Not the reaction I expected?

[ET2111]

I had a fall out with a friend back in 2023. This friend was everything to me. We grew up together and we were basically like brother and sister. Our parents were also best friends. But I ended the friendship because he was so fixated on himself and his “new friends”. I told him how I felt and he promised to give our friendship attention but it felt like he was more concerned with being popular with his new friends when we were a bit younger in school. So out of being mad I told him off and blocked him. Anyways fast forward my mother passed away on February 15th this year. I felt alone, as my partner is out in deployment and so I decided to reach out to him. I reached out as he used to be close to my mom and a part of me wanted him to know. I didn’t really think much in terms of re-kindling our friendship but I thought he needed to know. He was just cordial about it. Don’t get me wrong, for someone who personally knew and admired my mom as kids. I guess I expected a different reaction. He was so cordial and that made me feel sad. He only said “my condolences”. That made me sad. He later sad that he doesn’t think we should speak again but we can observe each other’s life from afar on social media. That made me sad because in a way all I ever wanted was just some form of acknowledgment on her passing considering how my mom was his second mom. Also a part of me wanted a friend, no need to re kindle our friendship but just basically someone to talk to so I just felt sad for expecting too much. I mean it’s my fault for reaching out in the first place but a huge part of me was also seeking support in any way wether big or small. I am so deeply hurt and I guess I am under a lot of emotions to the point that I feel like just blocking him again. I don’t know, blocking is my first method when I am frustrated and have nothing to say but also at the same time I want to just move FINALLY from this friendship as I can tell even in the past he never cared about our friendship.

Updates

1 y

I guess my question is, did I do the right thing about sharing my mom’s death with them? Or should I have just kept it to myself?

[SueShe]

You have my deepest condolences for your loss. A mother will never be able to be replaced.

Your first reaction was anger, disappointment and incomprehension for his behavior. You seem to be impulsive and I can understand that under these conditions, your world crumbled with the passing of your mom but also with the cold shoulder your friend gave you.

Being impulsive is not always the best policy. I suggest that you prioritize your feelings and mourn your mom before you continue with that failed friendship. Give yourself time to come back down to a more normal self and in a month or 2, you can try to move on from this failed friendship.

He was not there when you needed him most as a friend because you could not rely on your partner and the failure of that friend to be on your side when you needed emotional support led you to react the way you did. It was not wrong, just impulsive but you have to slowly distance you from someone that so blatantly stabbed you in the back in those dire times.

[RandomUser1000]

I guess he probably felt hurt from when you told him off, ended friendship and blocked him.

If he is hurt and/or disappointed enough of how you acted in the past that he isn't interested in having contact with you anymore.

That would be my guess. (I don't know him, so can't tell for sure).

"I guess my question is, did I do the right thing about sharing my mom’s death with them? Or should I have just kept it to myself? "

Considering his reaction/response, it sound's like it would have been better not to share.
But that is from a perspective of having hindsight (since you told what happened).

Another person thrown into the same situation might have reacted differently.
I don't think you should blame yourself for your latest interaction.

[LionBrasa]

From the way you speak, it seems like you're a lonely person, this guy is probably quite cold, when you talked about your mother's death it was both to release something and also because he was close. Keeping this type of information can be suffocating, but we must be careful with whom we talk about things. If he changed and became cold, it is not your fault. You were just trying to talk to your friend. Not to mention that when a friendship is true, fighting is always avoided by both sides.

[glennos89]

Honestly I understand what you where going through but you can't expect from him that he will be there for you immediately because you where the one breaking up the friendship with him. I honestly doubt if you are able to fix the friendship with him because he most likely moved on and has his own feelings about your decision back in the day.

If you do manage to recandle the friendship... It will never be the same anymore like it was back in the days.

I feel bad for you honestly, but if I where in his position I would also have giving you just my condolences alone and nothing else. You didn't want his friendship anymore back them and perhaps he doesn't want yours anymore right now.

My advise if you really wanne fix it... Put some extra effort in it yourself to make up for your actions of breaking it up in the past. Maybe your lucky and maybe not

[strateguy632]

You were right to tell.

[In_Trance]

What's your actual question

[ET2111]

I guess my question is, did I do the right thing about sharing my mom’s death with them? Or should I have just kept it to myself?

[nicfire171]

What’s the tl;dr?