Why would a dead beat dad returns after so many years and try to play the father role now that you're an adult?

[Anonymous]

I am very wary of him because after my mom divorced him when I was 7 due to him being on drugs and abusing her. He stopped contacting us completely. I would hear my mom on the phone calling him, leaving him messages asking him to see us. He'd make promises then never show. Then I finally seen him again when I was 23. Then years later after that. Nothing ever consistent. Calls every once In a blue moon and barks orders like I'm a child stating ," I worry about you. As soon as you get off work go straight home."

Blah blah yet where was this concern years ago. Then he got mad at me for not wishing him a father's day. I haven't wished him a happy fathers day since I was 7. He hasn't been here. Then I addressed it he blamed my mom saying he didn't come around because she remarried after the divorce (she remarried 3 years later). And said he was homeless because of the divorce and blamed my grandma saying she was evil that's why she's dead now. But come on who would want their daughter to stay married to a man using drugs and abusing her? My mom divorced him because she said she found drugs in my stroller from him doing drugs and making deals. She said I could've gotten taken away if the police caught him.

Because he's getting old and needs someone. Basically for selfish reasons

He has regrets

I'd be wary of him and his intentions to not sure why he'd come back

Updates

+1 y

My mom was not and isn't isn't bitch. After my mom divorced him he started staying with his mom. While he was staying with his mom he stole from her several time. He also went to jail for drug possession. Yes my mom and dad had issues but there is no excuse for him to disappear from his kids regarding if my mom was a bitch or not. there's no excuse to abandon your kids

Updates

+1 y

If you're going to come on my post saying things about my mother being a bitch or bitter your comment will be deleted. I've already stated in the update what I know and have seen for myself. There is no excuse to abandon your kids!

[bamesjond0069]

Well it could very well be all what you suggest but you're missing an option thats quite common...

Your mom is a huge bitch and liar and everything she ever told you about him is false. He only comes around now you're an adult because he can do so without involving your mom.

I love kids and can't wait to have my own family. That being said if a court awarded a woman custody who: hit me, was sleeping around with everyone, not pleasant, raised the kids like shit, lied about me, always trying to get money from me, alcoholic or some combination of that... yeah im sorry kid but im not spending the next 18 years anywhere near someone like that and legally my hands are tied so id be forced to just walk away.

Now maybe none of this is true but this is true a lot so id at least certainly consider it a possibility. The hard part is you grew up with your mom believing everything she said being raised how she raised you that doesn't mean it was right. So really try and objectively judge observable facts about your parents not your feelings or what one parent told you about the other. For example if your dad has a job and your mom says he's a bum who never worked... maybe he changed but its more likely she's lying or exaggerating. People do not change very easily. So thats just an example.

Good luck.

[Asker]

My mom is not a bitch don't ever refer to her as such. Comment reported.

[bamesjond0069]

I said she could be. I dont know the lady. You obviously were not raised right to fly off the handle at the mere mention of such a thing.

[Asker]

You obviously were not raised right to refer to a woman as a bitch. It's not my fault your mom is trash. Blocked

[TommyMountainFigure]

A friend of mine left his wife after she had a baby because and I quote "She's no fun now. I'll wait until the kid is 18 and go find her"
I say a friend.. I never spoke to him again after he said that!
I certainly agree for some it is purely selfish reasons!

[Asker]

Yeah I don't trust him at all

[Uannoyme]

Without knowing the whole story, it's hard to say. What is concerning is how he seems to be acting as though you owe him bu getting upset that you didn't wish him a happy father's day.

[Asker]

I posted the whole story

[Asker]

I didn't like that either. That's what triggered me

[Uannoyme]

You said he had a drug problem. Do you know if he's still using? I'm sure he says he's clean, but do you know?

[Asker]

I dont know I haven't seen him in years

[Anonymous]

Agreed, it's not cool to walk out on your kids. No Real Man would do that.

Here's the thing though; your dad was an addict back then. He wasn't capable of being a father.

Talk to him & get his life story. There's probably a lot more than you realise involved if he's sober now. One of the Steps is to make amends to those you've hurt. If he's in The Program then it's possible he's working through his demons

[Asker]

Even now he's inconsistent. He got mad at me for not wishing him a happy fathers day yet he hasn't been there. His excuse was that my mom got remarried that's why he didn't come around

[Opinion Owner]

It's exactly what you said - an excuse. If he's still inconsistent and you have a father-figure you can turn to then you owe him nothing

[Archerer]

Tell him to fuck right off and that he needs to live with the guilt for being a shit dad, and just leave you alone.

[Asker]

That's how I feel too. I dont call or text him at all. If he reaches out ill respond to a text. other than that I don't bother

[Jamie05rhs]

To all of you "live and let live" people out there:
This is what drugs do to people.
This is what they do to families. 😡

[Iron_Man]

Feeling guilty wants to make new changes in his life and make things right

[Asker]

It's too late. I dont trust him now

[Iron_Man]

Sorry to hear that I’m can take it

[Anonymous]

either because you got rich and have money or because he's dying

[Asker]

He is getting older and he's starting to have health problems

[Opinion Owner]

well there you go.

[Opinion Owner]

he's trying to make amends to buy himself some brownie points when he meets his maker thinking it'll get him a ticket into heaven and beyond those pearly white gates

[Asker]

I only hear from him when it's close to fathers day because he wants to be wished happy fathers day then he disappears again. Then he pops up when he's going through something and needs people.