Even though I’m an adult… should you tell your parents that you’re a sex worker?

[Anonymous]

Now I know I didn’t want my parents to know but my parents act a bit protective even though I know they loved me I still didn’t feel valued by them and I think realizing that 19/20 led me to wanting male attention and validation

My relationship with my parents is getting better and they are really putting in effort.. the only issue is my mother thinks I’m this innocent girl and she gets frantic if she thinks I lost my virginity..(I’m 27) but she wants me to be with a nice guy, start a family ect…

I felt that I could hide it from my mom and my father because my father really focused on his fam / my step sister and I wasn’t as close to them. I felt like I could do anything and they wouldn’t even notice lol I liked that…

but since me and my father grew our relationship it just feels different and I’m sooo scared to break his heart lolol

What do I do?

[HollyK21]

I was worried about you Chels, but I’m glad to see you’re doing ok🤍

[Asker]

No.. I believe him and my trans cousin are secretly talking… it sent me into depression and sucidal thoughts I had to be hospitalized and put on medical leave no pay… it really destroyed me and I’m still struggling with it everyday. Sex work or the photos of myself helps me somewhat cope

[HollyK21]

Hate to hear that you’re still putting yourself through this. Hopefully you find someone who can help.

[Asker]

He’s talking to my cousin.. my cousin who I confided in about him… that’s all you have to say… with all I’ve been through about him… for a year

What do you mean “putting myself through this?” A possible betrayal happened

[HollyK21]

Because you insist on blaming all your issues on one person but I’m not trying to go there.

[Asker]

I’m asking you about my cousin betraying my trust…

[Asker]

How is that blaming? I’m hurt that my cousin would do that…

[HollyK21]

What is your proof that this is happening?

[Asker]

It’s not like you will agree with me. You never do

[HollyK21]

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.

[Asker]

I had confided in her about him in October because she is trans I had given her his @ on twitter to see if there were any clues that I missed.

I’m familiar with his algorithm in twitter without following him and I’ve payed attention to it for a long time to get an idea of who he interacts with

A couple months later I noticed that pictures of couples, universe and Beyoncé was strongly coming up… I didn’t put two and two together and thought maybe he found someone… then I realized that my cousin strongly follows and lovesss Beyoncé and she is very into the universe and numbers… all those things were in his algorithm strongly!

I had asked my cousin and I was mad that I felt she would do that to me and regretted giving her his @ at first and she said “oh wow, I wouldn’t do that to you “

And since I had her blocked I reached out to her on social media tagging him and her and confronting her she blocked me!

But if you’re not guilty why couldn’t she just call and say anything instead of blocking me when I confronted her..

She also lives with my mother out of state… and I had to get my mother involved

And we do speak … hold on

[Asker]

what she said striked me… when I was asking her if she was talking to him and she “no I wouldn't do that to you “ (yeah right)

And I feel like they have discussed me…. especially since he felt that I was “unstable “… but really he emotionally hurt me by trying to use me… then she tries to kind of gaslight me by saying “didn’t you act like this with xavior “ 

Xavior was a guy I had a crush on but never actually talked to or dated and we were in HIGH SCHOOL! And guess what… our other cousin knew I liked him and tried to get his attention but I wasn’t upset about it nor did I stop talking to my other cousin over him because we never talked. I just liked him…

I believe the guy doesn’t think I have a car because I didn’t drive to the date and he asked me if I drive… I said yes but no I don’t…

[Asker]

But also another clue was my cousin said “if you had a CAR maybe you could drive and go out and meet people “ and she said something along the lines of moving on. 

Then she says “yeah I wish I could take a lie detector test “ and she also said “I didn’t like any of stuff or nothing to get his attention “ (i didn’t even ask her if she did that but I’m sure that’s exactly what she did “)

[Asker]

Then I had tagged them together even though she blocked me and I said trans love!! Congratulations on a post of a girl he follows and that’s when he blocked me and changed his username

[Asker]

Read it all if you can before you make an assumption. I’m not wrong

[Asker]

Seee I was right!

[HollyK21]

No, it’s just Sunday and I haven’t been online. Chels, do you realize you’re saying that your proof is what he liked or shared? I mean it’s freaking Beyoncé, everyone and their mother knows or has talked about her, plus she’s been in the media a ton for the past few years with Lion King, her country album, etc. Like she’s not some obscure artist. Your cousin blocked you because you made harsh accusations without solid proof and then blocked them. You’ve become too consumed by this situation that you can’t even see clearly and making up situations in your mind that don’t exist. There is nothing about the context you mentioned that even suggest your cousin is talking to Craig, and all those little tidbits of random things that “stood out”, I don’t see what could’ve possibly stood out.

[Asker]

No I’m not saying what he liked or shared I’m saying that by secretly liking and following his post on a burner account and he’s the only person I follow only things that would pop up on my timeline is things and people that he interact with and my cousin admitted to looking at his page.. plus if she wasn’t in contact with him why is it so hard for her to reassure me that she isn’t talking to him?

Blocking and avoiding me only heightened my suspicions by 200%… it’s the actions over the evidence

[HollyK21]

She may have looked at his page out of curiosity because of how hard you are taking that situation, but nothing else suggests there’s more to that Chels. There’s so much of nothing with this guy that you’re scraping to create some sort of substance aka thinking your cousin is talking to him secretly. You have no choice now but to stand firmly by that accusation because your pride won’t let you see how wrong that was. That’s your family Chels and you’ve turned them into an enemy for no reason. She didn’t block you unwarranted it was in response to you blocking her and making those accusations.

[Asker]

I feel like he likes her… and she is family but I just don’t believe her when she says “I wouldn’t do that to you “

I hate that he likes trans women no offense to them but that doesn’t make me feel good as a woman

[HollyK21]

Chels you’re like in full psychosis and need emergency intervention because how deep into this you’ve gotten and how far you keep going is just insane.

Your cousin only knows about this guy because you drug her into the mix, just as you did with your mother and your your friend. Now you’re turning around with zero evidence (because all you’re really working with are feelings and I’m not going to lie to you and say the “proof” is substantial just to make you feel better) and accusing her of the deepest betrayal under the Sun.

There was never going to be a safe way for her to help you with this for the simple fact that your cousin is trans. You have a terrible habit of seeing one thing, twisting it all up into something else and making it fact in your mind, which is part of psychosis. You did the exact same thing when you thought you saw that guy in the store with another woman and immediately started cooking up a relationship and becoming obsessed with the idea of that.

I believe your cousin when she says she looked at his page and that was it, little did she know that was never going to suffice for someone like you who needs narratives and new material to continue obsessing over that one guy.

Then for you to have taken your ideas (not your proof), and used that as ammo to go online, tag your FAMILY member and smear her, that was absolutely a blockable offense and for you to be offended or put out that she did that means you are not in touch with reality. It means you are really down to go to ANY lengths to get that man’s attention, even destroying a family relationship.

This is all psychosis and if you don’t get the help you need it will keep getting worse. You can get pissed and defensive about what I’m saying all you want but I’m not going to take it personally. I never do because I know this is mental health crisis on full display and it’s concerning

[Asker]

This sent me to want to kill myself because I truly believe that they were talking behind my back. I still feel like something small happened and not knowing is killing me

I had to go to the mental health hospital and I told my boss that I quit and I went to a hotel to contemplate suicide.. they put me on 4 medications one being an antipsychotic and 2 mood stabilizers… I was in there for 7 days for wanting to hurt them. I had to go on medical leave with no pay

I did talk to my psychiatrist a couple days ago my mood and suicidal thoughts have improved but I told her I was still talking about it obsessively without the heavy emotions… so she upped my medication and also prescribed me a medication similar to Xanax.

[Asker]

I was diagnosed with bipolar unspecified

[HollyK21]

That’s a lot Chels, but at least now you have a diagnosis and can work towards understanding it and yourself better. I’m also hoping that one day you’ll be able to bury the hatchet with your cousin and she’ll understand you didn’t mean any of this and it was just your mental health. There’s no good reason to keep on trying to connect them romantically when there’s nothing there, and you should really stop trying to convince yourself of otherwise.

[HollyK21]

And by them I mean your cousin and that guy.

[Asker]

Holly I don’t know if they are or aren’t talking. I don’t want him to fall in love with her. How could anyone know for sure especially if they are hiding it…

[Asker]

I think she did something to get his attention

[HollyK21]

Not only do I disagree but I believe that once you’re out of this psychosis and can look back at the whole situation with a clearer mind you will feel consumed by guilt and regret, even worse than what already struggle with every day. You had no solid proof Chels, none. Just a fluctuating algorithm and “I really feel like this or that”. At least if you went to social media with SOMETHING concrete, it could’ve slightly justified yet another loud and proud attempt at getting that man’s attention, even by throwing your family member under the bus this time. Instead you just said fck it I don’t care, and congratulated then both online, for something that you don’t know happened, for everyone to see, with no proof, no nothing.

I don’t even have words for how unfortunate it is that you let this whole thing get so far. You could lose your job, destroy your relationships with family, all for a man who still hasn’t acknowledged one single thing you’ve done since that phonecall over a year ago. I hate that for you.

[Asker]

What if they do fall in love … what if they are talking? Then what.. what does that mean for me?

[HollyK21]

Can you stop that? They’re not talking and there’s no good reason to believe otherwise.

[Asker]

No I can’t but I wouldn’t know how to cope with it

[HollyK21]

Well stop worrying about it because it’s not happening. You’ve just drilled it into your head that it is.

[Asker]

How do you know? He loves trans women!

[HollyK21]

Because you have no proof.

[Asker]

So no proof until it actually happens right? They are connected in some way

He hates me and yes all I want is his attention so bad because I still have feelings for him and I’m not trans.. it’s like you’re not understanding how I feel

[Asker]

I literally gave you proof through actions! Only guilty people ignore! She was supposed to call me and all she did was stalk my page! Instead of calling

[HollyK21]

Im sorry, but when did feelings become facts? If I said I feel like the sun is going to explode because it’s hotter than it’s been in decades, does that mean it’s factually going to happen? No. Facts have to be proven to be valid, not just thoughts and feelings.

You would think that before doing something so drastic as tagging your cousin and congratulating her “new relationship”, you’d make sure it actually existed first! I would neverrrr humiliate my relative so publicly like that and make such a big accusation when I had NO proof except an algorithm fluctuating that you didn’t like!

This was about resentment. You have convinced yourself fully that the African guy likes trans women, and your cousin is trans so therefore she’s a threat. An enemy. What’s a fucking shame Chels.

[Asker]

Well she was living with my mother and I told my mother what happened and my mom didn’t really believe it but because it sent me into a crisis she kicked her out and I don’t feel that I was wrong.

Why else would he be following naked trans women online? And he’s starting to care about their fucking rights? Because he likes trans women!

My cousin is a threat!

[HollyK21]

I’m never going back and forth with you about the African guy’s sexuality again, you know how I feel about it and I won’t be convinced otherwise.

I’m talking solely about your cousin and I want to be sure you understand that what you did was wrong. She was a threat in your mind so you turned her into an enemy and don’t you try justifying your choices with that shitty excuse of proof you’re trying to use. If you’re going to be spiteful out of jealousy then just own it and be honest, don’t try and blame it on some situation that is fictional until you can prove otherwise. You are miserable so I guess she has to be as well right? Got her kicked out of her living situation, slandered her online, and still trying to victimize yourself because you cannot take accountability for your actions. You never could! This was so wrong and I hope one day you can see that.

[Asker]

You just don’t like me Holly and it’s been obvious for almost 2 years… you sound just like my mother. Never can hear me out… you disagree with me on EVERY FUCKN THING! YOU DONT LIKE ME BOO!

[HollyK21]

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You said I sound like your mother, YOUR MOTHER, who loves you down and only wants the best for you, does she not like you either? I don’t disagree with you on everything there are aspects that I’ve agreed with you on many, many times. I’d be lying and enabling your victimhood if I were to say that what you did to your cousin was anything other than fucked up. At least if you had something concrete, like hey Holly I somehow came across a message my cousin sent, or hey Holly I got wind that she was gonna go see him this weekend. Like SOMETHING concrete, but you don’t have any of that Chels and you’re mad at me for not acting like you do? Stop it.

[Asker]

Because if they’re talking SECRETLY do you THINK It would be so obvious?

[HollyK21]

So because you don’t know, you’re just going to act like it’s true? Crazy how you’d rather pick the worst case scenario to run and destroy your family dynamic over rather than doing the right thing, taking your cousins word for it and moving on.

[HollyK21]

It’s like you NEED for there to be something to keep that man’s name alive because you’re so obsessed. You ran that girlfriend scenario into the ground, ran that trans scenario into the ground while also harassing someone to do it, and now your cousin is the newest storyline to fixate over. This is psychosis.

[Asker]

Well Holly my psychiatrist said that’s how ocd works… look it up… it does feel INCREDIBLY REAL to me. It does.. because I don’t KNOW. That’s what is killing me. If I “let it go” then she will think I moved on and they will begin talking.. or being in love. Giving her the love I desperately wanted from him

It feels incredible real… especially since she isn’t calling me back.. what she said just didn’t feel genuine

[HollyK21]

She probably isn’t calling you back because she’s hurt Chels. You are hard to reason with and very stuck in your own mindset so she may even feel like a conversation with you is pointless. Getting a diagnosis on your mental health is new to you both, and she may feel like she can’t handle it. Like she should be able to tell you that nothing has happened beyond checking his page once, and you accept it rather than act like she’s a criminal. You can’t act like her behavior is completely unwarranted.

[Asker]

I just feel like she did more than that and I told her never mind don’t check it because I was scared that she would do more

[Asker]

I just don’t believe it

[HollyK21]

She’s human, curiosity got the best of her how it would for anyone and she checked. You shouldn’t force there to be more than that for no good reason.

[Asker]

Because she probably wants him

[HollyK21]

Just because you want him doesn’t mean everyone under the Sun that you show him to will as well, quite frankly I thought he was ugly as hell.

[Asker]

You lyin lol 😂 he was kind of a catfish in person but I genuinely liked him for more… he seemed masculine and assertive… Holly I really wanted to be his baby girl… I didn’t care I thought he was handsome enough for me. I genuinely felt love for him but I think he wants to be with transgender women

[HollyK21]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I told you the very first time you sent his picture that he was not attractive. His ears pole out and hw reminds me of a sloth💀. I understand what you wanted Chels but you’ve got to move on and let it go. I can’t even try to understand loving someone you’ve known a week and still feeling this way over a year later with zero interaction from him in the time. Hardly any interaction to begin with, I don’t get it.

[HollyK21]

**poke out

[Asker]

I know… Im afraid to date again. I feel safer in doing sex work

[Asker]

Even though I do think they are connected in some way I am trying to figure out what moving on looks like. I’m afraid of happiness… all I know is hurt

[HollyK21]

I don’t think dating should even be on your radar right now. You’re already working with your therapist, you should focus on getting better, not men. You think sex work is helping your self esteem but it goes against the fundamental values that you were raised with and want a man to respect.

[Asker]

I agree I have a lot going on… job, family issues…I still don’t believe my cousin and it’s hard for me to get over but hopefully the meds will help. I feel her not calling me and her telling my mom that she would call me and didn’t just makes me feel that she’s guilty

[Asker]

Even if I don’t have concrete evidence I just feel something is off

[HollyK21]

It’s like you’re trying to convince yourself that something is going on when you should be doing the opposite because that’s your family and you should want her to be innocent rather than guilty. In most cases, you feel like something is off because of your OCD. Those same 3 letters are what’s making you feel like she’s guilty are also what have you convinced the African guy had a girlfriend he was cheating on or is into trans women, your condition quite literally won’t let you believe otherwise because you have obsessively convinced yourself of the worst case scenario.

I am no professional, but when I look up the symptoms of both that and BPD, then hold it up against how you’ve handled everything for over a year, it all makes sense.

Until you’re further along in your treatment, no one (aside from a professional) can convince you that your cousin is innocent. Same as no one can convince you to move on from that guy or to stop finding reasons to hang on, whether it’s you chasing after the idea of him liking trans women (this is just a statement, not an Invite to discuss his sexuality just fyi), that he wasn’t single or any other thing you’ve convinced yourself of.

