Girls I need some advice?

[Anonymous]

So my best friend Bri have started to grow apart. It all started after her can my other friend D started dating. We used to all be close friends and then me and her got really close. Like we were the only person that eachother would talk to or hang it with for months. But Bri is honestly absolutely amazing, she gorgous as hell, and even tho she’s like absolutely my dream girl. Ever since day one I’ve known that she’s way out of my league and that I would she would never be interested in my like that so from day one we always just looked at eachother as friends. So I originally met Bri through my friend D. We immediately got closer to eachother tho. We would only hang out and go do stuff with eachother and it was weird because I used to always hand out with a bunch of different people because I’m super outgoing her on the other hand is shy and quiet. But we both kinda bonded and changed when we met eachother and because of that we are super close. So about 6 months into us being friends D started coming around again. Month or so later they start dating. I’m cool with it idc. Fast forward a couple of months ( 4 or 5 months ago) and he starts to get controlling and starts to get upset and jealous when we hang out so respect it and keep my distance. She moves in. Then they start to fight a lot. She would tell me that she’s not happy there, he’s super controling and doesn’t want to live life like she has. But keeps going back and keeps letting him change her and who she is. Won’t let her make her own decisions. He told her that she isn’t allowed to be friend or hang out with em anymore and it’s been a month since I’ve seen her. She barely talks to me but when she does she tells me that she is going to leave once she fixes her car and stuff. She tells me that she is still my friend that she still cares about me, and then shows me the opposite. But when I try to get over it she says something that gives me hope to not give up.

Be patient and don’t give up on her

Let her go and let her learn and hope she comes back around

Updates

1 y

It’s obvious that she is a victim of intense emotional abuse. There is so much more to the story that I couldn’t explain in 2000 words. But she is trapped. He has location, she can’t have any friends, doesn’t have a way to leave the house bc car is broke down. I believe her and I don’t want to see her as miserable as she has been anymore. But the person she is now is so far from the person that I started being friends with.

[SueShe]

You say it yourself that she is absolutely out of your league. So why do you even bother with her knowing that there will never be anything more than simple friendship?

You are holding onto something that is never going to happen and you are having dreams and hopes that she will come to you. Even though she confides in you, she only sees you as someone to be platonic friends with and not a person to fornicate with.

You should distance yourself from her because the longer you try to hold on, the more you are going to hurt yourself.

You also stated that you don't care or rather that you are cool that she dates this "D" guy. Your reaction tells me that you are not really that cool about it.

Your best move really is to move on because she is nothing but trouble and you are having false hopes.

[Asker]

Thank you, I kinda understand where you are coming from but I think you are misunderstanding how I am looking at everything. So yes when we first met I felt like she was out of my league which is why I decided not to pursue getting to know her with the intentions of a relationship because thought that I didn’t have a chance. So when you said that I need to stop holding onto something that is never going to happen and I’m having dreams and hopes of something that will never come true, so your right. I did you that I stopped it before it could ever get started. Like I never once intentionally pursued her hoping to end up with her intimately. Like I never officially asked her out on a date or anything like that. Hell honestly I didn’t even have her number or social media or anything until after we had all 3 of us stopped hanging out for like a week or two and then she just said that I just randomly popped up as a friend suggestion on Facebook one day so she added me and then texted me and we just kinda started texting and sometimes hanging from there and it just got to be more and more often. So another thing which I did forget to mention this I think. So me and my friend group which used to be pretty big there was probably 8 or 9 of us that would usually all here and there hang out in a group or something. Well out of all of us which it was Me, D and 3 more guys that we went to school with and then there is their 3 girlfriends and then there was Bri. But our whole group for the most part everyone is pretty social and outgoing. With me being the most outgoing and kinda known as the funny one out of the group. Well when Bri came around and hung out with all of us once or twice you could always tell that she was really shy and quiet and stick to herself. Well me being me, I don’t see that as someone enjoying themselves. Like we would usually go to the bar and play pool on the weekends, this is actually where I met her the first couple of times she came and hung out.

[Asker]

So I am the first time she came and hung out I noticed she was just kinda quiet and stuff which I just figured was normal, she only knew one person that was there and it would be completely understandable in that situation for anyone especially a girl I would think. So the first time I just kinda introduced my self to her and didn’t really say much to her I understood the situation she was in and figured I wouldn’t bother her or anything especially because I could only imagine how uncomfortable anyone would be in that situation. But the majority of the night she just kinda say there and none really talked to her very much. So the next weekend came around and she came back and and at first it was kinda the same thing as what had happened the week before so she was kinda just sitting around the pool table with everyone watching us play pool but no one was really taking to her very much. So I decided to go and try and talk to her just to kinda hopefully make her feel more welcomed and stuff and she was real short and didn’t seem like she wanted to talk to me. So I had just kinda finished the half as conversation we had and then I went outside to my truck to grab my phone since it was out there charging. And I ended up sitting in my truck for a minute or two and then all of the sudden she walked up to my truck and started talking and stuff and then we went back in and then the next couple of time we would all hang out she would come and slowly she started fitting in a little bit with everyone, she would talk to them here and there but she was still always real short kinda when she did talk with everyone. The only time that she wouldn’t be short was when she would talk to me. So I always just figured it was because I took the initiative to talk to her when nobody else did I’m not even sure. But because of this ever since day one I have always been the only person she really talks to and everything.

