Is it wrong to date someone when my parents won’t let me, but I have a boyfriend anyway?

[Anonymous]

I'm 32 and my parents have always been super strict. I was homeschooled, isolated from most people, and never allowed to date. Now that I have a good job and a degree, I thought I could finally live my life. But my parents still treat me like I'm 12.

I recently met a guy on a dating app and he seems really nice. We’ve been talking for a few weeks, and I was excited when he asked me out. But when I told my mom, she flipped out. She said she’d follow us on our date and track my location to make sure I’m "safe." I tried to explain that I’m an adult, but she refused to let me go unless she could monitor everything.

I feel trapped. I want to experience life, but my parents won’t let go. I don't know how to stand up for myself without losing them entirely. What should I do?

[beldath]

If you don't live with your parents, it's not really their business. I suppose it could depend on your culture, and where your from, but from a US standpoint, your parents just sound overprotective, and need to let their adult daughter live her life.
Sure, you're likely to make mistakes, but that's just a part of life.

[Rosexøxø]

I recommend you save and move to your own place.

Love them from a reasonable distance. Date and don’t throw everything away about safety just cause they forced it on you and it became more so oppression/restraint.

Be free and have no restraint. Just take time with getting to know guys. No need to rush so you see if they’re someone worth trusting.

Don’t do things out of fear. If you fear to lose a guy and he says he will leave or not know what else to do unless you “x, y, x” that’s pure manipulation. I can tell you 100% the guy who sees you as the one for him, will not force you and will be understanding. Not once, not maybe, for certain.

As you go into dating have standards for yourself so you don’t get hurt. Like refusing to date any guy who was a felon. lol it’s a funny example, but whichever standards you have for yourself stick by them. You are capable of loving yourself and caring for yourself. You made it this far in age and even if younger you still made it as far as you did. You can trust yourself and realize we all have made mistakes continuously from all different ages and backgrounds. Countries and religions. Genders as well.

I believe you can truly do it and do whichever you like, but the least stressful way is to save and afford your own place. Consider roommates or a loan if you need to. A trusted friend. Resources etc. just highly don’t recommend you become roommates with whoever you date. It will put way too much strain on the relationship and trust.

I believe in you sis. Just give yourself the space to breathe better from the parents. If in all ways it’s not possible for you, or not yet, then consider just not telling them.

Dating is a normal concept like breathing air, so you don’t have to tell them you’re breathing air.

[Rosexøxø]

Best to you!

[Anonymous]

Anon 36-45 says she's 32. It's funny how frequently people post their age and it doesn't match their profile lol

[Blunky]

Lose them entirely if you have to. It's your life, not theirs. You're 32 for crying out loud.

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh my god. This is really wrong. I don't doubt that your parents mean well. I don't doubt that they're good people. I don't doubt that you love them (and vice-versa).

This is heartbreaking. I can't help but keep coming back to the word "abusive." I really do think that applies.

It's a matter of proportion. Some overprotective parents might feel the need to keep their little girl away from boys... way past anything reasonable. This is like nothing I've ever heard of. It's wrong.

I mean this sincerely: This is so extreme, that It makes me think that there have to be some mental health issues at play here. This is not normal, even for the most overprotective of parents.

The answer to your question is: Date but don't talk to you mom about it. Just do it in secret. That is the easiest way. There is no justification for your mother messing with your love life.

If you don't feel like you can stand up to her, ok fine. But then you need to hide your love life from her. That is 100% a moral lie. There is nothing wrong with hiding this.

If you were a 16 year old writting this exact question, my answer would be the same: "It's not wrong to date behind your parents back. Dating is perfectly normal at your age."

You're 32. It's certainly not wrong for you to have a boyfriend.

If 32 isn't old enough to date, what age would your mother have you start? 35? 40?

You are justified in having the love life any adult should have. If that means lying. Go right ahead. It is not wrong. What your parents are doing is wrong. So wrong. My heart goes out to you.

If you ever feel like chatting (just as friends), I would love to chat anytime you're up for it. No pressure though. I won't be offended one bit if you don't.

🙂

[Cormac995]

You need to tell your parents to fuck off. You're an adult thats not their choice. Every single thing they tell you is a recommendation you don't have to do a single thing they say and you never had to once you turned 18. This is selfish toxic and abusive behavior your parents sound like awful people. In this case I recommend that every time they "Give you advice" you do the exact opposite if you want to make the right choice. Frankly if your family treats you this way the best way to be happy is to start your own family and if they have a problem with that fuck them. If your parents are going to helicopter every guy you date, you'll be single for life because no guy is going to put up with that no matter how much they like the girl. I recommend cutting contact with your family. They're sick and abusive and this is wrong on so many levels. They have a choice. They can either let you be an adult or suck a dick it's that simple.

