Why would a parent not want their child to wear glasses?

[Anonymous]

I don’t mean that they want their child to have good vision without them, as I’m going to assume all parents do. I’m talking about a situation where the child already has poor vision, and the parent outright refuses to get them glasses or take them to eye exams. Why?

[SteveSmith1985]

That's not usual. The "why" would also be an unusual (or ridiculous) reason.

There is no valid reason for a parent to ever do this. So the answer is: The parents have cooky beliefs that are making them deprive their child of being able to see properly.

Shitty parents. That's why.

[Asker]

Thank you. I couldn’t agree more

[SteveSmith1985]

I think you'll have trouble finding anyone who disagrees. And if you do, they'll be cooky.

[Asker]

In theory, yes. But in real life many people will just start making excuses for the parents. And a surprising number of parents do this to their kids unfortunately

[SteveSmith1985]

But there are no excuses? So you mean bad parents make up some bullshit? (I can't even imagine someone trying to justify this. Or there's some valid reason I'm not thinking of).

[Asker]

I mean I agree, but people will assume that the parents are just ignorant rather than malicious. Or better yet they’ll act like it just wasn’t that big of a deal and you’re overreacting. There is no valid reason.

[SteveSmith1985]

Oh I don't think the parents are malicious. I would say it's ignorance. Just inexcusable ignorance. (they got some crazy ideas in their head leading them to believe this makes sense. Like anti-vaccers )

Ignorance can make someone seem malicious. They're just so messed up in their views, that the only way a normal person can make sense of it, is to assume it must be malice. I think it's more likely some wacky conspiracy-theory worldview. Or maybe religious fundamentalism.

[Asker]

Gotcha. In the case of my parents I think it was just plain denial

[SteveSmith1985]

I did not realize we were talking about you and your parents. I'm a goddamn idiot.

I... don't know why I didn't think this was about you. I usually assume gag questions are asked by people in the situation they ask about.

I'm floored at my own stupidity here. I didn't ever question my assumption. But they're really really stupid assumptions. I didn't think twice.

I thought you must be an optician, or work at a glasses store, or at an eye doctor's office. I was trying to figure out whether you were asking out of a concern for something you had seen. Not for something you had experienced. I'm so sorry. I don't know what made me assume that. That's crazy for me to have assumed.

I wouldn't have written the way I did (I stand by the content as my opinion, but what do I know. It's your life and parents). I would have worded things very differently, and would have asked for a lot more information about your situation (the context).

I'm sitting here with my mouth open feeling stunned. I'm so sorry.

[Asker]

Hey it’s all good. I was intentionally kind of backhanded tbh because it’s harder to have people be objective when they know you’re talking about your own family. I actually really liked your response and I think that’s what I needed to hear. I felt like I was overreacting to my situation before because so many people have led me to believe it’s not that big a deal, and you helped reassure me that I’m not. If you feel like there’s anything you left out feel free to say it here, but beyond that your response was perfect. I’m under no pretenses of my parents handling the situation well, and it honestly feels good to talk to someone who didn’t sugarcoat it

[SteveSmith1985]

I do actually feel a lot better knowing you were trying to be a little mysterious about this being a question about yourself.

It's not so much that I have things to add, I just have questions for you (that... you are under no obligation to answer).

I was wondering what your experience with this looked like? How old were you when you were told you needed glasses? What did your parents use as a justification for not getting you glasses?

I think my main questions are: How bad was your vision, and what kind of impact did that have on your life as a kid?

Is there anything you're still dealing with today, as a result of your parents not getting you the glasses you needed (in terms of vision. I'm sure there's tons of emotions that affect you today)

Again, no pressure to talk about your life with a stranger.

I'm glad that my responses helped you feel reassured that you weren't overreacting. I don't think you are. It is a big deal. Nobody know how big a deal it is better than you.

