks ago. I couldn't sleep, I was having nightmares, I hurt myself at one point (I felt like I was drifting away, like I was loosing reality and my should was drifting across the universe.. It was weird and scary and uncomfortable), I cried all the time, I was worried and anxious and stressed constantly... So I talked to him. My therapist was gone and I didn't think I could talk to my mother so I talked to him.

Every hour of the day and night I would text him or call him. I'd ask him to come around a lot, I made him feel a little bad when he didn't, I made him carry all my burdens and I didn't think twice about it- I was so deep down in the hole I'd made that I couldn't find a way out.

Well one night I text him and, while he wasn't angry, I could tell he wasn't happy. He sounded tired, weary, worn down and just done. It took until that moment to realize what I'd done to him. How I'd only dragged him down with me. I'd been selfish and completely unthinking but I didn't see it beacuse I needed him, and he was supposed to be there for me. I just couldn't see how badly it was affecting (effecting?) him.

Well we sat down and talked about it and we worked out that we still loved each other, that we never wanted to loose each other. We didn't get angry, we didn't cry and try to push each others' feelings. We just talked about how we felt and what we wanted to do. And one week later (almost) we're doing great. He's got his energy back, I'm feeling better, too. Everything is just working.

If I were you I'd call her and tell her (either to her or her voice mail) that you're sorry you may have seemed cold or distant to her but you had a lot of stuff to work through of your own and it didn't seem like she understood that. Tell her that you two really need to meet up and talk, like the adults you are, that you miss her and you would like to try and work things out now that you've both had time to recover and reset in a way.

Believe me, I get what you're going through, I get it because I talked to my boyfriend about it and he told me what it was like. Now you need to show her how it felt for you. But the only way she'll listen is if you let her know that you get that you didn't get to spend much time together and that was hard for her but your family is very important to you. And you need to be there for them. Let her know that it hurt you that she didn't seem to care about that. Try to find a balance between understanding her and helping her to understand you.

[zombiefood]

She took things completely wrong and I am fully on your side here but she probably doesn't see why it was so wrong, the way she treated the situation. You need to understand her side of the story in order to explain your side with out hurting or offending her. It's a fine line and girls can be very sensitive sometimes.

[zombiefood]

However I do agree with every one else- if she isn't willing to understand and she doesn't apologize for how she acted she's not worth your time. She's just a selfish bitch of sorts. But you need to know how she was feeling/what she was thinking to know if she was being rude or just misunderstood you.

Whatever you do- don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for so don't give that to her, don't let her think that you do. She is here to prove to you she's worthy. Not the other way 'round.

[Phantom_operator]

I have called her, many time, texted here, emailed her my journals, and it's like she has turned me off completely. Like I said, if I cheated on her or something I would 100% deserve this. But I did not, I am a stand up guy and would have done the same for her if she ended up in the hospital. I have done EVERYTHING at this point. Her last message to me, was please respect my wishes. (her wishes being that she is not ready to talk to me, she will call me in a week) do I really deserve that?

[zombiefood]

No. Look, I don't understand how she couldn't have been by your side taking care of you every second she could manage but apparently that kind of thing isn't standard in a relationship. I know that's what I would do. And I know any girl who reacted the way she did who, upon seeing what was going on, seeing how badly you wanted to talk to her isn't worth the time of day. She thinks she can use you like a puppy, make you feel guilty for everything. She thinks that by pushing you down like this

[zombiefood]

she gets more power, and she likes that power. Well take it the hell away from her. Give her one final call. Tell her how you really feel. I can't see how she really cares about you at all, or how she really loves you at all. The way she's treated you is disgusting in my book. Family comes before everything else, everything. She should understand and respect that. She should have been there to help you. And if she was in a bad place she should have talked to you about it in person, calmly. She

[zombiefood]

should have been there to work things out together. But she wasn't. And now she's trying to make it seem like you should be sorry. Bull sh*t, all of it. I'm sorry, I mistook the situation. If I were you I'd dump her, dump her hard. But.. I've got a bit of a mean streak with people who wrong me so maybe I'm not the best person to talk to about how to let her down.

[Phantom_operator]

That is an honest answer. I have tried texting since 2pm today...now 9pm and nothing. She won't answer any calls, I asked her do I really deserve this silent treatment.? Nothing. I just don't get it

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is dismaying. Did you share with her all that was going on? Did she know about your dad and his ups and downs through the process? Does she think you have a good relationship with your dad or a bad one? Was she asking to spend time with you at the hospital and you were not allowing her to do so?

So, she could be one big self-centered waste of your time or you may have been shutting her out or acting in a way that was not vulnerable and connecting with her. I am surprised at how she could be this focused on herself.

[smokahontas]

Hinestly I would not pursue getting back together with her. The fact that she is so selfish with herself that she doesn't at least ask how your father was doing? or even understood what your father was going through? Yes you're going to miss her like crazy and regret what you did. But thinkto yourself, is it worth being with a gil who always thinks about herself and doesn't really care about your family? you can find someone better then that. Now she's just playing games with you and hard to get, its really not worth it.

[Habakkuk]

Don't beg for her if she is going to be a bitch to you like that and play on your emotions. She may be the one for you, but she needs to have a reality check. You don't deserve to be treated like that. I can definitely relate to that, because just last week my dad had to spend a lot of time in the hospital watching over HIS dad who was dying, after being revived from cardiac arrest. Due to bizarre circumstances, he was able to take us (his sons) with him (out of state) but his wife (my step-mom) had to stay home alone the whole week. This is where it's different: she was very supportive, and refused to make him go on a 12-hour round trip to pick her up, she didn't have to spend time with him because they talked on the phone every day. My granddad died shortly after and of course my step mom missed the funeral because she was in the next state. Either way, it sounds like your girlfriend is being very selfish and immature, with the whole crying and not caring about your dad, and the whole 1 week of silent treatment. I don't want you to fight, but you need to have a serious talk with her when she stops pouting or you need to reconsider your options. My philosophy on relationships is very simple. I don't want meaningless sex, if we are in love, sex will follow. I don't want a girlfriend so that I can say that I have one. I won't get into a relationship with a girl unless I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her, because if I can't then we are doomed to split. Also, I don't plan on having sex with her before marriage, because if we really love each other we can live with each other without sex, because eventually we will be too old for sex. I hate to be frank with you, but if she really loved you, she would be more supportive and less selfish because when you are in love with somebody all you want is for them to be happy and to be with them. It's fine for her to miss you dearly, but it sounds like she is using you for attention to get what she wants. I hope things work out for you though.

[Camilus]

I am half Italian, and I can tell you that if I brought a girl like that into the family they'd be highly upset with me. Family comes first.

If I was in your situation I would tell her to get lost, and if she did call me I would yell into the phone so bad she'd hang up as fast as she could. That's the most disrespectful piece of sh*t selfish crap I ever heard of.

[Lifesbeautiful]

Not your fault. Your girlfriend should have been there for you! Emotionally supporting you and doing whatever she could to help the situation out. That was very selfish of her. She doesn't deserve a guy like you. I say forget it. She is making it all about her. Sorry that you went through that wiht you dad and that now you just have more messes to deal with! sucks! Good luck! :)

[tammymac]

I would ask myself...self why would I want to be with someone who obviously has no room in her life for anyone but herself! You deserve better, she was being a complete selfish ass, why would you want someone like that in your life? You Dad's on deaths door and she is demanding your time. Un f***ing believable! What's even more unbelievable is that you are begging her to come back to you wtf?

[Phantom_operator]

I know, it's pathetic. Just a year ago, I was in the US Navy SEALs, lost my best friend in my arms, now life has gone full circle, I fell in love with this girl, thought she was different and special. I dropped EVERYTHING, work, school, friend, anything and everything for my father, now he is OK, I feel guilty.

[Phantom_operator]

To top it off, why f***ing normal human wouldn't do this for his father! I just did what came natural

[tammymac]

I just think any man deserves beter then to be treated like that. I would NEVER treat my man so thoughtlessly.

[lyssabaybayy]

Well family goes before anyone and she should of been by your side on a hard time like that, and I think what you did was right, she seems to only think about her self and not your feelings.. if you want to be with her then talk to her and tell her that in order to be together you have to understand family comes first and I have feelings not everything is about you.. I relationship goes both ways not just one.. and if she's not going to forgive you for something like this.. then she doesn't deserve you.

[Anonymous]

Forget her. She wasn't there when you needed her and instead of being helpful, she just made things on you worse. If she is honestly going to act like you're the one that needs forgiveness, she's far too selfish to even realize what she did was wrong (meaning, it'll happen again). I know it's difficult, but if you stay with her, she'll just keep treating you like crap. Please move on. It'll be better for you in the long run.

[nermalinda]

Honestly, if I were you, I would move on. It's normal to miss your old girlfriend, but the fact that she was so unsuportive over your dad is not a good sign. Do you really want to be with someone who is that selfish?

[Yansi_tiziani]

You better than me just for calling. I would've been moved on the minute she told me I wasn't given her enough knowing the perdicument I was in.

[scarlettmonkey]

Short and sweet, dump her ass. If she can't realize that you need to be with your father in a situation like that and her role should just be someone you can escape to, then she needs to go. I really hope your father is doing better.