Do you think I hurt my autistic cousin’s feelings? I mean I was honest with my answer?

[Anonymous]

So I am a very busy woman with a 60 hour week job so I work 10 hours five days a week as a nursing assistant and working on my masters in nursing. So I’m in school as well. So my cousin asked me if I wanted to go to a festival this weekend and it’s at an area that I’m not very comfortable with. I was straight up and said, “No I can’t make it and I don’t want to go because there’s to many things I need to do and I can’t be disrupted with all that stuff and you when there are things that needs to be done.”

She told me, “Well there’s going to be fun games and…”

Me, “Yes but I told you I don’t want to go. Plus my old boss who I lost respect for I don’t want to see him. I DONT WANT TO GO and that’s that.”

She looked hurt and said, “Jeez okay! A no would have been just fine. Or ‘no thanks’.”

Me, “Well you asked for and I have you a blunt and honest answer and you need to respect that.”

Her younger sister said, “Oh come on. Don’t take it as an offense, she just works long hours and she has her schooling. It sounds tough. It was sweet of you to invite her and I.”

Me, “Yeah don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the invite but I don’t want anything to do with those people or the area. I just don’t want to go.”

She was like you’re welcome and had a tear in her eye. She didn’t have to cry about it. But what can ya do? I wasn’t rude.
I feel kind of bad but she’ll get over it. What did she expect, to hear what she wants to hear? I hear some autistic people are sensitive but prefer honesty but my cousin gets sensitive with straightforward honesty.

[Blunky]

Think your math is a bit off there with your hours. Might want to work on that if you want to be an NP. But anyways.

You most certainly did hurt her feelings. But that's not your fault. Your cousin is the one on the spectrum and needs to at least learn to take "no" for an answer. Coddling people just makes their behavior worse. Validate them, yes. But they need to learn how their behavior affects others. There will be more opportunities to play in the future when you're not as busy. It's not all about her, which many people on the spectrum get coddled into believing.

I'd wager the coddling is why so many young people think it's cool to have a mental illness these days. The number of young patients I've had that were blatantly faking mental illnesses makes me think munchausen syndrome is at an all time high.

[Asker]

Look I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but she asked for an honest answer and gave it to her.

[Blunky]

Yes, you were honest. Which is why I said it's not your fault her feelings got hurt, but you did indeed hurt her them. She needs to learn to deal with "no" as an answer.

[Staximus]

Why do you work so much

[Asker]

Because that’s the hours I was given, plus I have my nursing classes.

[Asker]

Plus I’m graduating next month to get my masters in nursing

[Staximus]

Shouldn't you be working less so you can concentrate on school and actually sleep?

[Asker]

I do

[Madgedays]

I think so

[Asker]

We’ll she asked and I have her an honest answer and I’m not sorry for it.