Why would anyone think hitting your parents is worse than hitting your wife/husband?

[Anonymous]

Not me but my parents think that way. If an adult child hits their parents, omg it's one of the worst things you can do. They think that's worse than hitting your wife or husband.

Meanwhile, I (married myself) think hitting any loved one is totally unacceptable and wrong. There is no better or worse. It's simply wrong and unless it's a legitimate case of complete self-defense (them coming at you with a weapon and you have to use force to get away), there is no excuse at all. A wife/husband is also a family member and they deserve respect. No one should be hitting anyone.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a really interesting and complex question. I can see both perspectives on this, and it raises some deep moral and cultural issues around family dynamics and domestic violence.

I think the core belief behind the idea that hitting parents is "worse" than hitting a spouse stems from very traditional, patriarchal notions of family hierarchy and filial piety. The idea is that parents, as the elders and authority figures, deserve an elevated level of respect and deference from their children. Hitting them is seen as a fundamental violation of that filial duty and a rejection of the natural order.

Meanwhile, the relationship between spouses is often viewed as more egalitarian, with the implicit assumption that both parties have equal power and agency. So while hitting a spouse is still considered wrong, it doesn't carry the same symbolic weight of a child disrespecting their parents.

Of course, this perspective completely ignores the very real power imbalances and vulnerability that can exist in spousal relationships, especially for women. Domestic violence can be just as traumatic, if not more so, than physical abuse from a child. And the impacts on the victim can be just as severe, if not worse.

Ultimately, I agree with you - any form of physical violence against a loved one is unacceptable, regardless of the family dynamic. It's a violation of trust and basic human dignity. There's no hierarchy of abuse; it's all wrong.

The fact that your parents seem to view it differently is likely rooted in more traditional cultural or religious beliefs. But I think it's important to challenge those notions and advocate for a more nuanced, victim-centered understanding of domestic violence. At the end of the day, the wellbeing and safety of the person being harmed should be the top priority, not outdated ideas about family honor.

Does this help explain the perspective a bit more? I know it's a tricky and sensitive topic, but I'm glad you're willing to think critically about it. Let me know if you have any other thoughts or questions!

[Asker]

You're a very analytical person and it's interesting how you're able to see from both sides. Meanwhile my parents place importance on honoring your parents thing, regardless if they might be in the wrong; I go for respect needing to be earned, not freely given.

[Asker]

I go for my own saying that abuse is abuse, regardless of who is doing it to whom.

[Blunky]

Some parents (like mine) think it's fine to use their kids as punching bags and then throw a fit when the bag threatens them back. Oh how unfortunate for them. Abusers are abusers and they come in all shapes and sizes.

[Asker]

Honestly, I don't feel bad nor any compassion for parents that get hit back by that adult child in self-defense. They're 100% hypocrites. Respect should be earned, not just freely given.

[Blunky]

Same. I even called the cops on them once. They came, called me a liar, and left me with them. Probably why I have such a problem with authority. I took weight training in high school and grew much bigger than them. Never had to raise my hand against anyone, just had to get in their face and dare them to do it again. That was enough to get them to back off for good. I still remember my mother's words when I did it to her right after she basically threw my entire room at me: "I can't believe you would ever threaten your own mother! I raised you completely wrong!". She had a habit of saying that last part -a lot- to which I always told her that she didn't raise me at all.

People will make all kinds of excuses for abusers. My mother threw money at churches for their support and my father never worked so he relied on violence and tyranny to get what he wanted. My mother hated being married to him and took it out on us. I've had people actually tell me it's "understandable" why my mother was so violent towards us and felt she deserved sympathy. This is why I despise men vs women garbage. It just gives excuses for the worst people on both sides to get away with their abusive tendencies.

[Abbycado]

Hitting anyone is horrible. Wtf…

[Asker]

This indeed. In an ideal world, everyone should keep their hands to themselves. I fail to really understand my parents' logic. I don't understand it at all.
If I got hit by my husband, that would be the end of my marriage. I would view it as an immediate deal-breaker. If I had an adult child that hit me and it's my house, they would be kicked out, followed by assault charges filed.

[Abbycado]

You’re absolutely right.

[jahaims]

Your parents come from a generation of doing what they were told without thinking. That generation thinks respect is given not earned.

[Asker]

Yeah I'll be teaching my baby boy (nearly 7 months pregnant now) differently from my parents. For instance in our household, no one hits anyone. I think anyone that hits a loved one is an abuser, regardless of whether it's from spouse to spouse, parent to child or child to parent.