[adriano]

You're 32, not 13. Your parents mean well, but it's stifling. You have every right to get out, explore, and live your life. Be respectful, but set firm boundaries. If they want to spy on your significant other, that's their problem, not yours. Freedom starts with saying "no."

[Asker]

thanks

[236color]

I'm not accusing you of anything, but this sounds a lot more like a 14 year old problem than a 34 year old problem. If you are in fact 34, tell your parents you're an adult and intent to start living like it and they can either accept it or lose you, their choice. If on the other hand, you are like so many young teenaged girls that has conviced yourself that you are "very mature for your age" listen to mommy and daddy and do as you're told. Being horny doesn't make you mature.

[Flower7]

Since you have a good job, you should move out if you haven’t already. That will help with them being too controlling in general. And in the future, do not speak about any of your dating experiences with your parents. Unless there is a wedding to invite them to or you are going to have a baby, keep everything about your love life to yourself.

[Lliam]

Just stop telling your parents what you are doing. They aren't just overly protective, they are control freaks.
It's time to grow up.

To prevent your mom from tracking your location on your phone, you can disable location services for specific apps, turn off location services entirely, or enable airplane mode.

[femalewolf]

Honestly, if you're 32 and still living under your parents' control, it's time to take charge of your life. Dating someone isn’t wrong, but letting your mom track your every move like you’re a child is. If she can’t respect your adulthood, it might be time to set some serious boundaries.

[Asker]

i guess i move

[NicholasRedone]

Sorry to hear that while you'll always have precious timeless family memories without blemishes - the downside is your whole 20s passed you by unless there's ever a reincarnation in the next life and you get to go around and collect monopoly money twice lol 😆😀

[hellno]

It’s not wrong to date; it’s wrong to let fear control you. Your parents mean well, but their grip is stifling. Set boundaries kindly but firmly. You can still love them while choosing yourself. You owe it to your happiness to try.

[Asker]

thanks for opinion

[HelpfulWoman]

your parents are whack jobs and you need to start setting firm boundaries

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

[Anonymous]

So why do your parents coddle you? Do you live at home? Do you have a disability? Have a track record of bad decisions? Also. If you're 32 why are you showing up in 36-45 bracket?

[FreyaRed]

"What should I do?"
hear the troll song on YT an you will feel better

[Entertained_Adult]

Every day i see people labeling "troll" when it's either a genuinely dumb person, or in this case an admin account.

Such as the time @rolangoros asked "what is the meaning of BBC in a relationship?" It was put on the homepage. His account says memeber since 2007 (though the site was launched years later), and the question was not even in the sexuality category. I just had 2 questions completely removed because they weren't in the sexuality category. Do you really think that stuff would be festured on the homepage if it wasn't made by admins and their bots?

[Entertained_Adult]

Whatever the fuck his name was. Maybe they fully anonymized him since my last rant.

Then check @sexyback whose account also created over 18 years ago, aged 29, would mean she was 11 at the time which is below site's minimum. Besides, her question about blowjobs had chatgpt prompt residue, inside the question description it said "make your response human-like".

So, admins have been making these shitty posts anon. These aren't "trolls" as you know them.

[Entertained_Adult]

@rolangaros. 5th last question. If that was featured kn the homepage, do you now still think that the asker here is a "troll"?

[WhitneySnow]

Not wrong at all. You’re 32. Do whatever you want.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Your parents are toxic, ditch them.
You're an adult, you can literally just tell them off.

[DrPepper12]

32? You are an ADULT!! THEY are TOXIC!! You have the key to your own prison!! You and they need therapy after you leave!!

[ravagesavage]

Wow old lady, I can't believe you don't have a spine to stand for yourself. Are you also in a wheelchair too?

[Staximus]

You're 32, you should have moved out 10 years ago for fucks sake

[jahaims]

You have to be mentally challenged for this to be the case

[shortster]

You are 32. Who cares what your parents think about you dating?

[Pterodon]

You’re 32 and your parents still control your life? I’m aghast

[Anonymous]

Yeah i would move states or something at that point , that’s mental behavior.

[Anonymous]

So many inconsistencies in your story and profile.

[MasterKS]

Such a shitty parents and you are childish at 30 plus.

[itsannalee]

You are too old to worry about this shit🥲

[slatyb]

You are an adult. Move out and live your life.

[exitseven]

at 32 your mother is not the boss of you.

[KittygosMeoWW]

How old are you?

[stuuddy]

Are you Turkish? Where are you from?

[Anonymous]

I’m very careful being I don’t trust women

[EmmiL]

No do it

[In_Trance]

You're 32... Unreal

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah