Have you ever had to deal with a parent having cancer or another life threatening illness?

Question

I just found out my mother has cancer and I don't know how to feel. I never thought I would be dealing with this so soon. I'm at a loss for words. I feel so distraught right now.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry to hear about your mom

But depending on Her what kind of cancer it is, it doesn't mean a death sentence. And that's the biggest obstacle for her right now. Is she's thinking that she needs to clear that out of her head.

With the right frame of mind and good water then like I said, depending on what kind of cancer it is. She can heal herself and you whether you believe it or not. I know you have healing hands

But right now what she needs is a coach a positive person in her life.
Make sure she gets up and does what she's supposed to do.
We can do anything in this world that we put on mind too if she believes in this universe as she believes in love if she believes and cleaning her body. Spiritually, she can do it.

I can't tell you how to act, but I'm going to anyway LO. L.
When you see her of course you want to give her a hug.
But you need to look at her eyed. Eye contact and say you got this.
I want a strong hug. I don't want to I feel sorry for you hug.

Tell her you love her and you're gonna do it together. Whatever it takes

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

I feel for you.

Several years ago, my mother went into a hospital for a routine test. They found blocked arteries and kept her for heart surgery. She never recovered. She spent months in the hospital, developing gangrene in her legs and feet from where they harvested the vein from her leg for the bypass surgery, and they perforated her colon when they attached a colostomy bag, which gave her sepsis. Then, they put her in ICU and kept her alive with megadoses of pain killer. It was heart-breaking, visiting her at the hospital, especially when she asked me to tell the hospital to let her die. Which, of course they wouldn't do. It's against their policy, and besides, they were making a lot of money from insurance caring for her... long-term ICU isn't cheap. We finally had to threaten to sue the hospital to let her go to hospice so she could die in peace, which she did, peacefully in her sleep, two days after leaving the hospital.

From the day of routine test to her death in hospice was 3 months... of her pain, and our family's pain.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Oh sis... I am so sorry about your mom's diagnosis, and that you have to go through an experience that you haven't gone through before and hoped you never would. Same for your mom. 💔
My aunt and grandma died from cancer ♋️, but my mom and dad died from other diseases.
Last week one of my childhood friends passed away from lung cancer. She was a life long smoker just like my aunt and grandma were. We met when we were only 14 in San Francisco in junior high school.
Her husband called me last Saturday and told me. Luckily I have been talking to her on the phone and texting the last few weeks, and had a lot of laughs on the phone together, just reminiscing.
Maybe your medicine you are taking now will help you in some way to deal with this unfortunate situation.
As always please try and keep your chin up okay?👍
Please inform us as you two go through this together and keep us updated. Maybe one day you will have some great news to tell us. I hope so.
Take care my friend and I will say special prayers 🙏 for both of you sis❣️

SueShe · Accepted Answer

I am sorry to hear that you have to face those devastating news. I am fortunate enough that I never had to go through what you must feel and the state of despair you must be in.

There are a number of cancers that can be cured or at least stabilized with appropriate treatments. Medicine has made extraordinary progress since 10 or more years and some of those cancers that were fatal in the past are now under control.

What you must not do is to give up. There is always hope. Hold onto that hope. Being positive is the greatest mental and emotional support you can give to your loved one.

My thoughts are with you in these difficult moments. Never give up. Ever. Take good care of yourself.

Wuai201 · Answer

I had cancer and when the doctor told me it shocked me for a few days, but there was no going around it
I needed to do what needed to be done or it'll keep growing. All you can do is support and be prepared.
Cherish small moments and don't let little things stress you out.

The other thing is my dad has a lot of chronic illness that looks scary.
For instance, I went to Six Flags with my friends, and as soon as i opened the door,
it looked like my dad was having a stroke his mouth hanging out lips twisted and trembling and could barely open his eyes
He get this diabetic problem mixed with his sleep apnea.
Although I came in from having fun
I had to think fast and go into caretaker mode.
Again all you can do is check on them, be prepared, and love them while they're here.
It does take a toll on you but when you know it's out of love, it's worth it.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I'm so sorry to hear that. Cancer is always a big surprise and the news is never easy to digest. My mother was diagnosed with beast cancer over the pandemic and that situation is just a nightmare any way you slice it.

Make sure you spend a lot of time with her. The therapy put my mom through all kinds of hormonal shifts and it was just not easy for her. The therapy also accelerated my grandfather's dementia after he was treated for lung cancer.

The way you treat the situation now is very important. She maybe needs the right amount of empathy and attention.

My big suggestion is to just make sure she's doing stuff sometimes we don't realize how important we are to our parents health until the roles are reversed. i tried to learn from watching my dad and grandpa and my mom and her grandpa.

I'm gonna pray for you. Please, please be safe and good luck to your family.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

My dad was diagnosed with lymphoma sometime a year or so ago. When I first heard it, even though my dad and I weren’t very close, I suddenly became acutely aware that my dad, this person that had existed for as long as I had been alive and longer still, had a limited time on this earth with me. You get a sort of panicked feeling and a fear that you might not be doing enough for them as their kid. Unless it’s terminal, I wouldn’t act as if this is the definite end. My father was able to beat his lymphoma and go into remission, there’s no reason to believe your mom can’t do the same. If nothing else, spending more time with them can help you feel like you’re at least doing something to make it better.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I am sorry to hear your sad news.