[Asker]

I don’t mind! If’s hard to know exactly how bad ny vision was since I only went to a single eye exam before college. I went after failing a vision screening at school (I was 7), and I’m not fully sure whether it was my mom or the optometrist who decided I shouldn’t be prescribed glasses, and I guess it just never came up again. Presumably I passes every vision screening after that, but my vision was definitely affected. I honestly don’t know how refractive error i had, but I most likely had eye misalignment ( convergence insufficiency) that made it difficult to read and slashed my depth perception. At school, I could always see the board but I never understood why reading was so much easier for my classmates. I honestly had no idea anything was wrong. My parents expressed disappointment that I wasn’t more interested in reading, since they are both avid readers, but they never took into consideration that reading was visually confusing for me, and I thought it was normal to get a headache afterwards.

[Asker]

It’s just not possible to know the full scope of how my life would have been different, but I had an optometrist tell me outright I would have gone further in school if I had my vision corrected back then. Another one also suspects that my untreated strabismus is what caused me to develop accommodation issues, and to this day my depth perception still isn’t great. I confronted my mom about it a while ago, and it seems like she views my glasses as an extra rather than necessity, and she certainly wasn’t too worried about getting them for me back in the day. I don’t know if she refused to get them out of pure ego/stubbornness, or if it genuinely didn’t occur to her that I actually needed them. I got my first pair of glasses in college after I noticed I was struggling to read fine print, and I got my first full time prescription about a year later. And of course, I’ve been wearing them ever since. Part of me is still amazed at how much easier it is to see, and I really am grateful to have them. Thank you so much for your kindness by the way, it means a lot to me

[SteveSmith1985]

It makes me happy to hear you can see so much better now, that it sometimes amazes you. It's just so sad that you weren't given that vision from a way earlier age.

It sounds like maybe this wasn't as clear to your parents as you're thinking. If the optometrist had any influence in your parents decision to not get you glasses, then I can't blame them for following whatever he suggested you needed. It's hard if you're not sure who made that decision.

It is, however, telling that even when you confronted your mom about this, she still didn't get it.

It sounds like you suffered a lot, but didn't connect it to vision problems. You recognized that you were struggling more in school, but it also sounds like you ended up being successful. I wouldn't put much stock into your life being fundamentally different if you had gotten glasses when you should have. I just think it would have been a lot less of a struggle to get to the success you achieved.

It is still really sad to imagine you thinking its normal to get headaches to read, or knowing you were having more trouble than your peers. Especially without you knowing why.

I cannot imagine your mother didn't get them out of pure ego/stubborness. Not unless that's in her character and she does other terrible things out of ego.

Like I said yesterday, it's going to be ignorance, not malice. Your mothers response shows this. She didn't think it was a necessity. She thought it was an extra because she didn't understand why it was as important as it was. She still doesn't understand that she wronged you. She doesn't understand what the big deal is, or why you're so upset. That sounds like ignorance to me.

Thanks so much for letting me into your life a little bit. I love when that happens unexpectedly on a question that you'd never expect.

[jahaims]

They might be poor. My parents didn't take care of any of my medical needs as a child.

[Asker]

This is a tricky situation. I don’t fault anyone for their financial constraints. And I’m sorry to hear that. It really is unfair how that works

Would you feel differently if you knew for sure that money as not a deterrent?

[RageBabe]

Parents might hesitate to have their child wear glasses due to concerns about cost, appearance, potential discomfort, perceived dependency, or a belief that vision problems are not serious.

[Asker]

I honestly think it might be an ego thing for some of them as well

[RageBabe]

I agree.

[RageBabe]

@Asker Thank you for the MHO!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like abuse to me

[Asker]

Agreed. Medical neglect perhaps? I don’t understand why so many parents do this

[Opinion Owner]

That kid needs help

[Asker]

Agreed. Fortunately I haven’t been a kid in a long time and have since gotten help

[Opinion Owner]

Well that’s good

[DrPepper12]

Cuz parents are dumb?