[Asker]

Holyyyyyy he hit me with harassment warning!!

[Asker]

Oh fuckkkk

[HollyK21]

I don't know if you realize anymore that all of those things you decided were fact have never been verified with solid proof like validation from him or from the party you’ve accused him of doing something with. You just always “feel like” because you “think” there’s enough “proof”, then it’s for sure happening and no one can make you believe otherwise.

I don’t not personally believe it’s fair at all to fully convince yourself of something and pass it off as fact. Just like I don’t think it’s healthy to be so unable to take accountability for a mistake or for making a bad decision that instead you’d triple down on why you made that bad decision and continue to justify doing it. If you were genuinely a self aware woman then there would be no question as to why you cousin isn’t calling after she said she would or why she isn’t jumping to forgive you. You HURT her by refusing to believe what she said and instead creating a lie that got her kicked out of the house. I think your cousins recognizes now who she’s dealing with, that you can’t be reasoned with and that your mom enables all your screaming and hollering and would rather do what you ask than fight with you because it’s pointless. Everyone has learned better than to argue or fight with you, no one knows how to navigate your (now diagnosed) mental illness.

I think you and I butt heads so much because I’m not afraid of telling you what you need to hear or shaking in my boots about how you’re going to handle it. You say that I’m basically such a goody two-shoes and that’s fine but I think you were spoiled by your parents, they probably gave you what you wanted and didn’t fuss or fight when you got more and more argumentative and unreasonable. I’m sure it’s a bit of guilt on your dads part for marrying someone new and starting a family but in any case his and your mom’s enablement helped make you so unreachable now.

[HollyK21]

I knew this would happen!! I told you so many times to stop Chels! Fuck sake. What did he say?

[Asker]

Ohhhh shittttttt im soooooooo fuckeddddd

[Asker]

I didn’t believe you 😭😭😭😭😭

[Asker]

I deserved it lol not gon lie im not mad

But at least I didn’t go to his house

[Asker]

Can you read it for me I’m scared asf

[HollyK21]

You didn’t believe me because you have convinced yourself that I’m against you and a liar. I’ve only tried to warn you of what could happen.

[HollyK21]

Sure, where do you want me to read it

[Asker]

I don’t know but I’m scared I’ll send a screenshot and you read it

[HollyK21]

Okay, I’ll be here

[Asker]

https://ibb.co/zVMf0wv6

[Asker]

You’re always there for me 🥺

[HollyK21]

I try to be there, when I can. Anyway, I read the message, I’ll point out the main factors of each paragraph that should matter and stick out to you.

In the first one, he’s basically saying that he has made a log of all communications between you two, from start to finish.

In the second, he’s made contact with every individual you’ve contacted online and asked that they preserve those communications.

In the third and 4th, which I’ll just combine, he’s saying that this is a final warning, and if this behavior continues then he WILL take legal action.

All this to say, please stop now. He’s doing everything I’ve told you he would. He has seen all your efforts to communicate and made a note, he did not engage. I understand that you believe he’s done this or that but I keep trying to tell you it is NOT true until you can prove it otherwise you’re slandering him online and he could come for you. This can ruin your life Chels and he’s giving you one last chance not to let that happen.

[HollyK21]

I’m surprised you responded to him without reading what he said and once again defended your claims. Him telling you that what you’re saying is false and defamatory means you were wrong and he’s willing to sue you over it Chels. Like that’s how wrong you are. This isn’t a game, you can’t push your beliefs as truth anymore.

[Asker]

So do I need a lawyer?

[Asker]

https://ibb.co/WNjz1PS9

[Asker]

My life is over

[HollyK21]

Not yet, he’s just giving you a final warning and letting you know that he’s fully prepared to take legal action if you don’t stop. For your sake I really hope you do Chels because you do not have a good case. He’s got actual documentation of your continued efforts to reach and harass him for well over a year. You don’t have any communications with him since those early stages where he tried to amicably cut things off.

[HollyK21]

Your life isn’t over, it hasn’t even started. You just have to leave that guy alone and he’s giving you one last chance to do it.

[HollyK21]

I don't know what you tried sending but I can’t see it

[HollyK21]

Nvm it loaded. Chels omg!! Please please stop this, he’s literally saying that ITS NOT TRUE in his response and you need to be able to prove it legally or it’ll be worse for you.

[Asker]

https://ibb.co/G4zpNGQd

He’s flooding me with proof that I did it

[Asker]

Should I contact my lawyer … I don’t think this is a warning

[HollyK21]

If you want to you can, but it doesn’t sound like you need to yet. I would say to lawyer up if he does tell you he’s going to take legal action. All he’s saying right now is that if you don’t stop, he’s ready to defend himself. You have a chance to stop making things worse.

[HollyK21]

Like if I tell you I’m going to press charges if you don’t stop, it doesn’t mean the charges are pressed but I’m giving you a chance to stop what you’re doing before that happens.

[HollyK21]

My advice, do not respond anymore for the love of god. Your last response was damning enough.

[Asker]

He keeps sending me things that I sent him (screenshots)… I told him I would stop so what now? And I told him exactly that

[HollyK21]

He’s probably doing that to show you he has evidence of what you’ve done. Like if you have multiple pages or tried doing those things anonymously in some way, he’s showing that he’s seen it all. I’d advise you just leave it alone, don’t touch it. Your responses to him only make your case worse because your insisting on a truth that isn’t there, which is defamatory. When he’s telling you that none of that is true, my god please listen.

[HollyK21]

Do you believe that you could go to court and win with the evidence you claim to have against him?

[HollyK21]

Because that’s exactly what you must be ready to do if you respond with one more claim to him that you’re passing as fact. Like you are outright telling him “you should’ve told me you’re into trans women”, AFTER he had already sent you a text saying it’s defamatory. You are tripling down on that so you better have the best of the best, undeniable proof.

[Asker]

He just don’t want to be gay in front of his family but I have nothing to lose. I’m screwed

[HollyK21]

Chels, he’s literally telling you that he’s ready to take legal action because you are wrong. If he were so worried about being or looking gay, he would not have said in his response that “if you believe your claims to be true, you will need to provide verifiable proof”. Would a guilty person say that? No! A guilty person would try and bribe you into keeping his secret.

[HollyK21]

You are screwed if you don’t stop talking about him.

[Asker]

I think he was really mad because I called him an orangutan looking nigga that was IT

[Asker]

That nigga is GAY because they don’t want me to show them big black balls on that trans lady… I wanted to but I didn’t want to push it since he’s “mad”

[HollyK21]

Orrr maybe tagging him and your cousin and congratulating them on their relationship was the last straw. You’ve been doing more and more to get his attention, making bigger moves, now you got it. Yet you’re still here calling him gay and that’s so wild. What if they’re able to link websites like this to you, then what?

[HollyK21]

Chels he’s not gay and he’s willing to take you to court over it. You pushed yourself into believing that.

[Asker]

So straight men like watching “bottoms” gay… he’s gay holly and ofc he’s going to hide it because THATS WHAT HE DOES

[HollyK21]

You can think whatever you want — you need to stop talking about it publicly Chels, because he says you are lying.

[HollyK21]

You don’t even know that he likes watching any of that you just drew your own conclusions based off who he follows and that was wrong. He’s now coming to you LEGALLY saying you are wrong and I don't know why you won’t stop. You say you’ll stop but it’s as if you can’t help yourself or some shit.

[Asker]

So if I show him the pictures of the trannies I’ll be wrong?

[HollyK21]

According to him, yes you would be. You need to start processing another storyline in your head because the more you keep insisting that he’s into trans women, the worse you make it for yourself. If you think those profiles (which you don’t even know that he followed by his own doing) are going to help make a case for yourself then you go ahead and keep clinging to those pictures like your future depends on it. But I am telling you now, that is not enough. That is not evidence, and your hurt feelings are not validation for everything you’ve done online. He will clear you with everything he claims to have and Chels you have done a-fucking-lottttt.

[Asker]

I just sent him the photos letting him know… I’m screwed.. he has no mercy on my dumb ass. I feel depressed

[Asker]

I really just wanted him to console me but that’s not reality. He wants nothing to do with me.

[HollyK21]

Chels why the hell would you do that? You think he’s gonna give you an explanation? Fck no he’s just going to add that weird shit to his file against you!! Oh my GOD I just cannot.

[HollyK21]

You should’ve kept that for your freaking self! It was the only card you even slightly had in your case and you gave it away!!! Oh my godddd I just. Wow!

[HollyK21]

Ugh I am just sick to my stomach over the sheer naïveté!! He literally WROTE that he is preserving these responses as further evidence!! The LAST thing he cared to do was console you Chels! Why would you even dream that after he’s threatened LEGAL action, he’d want to make you feel better? I cannot believe you right now. I wish you didn’t do that.

[Asker]

I don’t care anymore. My life is over

[Asker]

I’m not smart I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing

[HollyK21]

Your life isn’t over Chels, you just made some bad choices and these are the consequences. Part of being an adult is taking accountability no matter how hard it may be and doing better. You just have to let this guy go. Pray he does not respond to what you sent and just please don’t say anything else for the love of god.

[Asker]

Okay, I won’t send anything else to him… I feel depressed about it though. I thought we could have at least talked about it but he never held me in high regard

[HollyK21]

Chels that ship has sooo sailed. I don't know how’d you expect some sort of amicable conversation after he contacted you to threaten suing and nothing else.

[Asker]

I know right. Well it’s over. We are done.. I won’t even look on his page.

[HollyK21]

I really hope so

[Asker]

Me too 😔

[Asker]

Holly how is it defemation of character if it’s true that he engages in sexual content of transgender women? I didn’t lie ! He never gave me a warning or anything before even after doing it a number of times on different pages but he draws the line because I included his sister in law?

[HollyK21]

Chels, you tagged them both publicly, congratulating them on a union that most likely doesn’t exist. This has been going on for well over a year, and your efforts only escalate, which is why I think he’s taking legal action now. Even if you felt in your heart that he was into trans individuals you didn’t have proof and that makes it defamation. Ok so he’s following those pages but you don’t know how that happened or if he’s even aware. Bot pages do exist. In any case no matter what you believe he’s saying that you’re lying and is willing to sue over it. If I were you I wouldn’t need any further convincing that maybe I was wrong all along.

[Asker]

No he genuinely is attracted to trans women.. they are not bot pages at all.

[Asker]

You don’t want to believe that he’s into that gay stuff but he is!! I can see if I made it all up but I didn’t! There’s so much evidence

[HollyK21]

Then I hope you’re ready to take that evidence to court Chels

[Asker]

Holly I have you evidence! He’s not a straight man and he’s suing me because he didn’t want them to know… he would have said something a long time ago… he never even said anything

[HollyK21]

That’s not evidence because you don’t know “how” he was following those pages. Bots exist whether you fully understand how that kind of technology works or not, and they could’ve added his page at their own volition. If he didn’t want other people to know about his sexuality then he’d try keeping it a secret, not ready to sue you for defamation publicly. It doesn’t matter when you think he should’ve said it, he’s saying it now. I personally think he started compiling evidence against you the moment he thought you were a bit “off” and blew up his phone.

[HollyK21]

I can NOT believe you posted about him again! What are you thinking Chels oh my godddd

[Asker]

What did I do? I didn’t say anything!

[Asker]

They removed my post

[HollyK21]

And thank goodness they did because clearly someone needs to save you from yourself. You can believe whatever you want about him but you’ve got to stop blasting it online as if it’s fact because he says it’s not and he’s willing to take you to court over it. What if he goes through with the lawsuit and subpoenas your phone records? You think anonymity or erasing your history can get rid of the things you’re saying and doing? It doesn’t work that way.

[Asker]

YOU BELIEVE HIM? Just because he’s taking me to court means nothing! He’s trying to intimidate me into SILENCE HOLLY ! How can you not see that! I outed him and he retaliated! Me tagging him saying he like trans women is not a great lawsuit but I agreed to stop!

But he’s trying to stop me and just because he said it isn’t true doesn’t mean he’s being HONEST! Why can’t you see that!

[Asker]

I don’t know how to get over him!! I’m trying my best to get over a man who doesn’t want me. I’m trying to level up and be my best… take my 6 pills to stay sane. I’m trying! Give me credit… but I am hurt and I think you know that!

[HollyK21]

I know you are hurting Chels, but it’s deeper than him and I think you need to focus on healing that instead of focusing so much time and energy on this person. The fact you think that him taking you to court means nothing, with all the evidence you know he has against you, it just makes you look out of touch and not understanding the severity of what you could face.

You are fully convinced about his sexuality and you’re entitled to that, but that doesn’t make it a fact and when someone is ready to take legal action over it should speak volumes to you. This is not a game, he isn’t doing this for fun Chels, no matter what you think or how you feel he deserved it, at the end of the day you have stalked, harassed, and defamed him online for over a year. You’ve tried contacting people connected to him as well as tagging him publicly. You keep doing bigger and bigger stunts, demanding his attention and now that he’s giving it to you, you think it’s all some intimidation tactic. No, he is just a guy who’s recognizing that if he doesn’t stop you, this will only continue and amplify more.

I mean the fact you’ve even considered going to his house shows you are only going further and further.

[HollyK21]

You’re in a place where you don’t think anyone is being honest, not even your own flesh and blood.

[Asker]

You’re right.

But I promise you one thing.. I wasn’t “off” like you mentioned… yes I felt insecure after he ghosted me and I was upset and told him “I hope he finds his perfect girl “….. he wants to be with trans women not me and after I told him a trans woman is his soulmate he followed another trans woman…

This isn’t a coincidence.. he’s attracted to trans women and I hate him for it because he just dumped me/ discarded me

[Asker]

There’s no denying that he loves trans

[HollyK21]

If I were you I’d really start taking some other explanations for him following those pages into account and consider them just as viable as what you have convinced yourself is fact, for your own peace of mind.

What would you do if he did take you to court? All you could present is the fact that those pages were followed, despite the fact that you don’t know how. You want an explanation for this SO bad, imagine if you got it while sitting in a courtroom hearing the details through his lawyer. Imagine being proven wrong, exactly how foolish would you feel? He’s never going to sit down with you and ease your mind about what you’ve found, instead you’d have to hear it and it be followed up by some sort of legal action against you for taking something and running with it.

[Asker]

He doesn’t want me?

[HollyK21]

When the last time you spoke with your therapist because that response is concerning….

[Asker]

I’m still looking… I’m concerned too but I’m trying to pour more into myself and sex work… it’s just the rejection of it all and it feeling good enough for anyone.. but I don’t wish to see him

[HollyK21]

The thing is you pour more into yourself then scoop it right back out with doing sex work. A man admiring your body online does not mean he sees more in you outside of being someone he can wack off to, and I find that the most degrading. Like I’d rather not think about a 60 year old pervert with lord knows what on his hard drive, finding my content and using it to relieve himself. Your clients are not uplifting you and any compliments you may receive will be fleeting because of what it took for you to get it. I don’t think you could stand proudly by this sort of work, it contradicts the fundamental values you were raised with and still carry.

[Asker]

Well he doesn’t want me so it doesn’t matter anymore

[Asker]

I just need to do anything to feel better

[HollyK21]

Because this one person you knew for a week doesn’t want you your life is over? You’re going to feel better one day, once you get the help you need, then once your mind is clearer you’re going to look back at this and feel bad. Maybe you should do something to make yourself feel better that doesn’t involve men.

[HollyK21]

Keep in mind that you’re the one who has to live with these decisions, not him. In fact I think if he found out that you were doing all this to yourself for over a year, he wouldn’t feel guilty mainly because he doesn’t know you at all to have those feelings. He’s going to feel weirded out because how did those few exchanges you had warrant full blown LOVE and this sort of stalking/obsession? That isn’t romantic or endearing Chels it’s only troubling on the receiving end.

[Asker]

I understand sometimes you just know when someone is right for you or you just know you want to be with them… that’s how I felt… but he doesn’t give a shit if I slit my wrists and you’re right.. he doesn’t know me

[HollyK21]

Tbh I think you talked yourself into believing he was the right guy for you because he was coming with an energy other men didn’t and I completely get how impactful that can be. However I think you built him up in your mind to be perfect, due to his career, his looks and his personal traits; but if I were you I’d stop doing that for men who haven’t earned it and may not deserve it. I would just love for you to see that there is so much more to life than a man, this one in particular. Maybe you should travel, get outside of your house and town, go see there’s more out there than what you’re dealing with online.

[Asker]

Yeah I did exactly that… I feel like I won’t get a guy like that again… but I’m trying my best… I’m also thinking about a small business too. Trying to occupy my mind with positive things

[HollyK21]

See that’s good shit Chels! Focus on the small business, distract yourself with something productive that you enjoy.

[HollyK21]

Also, you never know what god has in store for you. Before him you probably didn’t think you’d meet someone like him and look what happened.

[Asker]

I think I’m just dealing with heavy rejection… rejection from family… as a child… I really wanted him to want me.. it just hurts… I get scared that I’ll get angry again and mess up..

[HollyK21]

Maybe your family members just aren’t sure how to navigate your mental health and the turn it’s taken. I know it’s not the most comfortable topic but the more you guys talk about about it the better they can understand you and how to communicate, or how to notice when something is wrong. I personally feel like you’ve been going through this mostly in silence for far too long, you worry too much about keeping secrets or what they will think. Right now you need to be transparent and have their support more than ever. Deal with all the other shit once you’re in a better place but for now you really need them Chels, at least your mom.

[Asker]

You’re right… my mom claims I never told her about the guy and how it affected me but I told her I wasn’t in therapy because of it. It really didn’t dawn on her until I had a severe mental breakdown where I was screaming at her that him and my cousin was talking and I’m screaming at her in the middle of the street outside with no shoes on then having to be hospitalized… she’s been concerned and I’m with my aunt since I’m now on Xanax and other medications to help… I have ups and downs but I’m better.. they upped my dose for ocd / impulse…but my deep feelings for him and knowing he wants nothing to do with me really stings

[HollyK21]

Unfortunately in our generation I fear that’s a lot of our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, all those folks 45-50+. They grew up in a time where mental health was not the discussion it is now (if addressed at all!). Not a discussion taken seriously, not in the picture.

For people like you and I, we have had things instilled in us quite differently over the years and therefore we fundamentally understand that it’s not a joke. So it’s a shame that it took you screaming in the streets to make you mom listen, but now that she’s fully aware of what you’re experiencing she needs to step up and you have to start being transparent.

Being pumped up with medication is not a solution to what’s going on inside your head, sure it regulates your emotions or how you’re feeling but it isn’t addressing the traumas that put you here in the first place. You need an actual therapist, and if you need your mom to advocate for you with the hospital or a doctor about a REAL resolution then talk to her about it. Even talking to your aunt if you aren’t ready to be that open with your mom.

[Asker]

I think my mom and aunt make it worse but I don’t know my trauma….

I really hate him tho. I really do

[HollyK21]

You’re allowed to hate him, just don’t do anything about it🙃

[Asker]

If you really had to guess… do you think he wants to be with trans women?

[HollyK21]

Not at all, and I feel more convinced of that since he’s ready to take you to court. I cannot comprehend how him taking legal action against you translates in your mind to him trying to hide his sexuality or trying to intimidate you but that is not the case here. Start taking it seriously and stop talking about it Chels, here or anywhere else. You could be subpoenaed, please start processing that through your mind with just as much tenacity as you do with this trans narrative.

[Asker]

Holly intimidating someone one by threatening to take them to court is hushing them… I bet if I ask on here men will agree.

[HollyK21]

Chels these are not empty threats, he has substantial evidence and will take legal action if you continue this along with adding whatever the last straw was to the file he has on you. It does not matter what any of the men here or else think about it, you cannot be foolish enough to post and ask their opinions. Please drop this.

[Asker]

But it’s no doubt that he’s attracted to trans women

[HollyK21]

You’re entitled to thinking whatever you want honey.

[HollyK21]

And yes he is finally taking action to hush you since you won’t hush yourself. If you want to say he’s intimidating you into to stopping, call it what you want but the point is for you to stop. It’s been over a year and your efforts to get his attention keep amplifying. If he doesn’t take this action now, you probably would’ve pulled up on him or worse. He just wants you to leave him alone and stop slandering him online.

[Asker]

I literally showed you the trans women he follows… I’m genuinely not understanding why you fight me on that…I’m just asking your honest opinion… he didn’t follow them by coincidence

[HollyK21]

Yes you showed me, and still can’t confirm how or why those pages was followed. Stating that it was of his own volition is a claim, a feeling, not a fact, and he’s willing to take legal action as to disprove your claims. If you disagree with me and think he’s a liar, that’s totally fine, but it is what it is and you don’t know.

[Asker]

That’s who he wants to be with (trannies) and he’s hushing my mouth.

[HollyK21]

He’s hushing your mouth from continuously harassing and slandering him online Chels. You would not stop and you went too far.

[HollyK21]

You want to do real harm to him because you are hurting, you want him to hurt just as bad. So you don’t care if his family, friends or colleagues see all your slanderous claims online — it’s what you want. But he cares about that shit Chels, it’s happening to HIM adobe by YOU. He’s fed up now.

[HollyK21]

**done by you

[Asker]

Well if he’s following trans he’s not hiding it! It’s not SLANDER! If he were really discreet about it then he would have been more secretive.

He’s not hurt… I’m hurt but he doesn’t care that much…

[HollyK21]

You’re fighting facts and in denial. He isn’t hurt Chels he’s fed up. He may even be worried for his safety and rightfully so if you’ve even so much as contemplated pulling up to his residence. I mean what was even your plan? To talk?

[HollyK21]

And he’s not being secretive Chels, taking you to court and threatening legal action is the exact opposite of that. How do you even know he’s aware of those pages being followed? Did he like or comment on that photo? Are you gonna make an excuse for that about not wanting to expose himself by not interacting with the content?

[Asker]

He LITERALLY FOLLOWED ANOTHER TRANS AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT THEY WERE PROBABLY HIS SOULMATE! It was not a ACCIDENT!!!

[Asker]

Why are you SO in denial!!!

[HollyK21]

You saw him follow the trans? He told you he did? Did he like or comment on these photos?

[HollyK21]

I guess my question here is, what links him to those profiles besides the fact that he’s following them. You do not know. You are making assumptions and I hope you’re willing to stand by them in court. That’s all I’ll say about it. If you’re so confident then cool, maybe you’ve got a chance.

[Asker]

Yesss he likes the vids! He really likes that white trans woman

[Asker]

He cares more about trans rights than me

[HollyK21]

Okay well put that in your file, I hope it’s enough evidence to win against the plethora that he has against you.

[Asker]

Okay Holly but I was telling you that he likes trans women and that’s what he wants deep down. He’s 38!

[HollyK21]

I disagree but you’re entitled to that opinion. The reason I disagree is because you confronted him with this evidence in the text message to which he responded he’d be adding that to the file he already has against you. He even welcomed you to prove your case in court and bring your evidence, what guilty person recommends that? You’re more than welcome to disagree with that but I already know how your brain works. You cannot and will not be reasoned with, so this is not me trying to reason with you. I’m simply responding with my belief, you don’t have to make it yours and I won’t be making yours mine. No offense but that’s just what it is.

[Asker]

He has no case Holly…. No judge would pay this any attention… I didn’t threaten to kill him, go to his house etc and no I didn’t plan on it…. I’m a scary person when it comes to shit like that… that’s why I didn’t say anything.

[HollyK21]

Chels you are lying to yourself if you think he has no case against you! The harassment, stalking, public slander, reaching out to other individuals to get information about him, you’ve done so much! I refuse to entertain that level of denial, it’s been more than a year of endless obsessive shit from you chels, he most certainly has a case.

[HollyK21]

I know you’re going through shit but do not sit there and talk yourself into being faultless, you effed up pretty bad and need to own that.

[Asker]

Alright Holly. You’re right

I’ll let it go

[HollyK21]

I really hope so Chels because my biggest fear for you is for all this online to be subpoenaed you don’t want or need that

[Asker]

Okay Holly

[Asker]

The end of the story is he discarded me to be with transgender women

[HollyK21]

Chels stoppp omg

[HollyK21]

You have to let it go hun. This is ridiculous

[Asker]

HE WANTS TRANS WOMEN HOLLY! I’ve been telling you forever this is the hardest part!

[HollyK21]

Let it go Chels.

[Asker]

So you’re agreeing with me… you now see what I’m saying? He wants trans women

[Asker]

I’m not wrong and you know it

[HollyK21]

Chels, stop it, okay? You know I don’t agree, I’m saying let it go because it’s time to move on. I’m done talking about this all we’re doing is going back and forth.

[Asker]

Okay… 😔

[Asker]

Important point

Your friend’s point might come from the idea that if someone is truly comfortable with their preferences or actions, they might not be as reactive or defensive. However, it’s also possible for someone to be defensive and take legal action even if what you’re saying is true, especially if they feel embarrassed, exposed, or concerned about the impact on their reputation. The threat of legal action can stem from a desire to protect themselves, regardless of the truth.

In this case, him considering legal action doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into trans women—it might just mean he doesn’t want that part of his personal life exposed, or he feels hurt by how it’s been presented. People often react based on emotions like shame, fear, or anger, which might not always align with the full truth of the situation.

[Asker]

He’s into trans women Holly and he’s suing me OUT OF FEAR! Not because he is right!

[HollyK21]

Chels, you do what you want, ok? I’m done trying to talk you out of acting in your worst interest. I’m done going back and forth about all of this it’s ridiculous.

[HollyK21]

And quite frankly I’m just about sick of you lying to me Chels. You don’t have to keep telling me you’re going to be done talking about this, yet you do, and a few days later you’re back on this site talking about him. You clearly won’t rest until legal action is taken, you are overly obsessed and this site can’t help you. Please continue trying to find a therapist because I fear this is psychosis. I worry for your overall safety.

[Asker]

How are you worried about my safety?

[HollyK21]

Wow. Bye.

[Asker]

Why are you being rude? I just asked a question…

I’m just still trying to process my feelings and evidently the paragraph I wrote was correct. You didn’t answer it directly instead you talked about me.

[HollyK21]

Rude? Chela, nothing is ruder or a bigger slap in the face to see me here going back and forth for 100s of comments, and your only takeaway is to ask “how” I care about your safety. Like me telling you a billion times to get offline and stop discussing this shit isn’t me giving a piss about your safety lol but ok Chels! I’m done talking about this.

[HollyK21]

If you’d like to talk about something else you’re more than welcome to engage about that but I’m done discussing this guy.

[Asker]

All I said was I believe that he is DL and he’s trying to hush me by intimidating me.

[HollyK21]

You BELIEVE. You don’t KNOW, and it would be nice if you stopped arguing back and forth about that part! Be honest with yourself for one freaking second and acknowledge that no matter what you believe or how you FEEL, no matter how convinced you are, it is not fact and he is ready to prove you wrong in court! With LEGAL ACTION. Yes he is trying to hush you because he’s fed up! Hand on the Bible if you or any other person were in his shoes after so much harassment from someone you don’t know (because you don’t know each other!) for over a year, you would be fed up too! The last straw was going to happen, you were going to go too far and you finally did by tagging him publicly and congratulating him! So he’s had enough and that’s all there is to it! My god I am so done talking about these same things over and over and over. No matter what you ask, you can scroll up 20-30 comments and I’ve already answered it. You just wanna talk about him and I am DONE helping you do that. Respond if you want but this is my last comment on that man. If you won’t stop, let me help you do it.

[HollyK21]

And don’t say “ok Holly I’ll stop🥺😢” then you’re back in a few days asking more questions, it stops today. I’m not helping you by engaging this and you aren’t helping yourself.

[Asker]

Because I think him and my cousin were in connection and I truly believe it and it’s hard to let go of that thought. I think he was attracted to her

[HollyK21]

Unless you want to talk about something else I’ll chat with you another time. Enjoy your weekend.

[Asker]

You don’t think so?

[HollyK21]

Nope.

[Asker]

How would you know

[HollyK21]

I don’t and neither do you. Enjoy your weekend honey.

[Asker]

So then why would you say nope like you’re so sure. I knew it I knew they possibly were connected and now I feel you slightly confirmed there’s a possibility

[Asker]

How could you do this to me knowing how much the uncertainty is killing me. How dare you go back on your word that I trusted now I’m going down hill

[HollyK21]

Exactly what word am I going back on? I said you’re more than welcome to discuss other things but I’m done talking about that guy. Don’t you dare try and misconstrue a single word I’m telling you, I’m not confirming Jack shit. I can’t confirm and neither can you. I said NOPE because you asked if I think there’s a possibility and I just don’t. I do not think he’s into trans individuals and that’s it. I don’t need to prove anything for you, we are not talking another this anymore.

[HollyK21]

And stop trying to fcking bait me into talking about it more with your “I knew it” and “so I was right” like stfu you know that’s not what I’m saying I am trying to end this discussion and you don’t wanna let me.

[Asker]

Fuck no! You’re wayy too invested and have been for a YEAR! There’s no going back!!!

[HollyK21]

There’s definitely going back, you gotta be done with this Chels. Like I said, enjoy your weekend.

[Asker]

You’re smart but incredibly dumb and naive at the same time to believe that this man is NOT into trans women and has his dating preferences under non binary!

You just like to be combative with me!! Despite the obvious evidence of the NAKED TRANS WOMEN I SHOWED YOU!

[Asker]

I’m going to tell him to press charges against me.

[HollyK21]

Okay, good luck with the process. Let me know how it goes.

[HollyK21]

You said you have proof so be sure to add that to your file, tell your lawyer about it.

[Asker]

Okay I will

[Asker]

Holly I had to… I sent him one last text for closure/apology

I sent this to him now

“Please allow me to express my thoughts without further punishment.

I want to apologize for any humiliation I may have caused you. My year of sadness turned into anger because I felt deeply wronged by you, and I let my feelings for you get the best of me, which almost cost me my peace of mind. I genuinely thought you cared and made me feel potentially lovable, and that’s something I’ll have to process. I hope you and the person you’re with—whether a woman or trans woman—find happiness, but I can’t deny that I’m hurt by the way things turned out, especially since it feels like it’s been at the expense of my own emotional well-being.

Again I hope you find your perfect woman or trans woman at my expense “

[HollyK21]

Sigh.

Chels, you need to start getting it through your head that the time for the conversation you’re trying to have has soooo passed. That message will not garner sympathy from him after all you have done. And it looks downright creepy as you were essentially strangers and you look obsessed after only a week. How you wrote that message looks like you fell in love.

Anyway, the time for saying all that should’ve been during that final phone conversation, because you were feeling this way back then. Instead you’ve gone down a road that there is no turning back from.

What you just did, sending that text, was stupid. Ending it with that accusation about his sexuality that you just can’t help yourself but to make, was stupid. And I don’t say that to hurt your feelings, I am just blunt and honest. This was dumb to do and you may have just sealed your own fate.

Congratulations on giving him yet another thing to add to his file against you. I pray he feels some sort of empathy and doesn’t proceed with legal action but with the way you ended that message, all bets are off.

Before you respond with any kind of “but Holly I believe he’s into trans women” or “you’ve seen the profiles you know he’s into trans why do you fight me on this” — do NOT start. We are not going to talk in circles about that again. All I’m going to say is that you don’t know for certain, neither do I. But just because you feel convinced of something does not make it fact, I won’t argue that again.

This is not good Chels. You made a terrible decision and I don’t want you to FAFO. Not about something this serious.

I think your mental state is preventing you from grasping the severity of what you’re facing and how it could destroy your career, your reputation, your connections with your family. You could ruin your life just because you won’t let this person go. Please take this seriously and stop minimizing it to some random drive by threat.

[HollyK21]

I hate so much that you really have this idea in your mind that you can send a heartfelt message and all would be forgiven. After everything you’ve done to this person he’d have to be a truly compassionate person not to move forward with legal action, and at this point his lawyer could be involved Chels. If he’s under their advisement, what if they’re convinced that there’s no other way to make you leave him alone other than a restraining order or something more serious? Is that the woman you want to be? Where you couldn’t leave a man alone unless you were legally restricted? That’s embarrassing honey.

