Am I a failure for working as a server at Chinese restaurant at 36?

[Chartreux]

Teen mom at 16 with first daughter. Second son at 17. My husband is always away for work, daughter off to college, son keeps me company but he's got his things to do.

Today I was breaking down & crying before going to work. Work as a server in a crap Chinese restaurant. I thought there would have been more in my life than this at my age. Everyone going on to better things except me. I feel like everything I do is dumb & wrong.

[ItsJill]

Hugs. You are not a failure. You raised two children when you were a child yourself. Your oldest is going to college.

If you feel you want to change, look around. There are also many programs for professional qualifications that can help you move into a new field.

[Chartreux]

Thank you, I got my ged but it's not enough... will still look for some opportunities

[abc3643]

20 years ago, beginning in December 2004 just before I turned 42, for about 2-3 months, I was working part-time (weekends) bellman for a Holiday Inn making minimum wage (7$/hour at the time + tips). I was unemployed almost 2 years and this was the only job I had. The money I earned that winter paid just paid for my home heating oil to get us through the winter.

You do what you have to do to survive.

I am 62 now and STILL just trying to survive. Don't be ashamed but I do know how you feel. That said, count your blessings; you have a home, a spouse, and children. You matter in this world.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

You are not a failure, I think you are just stressed and burned out.

My mother does a job similar to yours (fine dining) and she's around ten years older than you, she likes her job and now she's in a manager position and also manages catering services and sales. Try to use your experience to find new opportunities in the field if you are so inclined.

[Account]

No. You are working and providing for your family. I assume you feel that burden within you possibly due to stupid societal expectations.
You are doing the best you can according to your circumstances. I think you are being way too harsh on yourself, but that is not your fault.
You are allowing external factors to influence the way you view yourself, but that is not fair to you.

[Summeroflove]

No you’re not a failure someone whose a failure chooses to be a failure someone whose a failure would be someone who neglected their kids, refused to work, and things like that. That is NOT you number one you’re working doing what you’re able.

If you’re a loving mother and loving loyal wife those are the two most beautiful things you could be. That’s what matters most is the people you’re close to more then what your job title is. There are plenty of losers who neglect their families despite having what’s considered a good job.

Also, the grass is always greener on the other side just remember that you are someone’s perfect someone. There is someone who looks at you and wishes they could be more like you. Maybe they have a bad marriage, maybe they wanted kids but can’t have them, maybe they don’t even have a job to begin with, and the list goes on. Everyone has struggles…. And guess what else? At the end of the day you could always have it better. A lot of the people that you see as doing better then yourself also have struggles they also many probably compare themselves to others who are doing better then they are. It’s a game that you just can’t win.

If you’re wanting a different job then that’s fine find something you’re passionate about and work as hard as you can to get there. Your life is your story not someone else’s. But focus on your husband, your son, and your daughter. Those are who should the most important people in your life and how they see you should trump how people you barely even know see you.

[bowenw]

Serving is an honorable profession. If you want to do something else, make a plan to achieve it. You are still young.

[Chartreux]

Thank you for your kind answer

[In_Trance]

You're definitely not a failure and it sounds like you have the opportunity to make a change if you feel the need to

[Chartreux]

Thank you

[itsannalee]

That’s okay, you can cry sometimes, but it’s not that bad. Cleaning lady in my apartment even she is 28 and married to 50 yo guy and still has baby and still need to work to help her husband. You still having better life than some people.

[itsannalee]

I am not working in a social institution or a cop, I don’t help people

[princeofromance]

No, you are a true legend for doing something that inspires you.

[MikeRJ]

You are not a failure if you are doing honest work and ae providing for your children,

[wk_85]

No , I don't think that

[Chartreux]

Thank you

[Jennz6]

You have to work somewhere