My father had prostate cancer, had treatment which prolonged his life, but he ultimately died fifteen years after the initial diagnosis. I had a strained relationship with him and no respect as a result of his years of cheating on my mother, so his death did not cause immediate grief. . . but I still think about his sad, sorry life and wish things had unfolded differently.

Do what you need to do so that, several years from now, you don't look back and wonder if you should have handled this differently. And don't be afraid to talk to your mom about what she is facing.

Screenwriter · Answer

First off, get emotional support from a good therapist who's dealt with such issues.

Get recommendations from your primary care doctor if you've never utilized such services before. Also, the Episcopal Counseling Centers nationwide are excellent and see people on a sliding financial scale.

They are training grounds for therapy residents: those in their last year of training before leaving school and overseen by professional counselors. Great deal.

Also, priests, rabbis, pastors of all kind, especially if your mom goes to a certain church, where she's known, could also be of help. But don't be alone in such a difficult situation.

Good luck. And if you feel secure enough to do so, later, after getting some support, you might offer some to your mom, who probably needs to see a therapist herself. Good luck.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

That's on intense situation.

My own Mom kept it a 'secret' from me; she died a few days after her surgery.

I was stuck overseas.

Myself I once was in a 50/50 life or death situation: Mentally, I was settled and prepared to accept the unavoidable.

Perhaps your own Mom is in a similar position right now - not saying that the worst WILL happen... but it's one possible outcome.

Those who leave have no intentions to hurt their loved ones; and 'we' who are left behind probably suffer most (emotionally).

How to deal with it? - in my own case I had spent much time with her before. Nothing important had been left unsaid or un-mentioned. For some reason she felt proud about me and knew that she could rely on me.

Normal parents put in a lot of effort to raise us; let them know that it was worth it.

Xawyx-2 · Answer

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope your mom will recover eventually.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer, about half a year ago, at first it was just colorectal cancer, he had surgery, and it seemed fine, but then we found out that the cancer had spread to some other organs (liver, pancreas, bladder), and now... it looks very bad, I don't know what to expect.

My mom had a difficult heart surgery, about about twenty years ago, but she is ok now, I felt such a relief when I found out that everything was going to be okay.

Don't lose hope, my friend.

Beckybooboo · Answer

I'm sorry to hear this @simslover92 I've met a lot of people on here and even consider some friends but you have always been at the top of the list. You are such a kind and sincere person and have won over the hearts of so many on this site. I know we're a thousand miles apart but my thoughts are there, with you. I hope and pray everything will work out for your mom and you. If you ever need to talk about anything, message me. You take care!

WellBye · Answer

It's mind blowing that some members think it's a good idea to tell you that cancer killed their parents. Like that's something someone who just found out their parent had cancer would want to hear. Anyway, I know lot of cancer survivors, and I hope your mom will be one of them. Best wishes.

insatiable_curiosity · Answer

My deepest condolences. That sounds awful, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling this way. Do you know what type of malignancy she has and whether it has metastasized? If you’d like to talk about it, please feel free to DM me. I’m giving you a virtual hug!

Bricealan · Answer

@simslover92 As I told you before, "Jerry" died in January of cancer, and I still mourn every day. I used to shave him and wash his face afterward, and helped him to the bathroom and held him so he could brush his teeth.  "He ain't heavy Father, he's my brother"

slatyb · Answer

My mother was diagnosed with metastasized lung cancer one August, and died in early October. She was reasonably active through August, but declined quickly and was in hospice at the end of September. This was a far better outcome than my brother-in-law, who suffered for two years.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Yes! Both parents!! Luckily, dad's cancer caused me to look into cures for it so I was able to cure mom's cancer 10 years later and there's been at least 3 others whose lives I've saved by curing their cancer. Sounds to me like Dongie will be telling you how to make it!

exitseven · Answer

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. There are many forms of cancer and a lot of them are treatable.

I was about your age when my father died. He had some cardiac event and it was completely unexpected. I never got to say goodbye. That was really tough to deal with.

fivebyfour · Answer

So sorry to hear this, Mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, given 4-6 months but lived another 12 years, there is always hope, your Mom is lucky to have such a nice daughter,,,

One thing I would say, I hope it helps, is to accept help from others, and look after your own wellbeing as well,,,

Anonymous · Answer

So sorry to hear about your mom! My mom had breast cancer 3 times before getting her breast removed. Also lots of heart issues. She's had so many surgeries done in the past 10 years that I've lost track but she's doing okay as of now. I just try not to stress about it too much because there's nothing i can really do to change things. Just gotta hope the doctors can help

Sal_Monella · Answer

Deal? Yep. I Iost my mom at metastic breast cancer at 12. They cut, poisoned and burned her for almost 4 years. MSRIP. I lost my grandmother to shingles when I was 24. MSRIP. I lost my grandfather to metastic prostate cancer when I was 27. MHRIP. I lost my step mom to colon cancer when I was 37. MSRIP. I lost a testicle to cancer last year. So far, I made it. My wife is being treated uterine cancer. So far, so good.