[Asker]

I just wanted to get it off my chest…. He didn’t deny he was into trans women he just denied the cousin thing… he never responded. I just asked that he not punish me for it.

[HollyK21]

Unless he sent you other messages aside from what you sent in the screenshots then I don’t see where you feel like he didn’t deny being into trans women. He didn’t have a conversation at all, just basically said that if you believe that to be true then prove it in court.

[Asker]

Do you think I’m in trouble?

[HollyK21]

Did he send you other messages Chels?

[Asker]

No I don’t want that at all and now I’m so incredibly scared I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know what to do. I want to kll myself. .. I’ve never got a record before. I’ve never been in trouble with the law and I’m scared this will be on the news or something… literally everyone hated me when I tried to explain my side of things and called me crazy and said he needs to file a order on me

If you never hear from me again just know I did it. I klld myself

[HollyK21]

Then stop! Do the work to find a therapist you can feel comfortable with and get the help. I don’t know if you could get in trouble at this point and I’m praying you don’t but you have to be an adult and deal with it. Actions have consequences Chels and you can’t keep running from yours.

[Asker]

No he didn’t… when I told you the first time and I messaged him back that was it and he said he was adding it to his file of ongoing harassment….

But I had just sent this at 3am this morning

[HollyK21]

Then if the context in those screenshots are all he said, then he never addressed your allegations or questions, simply said to prove it in court. I don't know what’ll happen next, hopefully he just disregards the message. But if he does show you that mercy then for gods sake, leave him alone.

[Asker]

I’m not running! I’ve been to therapy for 3 months, when I harrassed him for three months I found the best psychiatrist in Dallas to help me but it was too late because the cousin situation has sent me to the hospital and the. I got proper treatment

[Asker]

I have nothing to lose. I told him to go through with with it. I don’t care anymore

[HollyK21]

Just because someone is labeled the best psychiatrist does not mean they are the best fit for you. There needs to be the right sort of connection and I don’t think you should stop looking until you can find that. I don't know what you mean by running but if that’s in regards to leaving him alone then I would say that’s an excuse to hang on or something.

[HollyK21]

Lord. You really told him to go through with it?

[Asker]

I sent him this

I want you to go through with it. I want you to sue me and I’ll give you everything I have in my account. I deserve it I have nothing to lose at all. I can’t get my mental health right so please go through with it. I’ll tell the judge that I’m guilty for not being able to let you or the situation go. Please I’ll let you do it.

He blocked me

[HollyK21]

My god I hope the blocking is all he does😭 I really, really do.

[Asker]

No he blocked me before i sent him that… the message didn’t say delivered

[HollyK21]

He blocked you before you sent that last message or the apology?

[Asker]

Nevermind he didn’t block me… it says delivered

[Asker]

You’re right I need to take accountability so I’ll just let him

[HollyK21]

Well we can only hope he doesn’t, Chels. Please don’t send him anything else for your own sake.

[Asker]

What does it matter he hates me… I will admit that I am afraid because his dad is a powerful government official in rivers state Nigeria.. so that’s why his attraction to trans is deeply hidden on twitter and tinder.. he’s a closeted gay with respected and powerful parents.

[Asker]

I care about him and I care about his feelings and reputation.. I never meant to hurt him but does he care that much about mine

[HollyK21]

If that’s the conclusion you’ve reached then have at it.

[Asker]

What’s your conclusion andrea

[HollyK21]

I’ve already told you my conclusion, a few comments up

[Asker]

Is your name Andrea?

[Asker]

I don’t understand why you don’t see my point of view either

[Asker]

You can follow me on instagram or are you scared of me too

[Asker]

I just saw hollyk21 on instagram that said Andrea and just wanted to be friends but I feel you’re uncomfortable so nevrmind

[HollyK21]

Not sure who you followed on instagram but myself and my fiancé deleted our socials back in 2021. I may reactivate in the future but I don’t feel the need for the excess drama right now. If I do get back on socials, I’d definitely have to have a better relationship with you before adding. No offense, I’ve just never been one for public pages and attention, only my close friends and family were added so I’m sure you understand the level of closeness there should be. Anyway, I don’t see your POV because there’s nothing to be seen. This guy is ready to take you to court as to prove you wrong, and I really think that says a lot.

[Asker]

No he’s willing to take me to court over me accusing him of being with my cousin not being with trans because there is proof

But none of it matters anymore. I told him I would say I was guilty of it all.

[Asker]

Do you think he will go through with it now that I told him to go through with it?

[HollyK21]

If that’s what you believe to be true then you’re entitled to that but you cannot keep insisting it’s true Chels, especially involving your cousin I’m not sure why you’d want to do that anyway. I don’t know if he will go through with it, he hasn’t seen the messages yet.

[Asker]

He has his read receipts off

[HollyK21]

Well hopefully that means he forgets about your messages and that’s the end of it but who knows.

[Asker]

Holly he watches gay “Manchester bottoms “ for goodness sake… gay porn…

[HollyK21]

And you KNOW he watches that how?

[Asker]

TWITTER!! He’s evidently not trying to hide it if it’s in a public platform!

[HollyK21]

He was liking things on Twitter? I doubt it but in any case I’m done talking about this Chels. You are such a shit listener.

[Asker]

Gay things? How oblivious are you

[HollyK21]

Why are you fighting with me? Let it go already Chels stop insisting on this conversation it’s too much.

[Asker]

Okay , you want to talk about my sex work? I’m getting some work done to my face and body

[Asker]

I’m thinking about cam girling but I’m too old

[HollyK21]

I think you should focus more on your mental health but that’s just me.

[Asker]

I’m having a hard time accepting that he is potentially in love with a trans or wants to be with one and the fact that he never cared or wants anything to do with me… so this is helping me cope

[HollyK21]

And this is coping? You’re no better today than you were last week or the week before. What you need is professional help Chels. You threw in the towel too soon.

[Asker]

Thanks Holly Polly. I can always count on you to throw in professional help

Did I mention that I am on medication 💊

[HollyK21]

Yep, you told me about what they’ve got you on…

[Asker]

I’ve accepted that I was the problem the whole time and I over did it…. Tremendously.. I didn’t see the situation in a different light

[HollyK21]

What brought this on?

[Asker]

You and steve…. Maybe I broke my own heart

[HollyK21]

Well, I don't know who Steve is but if he’s helping you to come to this conclusion then good on him. Obviously no one wants you to hurt, but it really is just time to move on from this already, let him go and heal.

I do feel like you broke your own heart, mainly because you were strangers to each other and nothing happened to break your heart. The things that hurt you most are the conclusions you’ve drawn in your own mind, like this man has had zero contact with you in order to warrant all this.

[Asker]

Exactly.. I just thought you were beating me down or not listening to me but I actually do see what you guys are talking about and I’m going to hope nothing happens and work on moving on and getting my life back together. The trans thing still kind of bothers me because I feel like he will give a trans woman something I never got. It’s just the idea of him loving them when I wish it could have been me

But you were right about everything else.. I didn’t give him a chance to care and we were strangers… this “love” for him is fictional… it felt real but it wasn’t reality. I wasn’t in reality at all. And I wish I didn’t waste a year and some change thinking about him and obsessing over every detail. You were right I thought… I kept doing that because I just couldn’t and didn’t want to let him go.. because I wanted another chance to prove myself… but it was just a disaster. He’s not worth all of that.

I do still think there are some things with his sexuality like him still possibly desiring trans and it’s caused me to become extremely transphobic and having feelings of inadequacy

But it is what it is…

[HollyK21]

This feels like a full 180 so Steve must be telling you some good shit lol but in any case, I hear everything you’re saying and I really hope you’re ready to commit to letting that guy go.

As for the trans thing Chels even writing this down makes me sick and exhausted, I’m just so so tired of talking about it. I don't know what else to tell you about it other than you don’t have any confirmation from him about anything so if you want to run with that assumption then that’s on you but you can’t force it to be fact. That is just my opinion about it and you have yours. If your opinion about it is worth defending in court then just be ready to do so if the time ever comes, hopefully it doesn’t. I feel like me saying let’s just leave it at that is more than fair.

[HollyK21]

Just out of curiosity, does Steve know about everything from start to finish, even the lawsuit? If so, what’s his opinion of it?

[Asker]

Yes I sent him screenshots and I started from the beginning

He said literally everything you said. So I thank you both

[HollyK21]

No worries love, I’ve got you in my prayers. You have a long road of healing ahead but keep in mind it’s won’t always feel this way, you just need to get past the hard part which is letting him go. The rest will fall into place🤍

[Asker]

Thank you Holly. I love you ❤️

[HollyK21]

Sending lots of love your way Chels, if you need to chat you know where to find me💛

[Asker]

Okay ✅ ❤️

[Asker]

I have a question.. do you think my step brother may possibly like me?

[HollyK21]

I don't know why you fixate on exploring the craziest ideas. First your cousin and now this. I think the sex work toxifies your brain, like someone addicted to p*rn. People like that start having the sickest ideas for no good reason.

[Asker]

Noo it’s a story I was going to tell you

[HollyK21]

Okay, what happened to make you think he likes you?

[Asker]

A few years ago during Covid I was having a mental and emotionally hard time.. I had moved to Texas to finish college at a Hbcu in 2019. I had so many plans being a younger adult and really getting out there and getting out of my shell and working through my anxiety. Covid happened ruined everything I ended up having to temporarily move back home and finish classes online.. I stayed with my emotionally distant mother. We never had a great relationship… I always felt rejected by her and not having my dad 100% in my life and having his own family led me to become obsessed with sex work and attention from men.

I ended up moving in with my dad and his wife/ family just for like 3 months… I had become very anxious and sad but hid it very well.. I was losing a lot of people family, church family and then my grandmother whom I was close to was dying of cancer and I didn’t want to act sad or depressed around my stepmom..

But stepmom found anything to pick on me about. I had a calendar for chore days… I made sure to do everything she asked including cook once a week… I was taking 5 classes online. I stayed in my room a lot because I just didn’t care for her but she considered rude so I tried to get out more… she tight with me on chores even though her 35 year old son and his wife with 4 kids were living in the basement with a dog didn’t always clean up after their selves.. and her daughter.. but she was working so sometimes I did her part… but she had a issue with me not working but I never asked for any money because I had my own…

[Asker]

But I did get a job back at a place I was working at before to appease her while trying to keep up with my classes. It was hard for me only because I was struggling mentally and emotionally with everything going on and I felt unwelcomed by her… but I never gave them issues I was never a bad or mouthy kid, teen or adult..

But her daughter was 19/20 at the time was cool but she had a bad attitude sometimes and could be ungrateful. We used to be close..

Christmas arrived and I did not want to join. 2020 was such a wreck for me… but I came down and joined everyone with a smile and we opened gifts

After gifts were opened we prepared dinner and we were talking and my step sister didn’t look happy… and she told her mom that she was upset about the gifts because she didn’t get enough… and mind you she’s an young adult so I joke with her and said “girll be happy we made it 2020 be grateful “ in a kind hearted joking way and she told “shut up you sound stupid “

I just about lost it because I know I can’t say anything like that to her so I walked away and went back upstairs. And she never really gets checked for her behavior but her brother was upset and it was alarming that everyone heard it but he’s the only one who was upset about it.

[Asker]

Her mom made her apologize

So the next day we had a “family meeting “ about some things and ofc that was brought up and I was explaining to her how a lot of people didn’t make it and that it’s just a blessing to be alive and I didn’t mean to overstep… I started breaking down saying it and everyone was just looking at me like “uh who cares “ literally… and I think someone was trying not to laugh.. and so my step brothers wife was sympathizing with my step sister because my step sister started crying I don't know why and she consoled her… and she stood up for her… and I said “yall really aren’t fam to me “ because I felt it was bs… so I went upstairs and started packing my things with heavy tears in my eyes and it hurt that my dad said absolutely nothing… and my step mom just looked to with this look of boredom and “mmhm” look…

My step brother was the only one who came after me

[Asker]

I was packing my shit up throwing my stuff out the closet and he came after me and I was pushing him away telling him to go away and he just kept talking to me anyway and then he just came out and said “I need you “ and I’m still upset I didn’t care. He stayed a good minute.

When I left he tried following me on social media and he told my dad that he actually missed me

[HollyK21]

That’s a lot to have happened hun. I empathize with you for sure, I’ve had my share of drama with family and Covid was rough for me as well. But one thing I noticed is that you keep a lot of your feelings about things internalized and I think that’s where you go wrong.

In moments where you could’ve and should’ve spoken up, you stayed quiet and hid your emotions about those things instead. We don’t have time machines, you can’t go back and handle situations differently but going forward I would really say you should start advocating for yourself. Maybe you didn’t feel empowered as a child, teen or even as a younger adult, but now that you are so grown you can have that very serious and much needed conversation with your parents, with your step mom, even your step sister.

I get that doing so puts you in a very vulnerable and emotional position, I get that you’re afraid of how it would go or what the aftermath would be. But part of your healing journey is to address those things that added to your trauma. Receive/give those apologies, yell, cry, hug it out, just get all that pent up stuff out. It’s like purging yourself of all the things that have emotionally burdened you over the years and it’s such an empowering thing to do as a woman who’s suffered. You say you have nothing to lose, so why not?

[HollyK21]

As for your step brother, I think his “I need you” statement is what’s making you think he has a crush but honestly in the chaos of everything that was going on and how your were fighting back, it could’ve been taken out of context or he misspoke.

What I genuinely believe is that he loves you as a little sister and didn’t want you running off to who knows where, and in the state you were in. I think if you were to have a conversation with him, you’d find that he feels similarly about your stepmom and spoiled step sister, and that he empathizes with you more than you know.

In any case, I don’t think that is a theory you should look into exploring any further. If I’ve learned anything about you, it’s that once you plant the seed in your mind, you let it grow and grow until you can’t control it. My concern is that you’ll get this idea that the only way to let go of the African guy and distract yourself from him is to replace him with someone else, aka your step brother, and you don’t need to do that.

[Asker]

So there is an aftermath … you are absolutely right. I did not stand up for myself because it didn’t feel safe for me to.. my dad didn’t have my back. He said absolutely nothing and that broke my heart… it borderline felt like they could do something to me… how can you advocate for yourself when they already showed you that they don’t care about you to your FACE. It was traumatic for me and feeling like I had no one I started clinging to men and drinking once I finally went back to campus… I couldn’t talk to my mother because she’s always under some man and she gives her full attention to him… I clung to men so deep and that’s when I was in love with the firefighter.. same situation with him but it was different because the firefighter had empathy for me and he knew I was troubled and rejected me lightly even though I couldn’t let him go either.. but he gave me some hard truth after being upset that he didn’t want me… I told him “ I hope he burns to death in a fire” out of anger and hurt because he made me feel safe too… and instead of blocking me he said “I feel sorry for you” “you are lonely angry and insecure “ “you’re very insecure “…. But he never hurt me.. no matter how frustrated I was.. he also refused to have sex with me because he said he didn’t want to hurt me. So when the African guy came along I just thought he was the one…

[Asker]

But as for my brother I wouldn’t do that but I use the idea as something to hang on to boost my ego and make me feel that someone loves me.

His wife didn’t like me even though I loved her and their kids that I had known and babysat since birth. When they had maverick I was so in love with him.. I was so depressed at the time and babysitting him just made me feel so happy.. their daughter Malia I considered them both my real nephew and nieces and she loved art so I would let her draw pics in my art book and teach her how to draw.

But they started being mean to me … nice sometimes then mean. Then they told me “you’re not my real auntie…” and that hurt

I considered his wife to be a sister when I was younger and she just changed.. it felt more like a jealousy for some reason because I didn't do anything to her…

But my dad admitted to me that Lee felt the same way I did.. so you genius Holly were absolutely correct… he felt how I felt about his own mother and baby sister… he felt his mom was more in tune with Tamia and let her do anything

[Asker]

After I left that day after Christmas I vowed to never go back to kill them with my success… but my anger inside just thinking about it was still burning so strong… and i created a big fire emotionally

I was also burning bridges with other friends and family out of anger.. hurtful words were said and I felt like nothing..

