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On this video a mother had a horrible argument with her 17 year-old daughter. At some point there were exchanges of words and since she's a Mexican woman relying on hitting and pulling hairs, she threatened to slap her. The daughter replied that she would hit her back. She was daring her to do; thinking the daughter wouldn't reply back. The daughter hit her back and the mother cries, playing victim. The teen obviously doesn't feel remorseful? Why should she? I hate it when the cop tells me that until she's 18, she has to tolerate the rules, even allowed getting hit a bit as long as it's reasonable just because spanking is still allowed in that state and that's her mother.
Updates
5 d
I actually don't feel bad for the Mexican mother. She got physical first and got hit back in return.
Updates
5 d
She raised her daughter by installing her that violence is ok to use if you can't get your points across, that hitting is the only way to make someone listen.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
I took a few lickings from my parents and almost always deserved it. I also respected my parents and the thought of raising my hand to either of them never crossed my mind even once. I’m almost 50 and if one of them slapped me now, I wouldn’t dream of hitting them back.
I'm sorry to hear you think it was deserved. Honestly the title on the video should be read ''mother got hit back by daughter''. It's putting all the blame on the girl and nothing on the mother. Both are to blame. Getting slapped and hair pulled (assuming it was yanked hard) will make anyone defend themselves.
If my mother started slapping me, while wouldn't hit back out of consideration, I wouldn't just stand there and take it either. I would restrain her till she stops. If my father started hitting me, I'm either fighting back or reporting him.
As a now pregnant woman in my late 30's, I plan on raising my child without hitting.
I raised my kiddos without “hitting” and pulling hair. I also didn’t give them a pat on the head and a new toy just because they didn’t set the couch on fire. There’s appropriate times for negative reinforcement just like there are appropriate times for positive reinforcement.
No I wouldn't pat them on the head nor give them a new toy just for the bare minimum. That's given when they actually have earned a privilege. For instance if they throw a tantrum just because I wouldn't buy a toy now, my answer would still be a NO. Just because I won't hit doesn't mean I would have no rules and let them do whatever they want to. Letting them running around and doing nothing at all, not even removing them from the situation would be a lazy, permissive parent.
No. I smacked my son when he was very little for two things - running into a road and reaching up to the stove.
Guess what he hasn't done since he was 2?
Yup. He's never run into a road again and he's never reached up to the stove.
I'm teaching him to cook - he's 6 - and I have zero concerns about him chopping veg with knives I could shave with because while he doesn't remember being smacked, he remembers there's a safety reason for doing what I tell him in the kitchen.
I still feel there are other ways without hitting. One of my cousins have a son that's slightly over 2 years old and he hasn't done any of that. Neither of them ever hit him... as both parents believe in educating without hitting. He always stays close by his parents side. So the same result can also be obtained without hitting.
I think the title of the video is misleading. The mother isn't blameless and a ''poor innocent victim, whose daughter hit her suddenly for no reason at all''. She slapped and pulled her daughter's hair. Assuming the hair was pulled hair, that would make anyone defend themselves.
Any discipline has to be effective. This "gentle parenting" bullshit causes more damage than it prevents. The concept of being "cruel to be kind" actually makes sense from a parenting perspective. I'm setting firm boundaries for my son. His mum died last October so I'm learning on the run as it were, but I'm not planning on beating him into submission - although he may have other plans for me (he's 6).
It's a question of finding a disciplinary method that works to set firm boundaries so he can grow up in a safe environment to explore who he is. Right now for me it's looking like literally buying a farm and homesteading. Since I live in South Africa that might include the need to watch out for the odd leopard trying to take a goat. For him to be safe I need to be certain he knows if I say not to do something he's going to listen. I've not had to smack him since he was 2.
If any parent is having to smack a teenage child around, they're too late. By that age it's not discipline, it's abuse.
Though gentle parenting isn't being permissive. It still has boundaries and rules, as well as natural consequence. For instance they backtalk and that means they lost a privilege and have to slowly earn it back. There is simply no corporal punishment. The absence of it doesn't mean there are no boundaries.
Permissive parenting isn't even a style. That's the other polar extreme of abusive, authoritarian parents. That's when they do absolutely nothing at all.
Both extremes are abusive. One sets dictatorial restrictions and the other sets none at all. Either way the child suffers.
@Danielle93
You're on the right track. I'm noticing several people confuse gentle parenting for permissive parenting. Both aren't the same at all. To be honest, gentle parenting is actually authoritative parenting. It balances structure and independence and sets clear boundaries and expectations. Perhaps the name gentle parenting seems misleading.
The real issue is the consequences for breaching the boundaries set. Obviously as a child grows they need to be able to push those boundaries, but there needs to be a point where the parent says "ok, no further" - sometimes in a split second so the child has an immediate consequence.
That's where a smack when he reached up for a little gas burner comes in. Or running into the road. Better a smack than 3rd degree burns or death by vehicle.
Oh, and I've lost close family to both fire (an aunt) and road accident (my younger brother).
My condolences. I'm sorry for your losses. It must be challenging then they're toddler and are full of energy, running around and curious about their environment. I would be keeping an eye on them all times and the kitchen door should be locked. Whenever I hear of those burning or scalding cases, I wonder who was watching that child and what is a child doing near the kitchen or outside grill? I believe child-proof stove knobs have been invented by now as well as stove guards.
As for running across the street, I think that's easy. Holding them with a strong grip (they aren't going anywhere on roads without me or other adults holding them), supervise them at all times and probably have a fence or gate if possible. Or take them elsewhere that doesn't have busy roads, to closed, safer places.
Then when cooking something, use the stove that's far way, far from their reach.
That kind of attitude is what happens when you don't instill a sense of consequences to begin with. If you're gonna hit the kid, whoop their ass. If they fight, do it all over again. They'll learn eventually
Or maybe it's common sense that if they fight back then it's clearly they don't like your abuse and aren't going to tolerate it.
There's a difference between abuse and physical punishment. Common sense would tell you that but it seems you missed the memo
The point is if they fight you back then perhaps physical punishment isn't working and they don't care by then. Perhaps do something else that's not physical. Relying on the same thing that's not working and expecting a different result is what doesn't make sense.
Or perhaps you failed to install discipline early so now they feel comfortable doing bad things and hitting you when you go to punish them.
Or maybe if hitting them is all you ever did (as the first and only resort), then they learned that from you and aren't afraid of you anymore.
If that's all you do, then that's abuse. Physical punishment is used to correct really bad behavior, its not the first resort.
I feel you can get your points across without hitting. Respect is really a two-way streets. Just being a mother or father and hitting doesn't make you get respected. It's got to be earned and that woman obviously didn't earn it.
Your feelings don't matter.
Respect even if you did everything right, your kid may not respect you.
If you're not respected then it means the parent was inconsistent.
Or maybe the kid just doesn't care enough to have respect.