Abbycado · Answer

I’m so, so, so sorry hun. I have not had to deal with this. Thoughts and prayers with you and your family.

dustybiker2 · Answer

I'm the other side of the coin. I actually wrote a myTake about it in my other account. A glimpse from when it was really bad. It helped me to write it out. So I could then put the writing aside, get up and keep moving.

((warm hugs))

@FunkyMonkee was priceless to me too.

aquamint · Answer

Both my grandma and mother, and my father had to be tested for potential cancer too.
my grandmother died last year from it, while my mother survived thankfully.
I was in high school my senior year when my mom had cancer.

FreyaRed · Answer

Mother, pancreas cancer, she died with 42 exactly one year ago.
Sorry for your mom and you. You will get accustomed with that over few years cancer side effects need to cause life threatening condition.

jazzy34 · Answer

We’ve almost lost my mom a few times. After she had my sister, they almost couldn’t stop the bleeding from the C-section. In 2014, she had brain surgery to relieve pressure. A few years later, she had to have the same procedure because the pressure had built back up. So yeah, my mom has been through it.

Finchie40 · Answer

I’m so sorry to hear this 😔 my heart goes out to you ,❤️ I pray your Mom pulls through this every step of the way , I am always here for you if you need to vent ❤️

Fireguy17 · Answer

yeppers, my mom had bone cancer and passed, my sister had breast cancer and was detected early and is now doing fine, cancer free.
Neither one was easy to deal with, you just take each day as one more gift that you can be with them.

douride2 · Answer

I know about how you feel. I lost my father to cancer 15 years ago. It was 6 months from when he found out he had cancer till he was gone. All these years later I still think of & miss him.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Sorry to hear about that, but not all cancer patients dies, a lot of them are fully cured or they live a long life, it depends on the stage of cancer and where it's located, plus don't forget that there's always a chance for a miracle to happen...

AliceGregory · Answer

OMG I'm so sorry :( I never had a parent go through that but my best friends mom died of breast cancer when we were in high school.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Yes. Both diagnosed with stage 4, 2 1/2 months apart.

worldscolide · Answer

Yeah my grandmother and grandfather both. My grandmother died of some kind of small cell rare cancer that killed her in weeks. My grandfather died of bladder and liver cancer.

Likes2drive · Answer

Yes, my mom died from breast cancer at 57 years old, she discovered it at 47 years old got it in to remission and then it came back again and it was all over with in about a year

nawtee_me · Answer

I am sorry to hear this. A lot of cancers these days are very treatable, especially if caught in early stages. Think positive, be strong and make lots of memories…. If you need to talk or anything…. I am hear…

Paris13 · Answer

A few times, have watched them die too. xxxxx

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Well my Dad died from a lack of white blood cells, so I guess that was life threatening, because he did die. It all seemed to be quite quick and painless.

SphynxUK · Answer

‘He’ was treated for prostrate cancer I believe. This was some 10 years after I’d stopped associating with him. That was probably 10 years ago now, and he’s still here…😐

Circushowcowboy · Answer

I’m really sorry to hear this. I hope the best for you and the family and that everything turns out ok

seeyounexttuesday · Answer

My dad passed about 9 years ago. But had a massive health scare where he almost died years before that.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Yes. I feel you. It’s difficult to know how to feel. It’s not your thing, but you want to be supportive… DM me if you need to 🤗🤗

dudeinohio · Answer

Yes. My mom. She went through for 10 plus years. 3 surgeries. It finally got her. Pretty brutal.

i_Jedi · Answer

Yes, they can but it can be really challenging. It takes a lot of patience, boundaries, and mutual effort to make it work. If you want to hear more perspectives on stuff like this, you might want to check out Jared Laurence on IG. he talks about relationships and self-growth a lot.

fish5505_87 · Answer

My Mom Passed when I was 9, I lost my older brother (10 years) at the age of 46!

msc545 · Answer

Yes, my adoptive fateher had Parkinson's disease.

Stella9 · Answer

Sorry to hear that my grandmother had dementia it was hard seeing her go through that. Was kinda glad when she passed.

qwerty2469 · Answer

Both of my parents died from, no duh, life threatening illnesses

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Yes my mother passed away from her my brother did too my father survived his and has been cancer free ever since

Petite_girlie · Answer

Yes and I don’t care about people who don’t care about me or attack me at my lowest.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

Yeah. I don't wanna talk about it

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, unfortunately. My dad died of cancer.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Yes. When I was 16 my mom died from cancer.

Staximus · Answer

Yeah, my mom died of cancer

Dongie · Answer

Both parents and now a sister.

Agape93 · Answer

I dont know if mine are even alive lol

Shiprex · Answer

Not parent but friends and relatives

Charliefretz329 · Answer

Yes, and we all will eventually

Have you ever had to deal with a parent having cancer or another life threatening illness?

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CANCER, ever had a close family member who got it?

Have you ever had to deal with a parent having cancer or another life threatening illness?

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CANCER, ever had a close family member who got it?

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