Oneday my dad was going into surgery and my step mom let me know on a group text and I just exploded like a ticking time bomb… I also harrassed them saying threats, calling people out.. wishing death on their kids… it was on going and my step mother wanted to press charges for threatening to slit her and my fathers throat… even Though I never got into a fight or trouble with the law.. I was telling her that her daughter’s boyfriend was in a gang and I was just a menace… I told lees wife that she’s a bitch and I know she doesn’t like me and it’s better to say it to my face than be snake.

Looking back I can see how my bipolar was playing out…but I didn’t let it go like I thought… it made things worse between me and my dad we hadn’t spoke everyday anymore…

I did apologize but apologies do nothing when you cause such a mess.. and I know I did. It was so beneath me. I was upset with myself because I wanted to level up on them and show them…

[HollyK21]

It’s gonna be hard to bounce back from the things you said, I won’t lie. But if you’re given the chance to explain your mental health, how it’s actually been diagnosed and how you’re trying to navigate it better going forward, the people who really love you will try to understand. In any case, that sort of conversation wouldn’t necessarily be for them, but so that you can give yourself some closure in knowing you’ve said what you couldn’t say before and hopefully they’ll be receptive.

As for your brother, you shouldn’t do all that. He does love you, it just isn’t the romantic kind and that needs to be ok in your mind.

[Asker]

Sorry I wrote too much

[Asker]

Wait what do you mean bounce back

[HollyK21]

Like bouncing back from the threats, that probably wasn’t the best choice in hindsight..

[Asker]

Yeah we haven’t talked in years.. a few months or a year later I did reach out to my step sister and I apologized I told her “ I apologize for what I said and it’s okay if you’re not ready to forgive I was just going through it with my mental health and that’s no excuse but I do apologize “

She said “I don’t fuck with you “ then she said “you’re a sick bitch then” and the disrespect was getting to me so I said fuck you and your moms…

That exchange caused a big argument between him and his wife… I explained to him that I was reaching out to apologize… I was on the phone and she didn’t know but my step sister had lied and said only the bad thing I said..

My step mother said why can’t she be the bigger person she’s older than her and she said other stuff and I forgot how it came about but she said “you didn’t want her to stay with us” and that hurt to hear a lot

[Asker]

But my dad stopped her from pressing charges… I won’t lie I would never do something like that but I did want to slash tires… but I was way out of character… that was the start of it.. I was into it with everyone… I walked out on my job because I felt paranoid that my manager who was my best friend didn’t think I was smart enough.. and I had worked there prior before for 2 years… it was just the development of I think my bipolar and unresolved anger… I was diagnosed with it that year but I was in denial.

But I had signs of issues… I struggled with ocd in the form of body dysmorphic disorder and was hospitalized for it… my mother ugh.. don’t want to talk about her… I love her but I also have a deep hate for her and my upbringing and her harsh words regarding my looks and self esteem

[Asker]

But I was never a bad child or teen… I never gave them any problems and I never got in trouble at school… I was actually known for being so sweet by her family and they liked me.

But I learned that people only like a part of you that is perceived perfect… when you struggle with something like bipolar you get the stigma.. and yeah I deserved it.. I lost a lot of friendships/ family… some I realized that weren’t actually real

[Asker]

I was in denial when I was told so I went more years without treatment because I didn’t understand what it was and what it wasn’t

[HollyK21]

I know this is more of a vent and honestly there’s elements of this that I simply don’t have an answer for or the professional knowledge/tools to tackle. It was a whole lot of drama that unfolded and I’m sure it’s hurtful to leave things on that note with that side of your family.

All I can really say is that the past is a place of reference, not residence. This basically means that while the past provides valuable lessons, it should not be where we dwell and we shouldn’t allow it to define our present or future. With your dad’s family, there was a lot of damage done on both sides and I can see how everyone could’ve handle it so much better, especially your father. He strikes me as a spineless man when it comes to standing up to his wife, which is so unfortunate because there’s been plenty of times he should’ve had your back and didn’t.

[HollyK21]

In any case, life goes on, it has to. On your healing journey going forward you do not need to have the weight of all those negative emotions they bring you, weighing you down. Forgive them, and not because they deserve it but so that you can forgive yourself and let those people go. Put it in gods hands and if you’re meant to reconnect with them or anyone else who’s drifted from you in the past then one day you will.

Now that you can no longer deny your mental health and accept that it is part of you, the only people you need around are the ones who are going to try and understand. You don’t need a single person pretending a clear mental health crisis isn’t happening when it does, or that your diagnosis isn’t real or isn’t impactful when it is. You need those around who are patient or can help de-escalate a conversation if they sense it going south. Of course most of that will be on you and learning how to communicate what you need to without blowing up, but it’s easier to do so when the person you’re having that conversation/argument/etc with understands what’s going on.

[Asker]

But my issue is it feels impossible to have a genuine relationship with my father… after my mental health breakdown he has been so much better with standing up for himself… like one time my mom , dad and aunt have been in communication together to see what’s going on with me and teaming up in support of me. His wife told him that he needed to get off the phone and he firmly said “I’ll get off when I’m done “ so just that meant a lot to me.. that he’s trying…

But I struggled for years on how to have a genuine relationship with him when they still don’t fuck with me and I tried my best to make amends but they want me to kiss their ass without trying to meet in the middle because like you said we all played a part in it…

But how can I have a relationship with my dad and I’m rejected.. he still does stuff for his step daughter and have I heard anything from the step mother? No.. when my grandma eventually passed I got no messages from them but my father is still doing what he needs for them and I’m the outcast..

So my step sister is 25 and she is engaged to her thug boyfriend and pregnant.. so I had a emotional breakdown because I didn’t know about the shower and my dad didn’t want to tell me because the therapist in the mental health hospital said it wasn't a good idea… but I felt left out… I wasn’t even invited and my step sister reached out to my cousins about the shower… so I was sad…

But I don’t think I know or understand the family dynamic now or how to go about it. I don’t like my step mom.. I think she has fake love for me.. I think the only genuine person is my step brother.

[HollyK21]

One thing at a time. If it’s possible to speak with or see your dad separately from your stepmom and them right now then do that, at least for a little while. He should want to have a relationship with you regardless of your connections with the others.

[Asker]

Yes he does … we talk everyday…

That’s all you have to say? You usually send me paragraphs that make me think… what are you really thinking? You can be honest

[HollyK21]

I’m not trying to be short with you about this by any means, it’s just that not everything warrants an extensive response, and given the situation with your family I’m simply not equipped to dive too much into all that. It’s shaped a lot of who you are now. I mean the situation with your dad and his side of the family is so complex, I’m sure you could share countless moments where those relationships were tested and in most cases it sounds like more advocacy (whether for yourself or from your dad) could’ve been involved, and a lot of damaging things have happened.

But like I said, the best thing you can do for now is just distance yourself from anyone who hinders your journey going forward. I’m no professional, I wouldn’t even know where to start with telling you how to repair the relationship between not only yourself and your dad, your stepmom and so on. It’s just one of those things where you have to see what happens as time goes on. Focus on your own self, not your relationships with them. Then cross that road of mending bridges with them when and if you get to that point.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right

[Asker]

Why didn’t he respond? Should I have not sent it?

I had reached out to a guy from years ago at a camp thanking him for being kind to me when others weren’t. I do think he had an interest in me and his mother asked my mother about carpooling.. but he listened when others didn’t, changed the page to my book when I was lost, he even complimented me.. but those gestures meant a lot at that time:

I had a cousin whom I confided in about him when we were teens.. anyway she followed him on facebook and they followed eachother on all platforms.. I was so naive to think they weren’t talking.. but it didn’t matter. I tried to follow him years later but he didn’t respond so I left it alone

Anyway I thought about him and my cousin mentioned him getting married. So a few days ago I reached out to him thanking him for his kindness, wishing him well on his union and saying that I hoped his mom and twin sister was doing well.. and he never responded..

[HollyK21]

Probably out of respect for his wife. I get that you wanted to thank him for his kindness but that should’ve been something you did at least while you were a teen. Now it’s probably been over a decade, he’s married and it would be inappropriate to carry on any sort of DM conversation with any other woman than his wife.

I’m not sure what’s making you revisit the theories you had about these married men (like wondering if your step brother likes you for example), but I don’t see you it contributes positively to your healing journey at all.

I get that you want to feel loved/wanted by a man, but you’re looking for it in all the wrong places. I don’t even know how you’d move seeking male validation down on your priority list at this point. It’s like you won’t give men a break no matter what.

[HollyK21]

**how it contributes

[Asker]

No Holly I was not trying to flirt with him or anything… he followed two of my cousins.. one of my cousins didn’t know him and the other only knew him because I told her about him and she followed him. And they still follow eachother.. but when I tried to follow him he didn’t accept it (like in 2018) and I met his mom and twin sister.

[HollyK21]

So you had no intention for that conversation outside of thanking him? Because I couldn’t imagine reaching out to someone after so much time, in order to mention something they did that was so impactful, and not saying anything else other than “ok bye that was all I wanted to say”.

You said you think he had an interest in you, just as you thought your stepbrother did. You’re also honing in specifically on the fact that two of your cousins follow him. With these things in mind, it’s hard to imagine you wouldn’t use him responding to one message as a gateway to discuss other things. I think you’d want to ask how he’s been and talk to him about how you’ve been, maybe even talk about the things going on since you feel like he listened when others didn’t. You may even ask about his connection to your cousins since following each other seems to be big point of interest.

[Asker]

No not at all… I just wanted him to acknowledge it.. just by saying “ thank you! No problem hope all is well “ but now I consider him a jack ass since he showed interest in me and then after my cousin followed him after I told her about him and me having interest I think they ended up talking

[HollyK21]

Chels honey you’d have a hard time convincing me that reaching out to that man was meant to be anything other than a distraction or potentially something more. These are not feelings that I’m pulling out of thin air or saying to hurt your feelings, or comes from over a year of witnessing how you handle your feelings when it comes to men and it’s been nothing but toxic.

It may make you feel guilty to really consider the idea that you probably would’ve tried to keep the conversation going had he responded. However I think you’ve done enough denying of your mental health and need to start addressing the toxic things it makes you do. I couldn’t imagine you not wanting to ask him about your cousins and why he added them who are strangers but not you, who knew not only him but members of his family. Your curiosity would be too great. I also believe you may have felt inclined to continue the conversation because right now you are struggling with male validation and wanting to feel something good from them.

[HollyK21]

**it comes from

[Asker]

This is different.. it’s not true Holly. Now I feel like you’re projecting

[HollyK21]

Projecting what exactly?

[Asker]

Projecting my old behavior into this.. when that’s not the case. I just wanted to thank him

[HollyK21]

That’s not what projecting mean, hun. It’s unconsciously attributing your own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to someone else rather than acknowledging them as your own. That just simply isn’t the case here.

Yes, I’m taking your old behavior into account because all of this is not “old”. Real change takes real time, and you haven’t turned over a completely new leaf in a handful of days. You quite literally cannot make those sort of changes in days and without any professional help.

I mean this epiphany you had about letting “you know who” go just happened the other day after Steve said whatever he said to help.

But the moral of what I’m saying is that this is all still very new and your “old behavior” is not very old. With that in mind, I think it is completely fair for me to speculate your motives. Especially with the timing of all this — first you questioning your stepbrother and now this. Directly a week after you decided you’re ready for this big change. You cannot fault me for still taking your recent behavior into consideration.

[Asker]

“Okay” Holly… I am changing.

[HollyK21]

I know you are trying to change and I think that’s fantastic but you can’t be upset with me for not acting like you’re a whole new person in 6 days. You’re going to get there if you keep committing to change but it takes some time, that’s all.

[Asker]

Okay Holly you’re right

[HollyK21]

What do you think is bringing all this on Chels? First your step brother, now this guy, and it’s all within a couple days of your choice to be done with the African guy. When I scroll back it was 6 days ago that you sent the message to him apologizing, and since then you’ve moved on to this. It is hardly a coincidence….

[Asker]

I only know my identity through being ignored and rejected so knowing that someone could have potentially loved me makes me want to fixate on it and stay stuck on that validation… my ocd and bipolar are kind on in play…my brain isn’t used to being sane , quiet , non chaotic… being happy scares me.. I’ve been happy but I get anxious when things are going good so I find something else to fixate on

I don’t really know how to be in reality and I’m trying to practice mindfulness

[HollyK21]

So is it possible for you to practice said-mindfulness without any male involvement?

[Asker]

It’s hard but ig

[HollyK21]

Maybe that’s what you should try doing then, hun. I don’t think you even understand how negatively impactful men have been and continue to be in your life. Sex work involved men, let it go. Do something that’s empowering you as a woman and uplifting. That is what will build your confidence and make you happy, even if you’re scared of feeling that way. It’s so much better than this.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right… I was thinking about a small business.. do you like candles?

[HollyK21]

Small business, not a bad idea. I prefer wax melts personally, I feel like the smell lasts longer

[Asker]

Oh okay, I knocked one over accidentally and it got everywhere I could not get it up. But they do have a stronger smell

[HollyK21]

Yesss you definitely have to be careful! I use different pots for different shapes and amounts☺️

[Asker]

Holly I think semi was secretly gay..(African guy)

[HollyK21]

Ok you’re bored now. Bye.

[Asker]

Oh uppity Holly. Good night

[HollyK21]

I’m not being uppity I’m just not going to have a conversation about that guy again.

[Asker]

Fair enough

[HollyK21]

www.bphope.com/.../

[HollyK21]

Check out this article, it sounds like a lot of what you’re going through, maybe it has some good advice for how to cope when the obsessive thoughts kick in.

[Asker]

Okay, thank you Holly ❣️

[HollyK21]

No worries hun. Of course I will always say the best thing you can do for yourself is find a psychiatrist that you feel most comfortable with but in the mean time hopefully articles like this can give you some sort of tools to help.

[Asker]

Talked to my psychiatrist today… she said I may have to be on medication for the rest of my life

[HollyK21]

It would be an adjustment but I don’t think that’s so bad, people are on medications for far worse.

[Asker]

True but it still makes me sad.. like I’m not normal… and I take 6 pills everyday just to stay sane.. how do I explain that to my boss after being gone since January.

[HollyK21]

Did you read the article I sent? Like really take time to read it? It mentions something along the lines of this, but basically remember that while this is part of you it’s not all of you. We all define what normal means for us, and you decide what it’s going to mean for you.

[Asker]

I didn’t read it all I’m going to know while I’m under the dryer… ik you think I’m reverting back but I promise you I’m doing much better

[HollyK21]

I didn’t say I think you’re reverting back, I only said that your behavior isn’t “old” yet. Despite how much you’d like to distance yourself from it, it takes time to unlearn all those habits you still have. You can be feeling a whole lot better and still have things to work through, it just comes with the process and it’s okay.

[Asker]

@hollyk21

But another question

Also another question to think about…. Whenever I would “harass” him by tagging them together under his family and my family members post why does he only send me the screenshots of what I did tagging them together and not what I also wrote of them on HER page specifically… why not blast the whole thing instead of bits and pieces

And when I pretended to be him and said “let’s delete her etc “ and she did and guess what she didn’t block “him” which is me pretending to be him

[Asker]

@hollyk21

[Asker]

But listen my cousin slept with her first cousins boyfriend when they all lived together and never told anyone but my mom. My cousin had the audacity to say “I wouldn’t do that to you or jasmine”…… so how do you think I can trust her when she did that?

[HollyK21]

Honestly I think this is just another fixation and another way of hanging on to that man because you don’t want to let him go, even despite the legal threats and him wanting absolutely nothing to do with you which is so wild to me. Your cousin isn’t avoid you out of guilt or being sneaky, she’s pissed off and hurt because you accused her of doing something unforgivable without any solid proof, lashed out, then not only did you get her kicked out of her living arrangement but also blasted her online for anyone and everyone to see. What’s incredible to me is that you are once again taking NO accountability. It’s like when the time comes for you to own up to something bad that you did as a result of your mental health, you’d rather rid yourself of guilt completely. Then if you do take any of that guilt, it comes with a meltdown about not wanting self harm or sabotage. Everyone has to coddle Chels after that, make sure she’s ok so she can calm down. Screw the yelling, screaming, inconsolable tantrum that just took place, they can’t confront you about that because from then on out your people have to walk on eggshells around you because they don’t know how to weather your mental health and neither do you. I get that you’ve tried reaching out to your cousin and fixing things, but you have to understand that if she isn’t receptive it isn’t like she’s hiding her shame, that was a big fallout and it’ll take time for her to even want to see you.