[Asker]

And the more and more our group would all hang out I would find myself just spending more and more time that we were out talking to Bri. It wasn’t because I was just trying to get with her or anything it was just because she somehow or some reason felt more comfortable talking to me and honestly everyone else would have so many conversations and stuff going. On it would get to be to much to try and keep track of so I would just go and talk to Bri. And then our group would get a little bit smaller after this just because of life and responsibilities and stuff and then it finally got small enough that it would be closer for everyone to start meeting at D’s house and then that’s where the original post kinda starts. But that’s the reason me and Bri would just only hang out with eachother more than we would with anyone else. In our eyes in a way it felt like we all used to hang out and the group melts getting smaller and smaller until we were the only ones left. So for months I hung out with the only other person left in the group and that caused us to get really close to eachother and form her to get comfortable with being social and form a honestly pure and legitimate friendship. And that’s why I didn’t care at all when they started dating. If she was happy I was happy for her. The only time and reason why I wasn’t happy and the only time that it did bother me that they were together was when she was obviously not happy and when they started fighting a lot and he started controlling her and really messing up her emotional and mental health. But I wasn’t looking at it like I didn’t like it because I was jealous he was dating Bri. I was looking at like I was mad because someone is hurting my best friend. And from then all the way until now the only hopes and dreams that I’m chasing are that she will finally have enough one day and actually build up the nerve to leave. And the biggest thing that I have hoped is that she will get out of this and be happy again.

[Asker]

The other reason I’ve help in this long and kept trying and stuff Is because I know that I am the only person that she is comfortable with. I was the only person she was comfortable with a year ago when she was still a completely different person when she was actually somewhat happy. Now she is so messed up mentally she never even wants to leave the house, barely want to go outside, she’s lost all motivation, and im just afraid that if she has gotten this bad this quick. I don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t have anyone or anything to help her or something if she does decide to have enough and actually leave. I know that I’m the only person she’s comfortable with and I am just scared that if she feels like she doesn’t even have me anymore that she will just keep herself there until god knows what could happen. Like everything has gotten so bad so quick. Like just when I thought that a relationship could get anymore toxic, it has multiple times. And I don’t put up with that kind of stuff I was raised a lot better and I know how to treat a woman. So I don’t know how that stuff goes, I don’t know what’s next I don’t know where it ends nothing. I just am afraid that if I leave she won’t feel like she will have a way out and she won’t even try. And like I said I don’t know what this stuff leads to or what I means or anything but im not sure how much more he could to ruin her or control her emotionally. So I don’t want to leave and her feel stuck and then it get it turn into physical abuse. Because she barley talks to me now but I know if he were to hit her right now, my phone would be blowing up and I would be in jail and he would be in the hospital in about an hit or so give or take.

[SueShe]

You have to let her come out of her shell. She will have to do the first move if you want more from her than just platonic friendship. Don't rush her and let her go at her pace.

[Asker]

What? I don’t tho I just want to see her stop being emotionally and mentally abused. This has nothing to do with me wanting a relationship ship

[Nikki1989]

Bri is in a potentially abusive situation, and her behavior is likely influenced by D's control. You can offer support, but you can't resolve her problems.

[Asker]

Thank you. I just don’t know what else to do. He’s just changed her and brainwashed enough to where she is starting to start to give up it feels like and I just don’t know what to do. Because she tells me she’s trying and she asks me not to give up on her but then things just keep getting worse and worse

[Avicenna]

If it's just friendship you want, be patient. This idiot boyfriend of hers will self-destruct.

[Asker]

What do you mean by self destruct. If you’re talking about her. She already has self destructed once. She had a complete breakdown it was bad. He somehow or another ended up breaking her phone and she came unglued. All of the stress and stuff he had put her through for months came out. Come to find out the reason she came unglued when her phone broke was because she was already pretty much forced to stay at home and not go anywhere every day until he got home. She just didn’t want to be completely stuck without a way to call me to come get her or to call me if it got worse or if something else happened. But she still went back.

[In_Trance]

move on

[Asker]

Any tips on how. I’ve tried and I just feel like my heart is too big to just leave her behind. I’ve told her that before I have tried to tell her that I can’t do it anymore. Like even tho we’re just best friends and everything we have been through a bunch of stuff together so up until recently we used to always say stuff like love ya and stuff at night before we go to bed and stuff that is one thing she was always serious about saying even as friends because she has lost relatives and stuff but this last time I tried I sent her a message just pretty much saying that I can’t do this anymore and I can’t keep watching my friend hurt themselves over and over again. And then I told her I was going to bed so she said goodnight and that she loved me and I just read it and then she said that she loved me again and I told her that I wish I could love her in return. When she asked what I meant I told her that you can't love someone who doesn’t love themselves. I thought maybe it would make her open her eyes and I think it did because she did start to change a little bit because I saw this change I decided to not move on because I thought more thug. We’re going to change with it.