[HollyK21]

Not trying to upset you Chels! I just don’t think you’re looking at things clearly and instead it’s just a fixation.

[Asker]

She’s not even mad at me at all that’s the crazy part!

[Asker]

I take accountability but my cousin is not who you think she is and my mother had already planned on kicking her out because she wasn’t helping her around the house and my mom did not take my side for the longest… she also stole her watch. It wasn’t solely based on that what you’re thinking and she didn’t even care that much

[Asker]

I’m not fixated on him I’m fixated on if they talked

[HollyK21]

You can’t take accountability without pointing the finger right back. You can say “I did this” without highlighting how you believe “they did that”. For example, you say you take accountability but then have to point the finger, ‘but she’s not who you think she is’. Then you proceed to note how she was going to be put out of the house anyway and stole your moms watch. We aren’t talking about any of that, we are simply talking about how you chose to address the feelings that you created in regards to that African man, and ran with it. Give me your concrete proof of them having relations without your feelings as to why you think it’s happening, aka “well they’re not gonna do it where I can see it” or “of course I won’t have text messages or anything Holly they’re keeping it a secret”, or any of that other ominous stuff. What do you have physically to not only substantiating such a claim but validating why you did what you did.

[HollyK21]

You are fixated on an idea. Please share your concrete proof that they have been in communication, otherwise you did all this based off thoughts, feelings and maybes.

[Asker]

True but what you’re saying isa slap in the face

[Asker]

It’s like telling you I was raped but don’t have full evidence to prove it.

[Asker]

What about my feelings? You didn’t answer if he had nothing to do with it why is he only showing certain messages and not the ones where I tag him on her page? Like is he protecting her

[HollyK21]

Honestly using rape as a point of reference in this situation is a slap in the face to victims of sexual assault because this is nowhere in the same realm as that. Rape is not a feeling, it’s not a hunch or a thought based off other assumptions— you either were or you weren’t. In your situation you are creating a whole narrative around an IDEA Chels. There is no FULL evidence you don’t have ANY, and that’s what I’m trying to explain where the problem happens. You should’ve never did what you did when you didn’t so much as have a screenshot incriminating your cousin. Not any texts, phone calls, likes, comments, nothing.

[Asker]

My intuition I just can’t let go of the what if

[HollyK21]

Ask yourself how well your intuition has served you in regards to this guy. You haven’t gotten solid validation on any thought you’ve had, you just jump from one thing to another once the last thing was exhausted.

[Asker]

I don’t know what I need I really don’t… I’ve lost my mind and job.

[HollyK21]

Jobs come and go, you’ll find another. Just focus on your mental health for a bit and really commit to it. You’ll get all upset with me when I’m not validating a change within yourself that you think happened yet you keep winding up back here with some idea involving that guy.

[Asker]

I just feel scared

[HollyK21]

Of what?

[Asker]

My mind. I feel like I’m losing it

[HollyK21]

That’s why it’ll be good once you find a therapist that you’re comfortable with. You could use the help now more than ever Chels..

[Asker]

I’m in intensive therapy now

[HollyK21]

How’s it been going?

[Asker]

I just started but I just hope they understand and are able to help me with my thought process and to let go of the betrayal because it feels very real to me like it has happened

[HollyK21]

That’s like a main factor of your diagnosis when you read into it, which is why I say what I say about your cousin and how it wasn’t fair to act on your feelings as you did without solid proof. It’s like accusing someone of cheating just because you feel like they are and there’s no way for them to prove you wrong because your mind fully convinced of otherwise.

[Asker]

I know but I know she my cousin is acting different but you’re right. I want to move on

[Asker]

Do you feel that he was trying to protect her? Why would he only care that I tagged him when his family was involved but didn’t say anything when I was tagging them together on her page? It’s like he only shared bits of what he wanted seen. That’s not protecting her image Holly? In your honest opinion?

Why didn’t he say anything before? When I tagged them together more than a few times.

[HollyK21]

I feel like you don’t do a very good job at looking at things from the perspective of someone who’s on the receiving end of something you do or say. Your cousin is acting different because your fallout was enough to change your relationship. It was bad, and she may not be angry but at the same time you guys may never be the same. That just comes with the territory. As for the other guy, I said this before but I believe he finally chose to speak up because it was the last straw. You’d been doing thing after thing to get his attention and that, tagging him and congratulating him on their union, was the nail in the coffin.

[Asker]

I had been doing it for a minute tho like months so he didn’t care in my opinion

[Asker]

And my cousin you keep forgetting that I asked her respectfully first if something was going on

[HollyK21]

I know you asked her, and her denial still wasn’t enough and you feel convinced based off no proof. Yes you’d been doing things for a minute, which is why I said you last move could’ve been the last straw, nail in the coffin. You officially went too far and he responded.

[Asker]

But what about when I pretended to be him I followed her and she viewed my page on TikTok.. I follow her and send her a dm saying “I deleted your cousin you should do the same for your peace “ and she does it and doesn’t remove him as a follower. That’s suspicious

[HollyK21]

You pretended to be who and messaged who?

[Asker]

I pretended to be the African guy by using his name and picture and followed my cousin and I sent her a message and followed her… I said “ I blocked your cousin and you should do the same for our peace”

Me and my cousin talked earlier that day and I sent her a message (nothing bad) she asked my mother about me

But after I sent that message to pretended to be him she blocked me on everything and still allowed “him” which was me to follow her…

You don’t feel that’s a tad bit suspicious?

[HollyK21]

I don’t say this to be mean, sarcastic, rude or any of that but Chels honey you must think she’s dumb as a rock lmao. Like there’s no way you don’t think her brain is there for decoration or something.

Put simply what you did is something I would’ve tried to do in middle school as a joke, or even if something possessed me to do it in present time as an adult it would be as a prank because there’s no way on earth I’d expect someone to see that action as anything else lol.

Put simply, there’s no way she didn’t know that was you honey. For one, that’s your family who I’m sure you’ve been close with throughout your life — she knows you. Two, you already roped her into a scheme, she’s seen you basically make a fake profile already in the form of having her reach out to the guy aka bait him. Three, you reached out with this fake profile pretending to be a guy that the same day you had a conversation with her about. I believe she blocked you because she knew it was you and kept following the other dude out of spite. It was very peculiar and Strange for you to do what you did but so are all the other things you’ve done in regards to that man. I also think it’s a testament to both how far gone you are and how in denial you are about your diagnosis because you really did that and thought it was some normal, ingenious idea. You really thought you could approach one of the people in this world who knows you best and thought you could get away with something like that.

[Asker]

I really don’t think she knew it was me tbh I really don’t. I think she wasn’t sure. If she knew it was me why didn’t she block me and the “fake page” doesn’t make sense

[Asker]

Nooo I never asked her to reach out to bait him

[Asker]

Holly we are cool but she doesn’t know me like that no. You’re giving her way too much credit

[HollyK21]

I think it’s naive to believe that she didn’t know. I feel like it was incredibly obvious and I’m just being plainly honest. Even if you and her weren’t the tightest ever, she’s known you your whole life, she knows you. Like there’s got to be a level of comfortability for her to live with your mom right? Like she has some idea of you what your character is like and what you’d do. Maybe every single one of her actions don’t make sense but with the trail of events and what led to what, I think that is the culprit.

[HollyK21]

Also, this isn’t me giving her “too much credit”, I think in your mind you believe I give these people all the benefit of the doubt in the world but none to you when that’s never the case at all. I don’t have any personal biases, I don’t know these people or gain anything from saying something that leans more into their favor than it does to yours. I’m just looking at things from an entirely different perspective than you have and from where I’m standing, I can see how your cousin would be upset, hurt, or any of those other feelings. You’re upset that she isn’t acting now you think she should act but I don’t think you’re understanding the wrongness of what you’ve done. Mainly because you’re convinced she did something so you’re vilifying her so much without the proof to warrant it.

[Asker]

Okay, I lm moving on. And I’m putting in the effort to really let go

I have another question for you tho not about him or them but do you think I was wrong to send a thank you message to a guy who was kind to me in camp… he is married now with a child so my message was thanking him and congratulating him and he kind of left it on seen. I’m not sure if I told you about it but it hurt my feelings

[HollyK21]

We did talk about it, and honestly that’s just one of those things that I can’t relate to or understand why you did it. I mean that camping experience was so, so long ago that sliding into his DMs about it in current time looks like nothing other than you trying to open the door into something else.

It doesn’t matter how harmless you believe your intentions were, I’m telling you from an outside perspective that it just wasn’t appropriate. Like if some woman DM’d my fiancé about camping together years ago, thanking him and all that jazz there’s no way on earth I’d think that she was doing anything other than trying to get her foot in the door. I’m not going to be compassionate and thinking it’s the most casual, sweetest thing ever. No, I’d be like why is this random woman privately messaging you with this blast from the past?
Now I — Holly — know that you’re going through mental health issues and understand that as a result you’re not doing the most rational things or making the best choices. But his wife doesn’t know all that, Chels. You are just some woman, a stranger to her, and you and him were not close to the extent that you should be reaching out like that.

He was right to ignore your message, responding and opening up the door to further conversation with you would have been problematic to his marriage and disrespectful to his wife if she found out. Again, I know you meant well hun, I get that. But it was not a good move to make and you need to understand why it wasn’t. No you don’t have to beat yourself up or feel like an asshole but just recognize “why” you were left on read and respect that boundary. He is not the guy to fixate on or have on your mind like this, let him go.

And before you mention it yes, I remember you saying something about him adding your relative and not you. But thats neither here nor there.

[Asker]

* folding my arms and pouting

I don’t think I care about he’s just another fixation bit him following my cousins and not me is a bit hurtful

[HollyK21]

I can’t tell you how to feel, if it hurts it hurts but let me just say that is not a situation you should be hurt about, and not your man to be hurting over. He is not and should not be your new source of pain hun. In fact I don’t really know why you seem to keep replacing one source of hurting and depression for another.

[HollyK21]

I grew up in a small town with my cousins, and before I moved away I could arguably say that we had a lot of mutuals. If I were to rack my mind for meaningful connections in my youth, there are a small handful of individuals I could say did something impactful or that stuck with me as I grew older in the way of kindness, loyalty, acceptance, etc. I think growing up we all encounter a person or two that are impactful in our lives and if I ever had the random opportunity in the future, sure I may reminisce with that helpful person and thank them for whatever it was they’d done. But now, nearly a decade later, I wouldn’t dream of reaching out to those people just to say my thank you’s. I also wouldn’t feel any sort of way if they had my cousin as a friend but not me. It just shouldn’t matter because that person, those things and those feelings were soooo long ago.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right: I really am trying… I truly am.

[HollyK21]

I’m not judging you hun, keep working on it💛

[Asker]

Ik ❤️ I’m working on it.

[Asker]

Someone said he’s still in love with me? No right?

[HollyK21]

What’re you talking about? What’s the context?

[Asker]

Guy from camp

[HollyK21]

Smh. Why even explore those avenues of thinking towards a married man? Why bother thinking about the fact that maybe he liked you back in camp or any of that once you take into consideration that this took place like a literal decade ago and he’s married now?

[HollyK21]

Did you post about him again?

[Asker]

Yesterday yes… I don't know why I just need to fill in emotional gaps by revisiting times I felt seen

[HollyK21]

How are you filling In emotional gaps by seeking validation from people other than the ones who did whatever was done? None of us can fill in the gaps because we can’t speak for any one of those people, and because of that you’ll never be satisfied with our answers. What you’re doing is fixating on unimportant occurrences and turning them into sources of grief and pain. Part of healing and actually doing better is to stop doing these things. I know it’s easier said than done and I’m not saying you can flip a switch and be over these people or those things, but you can actively commit to change by doing something different. This, posting about these men and turning nothing into something does absolutely nothing for you.

[Asker]

I feel mental unease.

[HollyK21]

I feel like mental unease comes with the territory because now you’re on unfamiliar grounds. You’ve unknowingly had mental health issues going on, but now that you know you can work on better understanding and regulating when you have times of unease.

[Asker]

First of all Holly. I don’t need your answers or approval on what I’m feeling or what I think is going on. If I feel that my cousin talked to Akasemi then that’s what I believe. You’re not in my shoes to keep invalidating every piece of evidence I give you. No I don’t have proof but just like you told me that my “cousin” knows me well I know my cousin and I will no longer let you let me feel down or gaslit just because you don’t see what I see. All your answers are opinions not FACTS and it doesn’t give you the right to try and make me believe That my thoughts and feelings on the matter are invalid.

Again ik my cousin and I know when she is not acting innocent. If you tell me to leave your man alone and I’m not talking to him my answer isn’t going to be “okay” with a smirk sound. I would simply say I don’t know him.

So I can no longer talk to you because you are so invalidating

Thank you Holly but no thank you

[Asker]

I won’t let you trigger me

[HollyK21]

Honestly I don’t know why I bother with you, you do this every time and each time and it’s always so fucking weird and out of no where.

Please tell me how saying that you are learning how to navigate your diagnosis is telling you how to feel? Is that not a fact? Or how is saying that you’re on unfamiliar grounds (which you are since you just recently got diagnosed) invalidating? This is rhetorical obviously, you don’t have a good answer just like you don’t have an answer for why you’re hellbent on vilifying your cousin.

I’ve said countless times in this thread alone how it’s ok to feel how your feeling, you’re trying to do better, like I’ve coddled the absolute fuck out of you within this conversation and for you to switch like this each time is just so fake and so exhausting.

Thank you but no thank you is absolutely fucking right because going forward I’m not letting YOU trigger ME. You’re a sad and sick woman that I can only pray for and distance myself from.

[Asker]

I’m a work in progress. Goodbye Holly. I won’t let your words get me down.

[HollyK21]

Would you mind deleting this thread of comments? Top three dots by my name. We don’t need these memorized.

[HollyK21]

Memorialized.

[Asker]

Absolutely not. I would like to memorialize our last conversation ever.

[HollyK21]

Lol oh please you just want this shit open so you can randomly come chat one day. I’d rather you not have this connection to me anymore.

[HollyK21]

So ridiculous. Whatever leave it.

[Asker]

That was actually the absolute last thing I was thinking about but to each their own. I just kept it up because I figured that you like to see yourself talk. You’re the “ guru “ “Holly know it all “ “ Holly of GaG”

You’re ridiculous tbh. All that writing for nothing.

[HollyK21]

If I liked seeing myself talk so much I’d ask you to keep it up.

[Asker]

Well when you keep replying it’s giving just that.

[Asker]

Talking bout delete this. This is one of millions !!

[Asker]

I think he has a kid or kids in Atlanta…. I know you don’t want to talk to me but I’m proving to you that he’s a liar

[Asker]

I reached out to this girl who had shared an address in Atlanta even though he lives in another state. (Where I am) This girl has 2 kids but when we went on a date he said he didn’t have kids

I reached out because I saw the name on white pages because he told me a different name..

He has an Atlanta number so I asked if he lives in Atlanta he said he used to but he was just there visiting family

I asked the girl if that was her boyfriend or baby daddy and she just kept asking me who is this… I asked if she knew him she said yes but she said they were close friends

and when I said wow something is off she said “what are you talking about and for one I’m about to reach out to him and how the fuck did you get my number “

I apologized and just left it alone

[Asker]

You’re the last person I want to talk to but is there anything you want to add as my witness… a full letter to my therapist. You’ve been in this journey with me for almost 2 years. She doesn’t believe I have ocd… or whatever… I could really use something..

[Asker]

He was married the whole time… you remember when I told you I found a girl with his same address… that was her… I saw online that he filed for divorce in March in dallas county. @hollyk21

[HollyK21]

I’m going to put the fact that you keep coming back to this conversation with anything but an apology to the side just for a moment to tell you this — Chels, move on. Right now. You are a stalker, and overly obsessed with this man. Even after he’s threatened legal action you still won’t let go and it is WEIRD. Don’t you even for a second try telling yourself that this behavior is anything but that. Your theories and assumptions are desperate, nonsensical and baseless. MOVE. ON.

[HollyK21]

It’s insane that you’re so desperate to talk about this man in the first place that you keep coming back to the last person on earth you wanna talk to! someone you swear up and down you couldn’t care less what they think! You will never disrespect me on that level again.

[Asker]

Omg, I apologize for being disrespectful with my mouth I didn’t mean it.

I just wanted to let you know that he was married this whole time and I’m not obsessed … I think him making me feel one way and treating me another then lying to me really hurt me

[HollyK21]

You do not know the circumstances of that divorce. Move on.

[HollyK21]

You are obsessed! This is obsession and stalking! Don’t you dare call it anything else but that.

[Asker]

Holly the point is he talked to me when he was married! Are you serious?

[HollyK21]

You don’t know that. Even if he were going through a divorce, do you know how many people date in the process? Divorce means you are done with your marriage, moving on. He’s allowed to move on. You need to do the same.

[HollyK21]

Hell it’s been long enough he could’ve gotten married and divorced in the time you haven’t talked it’s been nearly 2 years. I know I have a friend who just got divorced last month after getting married in summer of 2023 and meeting the man in February 2023. That’s 5 months later.

[Asker]

You continue to make excuses for him…

But I don't know why she would lie when I asked her… she said they were close friends and that she doesn’t sleep with her guy friends… so I’m lost

[HollyK21]

Who cares, stop stalking that man and move on. Your problem is you live in denial and keep telling yourself that this isn’t obsession or stalking. It absolutely is. Start telling yourself the truth so you can understand how weird this is. Maybe it’ll help you start feeling the embarrassment you try absolving yourself of every day. Because you think about him every day, day and night. You are fully consumed by this stalking.

[Asker]

He was wrong as fuck for talking to me knowing he was married are you serious? wtf do you mean who cares if she lied? There was no reason to lie about being married to him !

[HollyK21]

Bye, take all that yelling someplace else.

[Asker]

What yelling? We’re literally texting.

Doesn’t matter because your point is not valid at all

[HollyK21]

Please, with all those exclamations?🙄 My point that you’re stalking and obsessed with someone has been valid for nearly 2 years. I’m not talking about her or him whatsoever. You don’t know the circumstances of their connection or that divorce anyway and I don’t have those answers for you. You are also not entitled to those answers because you were not shit to each other. You went on one date and talked for a week yet you’re acting like you were straight up cheated on. No matter how you feel about it that man was single even if he was going through a divorce, which you don’t know either. In fact it looks like you’re wrong again because she told you they were just good friends. Like you literally have no idea what you’re talking about, not with him, your cousin or anyone.

[Asker]

https://ibb.co/7Jt4FqJ9

That’s him and that’s the girls name on the addresses

[HollyK21]

Where are the dates?

[Asker]

https://ibb.co/cK93jKcs

[HollyK21]

So this is all happening in 2025

[Asker]

She’s ghetto, an ex stripper, a cleaning lady…. And he married her? What does she have that I don’t? He treated me like crap… etc but she’s married?

[HollyK21]

Again, is this all happening in 2025? Based off the dates listed?

[Asker]

Yes it has it up top march 2025

[Asker]

I still don’t get it…She’s ghetto, an ex stripper, a cleaning lady…. And he married her? What does she have that I don’t? He treated me like crap… etc but she’s married?

Tell me what don’t I have what makes her better?

[HollyK21]

Got it, and when was your date? November 2023. You don’t know what’s happened in his life since then. I just gave you a literal example of a marriage beginning and ending within two years. Shit happens Chels.

[Asker]

My point still remains what did she have that I don’t? She’s fucking ghetto, a cleaner and she has kids…

No Holly he lied… they shared those house addresses for some years not recently

[HollyK21]

Just because they shared the house doesn’t mean they were married at the time Chels. You know that people date before they get married right? Sometimes for years. You don’t know much about this but relationships can be complicated, people breakup and make up all the time. You have zero proof that he was cheating on or married to her while he went on that date with you. They were most likely separated and ultimately they didn’t work because she said as of now they were good friends.

You call her ghetto for being a stripper while you want to be a only fans girl and post yourself half naked without getting paid at all so don’t be so judgmental. You’ve questioned doing sex work a billion times and have offered lord knows what else to random men just for their attention but she’s ghetto? Then for you to degrade her for being a cleaner, at least she has a job unlike you who left your perfectly fine job to sit around all day crying over a man. But we can’t have that conversation huh? Too hurtful! Then Holly is the asshole for speaking facts! Smh.

[Asker]

Well he wanted me too at one point 🤷‍♀️

[HollyK21]

What would cause you to look into this? You’ve gone off on me numerous times for saying you aren’t obsessed or stuck on this situation, so can you justify it?

[Asker]

Because I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough… I just wanted to be the one he wanted and I feel like he hurt me…

His intentions was to sleep with me…I don’t understand why you can’t see that

[HollyK21]

Because you acted crazy and doubled down on the crazy.

[HollyK21]

You can get upset with me saying that all you want but Chels it has been nearly two years. There is genuinely no other good reason for hanging on to this person who’s even gone as far as to threaten to sue you, other than craziness. I think he was unsettled by your behavior which is hard to hear but I believe it to be true. You make it worse and worse.

[Asker]

I really don’t believe that I acted crazy… that’s not fair to say in my opinion because I had the right to ask questions because I didn’t think he was being honest… holly he only wanted to sleep with me knowing he was still tied to someone else…. So I’m just supposed to be okay with his lies and being the side chick?

What about how I felt about him? What about my feelings and how he knew he didn’t want anything with me day one.

[HollyK21]

You don’t believe you’re ever doing anything wrong and that’s the problem, you are so eager to absolve yourself of fault that you never actually own it. So much of what you’ve done from start to finish with that man has been crazy, he said himself you seemed unstable or however he worded it. You only prove it day by day, I mean look at how you’re acting. The level of obsession you have you think YOU married that man when you only has one date. This shit is not normal and I don't know how on earth you think it is.

[HollyK21]

It’s time to move on Chels this is just so fucking weird of you. So so weird.

[Asker]

I’m trying to… I just think this situation has made me feel very inferior… I’m not saying I was wrong but I’m saying that he was also not honest. It’s not fair to only see my actions

[HollyK21]

Chels this is not trying it’s doing bad and/or unnecessary shit and then making excuses for it. You have no good reason to still be keeping tabs on this guy or digging into his past. Just like you had no good reason for reaching out to that woman or any other. Your hurt feelings are no longer valid in regards to him this is just flat out your poor mental health on display. He is not responsible for your diagnosis it took years for you to get where you are.

[Asker]

I never said he was responsible but if he loved her he should have stayed away from me

[HollyK21]

Ok bye.

[Asker]

I know you hate me but hear me out.. what if they did get married so he could have citizenship here and she kept saying they were close friends and she doesn’t SLEEP with her guy friends….

I think he was having complications with his work visa…

[HollyK21]

Chels I don’t hate you I’m just done talking about this. You never stop.

[Asker]

It was just a thought

[HollyK21]

It’s not just a thought anymore it’s a fixation, an obsession, and you really need to stop writing off the fact that you ARE obsessed with this man. I mean he has threatened legal action, wants nothing to do with you and you still won’t let him go. Therapy isn’t helping, quitting your job to sit around and dig into his past isn’t helping, reaching out to strangers or being hateful to your cousin isn’t helping, like nothinggg is helping you Chels. And now you’re just comfortable in this space to a point that it’s scary. Like do you realize how eager you gotta be to talk about him when you’re reaching out to someone like me and starting your comments with “you’re the last person I wanna talk to” or “I know you hate me but”. Like that is so problematic. You’ve got to do something about this.

[Asker]

I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I just still feel hurt by it

[Asker]

I just wanted to be with him..😔

[Asker]

I feel so rejected and lied to

[HollyK21]

When do you get to the part where you start telling yourself it’s ok if this one person doesn’t want you? You know that rejection is part of dating, right? Would you rather he have strung you along until he got laid like a lot of men do?

[Asker]

Yeah but now he just proved that I’m not lovable.. it was never going to be me Holly. He knew that day one… that’s what hurts the most

[HollyK21]

If that’s what you believe then that’s fine but it’s time to move on. It’s been nearly two years and you’re still talking about some “he just” proved you wrong as if this just happened last week. Something else is hurting and making you feel this way, go figure out what it is.

[Asker]

Therapist/ psychiatrist just tell me to let it go so I don’t understand why I can’t… if they can’t figure it out then how can I?

Why her and not me? How tf does she get a ring but he dogged me and played me

[HollyK21]

Could you stop? You don’t know who “she” is and you don’t know anything about that divorce. Before you fire off — obviously I don’t know either, that doesn’t mean it’s fair to draw conclusions and make up stories just because you don’t have the answers.

It wasn’t you because you were a walking red flag. I don't know how many times or ways he can say that you were unstable. I don't know why no matter what he does you just won’t let him go.

[Asker]

Then you tell why you think I can’t let him go? Because I don’t have an answer all I can say is the heart wants what it wants

[Asker]

I don’t know what’s wrong… I don’t know

[HollyK21]

I don’t know Chels, you just fixate on shit in a weird way and don’t know how to move on. If you’re not talking about this guy you’re talking about your cousin, or that guy from camp. These a reoccurring topics that nobody has the answers to.

[Asker]

I don’t know either… but I still feel hurt. I’m going to try to move on. I just got out of the psych ward 2 weeks ago and I was doing better until I found out he was married… that hurt a lot because I still wanted a chance and he just hates me

[HollyK21]

You didn’t just “find out”, you know this because you looked it up. Stop looking this shit up. Stop looking into him completely, otherwise how else are you supposed to move on? There is no more chances, it is over, and if me saying that hurts your feelings then that is a huge problem. No more living in denial, accept that he is gone.

[Asker]

Okay I will… focusing more on me

And I’m going back to work

[HollyK21]

You always say that but somehow always wind up back on here talking about the same things. If you really want to change then do something different. That should mean having some restraint and not indulging yourself whenever curiosity strikes. It should also mean you stop chasing those ideas you have in your head about his divorce, his ex, that one dude from camp who never replied, etc etc. Leave all those useless storylines in the past because those people have moved on. You said you were more focused on your future until Covid happened, well the Covid lockdown has come and gone. Go back to school if you want, make your candles, find a job you can enjoy, start your life Chels.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right… I do have ocd… 2 psychiatrist said

[Asker]

I did reach out to her and said “I went out of my way to tell you that he was cheating and you couldn’t give basic decency to say y'all were married? Tf you lie for? How did someone like you even get a ring?”

[HollyK21]

Honestly that was so out of line. It doesn’t matter how much you convince yourself of something, you cannot just say it’s true because that’s what feels good. You are harassing (yes harassing because this is not the first time you reached out and got no response) this woman and for what? Because you’re convinced that she is who he divorced? Absolutely ridiculous and shameful.

[HollyK21]

That was overly impulsive and dumb. Now she will go to him and he will have yet another thing to add to the claim he has against you. All I can do is shake my head, he wasn’t your man so I have no idea on earth why you’re behaving like a scorned ex. You wouldn’t wanna talk to you either if you were in his shoes, not after everything you’ve done and continue to do.

[Asker]

I didn’t do it I just knew your response would talk me out of actually doing it….

I’m not a scorned ex but a scorned person who feels like he lied to her and hurt her to get what he wanted… he hurt someone who was already battling loneliness, depression, low self esteem etc and it’s not his problem but I told him that I wasn’t ready but we already been over that. It just feels hurtful to me

[HollyK21]

I’m not sure why you’d need to be talked out of it in the first place, because that definitely gives scorned ex. In my opinion he hurt someone who should’ve never been on the dating field, mainly because you lack emotional maturity, struggle with mental health and there was no safe way to reject you. Normally someone should be able to walk away after a week if they don’t think it’s a match, but for you that wasn’t allowed and still isn’t allowed because you’re still hanging on. You wouldn’t have been happy about the rejection even if he chose the best way to break it to you. Why? Because you didn’t wanna be rejected by him in the first place. If I were in a relationship where I was perfectly content but my partner was unhappy, it wouldn’t matter how he broke up with me because I don’t want the relationship to end, do you understand what I’m saying?

[Asker]

Holly are you serious… this man never intended on being with me.

[HollyK21]

How could he know whether or not he wants to be with someone within a week? How serious could he have possibly gotten to be in such a short amount of time?

[Asker]

He’s marrieddddd…. He’s BEEN married

[HollyK21]

How do you know that he was married when you went on that date? How can you confirm that if he were married, he wasn’t separated? Because you say so?

[Asker]

Okay … that would just be naive thinking to not assume

[HollyK21]

It’s no longer an assumption when you say it’s literal fact, or when you act like it’s a fact. So I’m asking, how do you know that he was married when you went on that date? Can you confirm that if he were married, he wasn’t separated? Let’s just be adults and give this a straightforward answer.

[HollyK21]

You have screenshots of everything else, including the date he files for divorce. So do you have something stating that he was married to this woman as of 2023? What about if she is who he married?

[Asker]

I don’t have those answers

[HollyK21]

So would you say it’s sensible and emotionally mature to just flat out lie about something you do have the answers to?

[Asker]

There’s a difference between lying and being logical

[HollyK21]

Logically theorizing over something is not the same as passing it off as fact. There’s a distinct difference between “I THINK he was married when we went on our date” and “he WAS marrieddd”. Oen is a stated fact, one is an assumption. You repeatedly and specifically use the latter to suite your own pity party narrative.

[Asker]

We’re done.

You’re welcome!

[HollyK21]

Lmao grow up.

[Asker]

You first! If I had a fiance I promise I wouldn’t be on here.

When is the wedding?

[Asker]

Do you think I was wrong for reaching out to that guy from camp to thank him?

[HollyK21]

I don't know why women like yourself always pull that and think you’re doing something lol good grief. Like am I not allowed to have hobbies? You’re saying if you were engaged your life outside of your fiancé would cease to exist?

[Asker]

I’m just saying I wouldn’t but oh well.

[HollyK21]

Why do you want me to be burdened so bad? Lmao I don’t understand.

[HollyK21]

Try getting into an actual relationship first then worry about what you would or wouldn’t do. I never asked.

[Asker]

Did you see my other question?

No I don’t. Maybe I just don’t understand…

[Asker]

Can I unpack the camp guy…

[HollyK21]

There’s really nothing to unpack with the camp guy Chels. You’re hung up on the fact that he doesn’t want to talk, and that he had your relatives as friends on social media but not you. I already know that he unfriended whomever the next day, it’s all irrelevant. You didn’t need to reach out in the first place or follow up with an insult because he didn’t respond. It’s been years, the man is married, he has a right not to wanna talk to you. You act very entitled and spoilt Chels, people can’t just walk away from you without some sort of backlash.

[HollyK21]

You have to grow up, and you may see that as an insult but it’s absolutely true. Your response to things that hurt your feelings is always to lash out and pout about how unfair it is, you must’ve always gotten your way growing up, then it changed someplace and now you’re like this, stuck at whatever age mentally things stopped being “fair”. And when was that? When you’re dad got remarried?

[Asker]

No I just thought it was rude asf and he was treating me like a nobody

I’m not acting entitled I’m just tired of feeling rejected

[HollyK21]

I think he handled it appropriately considering the fact you’d only known each other a handful of days. He gave you the courtesy of closure with that phone call, he could’ve been like many other men and just ghosted without a word. Who knows, maybe he wouldn’t have if you didn’t blow up his phone and cuss him out first.

You are definitely acting entitled, otherwise you wouldn’t have sent that follow up message call him out of his name. You did that because he didn’t respond, therefore you felt owed and entitled to a response.

[HollyK21]

Anyway, since we’re done I’ll just leave this conversation alone. Have a good night and good luck with your situations.

[Asker]

No im talking about the guy from camp… he never called me

[HollyK21]

Did you see what I just said?

[Asker]

That’s so not true. I may have been a bit spoiled by my dad but my parents separated and he moved

I just feel like people treat me like I’m not good enough and it triggers me

[Asker]

What you’re saying isn’t true.. I grew up feeling rejected by my mother and I was not spoiled by her

[HollyK21]

So you grew up feeling rejected by mom and dad filled the void. But then your parents separated, he moved out, got a new family and you felt excluded so you became needy of male attention.

[Asker]

It wasn’t just with family but socially too I just didn’t fit in and I also had adhd so I wasn’t considered smart… I was called names, isolated and my mom was also verbally abusive at times and she was also some one who always had to be talking to a guy… I was just really alone. I never felt like she liked me

But I grew up never thinking about male validation and wanted to be the opposite of my mother. I didn’t start “sex work “ until I was 19 or 21

[HollyK21]

You see? Those are the things that contribute most to who you are and where you are now. If you put half the amount of energy into unpacking that trauma as you do with stalking and keeping tabs on the African guy you’d be so much better off.

Your mom is the root of your current pain, same goes for your dad. Yet somehow the people who actually have done something to you have taken a backseat to one man you knew a few days and another you haven’t spoken to in what? 10 years?

Anyway I’m not gonna engage with this conversation much anymore if at all. I don’t appreciate how my efforts to talk you through whatever or give advice get taken for granted constantly. I don’t appreciate my responses being used as a trap so that you can disrespect me just because you don’t like what I have to say.

What you need to understand is that nothing you’re doing or have done warrant positive reinforcement. So stop being such a brat when you don’t receive it.

[Asker]

I just don’t know where to start.. I just feel like the rejection is too much and it validates the fact that I’m not good enough

[HollyK21]

This rejection was not about your value it was about your compatibility and your behavior. You can’t act like you did absolutely nothing to warrant him losing interest.

[Asker]

He lost interest because he knew he didn’t want anything serious with me and he knew that if he slept with me I would be “crazier”…. Sleeping with me was his primary motive and I don’t really understand how you can’t see that. We just don’t see eye to eye on his intentions.

[HollyK21]

I believe he decided officially that he didn’t want anything to do with you after that horrific first date. The seed was originally planted when you went off on him accusing him of just wanting sex. This part, I have both sides of the story on, and he said he was not after sex. He never tried it with you, never kissed, touched, nothing. You didn’t even hold hands. Yet you want me to just agree that it was his main motive? When he didn’t further invest any time with you after the date and instead formally ended things a few days later? No, I do not see eye to eye with you on that. It doesn’t matter anyway, you should be moving on not rehashing the same shit over and over. We have discussed this countless times there is no point anymore.

[Asker]

How was the date “horrific “ just because I was a little shy? I don’t consider it horrific

And I just think he didn’t want more than sex. He primarily wanted a sexual relationship

[HollyK21]

Horrific, awful, shitty, it doesn’t matter what word I use to define “very bad”, you know what I’m talking about at the end of the day. If you’ve talked yourself into believing he primarily wanted sex and lied about that in the text I read then you go right on ahead but it’s completely disingenuous.

[HollyK21]

You were just so irresistible and he was so driven by lust that he didn’t try to fck at all lol okay.

[Asker]

Right because like he said he was scared to do so because I would be crazier…. He stated on the date that he wasn’t ready for a relationship because of “work”…. Soooo

[HollyK21]

So you admit he thought you were crazy? And that he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship? Yet you still have the nerve to act confused as if you have no idea why he didn’t want you in the end? Interesting.

[Asker]

No I’m saying that he primarily wanted sex but didn’t want to sleep with me because he was afraid of how I would act…. so he didn’t want anything casual with me

Why bring up sex anyway if it’s not about sex.. ? Someone who likes you wouldn’t say that especially on a date? If he’s not ready for a relationship why bring up sex at all? You’re not asking the right questions

[HollyK21]

He either wants sex or he doesn’t.

If he does, he’s going to try and get it. If he doesn’t, he isn’t gonna try.

This man TOLD YOU in that text he didn’t want sex, and made zero effort for it going forward.

Even if he said he didn’t want it because it would make you crazier, who gives a damn what his reason is? At the end of the day he just did not want it.

Sex has nothing to do with being in a relationship, especially for a man. You think every dude having sex is getting from their spouse or partner? No! It’s called a situationship, it’s called a friends with benefits, a one night stand, a fling. Those arrangements and situations still exist.

[HollyK21]

Anyway I’m done with the topic.

[Asker]

That’s the point! I didn’t want anything casual and I told him that day one!

[HollyK21]

You said your concern was emotional security and protecting your emotional wellbeing at all costs. Not that you weren’t looking for anything serious.

[Asker]

Right I wasn’t looking

[HollyK21]

Okay so just because you changed your mind about that doesn’t change what was said and how the tone was set.

[Asker]

Agree to disagree and I reached out to her

[HollyK21]

It’s not agree to disagree when it’s there in writing Chels. He literally reposted what you wrote in your bio, you said you didn’t want anything serious. So to turn around and try to tell me that you told him from day one that you DID want something serious is preposterous. As is you writing to that woman, harassing her. You are so obsessed that it’s crazy.

[HollyK21]

Chels you’re a stalker…. You really are a stalker and that’s so scary.

[Asker]

It is what it is

[Asker]

I can’t help it

[Asker]

I just want revenge on him

[HollyK21]

You can help it, you just don’t want to.

[Asker]

I do want to help it but I can’t untie my feelings for him…. I don’t know how

[HollyK21]

No you don’t because if you did you would actually try. Whenever you get an impulse, you don’t really try to restrain yourself. If you did, you wouldn’t know about his divorce, you wouldn’t know anything about is life in current time. You certainly would not have reached out to that woman, who you have no proof was his wife, you’re just doing whatever the hell you want.

[Asker]

If it wasn’t his wife he wouldn’t be getting an divorce Holly duh

[HollyK21]

His wife could literally be anyone you just decided that it’s her because she’s the only woman you dig into his past enough to link him to. Which is weird by the way.

[Asker]

What ever you say

[HollyK21]

Is that not true? She is the only woman you’ve been able to find. On top of that she told you that they were just good friends the last time you reached out, so what? Is she lying too? Your personal beliefs matter more than the facts you DO have?

[Asker]

She said they were good friends but online they’re getting divorced.. that doesn’t make sense…

[Asker]

I literally showed you the court form and I did verify with her to see if it was her

She’s the name on the paper and she lied about not being more than friends with him

[HollyK21]

It doesn’t make sense because you don’t know what you’re talking about. You are a stranger, she’s his friend and found out that you’re his stalker once she told him you contacted her. Why would she tell you the truth? Why would she tell you anything about anything? You’re being such a weirdo.

[HollyK21]

Anyway I’m done talking about this. It makes no difference you’re still gonna stalk and talk about these people no matter what.

[Asker]

Well I don’t feel so bad now because I see he doesn’t have standards he married a loser bitch

[Asker]

She doesn’t have to tell me shit she’s also a weirdo

[HollyK21]

Your jealousy is palpable.

[Asker]

I’m not jealous it’s just a fact…. How does an engineer marry a cleaner bitch?

[Asker]

Who cleans at a hotel? 🤣🤣🤣 but he wants to trash me? Uh okayy

[Asker]

And guess what he can’t afford to take me to court because he’s getting divorced 😭🤣😭🤣 I’m sure this “marriage “ was expensive 😂😂…. NOT

[Asker]

$4 dollar ass marriage

[Asker]

He must have really needed a green card 😭

[HollyK21]

Like I said, grow up. This tantrum your having is the equivalent of you throwing yourself on the growing kicking and screaming, like stop the weird shit. Ok so she’s a cleaner, what does that have to do with who she is as a person? She’s employed, period. YOU, on the other hand, are not. You’re going to get a job? Great! Maybe you should pipe down until you do. Taking you to court would be expensive but if he’s a doctor who fears for his safety, I’m sure he can spare some money. You’re delusional Chels, I’m sure it’s fog in your mind when you’re thinking all this crazy shit.

[HollyK21]

*ground.

[HollyK21]

It’s fucking weird that you know all this Chels! It is weird that you know what job she does, whether or not she has kids, where she lives. Like you’re a stalker you cannot talk down on anyone. Let alone another woman who actually has a man, one that you couldn’t acquire because you scared him off with your instability. You could’ve had the best, most high paying job, been the most beautiful, none of it makes you less crazy and your craziness was the problem. She doesn’t have that shit going on she’s normal. That makes her more of a catch immediately.

[Asker]

He’s an software engineer he says

I said what I said about her. She’s ghetto, with 2 kids and she cleans that’s laughable

[Asker]

She has a man who probably was using her for a green card because ain’t no way

Why would I want a man who tricked me and just wanted to sleep with me?

You’re a dick sucker Holly. I’m glad you’re sticking up for her. Here’s a hand clap 👏 👏👏👏

[HollyK21]

Welp, I guess you can laugh at eachother because in my opinion, offering yourself as a sex worker is ghetto. Calling yourself a placeholder is ghetto, and degrading. Obsessing over a man you had one date with nearly 2 years ago is laughable. Stalking him like this surpasses laughable or ghetto it’s just scary, and embarrassing, and shameful. You would think you’re in the most upstanding position talking about her the way you are.

[HollyK21]

He didn’t want sex from you at all, and he told you that. You’re a liar.

[Asker]

Well I know I’m not shit but I’m just saying he must have really needed a green card 🤣🤣

Okay cool, he doesn’t want me he thinks I’m the worst it’s whatever but picking her was weird. Like I said it’s giving green green green cardddddd

[Asker]

Let’s not forget that he wanted me first not the other way around

[Asker]

He fucking liedddddddd Holly he lieddddddd

If he didn’t want sex there was no need to bring it up on the date. How the fuck am I a liar?

If he didn’t want sex why would he say “when were you last intimate?” Or “I’m scared to sleep with you because you’ll be crazier “

Sex shouldn’t have been mentioned at all especially since he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I told him prior that I wasn’t into friends with benefits , fb ect…. He was looking for something and was mad he couldn’t get it

[Asker]

But you’re mad at me for speaking the truth girl bye!

[HollyK21]

He didn’t lie hun, you are just in deep denial about the fact that he didn’t want you. Nothing you’re saying makes sense because it simply isn’t true. I saw what he wrote, and he was very clear that you misunderstood what he said. If I were him I wouldn’t think taking about sex with you on the first date was off the table either. Why? You’re the one that basically positioned yourself as a sex worker, a place holder. It’s weird to be outraged once you were treated like one. Do you think those titles and positions come with respect? Fuck no.

[HollyK21]

There’s no truth. You are deep into psychosis. You haven’t gone to therapy, your meds have you all fucked up. You need help.

[Asker]

Holly that’s not true! I never said anything about being a sex worker I just said a placeholder meaning someone he can talk to until he moves on until I felt that he liked me!

But I told him I wasn’t looking for sex , fb , friends with benefits ect… he knew that! I told him!

He changed on that date!

[Asker]

And if we’re being honest he likes dick from trannies

[Asker]

Don’t forget that 🤣

[HollyK21]

I never said you called yourself a sex worked verbatim, I said you positioned yourself as one. Maybe it’s the naïveté within you, I don't know, but for a man, having a woman as a placeholder is not a matter of simple conversation. No man is going onto an app meant for dating/hookups and looking for your lonely girl chit chat. They’re just not. So when you take conversation out of the equation, what else is there for you to offer but dating, casual sex or sexting? That man even said himself “I don’t see why I’d want to invest time into something that’s going nowhere”. I’m telling you, no man wants to sign up for your casual conversation. You’re either going to date, hookup or do nothing. He chose to do nothing and told you verbatim that he didn’t want anything else. He did not see you as a candidate and it had everything to do with you acting crazy.

[HollyK21]

You can think whatever you want, it isn’t fact.

[HollyK21]

“It seems there’s been a mixup in communication and the way you’re handling it seems a little rushed” his radar was going off right here. He saw you odd ways at this point.

“You made an assumption and decided to stick to it without seeking clarity” and look, nearly two years you’re still doing the same shit. He was right about you and that stings doesn’t it?

[Asker]

If he felt that way we should have stopped talking

But I trust nothing he says

[HollyK21]

He literally stopped talking to you in less that 14 days. You’re just upset he took you on that date but I believe he was trying to give you benefit of the doubt. A lot of people do that Chels. They may not be sure about someone but go on the date to see how things feel in person. It’s part of the process for the normal, average person who don’t form deep emotional attachments at the intensity and speed that you do. Usually they are mentally stable as well, not flying off the handle at every turn, how you do.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right but I still consider him a jerk and a liar and emotionally abusive

[HollyK21]

Let it go. He isn’t your problem anymore, stop hanging onto him as if he is.

[Asker]

But I still have feelings for him I’m still in love with him 🥺 and I don’t know how to untie my heart from him

[HollyK21]

You’re not in love Chels you knew him for a week. Stop that weird shit.

[Asker]

How are you going to tell me?

[HollyK21]

Because it’s common sense. It’s normal.

[Asker]

I just wanted to be loved by him…. How is it that she’s loved by him but he can’t love me

[HollyK21]

Because you aren’t romantically lovable in this state, you’re just scary and offputting.

[Asker]

He was never going to

[HollyK21]

After he realized you were scary and offputting.

[Asker]

That’s not true Holly

Do you think he has some compassion for me?

[HollyK21]

It is absolutely true and the sooner you stop being in denial just because it hurts your feelings, the better off you’ll be. Being stalked is scary, being harassed is scary. You are doing both so therefore YOU are scary. Your behavior was offputting, if it weren’t he’s still be around. Sorry if the truth hurts but lying does you no good.

[HollyK21]

Fuck no, would you have compassion for you? A stalker? A harasser? An obsessive person? He wants to press charges against you that man feels no compassion and I don’t blame him you’ve been a nightmare.

[Asker]

Then why hasn’t he done I told him to go through with it

[HollyK21]

You haven’t done anything else concerning. Try keeping it that way.

[Asker]

He’s not on social media anymore I bullied him off… I did do something concerning

[HollyK21]

Chels he is most likely doing what anyone, including myself, would do if they had an online stalker which is obscure his identity. He most likely made a very private page under another name because you’ve managed to track him down through his name at every route you can.

[HollyK21]

Why on earth would I use my real name to make accounts anymore when I know you’re slinking around online trying to contact anyone you think is connected to me and sabotaging me online? Any legal advisor, anyone with common sense in general, would make sure you can’t find them. Not when their wellbeing and safety is in danger and unfortunately that’s where you’ve gotten. You have even spoken of pulling up to his house, crazypants. This is a safety precaution. Sorry if it’s hard to hear but that’s what you’ve become.

[Asker]

No I would never do that I just wanted to get revenge by using social media I’m not interested in where he lives at

But I did find his wife’s page and told her that she looks like a crackhead and that he must have really needed a green card and her ring was small asf

[HollyK21]

You’re such an oddball.

[HollyK21]

If I were him I’d do everything in my power going forward to assure you could never find me again you are literally such a red flag and so scary. I’d fear for my safety fr.

[Asker]

How am I in the wrong when he’s a cheater lmaooo? That’s why you can’t play every woman

[HollyK21]

Don’t reach out to me anymore, please and thanks.

[Asker]

Who is this?

[Joshydavid25]

Damn, you don't need to tell them, but uh if you feel that way, maybe getting a better job would solve this at least a little..

[Asker]

I have a great job… this just feeds my ego

[Joshydavid25]

Well, then you really don't have much to worry about in terms of telling your parents, especially since you can quit at anytime..

[Asker]

@joshydavid25

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah?

[Anonymous]

That’s rough. Can you quit? Do you even want to quit?

[Asker]

I know right…. I’m 27 and feel so alive doing it… I won’t be in my 20s forever 🥲

[Opinion Owner]

True. Maybe you don’t need to tell them. Tell them you work in marketing.

[Nikki1989]

You are under no obligation to tell anyone.

[Paige90]

Why would you tell them?

[Wise4myage]

No, keep that to yourself.

[msc545]

Don't tell them. They have no need to know.

[msc545]

Also, you stop laughing. LoL my ass.

[jahaims]

You need therapy